How to stop being angry at yourself

visabsoluta
visabsoluta Posts: 138
in Motivation and Support
For letting yourself get fat? I just cant make peace with myself.

Replies

  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    I was always the chubby girl, even as a baby. So I'm really not angry at myself over getting fat, cuz I was always big. But I do get angry at myself for going back to my old ways sometimes. After I had my Son I weighed 202, I weigh 138.now. But sometimes I find myself over eating junk and I get mad and have to remind myself that I don't want to go backwards and that I've come so far and worked too hard to go backwards.
  • ElizabethFuller
    ElizabethFuller Posts: 352 Member
    If you had a friend who put on weight would you hate them for it? Be kinder to yourself, you just have to let it go, it's in the past and you can't change it. What you CAN change is now and tomorrow, concentrate on the future, look forward to your goal weight and forgive yourself!
    :flowerforyou:
  • egrusy
    egrusy Posts: 196 Member
    You should only be angry at yourself if you're unhappy and not trying to do something about it. Turn that anger in to action. Eyes front and forward and move on :flowerforyou:
  • Synchronicity
    Synchronicity Posts: 82 Member
    Anger at your self doesn't really accomplish anything. It doesn't make it easier to lose weight. It doesn't help you exercise. More often than not, it leads to other negative emotions like disappointment and even depression.

    I'm not a cognitive therapist, so I can't really teach you how to re-direct your thoughts, but I suggest that you see one if you're really having trouble.

    You need to learn to let it go. You need to learn to focus on the 'now' and not the past.

    You gained weight and now you're heavy. Okay. Fine. Accept that as fact. And then decide how you're going to change it... one day at a time.
  • looopylooo
    looopylooo Posts: 31
    Can't or Won't? Being kinder to ourselves takes time and practice for some of us. We are bombarded by the-ings including media/celebrity silliness and consumerism in society to look or be a certain way (preferably a way that makes them money and us feel insecure). When we overeat or self sabotage it is usually due to habit or a deeper psychological issue. Maybe try or start to practice repeating to yourself that you are 'good enough' as you are, right here, right now. Remember, if we judge ourselves harshly...that is how we judge others too. The kinder and more accepting we are to our own bodies, the kinder we can be to others. Just takes practice and understanding to break the punitive habits. Good luck Sweetie!
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    I think I just realised how fultile it was, and how much energy I was wasting on those kind of feelings. There is really no point. Being angry at myself (and hating myself) didn't make me feel good, it didn't make me lose weight, it didn't motivate me to get healthier, it literally served no purpose. In the end it was only when I started being kind to myself and forgiving myself that I actually started making the changes I needed to make in my life. Losing the weight (along with eating better and exercising regularly) was one of those changes. I guess some people find being angry/ashamed etc helps motivate them but for me, being angry didn't change anything. It just made me hate myself more and feel more self-destructive and powerless. It didn't actually get me anywhere. I just had to let it go. And when I realised that, it was easy. :smile:
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Getting angry with myself was the point at which I started making a positive change.

    I f'ed up - I yelled at myself - and now I'm fixing myself.
  • Elpaw4mbv
    Elpaw4mbv Posts: 43 Member
    When you figure it out, please share.

    I am frequently angry at myself for getting to this point. I was not a heavy kid, or teenager, or young adult, or 30-something adult. (Even though I did go through that ridiculous "I'm fat" stage that looking back I am amazed someone didn't ***** slap me for...) My actual (as opposed to perceived) weight issues started on the other side of 35. But when they did, they came on with a vengeance. There was a legitimate triggering factor but somehow it turned into this WTF??? situation.

    It's only been in the past year that I was able to stop the binge-be angry for binging-so binge more cycle.

    I had someone tell me that I had to embrace the "fat" and learn to love myself as a fat person before I could let go of the weight to be the thin person inside...um, not sure I agree since I generally like myself as a person, I just don't like being fat nor do I think I could ever like being fat. It is uncomfortable, it limits what I want to do, and I really don't like how I look because of it.

    A few months back I had a minor epiphany that I had divided my life into BF (before fat) and AF (after fat) as in, I used to do X before I got fat. I've started doing as many of the BF activities as I can and while it is awful to have to tell your child, "Sorry Hon, can't ride this roller coaster with you because Mommy can't get the safety restraint to latch. I'll be able to next year." It is better than telling him, "no, you can't ride that" without even trying to get in the seat because you are afraid of the embarrassment if you can't.

    I try to remind myself that being angry does nothing. It doesn't burn any extra calories so, what's the point? I'm trying to leave the anger behind and just focus on what I plan to do about it now.

    Hope that helps to know you aren't alone.

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