Lack of Real Life Support

foxysmokesignals
foxysmokesignals Posts: 1
in Motivation and Support
Hi Everyone,

I have to say I'm a bit frustrated, not just because of the lack of real life support in trying to reach my fitness goals (as the title indicates) but also because I already wrote a post which was lost in a tragic computer accident.... Oh, well!

So here's the scoop: I lost 45 pounds and am now a 'normal' weight for a 5'6" female (150 lbs). I have maintained this weight over the past two years, and have seen improvements in my overall body composition. Overall, I feel fit and capable! But, I would like to take my fitness to the next level and lose ~15 lbs (this number isn't as important as losing fat - I'd be happy if I didn't lose an ounce but lost excess fat).

I feel like as I get closer and closer to my ultimate fitness goal, the external support wanes. It is really starting to affect me... a lot.

Friends and family will say "what are you worried about? you look great - you don't need to diet, just eat healthy!" and at first, I would just take the compliment. But over time, when I want to talk about it with the people close to me, I realize that this comment is really dismissive. It's not recognizing that I have a goal and need support in reaching it. I can't make them support me, and I wouldn't want them to to say words of support they didn't mean... But while my goals aren't insurmountable, and I have the strength to push myself and an understanding of what I need to do to be successful, I still just need a "good for you!" or a "you can do it!" once in a while.

In some ways this is a 'small' goal (relative to my past lifestyle changes) - in the grand scheme of things, it's getting harder as I get closer (physically, I feel like my body is more resistant to weight changes, and emotionally).

Thanks for reading - I'd love to hear any suggestions and comments or stories you may have.

Cheers!

Replies

  • acpgee
    acpgee Posts: 8,008 Member
    A big benefit of MFP, is that you don't have to bore your real life friends and family with your dieting exploits.
  • RoyBeck
    RoyBeck Posts: 947 Member
    I can't relate as I've never needed anyone to tell me I'm doing a great job or keep going. I'm more self motivated than ever before and do it for myself.
  • Ant_the_old_keith_lemon
    Ant_the_old_keith_lemon Posts: 272 Member
    You need to be selfish, support yourself, dont do it for anyone but yourself in that way the only person you`ll let down is yourself and you dont want that now do you?

    USE this forum for the occasional high five!! (significant word being USE.... )
  • TamaraKat
    TamaraKat Posts: 533 Member
    You need to be selfish, support yourself, dont do it for anyone but yourself in that way the only person you`ll let down is yourself and you dont want that now do you?

    USE this forum for the occasional high five!! (significant word being USE.... )

    THIS!!! Couldn't have said it better myself bro!
  • lauraspberry
    lauraspberry Posts: 655 Member
    I agree with what everyone else is saying. You do it for yourself, if the world doesn't support you then just keep quiet, do your work (eat clean and workout), and prove them wrong, show them you can do better, and be better when you actually reach your goals.

    I am 5 ft7 at 129lbs and I'm still not happy with my body. The mirror doesnt lie when it shows that big belly bulge, everyone around me says I am taking it too far or I might be developing an eating disorder and things like that (you'll meet some of those people on MFP too telling you to stop because "you're fine") I hate that feeling, i know how you feel. But dont let them stop you from doing better, you do it for yourself, the only person that you have to satisfy is yourself, so just focus on you. Like what one guy on here said, be selfish. :flowerforyou: GOOD LUCK!
  • ElizabethFuller
    ElizabethFuller Posts: 352 Member
    You should really take everyone else's attitude a a compliment! You look good, they can't see why you need more weight loss goals. On the plus side, no one is going to say to you "Should you be eating that?" Yay!
    You have done really well and you've maintained. But you want to go further, this is fab but it's really your goal, I'm sure once you start to achieve this and your slinky new shape emerges everyone will notice and be supportive. Until then, we're all here to cheer you on. I would suggest maybe doing some work with weights? I hear it's a very good way of changing your body shape/composition, I've seen photos of great results on this site. Cheer up, forward, onwards and upwards!
  • CharChary
    CharChary Posts: 220 Member
    I have learned that real life friends/family don't understand unless they're living similar lifestyles/have similar goals. They don't want to come out and say that you should lose weight, even if you do because it isn't "nice." I have also learned to not talk about my lifestyle as much because of the lack of support I have. My boyfriend is the only person I talk to about it.
  • gabrielleelliott90
    gabrielleelliott90 Posts: 854 Member
    Could you talk with your family and friends about this? Tell them their support would mean the world to you. You have our support on here, I know it's not the same but hopefully it will help. Keep your chin up, you have done really well.
  • cicisiam
    cicisiam Posts: 491 Member
    Yep..This is best for long term success.
    I can't relate as I've never needed anyone to tell me I'm doing a great job or keep going. I'm more self motivated than ever before and do it for myself.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    Your life will be easier if you don't share the details or look for approval from other people --- because unless they are into fitness or weight loss they will just argue with you, especially if you look good now. Sign up for a class or a 5K, go to the gym, do what you want to do. You will meet other people there who have the same interests.
  • Keep_The_Laughter
    Keep_The_Laughter Posts: 183 Member
    Part of the issue maybe lack of experience, not the intent to dismiss your concerns. People have a lot of misconceptions about body recomposition and weight loss. List of folks really believe that exercise turns fat into muscle and such. So that can be a bug disconnect in communication. I've had people say to me keep getting fit and get more muscle, but you don't need to lose any weight. Just tighten up. The issue sometimes lies in how people believe we attain a more muscular physique.

    You maybe coming from a place of experience, but the person you're talking to could be holding onto inaccurate information. So they are just hearing "I want to be skinnier." This is despite the fact that you are saying, "I want to be healthier and have a higher rate of lean body mass." Are you having conversations with people who are interested in the science behind nutrition and fitness? If not, you maybe talking to people who sincerely are not getting where you are coming from.
  • rachelamber_x
    rachelamber_x Posts: 104 Member
    I have the same issue.
    Where I am at a healthy weight people always say "you don't need to lose weight / why are you bothering" etc.
    I just ignore them, I'm doing it for me, so that I feel comfortable and like what I see, I don't really care all that much what others think. And yes, I may be in the healthy weight range, but I could lose or gain about 10lb and still be within the ranges so its kind of irrelevant. (The worst bit is when the people telling you that you don't need to lose any weight are skinnier than you!)

    Just remember, you are doing this for you and only you know when you will be ready to maintain so stuff them :)
  • lilbuddha007
    lilbuddha007 Posts: 30 Member
    I have the same problem and I 'yo-yo' weight. I have been up and down the scale between 205 and 138 for 5 years now - I have sizes between 2 and 12 in my closet at all times. I want to use MFP to figure out how to stay in a zone of 10lbs and I dont even really care what that weight is. (It'd be nice if it was 140)

    My friends and family always see me as "not at my biggest' so it's fine.
    When I'm nearing my 'biggest' they'll say I need to be 'healthier' but that 'wow you don't look like you're 200lbs!'

    Lesson learned: those closest to you are almost never critical.
    But I could always tell when I had gained too much because when I went out to a bar with friends no guys (literally none) would want to talk to me. I'd be the friend with no one to talk to while guys ask my pals for their numbers, bought them drinks, etc. Strangers would chat with me on the bus or train. Sales people and waiters are nicer. It's depressing, but the world is just nicer to you when you're thin.

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