Last resort....
Replies
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So sorry to hear your anniversary didn't go as smoothly as hoped.
It wasn't a very considerate thing for him to say, and I can understand how your feelings would've been hurt- I probably would've cried! So you did well! haha
I think, stay away from ratings. And remember that he married you for a reason. He obviously thinks you are ' the one'... that's right girl NO.1!!! Remember that. He has given his whole life to you, when he married you, remember how serious and beautiful that is.
That means far more than any superficial exterior rating scale will ever mean. He loves you and chose you because of your heart, mind and everything that makes you a beautiful person, and he chose to give his whole life to it!
Theres no bigger compliment than that, honey.0 -
Honestly if my husband rated me and gave me a low number I'd turn to the guy next to me and be all hey dude "rate me" and let my husband hear the higher number. If husband rated me on my anniversary I'd ask the guy next to me to rate me and when I got the higher number, I'd jump in his lap and feed HIM my anniversary cake. You're husband should not be "rating" you and vice versa. The simple fact of being together IMPLIES that you have chosen one another ABOVE EVERYONE else for all the factors combined and thus no delineation of specifics is necessary. Now if you have gotten together too young and that's messing with your brain right now, and you need validation or he needs to rate ladies and you're just an innocent casualty of his youthful games, maybe a little break where you sow your wild oats is in order. Rating yourselves sounds to me like you both have some work to do.What's with the rating thing? I thought that it was something horny teenaged boys did. I would be telling him that it is not on anymore, that you are a person with feelings and not a number.
On the whole it sounds to me like your 10 year anniversary was in your mind a time to reassure and cuddle and stroke one another ego and otherwise. For him however it sounds like it was more of a parole hearing to evaluate his situation and rate his surroundings and see if he might be up for time off for good behavior. Except his behavior was bad. But he still feels he's been there long enough. I don't know too many guys who "rate" their SO's.
BTW don't bother responding back, you must be tired of responding to every single post by now, and honestly I can already imagine the vitriol my answer will be met with but I post it nonetheless because you clearly stated and restated your request for help, and I think analysis and truth with an eye for avoiding repeating unhelpful mistakes in the future is the single most helpful thing you need right now. You need to know that your adoring, loving, supportive 10 answer was not a mistake any more than his honest, motivating, encouraging 6-7 go get that 8 was. That the simple fact of putting each other through this and especially on your anniversary was. Do you think he really went to bed thinking, "Yeah, I'm a 10, I'm such a stud."? No he probably went to bed with his own set of worries wondering if you might need eyeglasses, or will be a problem in the future with your pie in the sky ideas or man if I'm a 10 she's gonna JUMP ON the neighbor buff dude that just moved in across the street when she sees him!
You guys are mismatched a little but nothing a little staying away from instigating topics can't cure.0 -
So sorry to hear your anniversary didn't go as smoothly as hoped.
It wasn't a very considerate thing for him to say, and I can understand how your feelings would've been hurt- I probably would've cried! So you did well! haha
I think, stay away from ratings. And remember that he married you for a reason. He obviously thinks you are ' the one'... that's right girl NO.1!!! Remember that. He has given his whole life to you, when he married you, remember how serious and beautiful that is.
That means far more than any superficial exterior rating scale will ever mean. He loves you and chose you because of your heart, mind and everything that makes you a beautiful person, and he chose to give his whole life to it!
Theres no bigger compliment than that, honey.
Thank you so much!!! And I know/agree. He did choose me...and I am NO.1!!!! YAY!!! I never thought about it like that, I guess thank you so much for your input )))
You guys have made me cry! lol!! thank you for your support, everyone!!!!! 0 -
So sorry to hear your anniversary didn't go as smoothly as hoped.
It wasn't a very considerate thing for him to say, and I can understand how your feelings would've been hurt- I probably would've cried! So you did well! haha
I think, stay away from ratings. And remember that he married you for a reason. He obviously thinks you are ' the one'... that's right girl NO.1!!! Remember that. He has given his whole life to you, when he married you, remember how serious and beautiful that is.
That means far more than any superficial exterior rating scale will ever mean. He loves you and chose you because of your heart, mind and everything that makes you a beautiful person, and he chose to give his whole life to it!
Theres no bigger compliment than that, honey. Thank you so much!!! And I know/agree. He did choose me...and I am NO.1!!!! YAY!!! I never thought about it like that, I guess thank you so much for your input )))
You guys have made me cry! lol!! thank you for your support, everyone!!!!!
^^ oh oh that^^, can I change my answer to that? that's what I meant but I just don't speak the softy language very well sometimes0 -
Honestly if my husband rated me and gave me a low number I'd turn to the guy next to me and be all hey dude "rate me" and let my husband hear the higher number. If husband rated me on my anniversary I'd ask the guy next to me to rate me and when I got the higher number, I'd jump in his lap and feed HIM my anniversary cake. You're husband should not be "rating" you and vice versa. The simple fact of being together IMPLIES that you have chosen one another ABOVE EVERYONE else for all the factors combined and thus no delineation of specifics is necessary. Now if you have gotten together too young and that's messing with your brain right now, and you need validation or he needs to rate ladies and you're just an innocent casualty of his youthful games, maybe a little break where you sow your wild oats is in order. Rating yourselves sounds to me like you both have some work to do.What's with the rating thing? I thought that it was something horny teenaged boys did. I would be telling him that it is not on anymore, that you are a person with feelings and not a number.
On the whole it sounds to me like your 10 year anniversary was in your mind a time to reassure and cuddle and stroke one another ego and otherwise. For him however it sounds like it was more of a parole hearing to evaluate his situation and rate his surroundings and see if he might be up for time off for good behavior. Except his behavior was bad. But he still feels he's been there long enough. I don't know too many guys who "rate" their SO's.
BTW don't bother responding back, you must be tired of responding to every single post by now, and honestly I can already imagine the vitriol my answer will be met with but I post it nonetheless because you clearly stated and restated your request for help, and I think analysis and truth with an eye for avoiding repeating unhelpful mistakes in the future is the single most helpful thing you need right now. You need to know that your adoring, loving, supportive 10 answer was not a mistake any more than his honest, motivating, encouraging 6-7 go get that 8 was. That the simple fact of putting each other through this and especially on your anniversary was. Do you think he really went to bed thinking, "Yeah, I'm a 10, I'm such a stud."? No he probably went to bed with his own set of worries wondering if you might need eyeglasses, or will be a problem in the future with your pie in the sky ideas or man if I'm a 10 she's gonna JUMP ON the neighbor buff dude that just moved in across the street when she sees him!
You guys are mismatched a little but nothing a little staying away from instigating topics can't cure.
I feel it is important to acknowledge people individually for their responses, so I will also respond to yours I never wanted to "play this game" with him. I begged him to stop...but he needed validity so I tried to give him numbers that I thought were valid, but he wanted me to rate him a 5-8....so he got angered with my 10 and 9 and 7 ratings. I kept refusing to "play" his game, but he was insistent so I just started shouting out numbers....this is a recent thing he has started (about a month ago - since he started working out). We've never done this in the past and I hate that this is a new obsession of his. He didn't bring this up until the end of the night...he is really very self conscious and wants to look a specific way (as a lot of us are/do) and he has, for the first time, actually been trying to improve his physical features (by working out the past month) and is constantly looking for ratings....I try by offering support and telling him that he looks good and that its awesome that he is working out with me, but he is insistent on the ratings...
It's not that we're necessarily "mismatched" more so than it is that we search and look for validity through different means... and I think I understand that now...0 -
So your husband settled. Be glad he's still with you.0
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I asked my boyfriend this question too and was disappointed with his response.
Realized that there are some questions that you shouldnt ask, because they just dont matter.
Dont take it to heart, shrug it off and remember he is WITH you!! :flowerforyou:0 -
The two biggest issues here are how women tend to "rate" attractiveness includes emotional attachment, and how men "rate" it tends to be more logical and "overall", and the second issue is what exactly are you rating? Its very easy to have a slightly different idea of what you are rating.
For example, if I was asked to play some silly game like this and I wanted to give an honest answer of a girl (dangerous and silly) on how attractive she is on a universal scale in the USA. Well, I'd approach it logically, so as you approach 10, there become progressively fewer people on the planet and there probably isn't a perfect 10, or maybe one in all history. A 9 would be extremely rare. An 8 would still probably be a very attractive female and the highest rating of a single person many people typically are acquainted with even.
The particular features and what is more attractive in general for a "USA" rating vs what you like may be different, so if a logical thinking guy rated you, the process would go something like this (and I'm going to picture someone in mind for example, I dont know you); she has C breasts but I'd guess D is more popular so that would down rate her, blondes tend to be more popular on average so that would probably lower her rating too, she's foreign originally from a country viewed positively so that would probably on average up her rating slightly because of origin, she's thin and that fits the media attractiveness stereotype so thats going to up rate her and then say she's maybe a 7. But to him, maybe he likes C size breasts more, he also generally liked brunettes, he didn't like thin body types until her, she has an olive complexion he likes and he likes the foreign thing so say for him maybe she's an 8.5 if you asked the question slightly differently. If we were talking about Sweden he may guess she's a 5 because he assumes they like blonde, tall, big breasted, white skinned women more there and dont like foreigners (I'm not saying this is true just how the scale effects the rating).
Then the females turn comes along and she LOOOVES him so of course he's a 10 and she doesn't see his faults...and thats where you are. And to the logical guy, thats a personal bias and shouldn't be included in the rating at all, thats a different kind of rating; how much you care about someone! So realize the difference, and let it go and don't play rating games or ask "do I look fat in this" type questions if you want to be happy with a logical guy.
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ahhh, to be young again0
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jofjltncb6
Incorrect. I want/welcome all answers. I got one "break up" and one telling me that wedding at 15 (she was incorrect by the way) was "my first mistake." The other responses I've received hold/have actual validity and have offered help even though 3/4 responses have been more "soft: (friendly) than the other, that doesn't validate your response. I even mentioned that I welcomed help and that I wasn't sure if I was overreacting or not...I'm receptive and welcoming of all valid responses.
You misunderstood my post. I meant the question you asked your husband, not MFP.
I don't think I'm following. I never asked him to rate me. He kept saying "rate me, what am I, etc" and then I responded with 10, but then he snapped at me so I responded with a 9, he then snapped at me, so I responded with a 7, 5, and 4. He kept going on and on and yelling at me because "I wasn't rating him properly"....he then said "I'd rate you a 6 or a 7." I never asked for his rating...I think it's ridiculous...
You guys sound like you have a healthy, mature relationship. What's the problem here?0 -
Ride that drama llama into the sunset...0
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