starting to feel good about myself until...

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bel74
bel74 Posts: 32 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
so far i've lost 20lbs and today i fit in jeans that i've not worn in a year,so i was feeling kind of good about myself. as its the weekend(friday and saturday nights i don't stick to cals,but as of yet i've still lost weight) i was eating some pringles(ok more than some) but when i asked my hubby to go to the kitchen to get some more he made me feel so bad i felt my face go red and i felt so embarrassed i asked for more.(he normally encourage me to eat crap) so just as i was starting to like myself he's comments have made me feel fat and ugly again
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  • 2BaNewMe2
    2BaNewMe2 Posts: 102 Member
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    You shoulda smacked him!!! :) It's terrific that you lost 20 lbs. Keep up the good work!!!!
  • slansdown
    slansdown Posts: 94
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    Sometimes the most needed support doesn't feel good. But did you really want more? Don't you want to keep the success you have already made?
  • Tonya1979
    Tonya1979 Posts: 72
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    He encourages you to eat bad?
  • Tonya1979
    Tonya1979 Posts: 72
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    By the way ... Good for you! Losing 20 lbs is not always easy. Keep it up!
  • Ckonner
    Ckonner Posts: 101 Member
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    Sometimes they think they are helpful when in reality they aren't. And sometime they think that since this is something you are doing and working hard at that they want to push you to keep it up but they don't realize that maybe we know what we're doing and it's ok to have a little endulgence. Great job on getting rid of 20 pounds!! You should be very proud of yourself!
  • smuehlbauer
    smuehlbauer Posts: 1,041 Member
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    Men - are - how do I put this nicely.....stupid.
    Period.
    They don't know the right things to say, or do.
    I can imagine that he thought that he was helping you buy saying no to more Pringles.
    Just always remember - men are stupid.
    And unless you're in an abusive relationship - I'd chalk it up to that!.
  • NatalieWinning
    NatalieWinning Posts: 999 Member
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    We want them to read our minds. They just don't know how! My husband always says the wrong thing. Mostly because he can't read me, as men often can't. But you have support here! He probably thought he was doing the thing you wanted and is pleased at your weight loss. But I'm sure you are. Thats a lot to loose and it's not easily done! WTG!
  • WalkingGirl1985
    WalkingGirl1985 Posts: 2,047 Member
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    My fiancee eats pizza/fast food..I try to be the healthy eater. I begged him if he brings anything home to deny me the pizza or fast food and hes good at keeping strict. Thats how he shows his support. I've talked to him not bringing home food like that at home and we can simply cook food here even if its fish sticks or pizza rolls or something..a lot better the a large pizza. He's trying his best. I don't want to be in control of his eating habits. I can't "make" him and dont want to deny him of his favorite foods even if its garbage food.
  • qwho
    qwho Posts: 157
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    It sounds like you had too many pringles by your own admission, and asking him to get you more was wrong too ... I am sure he was trying to be helpful by reminding you how many you had, and you were embarrassed, but did you have more? I bet not

    you did not say what he said, knowing that might change my mind and congrats on the weight loss!
  • LotusF1ower
    LotusF1ower Posts: 1,259 Member
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    so far i've lost 20lbs and today i fit in jeans that i've not worn in a year,so i was feeling kind of good about myself. as its the weekend(friday and saturday nights i don't stick to cals,but as of yet i've still lost weight) i was eating some pringles(ok more than some) but when i asked my hubby to go to the kitchen to get some more he made me feel so bad i felt my face go red and i felt so embarrassed i asked for more.(he normally encourage me to eat crap) so just as i was starting to like myself he's comments have made me feel fat and ugly again

    Perhaps he was feeling so damned proud of you that he didn't want you to eat anymore crap!

    He (in a roundabout way) has supported you there, by trying (in his own way) to get you to stop eating ****e. You may not have liked his methods, you may have subconsciously tried to defy him, but give him his due, he could have got you two or three tubes of the bloody things, stuck them in front of you and left you to it.

    Are you serious about this weightloss business? If so, why are you getting so uptight about somebody close to you trying (in their own way) to support you? His words were probably out of order and that is what you need to take up with him, just bear in mind, that his own fear may have made him say some things you detested.

    His fear was that you would revert back to how you used to be, take it all as a compliment, he doesn't yet know how he should approach things with you in all this weightloss, but I bet he is proud of you so far - and rightly so xxx
  • motoxmom1
    motoxmom1 Posts: 85
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    Men aren't the most tactful creatures. Sometimes the truth hurts. You knew you had too many and asked for more. Maybe he is finally coming around and see's how great you're doing and is trying to help you in your effort. I want my husband to be honest with me. I would never want him to lie to me! If my *kitten* looks fat in these jeans then I want to know about it! I don't want him to lie, keep quiet or sugar coat it! Get over it ladies, it's your husband, if you can't be honest with each other than how can you be honest with yourself or anyone else.
  • rachelblank427
    rachelblank427 Posts: 180 Member
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    so far i've lost 20lbs and today i fit in jeans that i've not worn in a year,so i was feeling kind of good about myself. as its the weekend(friday and saturday nights i don't stick to cals,but as of yet i've still lost weight) i was eating some pringles(ok more than some) but when i asked my hubby to go to the kitchen to get some more he made me feel so bad i felt my face go red and i felt so embarrassed i asked for more.(he normally encourage me to eat crap) so just as i was starting to like myself he's comments have made me feel fat and ugly again

    Perhaps he was feeling so damned proud of you that he didn't want you to eat anymore crap!

    He (in a roundabout way) has supported you there, by trying (in his own way) to get you to stop eating ****e. You may not have liked his methods, you may have subconsciously tried to defy him, but give him his due, he could have got you two or three tubes of the bloody things, stuck them in front of you and left you to it.

    Are you serious about this weightloss business? If so, why are you getting so uptight about somebody close to you trying (in their own way) to support you? His words were probably out of order and that is what you need to take up with him, just bear in mind, that his own fear may have made him say some things you detested.

    His fear was that you would revert back to how you used to be, take it all as a compliment, he doesn't yet know how he should approach things with you in all this weightloss, but I bet he is proud of you so far - and rightly so xxx

    Exactly what I was going to say! Just last night, I had a little snack and after that snack I was going to get some more snacks. (EVEN THOUGH I SHOULDN"T HAVE) and my husband made a comment about it. I ended up not eating extra. Ok yes, it sucks to have someone tell you, that you can't, or shouldn't but I tell you what, today, I am glad I didn't eat extra.

    My husband eats junk. I eat healthy. He has been an enabler to me since we met 7 years ago. I weighed 109 lbs when we met. Before I got pregnant I weighed in at 150 lbs. But ever since I have been losing weight he makes sure to keep me on track. Even if I don't like it at times. At least he's not enabling.

    With that being said, sometimes men don't think about their choice of words before they speak. Maybe his words came out wrong. But regardless, he was probably just looking out for you.
  • AmandaR910
    AmandaR910 Posts: 991
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    Men - are - how do I put this nicely.....stupid.
    Period.
    They don't know the right things to say, or do.
    I can imagine that he thought that he was helping you buy saying no to more Pringles.
    Just always remember - men are stupid.
    And unless you're in an abusive relationship - I'd chalk it up to that!.


    This.
  • Want2bHealthE
    Want2bHealthE Posts: 39 Member
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    Uggg - sometimes significant others seriously don't understand how their "words of support" are being received. Unless your hubby is an *kitten* and intended to hurt you... in which case I hope you have the strength to make as big of changes in that area of your life as you have done with your health! You're rockin' the weight loss ticker girl! Keep it up and remember... you are the one who has control over how you feel, don't give him that control!
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,100 Member
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    Did you subconciously want him to say no to you since you were having trouble saying no yourself? If that isn't the case- then why didn't you get up in the first place and get the chips yourself? I'm not being snarky at all... just saying sometimes I have done things like this before because I didn't want to take ownership of my own behavior and put it on someone else to set my limits. It has taken me a while to recognize this in myself and work on changing it and taking control of my own actions/behaviors. That's what this journey is all about. I used to get upset at comments like this, but only because they were true. Your husband loves you and sometimes love consists of telling people what they need to hear and not what they want to hear.

    You should be very proud of your work so far. I know it is a struggle to change old habits and entering into a healthier lifestyle does not equate to totally restricting everything from our "old" lifestyle. I know I'm still working out the kinks and sometimes it bites me in the butt. Your husband knows this is something that you want for yourself or you wouldn't have made the changes in order to lose 20 pounds. He sees that it is making you happy and that you are accomplishing something you want... I'm sure he just doesn't want you to lose that motivation. It's not always easy to hear- but we need to hear it. I'd rather hear the truth than someone enable me to dive head first back into unhealthy habits.

    Good luck girlie! Keep it up! You're doing fantastic!!!
  • ley1
    ley1 Posts: 115
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    my husband would've done the same and I to him, no use him going and getting you some more, he's then scuppering your hard work, yes they can be a bit silly and dont always say thing as they should but sounds like he was meaning well x
  • LastFighter
    LastFighter Posts: 175 Member
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    Sounds like hes being supportive to me.

    Earlier the wife wanted to get pizza at 10pm. I told her if she wanted to be stuck at her weight for another week thats her choice but it wasnt going to bring me down.
  • AdventureVia
    AdventureVia Posts: 84 Member
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    I would argue that we aren't (always) stupid, just a bit less emotional and a bit more pragmatic and logical! I've been in your husbands spot before and believe me when I say that we FEEL BAD ABOUT SAYING IT but totally feel its the right thing to say at that moment.
  • Tonya1979
    Tonya1979 Posts: 72
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    I have to agree ... men are not always stupid. In fact some are very caring and only want the best for their wife or girlfriend. I dont know what he said to you when you asked for more and you have yet to come back and say. Obviously it was something that hurt your feelings and maybe it could have been worded differently but do you think that your husband was trying to hurt your feelings or do you think maybe he was trying to help you by telling you that you already had enough and that you shouldn't have more? You are a grown woman and if you want more chips you should have more chips but in the long run is it really your husband hurting you or is it you hurting yourself?
  • ardnek77
    ardnek77 Posts: 17
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    Losing 20 lbs and fitting into your jeans again is a wonderful accomplishment! My fiance and I are both working on becoming healthy together and sometimes while encouraging/motivating each other one or the other of us has said something less than tactful. I know that I'm personally more sensitive to comments that call me out on slipping into my old bad habits and it can feel hurtful even if it wasn't intended to be that way. Hopefully you can tell him that his comments hurt you and he will work on being more careful with his words in the future. It sounds like all of your hard work is paying off and you should be very proud of yourself!

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