It Clicked, Now How Do I Help Others?

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soldiergrl_101
soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
edited February 7 in Motivation and Support
Hey everyone,

Finally after 2 years of yo-yos weightloss has finally clicked for me, and I made a lifestyle change. I feel 100% happier/better than I ever have. That said I want to take what I have learned and help others but I am not sure how. There is this girl at work, I feel so bad she is almost 6ft, and weighs aprx 300lbs, I can tell she is miserable and I just want to help her, like offer her a workout buddy to spark some motivation. But I am not sure if I should or how I should start the conversation without sounding rude. What do you think?

Replies

  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,244 Member
    Don't say anything. It's important that you finish your journey and be an example to others.

    Hopefully this person will decide to make a lifestyle change.
  • Tubbytucka
    Tubbytucka Posts: 83 Member
    Maybe see if she wants to walk 5-10 minutes to a park at lunchtime, for lunch in the sun on a nice day? That might start the right sort of conversation. It can be a difficult enough topic to raise with friends, let alone with people you don't know very well.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Firstly, congratulations on finding yourself in the right mindspace. That is a beautiful thing. I hope it continues to bring you much happiness.

    Secondly, I agree with others who say lead by example and don't force the issue in the first instance. If fitness or nutrition come up in the course of conversation then you can leave a little bait to test the waters like "I was a bit fearful that lifting weights would make me bulky but it turns out just the opposite happened!" or "I was literally amazed how small changes really added up and helped me overall." If someone is interested in you helping they will pick up on things like that so you can introduce the subject of helping them.

    Thirdly, be open minded and empathetic. Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes, identify what their strengths and weaknesses are and tailor your advice to them as an individual. What people need are tailored strategies not dogma "Eat clean!" or "Everything in moderation!" or "Cardio killz your gainz bro!"

    Good luck ;)
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    We were talking about the issue the other day, I still have a ways to go but she seems so unhappy. She said she has tried and failed so many times and wishes she could loose the weight to marry her boyfriend. So I thought I could give her a few pointers. I just remember how I felt and it sux so if I could help someone else find happiness it would be rewarding :)
  • retiree2006
    retiree2006 Posts: 951 Member
    I agree that it's a touchy situation and I like the idea of telling her you'd love some company on a walk at lunchtime and would she like to join you. That way it's more about you than her. It would give her the opportunity to speak to you away from the ears of others...if she is wanting some help or encouragement.

    Recently a friend asked me to sit down with her to talk about weight loss and how to change her eating habits. It's been almost 2 years since I started so it's taken her that long to watch and see how I was doing before she approached the subject. I was surprised and truly happy that she wants to change her life...and feel good that I might be able to encourage her. Sometimes it can take a long time so keep setting a good example for those around you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    no, just no...

    it has to 'click' for her of her... if she approaches you, then great, go for it, go for walks, send her the link to MFP, other than that, no....
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    I agree that it's a touchy situation and I like the idea of telling her you'd love some company on a walk at lunchtime and would she like to join you. That way it's more about you than her. It would give her the opportunity to speak to you away from the ears of others...if she is wanting some help or encouragement.

    Recently a friend asked me to sit down with her to talk about weight loss and how to change her eating habits. It's been almost 2 years since I started so it's taken her that long to watch and see how I was doing before she approached the subject. I was surprised and truly happy that she wants to change her life...and feel good that I might be able to encourage her. Sometimes it can take a long time so keep setting a good example for those around you.

    2 years, wow. Ill ask her if she wants to join me for a walk on lunch that sounds good. I would never approach a subject like that in front of others thats humiliating, i dont want to hurt her, just want to help if she wants it. I still have a ways to go myself but for the first time in two years since I left the military I feel like I will achieve my goals :)
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    So I thought I could give her a few pointers.

    No harm in that. You could mention it casually if it comes up again.

    However, in my experience many people who express dissatisfaction with their lives are not necessarily at the tipping point where they are ready to shift from talking about it to actually acting upon it. The best you can do as, as you say, give them some pointers to lead them on their way.

    Be prepared for people to routinely ignore or reject your advice though. It comes with the territory. Don't let it make you jaded and you will remain golden.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    So I thought I could give her a few pointers.

    No harm in that. You could mention it casually if it comes up again.

    However, in my experience many people who express dissatisfaction with their lives are not necessarily at the tipping point where they are ready to shift from talking about it to actually acting upon it. The best you can do as, as you say, give them some pointers to lead them on their way.

    Be prepared for people to routinely ignore or reject your advice though. It comes with the territory. Don't let it make you jaded and you will remain golden.

    Haha I dont expect people to listen, how many people talked to me about my weight before I took control of it sucessfully.
  • coral_b
    coral_b Posts: 264 Member
    On the flip side; how many of us had our head in the sand about our size? Fair enough it would be too much to charge in with advice- but I do think it sounds like she's desperate to change. I think that if an opportunity arises to show her you have a few ideas then I say go for it! Tact is obviously essential- but I wish someone had said to me that they would help, rather than say the usual of "yeah but you don't look that weight" or " you wouldn't look well at a lower weight". It just adds to the denial people feel. If she wants to change she will embrace your help, if she doesn't all you can do is be subtle in your approach and hope not to upset her. x
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    On the flip side; how many of us had our head in the sand about our size? Fair enough it would be too much to charge in with advice- but I do think it sounds like she's desperate to change. I think that if an opportunity arises to show her you have a few ideas then I say go for it! Tact is obviously essential- but I wish someone had said to me that they would help, rather than say the usual of "yeah but you don't look that weight" or " you wouldn't look well at a lower weight". It just adds to the denial people feel. If she wants to change she will embrace your help, if she doesn't all you can do is be subtle in your approach and hope not to upset her. x

    I think you are coming from the same place as me because thats what I was telling myself, i wish at that weight someone offered me usefull advice rather than say psshhh your not fat...uh huh, tell that to my DR.
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    no, just no...

    it has to 'click' for her of her... if she approaches you, then great, go for it, go for walks, send her the link to MFP, other than that, no....

    Absolutely agree. Tell her that when she is ready to lose the weight, she will. That's all it took for me to understand that no one else is going to run this show but me. Sink of swim, it's just me. It took 3 years before I really understood.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    no, just no...

    it has to 'click' for her of her... if she approaches you, then great, go for it, go for walks, send her the link to MFP, other than that, no....

    Absolutely agree. Tell her that when she is ready to lose the weight, she will. That's all it took for me to understand that no one else is going to run this show but me. Sink of swim, it's just me. It took 3 years before I really understood.

    This. Most people are unhappy with their weight, (or their look, even if their weight is healthy, they don't understand about body composition). Getting to the point where you are actually ready to do something about it is an entirely different thing.

    Do not expect that you will be able to get her to that point. You can be one piece of the puzzle, and be an example though.
  • bumblebreezy91
    bumblebreezy91 Posts: 520 Member
    It's going to have to click for her, just as it clicked for you and so many others. She has to get honest with herself and she's the only person who can do that.
  • ekz13
    ekz13 Posts: 725 Member
    No...

    you had to come to your "AH HA moment" on your own terms, as does she.

    if she asks for help/answers, be there but I wouldn't broach the subject.. just be supportive if needed, anything else might come off as preachy.
  • arrseegee
    arrseegee Posts: 575 Member
    We were talking about the issue the other day, I still have a ways to go but she seems so unhappy. She said she has tried and failed so many times and wishes she could loose the weight to marry her boyfriend. So I thought I could give her a few pointers. I just remember how I felt and it sux so if I could help someone else find happiness it would be rewarding :)

    Well I think given that you have had this conversation then you do know that she wants to lose some weight... so I don't think inviting her to go for a walk with you is inappropriate at all. Make the offer, and if she turns it down then say it's an open invitation and leave it at that.
  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
    The problem with a born-again anything is that people always want to tell you the "good news".

    However you can't: force someone to lose weight, make someone stop being an addict, invade a country and make it a democracy, make someone share your religious beliefs.

    We have a saying in the Martial Arts: "When the student is ready, the Master appears". Someone has to first be receptive to change: i.e. they must have got themselves into a position to change or learn new things. It's not something that can be forced. It will just lead to resentment and ill-feeling.
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    The problem with a born-again anything is that people always want to tell you the "good news".

    However you can't: force someone to lose weight, make someone stop being an addict, invade a country and make it a democracy, make someone share your religious beliefs.

    We have a saying in the Martial Arts: "When the student is ready, the Master appears". Someone has to first be receptive to change: i.e. they must have got themselves into a position to change or learn new things. It's not something that can be forced. It will just lead to resentment and ill-feeling.

    This sums it all up very nicely. I wanted change LONG before I was ready to accept the responsibility of change.
  • calliekitten9
    calliekitten9 Posts: 148 Member
    Also....you have to be mindful that just because what you are doing worked for you...it doesn't mean that it is going to work for someone else. So tred carefully.
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
    When people are ready they will find a way.
    I know how you feel. I often think about other people who are overweight and/or unfit, wanting to change and I would like to tell them how I did it, how much better I feel now. Until they ask, it can be misconstrued as criticism, even with the very best of intentions.
    There are a few people that have actually asked me and at least two of them have begun to get healthy themselves.

    It can be a very sensitive subject and so just be very aware of how this could be interpreted as a negative thing by someone you may just want to help.
  • LuLuChick78
    LuLuChick78 Posts: 439 Member
    The problem with a born-again anything is that people always want to tell you the "good news".

    However you can't: force someone to lose weight, make someone stop being an addict, invade a country and make it a democracy, make someone share your religious beliefs.

    We have a saying in the Martial Arts: "When the student is ready, the Master appears". Someone has to first be receptive to change: i.e. they must have got themselves into a position to change or learn new things. It's not something that can be forced. It will just lead to resentment and ill-feeling.

    Nicely said! :smile:
  • Poofy_Goodness
    Poofy_Goodness Posts: 229 Member
    You can't help anyone who doesn't want help. They have to come to you.

    Why not look into being a personal trainer or something?
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Definitely invite her to take walks with you and maybe if there are any other workouts you do that you think she'd like you could invite her along to join you with that as well.

    I wouldn't bring it up but if she mentions it again, I would think just a simple blanket statement like "when you're ready, I'm here to help if you want/need it" would be perfectly fine. If she does come to you for help then you can start with the info sharing. Until then, don't go there.

    And to be perfectly realistic about it, be ready for the possibility that she may not really be ready and may not succeed. I only say this because I've tried to help an acquaintance (friend-of-a-friend) with weight loss several times over the last 5+ years and she tries for a while but just can't wrap her head around making a full commitment to change. Plus I was like that myself for many years. I'd "want" to lose weight but when it came right down to it, I didn't want to put the time and energy in.
  • BeautyDoll
    BeautyDoll Posts: 100 Member
    We are here to help one another. I disagree with what most are saying… Let her know you are there to help. If she rejects it what was lost? Share your gift!
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