People's Reaction to my weight

amgreenwell
amgreenwell Posts: 1,267 Member
in Motivation and Support
Lately, women have been telling me that I look like I've really lost weight. (total since joining the gym I've lost 16 lbs) I admit to them that I am working hard and eating right.

Their next question is ALWAYS "how much more are you going to lose?". Their reaction to my answer is what disturbs me. They usually gasp and tell me that that's too much and I'm going to be too skinny!

I know that I look good at my goal weight of 130 b/c I've been there before and I will only lose another 13 lbs to get there.
It is not like I'm starving myself or doing anything unhealthy to get to this weight.
Please let me know how you would react to this... I usually tell them I'm looking forward to being that weight and being healthy doing it. I guess you can't stop some people from having to comment on absolutely everything in your life...
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Replies

  • Gonzafitness
    Gonzafitness Posts: 76
    I was 251 lbs. I am currently 202 with a goal of weighing 170 lbs before building major muscle. When I tell people that they freak out. I noticed that a very few amount of people are envious of my weight loss journey but the majority are simply ignorant to just how much body fat I carry. As long as you are doing it the correct way let them keep talking. In the end you are the one that is going to feel great.
  • JeniferEverx3
    JeniferEverx3 Posts: 219 Member
    This may or may not be the case with you, but I find that some people who don't or don't need to put any effort into maintaining a healthy weight (ie. people who are just naturally thin no matter what or how much they eat or how little activity they do, or people who have lived a healthy lifestyle their whole lives and have never know the struggle of a weight problem) don't really have a clue what they're talking about. They just think bc they are already a healthy weight that they know everything.
  • amgreenwell
    amgreenwell Posts: 1,267 Member
    JeniferEverx3...the crazy thing is, the women who comment are all somewhat/fairly overweight!!
  • mileykis
    mileykis Posts: 2
    My willpower had always sucked but I hope now that i have a lot of motivation and being done of being 235 i would loose weight im eating right and doing exercise my goal is by may or summer ill be on 160lbs. I know ill do it!! :)
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    How about, don't tell people what your goal weight is? When they ask, you can say something like "oh, a few more pounds" or "I'm not sure yet, I'll know when I get there" or..... something else that doesn't give them a platform to share their opinion. Someone told me once "just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it" or in this case, answer it with a hard and fast number.
  • osothefinn
    osothefinn Posts: 163 Member
    JeniferEverx3...the crazy thing is, the women who comment are all somewhat/fairly overweight!!

    You losing weight makes them feel bad that they aren't, and they'd like lardy to be the new normal because it's easy. Just keep on doing your thing.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I agree with others. Be vague and don't give specifics.

    I also think some women, especially some heavier women, have this thought that ALL men should be larger and ALWAYS weigh more than they do. It's possibly that silly way of thinking at play here.

    A lot of people really have no idea what 120, 170, 240 or 300 lb looks like on any given person. So many factors go into it. A good friend asked me the other day how much more weight I want to lose and I told her at least 30 lb (which would put me at 179, still overweight) and she was aghast..."You would weigh like 140!? That is pretty thin!" I just laughed. For her to think I weigh 170 was hilarious to me.
  • abelthephotographer
    abelthephotographer Posts: 127 Member
    JeniferEverx3...the crazy thing is, the women who comment are all somewhat/fairly overweight!!

    Could they be ... drum roll ... jealous?

    Over the years I've seen so many people sabotage other people's dreams through their words or actions (think the office 'feeder', for example). You simply have to accept that a significant minority of people make THEMSELVES feel better by putting other down. Once you accept that, you can post them and leave them in your wake ... :)

    Keep going!

    Edit - that is 'spot' them. I'm not advocating that you 'post' anyone (however tempted you may be, lol)!
  • hmaddpear
    hmaddpear Posts: 610 Member
    Had exactly that today, in fact. I told a work colleague I had another 5 stone to lose (I didn't add - at least!), and she gasped and said I'd 'be all skin and bones'. It would, in fact, barely put me at a normal BMI. I just replied that I 'carry it well'. Could do with some better ammunition, I guess!
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
    When people are negative in that way, I think they are just insecure and jealous. They don't want you looking better than them. I would simple say "No, I looked fantastic at that weight, wait till you see".

    Also people have no clue what weights look like my daughter is 5'6" and 120 if she even lost 5 lbs she would be under weight but people either A: think that she only weights 100-105 or B: when they hear that she is 120lbs think that she must be heavy because she is 13. She actually had a friend ask her weight when she told them the girl shouted but that would make you fat, my daughter laughed and said I am NOT fat in any place, but that is my weight. Peoples views are just distorted.
  • fourfiftythree
    fourfiftythree Posts: 203 Member
    Personally, I think peoples' perceptions are skewed, because everyone is so fat. When such a large percentage of the population is overweight, someone who is a healthy weight may look underweight to many people. I am 5'5 with a goal of 140. I am 20 lbs. away, and my grandma literally said I would look anorexic if I lost that much more weight. She is pushing 300 lbs.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    So to original poster, I'm not sure if you are a man, but 130 does SOUND small for a man.

    I know when my husband and I were about the same weight (while I was pregnant)...I felt HUGE being the same size as a man (he's also 6'3, and I'm 5'3). I kind of had a complex about it. Women have VERY distorted views of men's weights, b/c men are built differently. I know I've had women say to me "That's all your husband weighs?!?!" if I ever say he weighs 190 at 6'3. To women, he LOOKS heavier than that, b/c he is a lot bigger than most women, but he's tall and muscular.

    People have always been surprised by my weight. I often get, "You weight THAT much?!" This sounds much worse than your situation! But it's the same situation as an above poster, I LOOK smaller than my weight, b/c I exercise.

    I don't think MOST people are mean spirited about it or necessarily sabotaging. I think it's just a matter of perception. A lot of women have distorted perceptions about weight.
  • nmiller0813
    nmiller0813 Posts: 109
    I don't give them food for fodder. I have my first goal set....60lbs and I am almost there. But, my second goal... is somewhere out there, and I am not sure of what it is, and that is what I say. As is it now, I get that, "you don't need to lose that much more". Yes I do, I have to be comfortable with ME! And, I feel/hope that I will know what that is when I get there. Happy Losing!
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    I'd definitely be vague about it. It's pretty tacky for folks to expect numbers anyway, imho, because that's pretty private. If you got your goal weight from a few years ago or something, I'd just say that I would probably lose a couple more lbs to be back down where I was then because I know that's easy enough and still fits my lifestyle, etc.

    If people think you got your goal weight by thinking you are still 'fat', they are subconsciously offended, lol. They don't want to be considered fat, too ;) Maybe throw in a 'I'm slim enough now overall, but a couple of lbs either way is no big deal' here and there to soothe some egos :D
  • j6o4
    j6o4 Posts: 871 Member
    Just screw with their minds and tell them that your goal weight is 80lbs next time.
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    Lately, women have been telling me that I look like I've really lost weight. (total since joining the gym I've lost 16 lbs) I admit to them that I am working hard and eating right.

    Their next question is ALWAYS "how much more are you going to lose?". Their reaction to my answer is what disturbs me. They usually gasp and tell me that that's too much and I'm going to be too skinny!

    I know that I look good at my goal weight of 130 b/c I've been there before and I will only lose another 13 lbs to get there.
    It is not like I'm starving myself or doing anything unhealthy to get to this weight.
    Please let me know how you would react to this... I usually tell them I'm looking forward to being that weight and being healthy doing it. I guess you can't stop some people from having to comment on absolutely everything in your life...

    I would look at them and say " I don't have a number in mind...but I would like to be a size X"

    For me personally,.my ticker says 145 ( I need to be 135 to have a normal BMI), but I will be ecstatic when I fit in a size 8. That might be at 150-160lbs since I am lifting weights.
  • summerroxygoodin
    summerroxygoodin Posts: 62 Member
    I think I smell some jealousy forming. I hope I can get down to 135 or so. That would just make my year.
  • SmileCozYouCan
    SmileCozYouCan Posts: 315 Member
    My willpower had always sucked but I hope now that i have a lot of motivation and being done of being 235 i would loose weight im eating right and doing exercise my goal is by may or summer ill be on 160lbs. I know ill do it!! :)

    :)
  • thesupremeforce
    thesupremeforce Posts: 1,206 Member
    Some people might be jealous, but I imagine that the majority are simply ignorant. For example, back when I weighed 278, I thought I'd "look too thin" if I ever dropped below 225 (since I weighed that much by the middle of high school). I was wrong. Most people have little to no concept of how weight gets distributed around the body.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Just stop telling them your goal. Tell them you have a "few more" to lose and leave it at that. No need to be specific. I personally stopped when my clothes fit the way I wanted and the numbers at my health screenings were good. How can they argue with that, right? Don't worry about it. Many people don't know what healthy is these days anyway. Some of them are probably jealous. Ignore.
  • Ejourneys
    Ejourneys Posts: 1,603 Member
    Question: How much more are you going to lose?
    Answer: Enough.

    If they get pushy, one possible response is, "Gee, I'm still thinking about that. How much do YOU weigh?"
    Or you can point them to http://www.mybodygallery.com/ for a range of body types given the same weight and height.
  • trudijoy
    trudijoy Posts: 1,685 Member
    remember it's all opinion, none of it fact. I get it too - 'why are you still dieting, you look great!'

    answer? I haven't met my goal yet, so I'm not finished. People think you're dieting (not that i see this as a 'diet') to achieve a look or a weight, which is true, but noone can really visualise that on a person.
  • dlionsmane
    dlionsmane Posts: 674 Member
    People's perspective of what a healthy weight is for anyone is skewed. They are all overweight and they don't know what a healthy weight for them is. They probably just hope to have some 'success' and maybe don't have a clear plan like you do. You've done the research and know.

    My experience... I have always been somewhere around 170 my adult life. Since 2009 I gained 46 pounds. I am now down 38, currently at 178. Everyone I know is calling me skinny and asking me when I am going to be 'done with the diet thing'. I laugh to myself, because I am 5'7" and NOONE EVER CALLED ME SKINNY BEFORE 2009. Um because I wasn't then, and I am not now.

    I just smile and say, 'thank you, I don't think of myself as skinny, I am getting fit and I will never be done because it is a lifelong commitment to my health and well being.'

    Basically - what others said... be vague, most people don't know what a healthy weight looks like....
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Some people might be jealous, but I imagine that the majority are simply ignorant. For example, back when I weighed 278, I thought I'd "look too thin" if I ever dropped below 225 (since I weighed that much by the middle of high school). I was wrong. Most people have little to no concept of how weight gets distributed around the body.
    \

    Same here totally. When I joined MFP at 262 lb I thought 220 sounded like a good goal for me and I pictured myself looking slightly thinner/smaller than how I look right now at 209...I definitely want to lose 30+ more lb at minimum but I used to think I would look weird at a smaller weight since I was so used to my larger self.
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    Meh, I wouldn't pay much attention to it. You'd have to be pretty tall to be 130 and be sickly looking, or "too skinny". Could be jealousy, could be a skewed perception of what a healthy weight is, could be that someone else succeeding makes them feel bad about themselves. What matters is that you're happy with yourself, not that they are happy with you.
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    I've never given a specific number to anyone who asked, not even my mother.

    My simple answer is "I don't have a specific number, I'm just trying to get to a healthy weight". No one has pressed me further on that.
  • littlehedgy
    littlehedgy Posts: 192 Member
    I get that all the time! Its very awkward. When I tell people I'm trying to lose 30 to 40 lbs they look at me like I have an eating disorder. Slight panic and pity written all over their faces. I think along with our culture of overly skinny starlets and photo-shopped models, there is a counter culture that chastises those who are looking to be thin. I have people tell me that I have an unobtainable body image and I'm being brain washed by the media to be a certain way. Even though if I lose 40 lbs I will still be in a healthy weight for my height. Because I'm horribly awkward I usually just turn read and mumble about wearing well and exercising.
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    I've never given a specific number to anyone who asked, not even my mother.

    My simple answer is "I don't have a specific number, I'm just trying to get to a healthy weight". No one has pressed me further on that.

    ^This. I just say I'm strong and healthy and happy now.
  • rawstrongchick
    rawstrongchick Posts: 66 Member
    Personally, I think peoples' perceptions are skewed, because everyone is so fat. When such a large percentage of the population is overweight, someone who is a healthy weight may look underweight to many people. I am 5'5 with a goal of 140. I am 20 lbs. away, and my grandma literally said I would look anorexic if I lost that much more weight. She is pushing 300 lbs.

    ^^This totally. People get so used to looking in the mirror and looking at other over weight people that they forget what a 'normal' weight actually looks like.

    I agree with everyone who suggested being vague in reply. It always pays, IMO, to be vague when replying to personal questions asked by someone your not close with. Anything like "I'll know when I get there", "I've not decided yet" or "I'm seeing how it goes" should work. The more determined advice givers will probably still come back with the "don't lose too much/any more" comments, but you need to just brush those off and/or change the subject.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    well get were YOU are happy and everyone else can fly a kite :)

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