Retraining my way of thinking proves difficult sometimes

ohthatbambi
ohthatbambi Posts: 1,098 Member
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
Here is my struggle.

Yesterday, I rode my bike 12 miles and also walked a couple miles. I ate great all day. We went out to dinner and I ordered a salad. I then nibbled on a couple of my child's left over ff. When I say a couple, it was five to be exact. So in my mind...I have blown it. OMG, I ate 5 ff's, what was I thinking?????? So since I have "blown it" for the day with five french fries I come home and eat a brownie and then ice cream before bed. I went to bed feeling horrible and woke up feeling the same way. then I really wanted to binge this morning, but I didn't.

My mindset is all or nothing. It is such a battle for me. I feel like it is a battle that I continually lose. At times, it really gets me down. And then I just want to eat. I guess that makes me an emotional eater too. How do you overcome such craziness? I really want to, but I don't know how. My will power, frankly, it just sucks. I will do great for half the week and then eat a cookie and then the next three days are counterproductive to the success at the beginning of the week. I just want to pull my hair out.:sad: :explode: I feel like I will NEVER get these last twenty pounds off without wiring my jaws shut. Frustration brings out the worst in me and today I am really frustrated b/c the last three months have been so counterproductive and it is my own fault.

I am just rambling I guess. Today is overcast and it makes me feel cruddy. It makes me want to go eat and I am not even hungry. And if I give in then I know my whole day is RUINED b/c my mind will convince me to binge since I have all ready blown it for the day. So I sit here at my computer instead hoping that someone else out there is "crazy" like me and understands my struggle and can give me some insight on the issue.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I am tired of whining. It isn't making me feel better. Someone make me laugh!!

How do I overcome this all or nothing mindset?

Replies

  • ohthatbambi
    ohthatbambi Posts: 1,098 Member
    Here is my struggle.

    Yesterday, I rode my bike 12 miles and also walked a couple miles. I ate great all day. We went out to dinner and I ordered a salad. I then nibbled on a couple of my child's left over ff. When I say a couple, it was five to be exact. So in my mind...I have blown it. OMG, I ate 5 ff's, what was I thinking?????? So since I have "blown it" for the day with five french fries I come home and eat a brownie and then ice cream before bed. I went to bed feeling horrible and woke up feeling the same way. then I really wanted to binge this morning, but I didn't.

    My mindset is all or nothing. It is such a battle for me. I feel like it is a battle that I continually lose. At times, it really gets me down. And then I just want to eat. I guess that makes me an emotional eater too. How do you overcome such craziness? I really want to, but I don't know how. My will power, frankly, it just sucks. I will do great for half the week and then eat a cookie and then the next three days are counterproductive to the success at the beginning of the week. I just want to pull my hair out.:sad: :explode: I feel like I will NEVER get these last twenty pounds off without wiring my jaws shut. Frustration brings out the worst in me and today I am really frustrated b/c the last three months have been so counterproductive and it is my own fault.

    I am just rambling I guess. Today is overcast and it makes me feel cruddy. It makes me want to go eat and I am not even hungry. And if I give in then I know my whole day is RUINED b/c my mind will convince me to binge since I have all ready blown it for the day. So I sit here at my computer instead hoping that someone else out there is "crazy" like me and understands my struggle and can give me some insight on the issue.

    Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I am tired of whining. It isn't making me feel better. Someone make me laugh!!

    How do I overcome this all or nothing mindset?
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    You overcome it by figuring out what it really triggering the emotional need to binge....

    5 fries is not a sin kiddo....a tub of fries....well....then you may have reason to be concerned.
    I used to think that if I "cheated" at little everything went down the toilet.

    So, here's my new mentality.... "There are no "cheat" foods." I can eat whatever I want, but I must accept the responsibility for each choice and log it, whether I like the results or not. Then I don't feel like I am depriving myself of my favorite foods but I am aware that they all count. (Trust me....after my eye surgery I had nachos......accounted for them.....yeah..won't be eating those for a while).

    There are roots to why people binge....boredom, stress, low self-esteem, etc.
    Find the root....
  • I have the exact same problem. I am all or nothing. I eat really good or I eat really bad. If you ever figure out how to stop it, let me know!!
  • spaul82478
    spaul82478 Posts: 709 Member
    I feel ya, I feel the same way.. I hope someone has the answer ... I am trying to take it one day at a time.. seriously... I WISH YOU THE BEST and I know that we can do it if we put our minds and hearts to it... :bigsmile:
  • lotusfromthemud
    lotusfromthemud Posts: 5,335 Member
    First of all, what the heck are you doing with brownies and ice cream in your house? I would eat those if they were in the house. They are delicious, and tempting and if your only options are "perfect" and "awful" for your eating habits, then I would always, always go for "awful". And have.

    Along the way, I had a trainer introduce me to 80/20. 80% of the time, make the perfect choices. 20% of the time, make the so-called "wrong" ones. If you do nothing but deprive yourself, you'll go crazy and overdo it. I actually used to shoot for 90/10, and that worked, too.

    Why not schedule a time a week for a "treat". . .whatever food item that might be. I still do this. So, if I really want a chocolate bar (or cake, or fries, or chips, or whatever) I say to myself. . ."I'll have it Tuesday" (my current treat day). Usually, by the time Tuesday rolls around, I don't want it anymore. But, if I do. . .I eat it. I work really well with schedules, so I've scheduled in time for naughty food.

    Here's another shocking revelation: (at least it was for me) Perfect does not exist on this earth.

    I don't know if any of that helps, because this "never good enough" is still a mental struggle for me. . .but I'm trying to retrain my brain otherwise.:flowerforyou:
  • PedalHound
    PedalHound Posts: 1,625 Member
    The current Clean Eating Magazine has a 3 page article on emotional eating. Really informative. You should pick one up!!

    It's a hard thing to deal with - something I've definitely struggled with and am not 100% recovered from. Things have gotten a LOT better for me but once in a while I feel those urges or thoughts creeping around in my mind. I tried to talk to myself, out loud if need be, about the logical part. 5 ff's doesn't ruin your day. You'll be so proud if you DON'T give in... that kind of conversation with myself really helped me overcome the practical aspect of emotional eating. I'm still working on getting the end of it out of my head, but it can be done. I never thought I'd find a way to get past it and I really am. Take a peek at that article too. Very very good.

    You can do this sweetie. You can. :flowerforyou:
  • amylynne26
    amylynne26 Posts: 195 Member
    well when you figure it out let me know. :laugh: Seriously if that's crazy, lock me up because I'm the same way.... here's one for ya - our receptionist keeps a bowl of miniature candy bars on the front desk. So yesterday I had one. Well sheesh, since I had one, my whole day is shot so what's another? I ate like seven! ok maybe not seven... put probably frighteningly close. I haven't tracked my calories for a week, I haven't worked out at all because I'm getting over a horrible sinus infection, and I'm about to say "ah f*** it I'll just be fat". And this is while watching my own mother drop 25 pounds w/ MFP. I have a terrific example right in front of me, and still can't get my act together. So yeah.... I'm with ya.... :frown:
  • spaul82478
    spaul82478 Posts: 709 Member
    You overcome it by figuring out what it really triggering the emotional need to binge....

    5 fries is not a sin kiddo....a tub of fries....well....then you may have reason to be concerned.
    I used to think that if I "cheated" at little everything went down the toilet.

    So, here's my new mentality.... "There are no "cheat" foods." I can eat whatever I want, but I must accept the responsibility for each choice and log it, whether I like the results or not. Then I don't feel like I am depriving myself of my favorite foods but I am aware that they all count. (Trust me....after my eye surgery I had nachos......accounted for them.....yeah..won't be eating those for a while).

    There are roots to why people binge....boredom, stress, low self-esteem, etc.
    Find the root....
    YEAH I found my root... all the above... LOL.. no you are right. and mine has to do with what people say to me when I eat, If I refuse to eat bad stuff, they make comments, but if i choose to eat bad stuff they make comments, I get really uptight and dont know how to react.... but Thats just me and as my bf says.... DO what you want and don't give a F**K what others say.. your too nice...so I guess we should take that and do it...
  • JayEm47
    JayEm47 Posts: 49
    i know EXACTLY how you feel. i go through the same thing all the time. ill have a week of great dieting and then one cookie and i crack. i feel like i failed so whats the point and for three days i just sulk and eat everything. i wish i could tell you there is some miracle way to stop this and to make this mind set go away. but as far as i know there isnt. im still struggling with it myself. im just trying to take it day by day. if you slip up in your dieting just accept it and dont get down on yourself. we all do it....a lot lol. i try to remind myself that one slip up (like 5 extra french fries :tongue: ) isnt that big of a deal but letting it get to me is and that if i binge im just going to feel a million times worse about everything. just keep your head up and things will start to get easier. retraining your mind is one of the hardest things to do. just try to stay focused. you can do this!! :smile:
  • michlingle
    michlingle Posts: 797 Member
    I think we tend to believe that 5 fries blows our day. You exercised a ton on that day and 5 fries has about 84 cals (according to applebee's website, just as an example). I'm sure you had the extra calories from working out. At the end of the day, it's okay to have some fries here and there...but I guess the issue is more about how those fries affect later choices.
  • thalli1
    thalli1 Posts: 332 Member
    If your picture is recent, I think you look great just how you are and whatever you've been doing is working pretty well.

    I think most of us struggle with this whole process or we wouldn't be on this site. You sound pretty much like most people I know. It can be so hard to be patient with the process and just keep working on it and learning to change bad habits we've learned over a lifetime.

    My advice is to be patient with yourself. Don't expect to be perfect and just keep plugging away at it. Before you came on this site you probably had many more bad eating days, so celebrate the days you can talk yourself into eating healthier instead of beating yourself up about messing up.

    When you get off track, start over. Just keep doing that over and over however many times it takes. Also know that lots of people on this site say it's better to binge a little once in a while to keep your body guessing. Maybe even allow yourself one binge a week that you aren't allowed to feel guilty about.

    Keep trying and good luck!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    People are gonna talk....people are gonna look when you make food choices....when you work out....etc

    The key is... "Why should they matter?" Easier said then done right? Depends. I used to worry all the time about making other people happy and what everyone else would think.....my parents, my ex-in-laws, my boyfriends, my girl friends, etc.....You know what...it's a waste of time and energy if you aren't happy with yourself and how you are living...no one else will be happy either. If you surround your self with negative influences then it can rub off on you. That includes attitudes and habits.

    My dad would make comments about me eating a piece of chocolate or somethin after working out for 4 hours.....and it would be a slap in the face...here I was busting my butt to at least work out and here he was lazing around in the couch, pigging out on junk food and he had the nerve to get on my case!?!
    Well finally I let him have it (father or not).....

    It's easy for me to say it, but I have my days I want to eat everything and order tons of food. I still log it and yeah it sucks seeing that my nachos cost me an additional 1200 calories (yeah) but I accepted that I ate them and didn't "hide them under the rug" so to speak.
  • PedalHound
    PedalHound Posts: 1,625 Member
    You overcome it by figuring out what it really triggering the emotional need to binge....

    5 fries is not a sin kiddo....a tub of fries....well....then you may have reason to be concerned.
    I used to think that if I "cheated" at little everything went down the toilet.

    So, here's my new mentality.... "There are no "cheat" foods." I can eat whatever I want, but I must accept the responsibility for each choice and log it, whether I like the results or not. Then I don't feel like I am depriving myself of my favorite foods but I am aware that they all count. (Trust me....after my eye surgery I had nachos......accounted for them.....yeah..won't be eating those for a while).

    There are roots to why people binge....boredom, stress, low self-esteem, etc.
    Find the root....

    AMEN to that!

    I was recently reading something that was talking about the negative vocabulary we allow ourselves when "dieting". "Cheat days", "bad foods"... all of those terms play into the idea that food is sneaky, wrong, naughty... And like V said, 80-20 is something a lot of people recommend (and I agree that 90-10 is a much better plan for people trying to reduce their body fat!). Life is fluid. Life is dynamic. Food IS social, food IS pleasurable, food IS comforting. It's a matter of realizing, as CB said, that you must allow yourself that enjoyment while maintaining your accountability to what's going in your body.

    I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about chocolate and our children. Our daughters are both over 3.5 yrs. I have an organic dark chocolate bar in the cupboard sometimes and when we have it around, it now lasts about a month. We don't have a square every day and when we do it's only 1 tiny square. It's organic, it's the best kind of chocolate to eat, and I want to teach her that we can offer ourselves these pleasurable little indulgences, experience it, let it melt, taste it, and have enjoyed it.... without creating the "well, THAT was good so I'd better have MORE!" mindset. It's a very North American way of thinking about food. Europe offers an array of decadence when it comes to foods but culturally there is a whole different approach. Enjoy it! Delight your senses with your meals! But they're small and people know how to be present with their food.

    If your self-talk makes you feel deprived ("how could I have eaten FIVE french fries?!") you're setting your own scene for needing comfort. Someone has criticized you and told you you'd been bad. Someone hurt your feelings and you want to feel better about that. Regardless of the fact that "someone" is you, you're hurt.

    I know when I was emotionally eating there was always that little voice somewhere inside feeling guilty and bad about the food I was putting into my mouth. Now, when I occasionally have a treat, I sit down, I look at it and taste it and really try to be present. I feel calm and I enjoy the moment. If I'm reaching for something and can sense that anxiety somewhere in my mind I know I'm looking to food for something other and I try to dig deeper and accept the challenge of my feelings.

    Sorry to ramble for a second long post but the previous posts inspired a little more out of me :wink:
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Very well said Pedal.

    I come off kinda blunt but I am trying to be supportive. I do totally understand your struggle cause I've been there a lot too. I also have had to learn other ways of dealing.
  • dothompson
    dothompson Posts: 1,184 Member
    There is an old saying "Perfection is the enemy of progress" . I've found that we should work for progress, perfection is God's business
  • michaelhe
    michaelhe Posts: 81 Member
    Personally I think you need to give yourself permission to binge but you also need to commit to logging everything.

    I found if I don't log the extras then I feel like I'm getting away with it. But if I log it then at least I am being held accountable. Now it seems that the temptation is mostly overshadowed by the fact that I have to log it ... that doesn't stop the occasional binge, but it does help to nip it in the bud so I don't feel like I have completely ruined my day.

    Of course everybody is different. I hope this helps.

    Oh, one other thing --- since our target calories are calculated to help you lose weight don't forget there is a little buffer. You can go over your target without backtracking ... you are really just slowing your progress.
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Personally I think you need to give yourself permission to binge but you also need to commit to logging everything.

    I found if I don't log the extras then I feel like I'm getting away with it. But if I log it then at least I am being held accountable. Now it seems that the temptation is mostly overshadowed by the fact that I have to log it ... that doesn't stop the occasional binge, but it does help to nip it in the bud so I don't feel like I have completely ruined my day.

    Of course everybody is different. I hope this helps.

    Oh, one other thing --- since our target calories are calculated to help you lose weight don't forget there is a little buffer. You can go over your target without backtracking ... you are really just slowing your progress.

    very nicely put
  • PedalHound
    PedalHound Posts: 1,625 Member
    Okay, I HAVE TO say this. And I mean absolutely no offense or criticism to anyone who has used the term, but we need to change our vocabulary here people. We can't binge. No one should binge. Binging is by definition "a behaviour indulged to excess". That's unhealthy for anyone anytime. We need to give ourselves forgiveness when we are upset about our actions. We need to allow ourselves occasional indulgences and shaking up the calories every once in a while is a good thing. But if we call it a binge (especially if it's not a binge - and it shouldn't be!!) then we're playing right back into the negativity that helps us stay in the negative and destructive patterns in the first place.

    We will all feel so much healthier if we avoid the labels that facilitate the habits we're trying to change.

    Again, I mean no offense!! I've noticed it a lot on these boards and I think it's important :frown:
  • PedalHound
    PedalHound Posts: 1,625 Member
    <
    should come with a warning: "caution: opinionated!"
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Thats why we like you
  • I try to look at it as one meal at at time instead of one day at a time. If i had fries at dinner like you did then i look at it and accept that for that MEAL i wasn't making the best choice. But i still have the rest of the day that i was "good". So instead of blowing a whole day of hard work i only blew one meal. not a biggie.

    On monday my first official day i mindlessly ate 2 1/2 cookies at work without even realizing what i was doing...when i was halfway through the third cookie it dawned on me and i threw the rest of the cookie out. At that point i could have said "oh well the day is shot i might as well have the muffin that is on the table, or pizza for dinner" but instead i just saw it as a slip and i got myself back on track immediately.

    Relaspse is a part of recovery. If Alcoholics and Drug Addicts can understand this why can't we??? I have a problem with food. and i accept that. I don't expect perfection from myself because that is too much pressure, because when i slip, and i will, i'll just feel guilty and disapointed in myself. The way we think determines our feelings which determine our behavior.

    Good luck and try not to beat yourself up too hard. Pick yourself up and move forward leaving your "relapse" of old behaviors behind you.
  • ohthatbambi
    ohthatbambi Posts: 1,098 Member
    Thanks to all of you.

    I posted a big long response and my computer went crazy and lost it.

    So I am feeling better. Many of you did put a smile on my face.

    I ate carrots with light ranch instead of the chips and dip and I feel good.

    I don't log in food when I lose control. Denial makes it seem like it didn't happen. I pledge to change that...starting RIGHT NOW. It is time for me to be in control of food instead of it in control of me. Funny how something I claim to love has such a negative effect on me when I let it.

    Thanks again.
  • spaul82478
    spaul82478 Posts: 709 Member
    Way to go.. Also I find entering bad choices in.. help with not chooseing them again... also thanks for the post.. it helped me too... :drinker: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • ChubbyBunny
    ChubbyBunny Posts: 3,523 Member
    Thanks to all of you.

    I posted a big long response and my computer went crazy and lost it.

    So I am feeling better. Many of you did put a smile on my face.

    I ate carrots with light ranch instead of the chips and dip and I feel good.

    I don't log in food when I lose control. Denial makes it seem like it didn't happen. I pledge to change that...starting RIGHT NOW. It is time for me to be in control of food instead of it in control of me. Funny how something I claim to love has such a negative effect on me when I let it.

    Thanks again.

    Yay for carrots and ranch.....mmmm....

    One step at a time....that's how we all do it.
    Remember no one else sees your food journal but you, so you are the one who is having to take the responsibility there.....Also, that means none of us are judging you on what you eat.....Heaven help me if others could see what I ate! HAHA!

    You have a very good mindset about not letting food control you....there are times it may but there is usually a reason for that as well. You are the one who gets to choose what you eat and when....no one can force food into you....they may try to force it on you, but you get to make the final decision....and I know that is very hard.

    If you ever need to just vent you always can...sometimes we just need to get those frustrations out there! As you noticed there are lots who have the same struggles.

    You can do this....little steps.
  • PedalHound
    PedalHound Posts: 1,625 Member
    Thats why we like you

    Aww thanks hon :flowerforyou:


    Bamboo, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about things. Good for you for leaning on this great community rather than letting your bad mood fester!! :flowerforyou:
  • ohthatbambi
    ohthatbambi Posts: 1,098 Member
    All of you have been a great support today.

    I showered, fixed my hair and put on make up (the last two I reserve for Sunday only during the summer), but today I decided that I needed to feel good about myself. So I feel pretty and encouraged.

    Since my last post, I did have lunch with a friend, spur of the moment. We ate at a local sandwich shop and I have no way of possibly knowing how many calories are in their chicken salad, so I went with the highest amount of cals I could find and logged that. Still under my cals for the day so I have not BLOWN it. I will eat a light dinner since lunch was big and hopefully get some gym time in later since it is too wet to ride my bike today!!

    Thanks again!
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