Helping Others
BossLadyDSimp
Posts: 257 Member
My coworker is always complaining about wanting to lose weight. I told her to join MFP and see how it works! She said okay but never did it. She is trying a progressive soup diet, an all fruit all day diet, and a strictly meat and vegetables diet. She starts these things and never sticks to them.
I told her from my experience those fad diets won’t help her lose weight. You can only do it for so long, it gets boring, and you usually binge. I told her that developing healthy eating habits rather than sticking to a diet has worked for me.
Some of these diets sound like she wouldn’t even be eating enough food. I explained to her that if you don’t eat enough food your body will go into starvation mode. MFP yelled at me for this the other day when I only ate 1,000 calories for the day.
I am not saying that I am an expert, but I have learned a LOT from MFP and want to share it.
I have lost 20 lbs. so far. That is with cheat days and some unsuccessful weeks. I know that when I have lost 60 lbs. people will start to take notice and listen, but for right now it doesn’t seem like she is getting it and just wants to complain!
We went to Moe’s Southwest Grill for lunch. I got a chicken quesadilla, no cheese, onion, peppers, mushrooms, salsa, queso (on the side), sour cream, flour tortilla (same calories as whole wheat), and no chips. It was 615 calories. I added up her burrito and chips it was 1500 calories. I was trying to show her she can still go out to eat and lose weight; it’s just about choosing different options.
She said she wants to get healthy snacks. I said that is definitely a start but she should really look to see how many calories are in a serving side and limit herself. For example, I love almonds! I used to eat 3 handfuls just in snacking. I started using MFP are realized 28 of them are 170 cals. That would be an entire meal just gone without me knowing it. I still eat them! I just have one serving as a snack.
She is convinced that she needs to work out an hour a day, but beats herself up if she doesn’t make it. I told her that I have MFP friends that don’t work out and still lose. I have the time to work out 5-7 days a week so I do. The last couple of weeks between vacation and being sick I didn’t work out and I still lost because I was VERY mindful of my food.
I used to be against calorie counting! I thought it was mundane and boring. I told her since finding MFP it has become really easy! I like the control I have and it ADDICTING when the pounds actually start to fall!! I told her I still have chocolate and drink alcohol, just not as much.
Is there anything else I can tell her that I haven’t already?
What do you say to people that ask how you lose the weight or want advice?
Am I completely wrong? (I can take it, I am a big girl that likes criticism)
I told her from my experience those fad diets won’t help her lose weight. You can only do it for so long, it gets boring, and you usually binge. I told her that developing healthy eating habits rather than sticking to a diet has worked for me.
Some of these diets sound like she wouldn’t even be eating enough food. I explained to her that if you don’t eat enough food your body will go into starvation mode. MFP yelled at me for this the other day when I only ate 1,000 calories for the day.
I am not saying that I am an expert, but I have learned a LOT from MFP and want to share it.
I have lost 20 lbs. so far. That is with cheat days and some unsuccessful weeks. I know that when I have lost 60 lbs. people will start to take notice and listen, but for right now it doesn’t seem like she is getting it and just wants to complain!
We went to Moe’s Southwest Grill for lunch. I got a chicken quesadilla, no cheese, onion, peppers, mushrooms, salsa, queso (on the side), sour cream, flour tortilla (same calories as whole wheat), and no chips. It was 615 calories. I added up her burrito and chips it was 1500 calories. I was trying to show her she can still go out to eat and lose weight; it’s just about choosing different options.
She said she wants to get healthy snacks. I said that is definitely a start but she should really look to see how many calories are in a serving side and limit herself. For example, I love almonds! I used to eat 3 handfuls just in snacking. I started using MFP are realized 28 of them are 170 cals. That would be an entire meal just gone without me knowing it. I still eat them! I just have one serving as a snack.
She is convinced that she needs to work out an hour a day, but beats herself up if she doesn’t make it. I told her that I have MFP friends that don’t work out and still lose. I have the time to work out 5-7 days a week so I do. The last couple of weeks between vacation and being sick I didn’t work out and I still lost because I was VERY mindful of my food.
I used to be against calorie counting! I thought it was mundane and boring. I told her since finding MFP it has become really easy! I like the control I have and it ADDICTING when the pounds actually start to fall!! I told her I still have chocolate and drink alcohol, just not as much.
Is there anything else I can tell her that I haven’t already?
What do you say to people that ask how you lose the weight or want advice?
Am I completely wrong? (I can take it, I am a big girl that likes criticism)
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Replies
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She is not ready yet. She has to make up her mind and do it when she's ready. Nothing you say will convince her until that time comes. Save your breath for the treadmill :-)0
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Doesnt sound like she is 100% committed to it. You are living proof that it is possible but if she cant see that then dont waste your time.0
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She needs to want to really do this for herself. Some people just need to go through the cycle of trying the "quick fix" diets, and obviously failing at them, before realizing that they have had enough and need to learn and do more. You should just keep doing what you do to better your life, and if she asks you your thoughts, tell her you have already given them to her and she doesn't listen so you don't wish to discuss it. If she is serious about wanting help, she will show you in her own actions. Until then, live your life and let her live hers.0
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Its commendable that you are trying so hard to help your workmate, however it sounds like she is not yet ready. I have also told a lot of my friends about MFP and they do not really believe that one can lose significant weight through tracking calories and they are also not patient enough to wait for significant results after months. The fact that I have lost only 7lbs only does not help my cause either.
Most people believe in quick weight loss plans which are brutal such as liquid diets to achieve their desired goals. The best you can do is educate her, and keep doing what you are doing and soon she will see the results on you and hopefully jump on the band wagon. Don't get frustrated, we all reach rock bottom at various points in life. When she gets there, she is fortunate to have you to hold her hand. Good luck0 -
I think you've done all you can. You've given her the information that she can act on when she's ready. Until then, you can't make her do anything. Maybe when she sees your further success, she'll be ready--but maybe not.
(By the way, can you have a quesadilla without cheese? That's like meatballs without the meat.)0 -
This was my mindset - exactly. You can see that I joined MFP in 2011. It is almost 2014!!! WTHeck? Logging, in my mind, seemed too tedious. “How can I possibly log EVERYTHING I eat”, I thought? I wanted the quick way out. I tried every fad diet there was and then found Atkins. I had been used to doing Atkins (phase 1) and losing 40-50 pounds in under 4 months. To me, taking the time to log seemed like it was going to prolong my weight loss. Silly, I know, but that was my thought process. I thought it would be easier to just eat things I knew didn’t have carbs, instead of counting out calories. But as you mentioned, I would binge as soon as I hit my goal and would be back to where I started in no time, sometimes even bigger and more ashamed than before. It was a revolving door. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be on MFP struggling to do it right for as long as it takes this time. She just hasn’t realized yet, that losing weight isn’t easy. A lot of people like myself want the easy way out, but it didn’t get this way overnight and I’m older now and realize that if I want long lasting results without doing anything too extreme this is the best way to go.
I have a friend too, she’s over 300lbs and she really wants to lose weight and when she tells me or complains about her weight, I just listen and give her an encouraging word. If she compliments me, I let her know that I started out by moving more and eating less and then I incorporated even healthier practices, but I always let her know that it hasn’t been easy and I still struggle with all the things she does. Sometimes, I feel like she’s a little envious of me, because we used to be the big girls together that were confident and cute and we made no cover-ups about being excited about going to the buffet to stuff ourselves as much as possible in as little time as possible. Now, there are times when she doesn’t invite me out or she turns down my invites to go out to lunch. But, knowing how she feels if we do go out, I try to look up what I want before I get to the restaurant and have what I want all together in my mind. I never try to let he see me looking for the healthiest thing on the menu, nor will I inquire about calories in front of her. I never comment negatively on her food choices either. She’s always been much bigger than me, but now I’m even smaller than her, so I know that she feels that we’re somehow going in different directions or don’t think alike anymore. So, if she comments on my food choices, I let her know that the dish was something I was really wanting to try or this is something easy for me to log and I’m happy that it’s healthy too, or I just let her know I have a goal and I really am doing what I can to reach it and everyday isn’t like this.
Your friend needs her space to make her mistakes. As you lose, she will take notice. If she is really impressed by you and looks up to you, she will eventually come to you for tips when she’s ready. The only thing you can do is just be the “bigger” person and take her under your wing with love and kindness when she’s ready. Assure her that you aren’t here to judge her and make sure to cheer her on when she’s doing well. That’s really all you can do. I know. I used to be just like your friend.0 -
I agree that it sounds like she isn't committed. She probably just wants a pity party but has no real determination to do anything about it yet...and she may never will. I'd say if her complaining is relentless, and she doesn't take any advice, to just be real with her and tell her that you will help her and support her when she is ready, but until then she needs to save the complaining for someone else.0
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Thanks everyone ... I guess I have never been in the position where people asked me what to do. It was me asking everyone else. I either took their advice or just ignored it ... most of the time ignored it. Now when I talk to people about their weight loss I even ask to write some of the information down!!
I am just going to leave it alone ... Like I said, once I have lost 60 lbs she may take me seriously and listen to what I am trying to say. 0 -
I think you've done all you can. You've given her the information that she can act on when she's ready. Until then, you can't make her do anything. Maybe when she sees your further success, she'll be ready--but maybe not.
(By the way, can you have a quesadilla without cheese? That's like meatballs without the meat.)
lol YES i got it without cheese ... the employees looked at me crazy ... she was like :this is basically a sloppy taco! without the cheese it was 615 with the cheese it was more like 800! just couldnt do it ... it was still great.
I love cheese more than anything but I have found that a lot of things are good with less or without ... CRAZY RIGHT ... welp lol 0 -
You are giving solid advice but she just isn't ready to make the changes. I see this all the time and people often ask how I lost the weight. I explain it but it is very hard to commit to because it is change. Humans, as a rule, aren't big fans of change, at least not at first!
MY sister-in-law is the exact same way. She asked me for my P90X copy (which I happily surrendered because that is HARD WORK!) and I handed it on over. But I did caution her that losing WEIGHT is mostly about nutrition. Exercise is good for building a healthy body (strong heart, good muscles), stamina... what you need to LIVE for a nice long time... but the nutrition part is what will get you to lose weight. So many people think just adding exercise on top of a poor diet will do the trick. Maybe for some, but not for me! I keep my nutrition and my fitness separate!0 -
i don't believe anyone can motivate us to lose weight and/or get healthy. A person needs a good enough reason to lose the weight. For me it was getting put on medication to drop my blood sugar. That was my "redflag." If you can't get motivated apparently your reason isn't good enough. I feel better and my blood sugar is down now. Not having a gut and looking better is an added bonus for me. My number one reason was my health. If you do it the right way and have a good reason it can be done. I feel very lucky to have found MFP and have been reasonably successful so far. But I also think I have to work it everyday no matter what. Ok I'll get off my soap box.......:bigsmile:0
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lol YES i got it without cheese ... the employees looked at me crazy ... she was like :this is basically a sloppy taco! without the cheese it was 615 with the cheese it was more like 800! just couldnt do it ... it was still great.
I love cheese more than anything but I have found that a lot of things are good with less or without ... CRAZY RIGHT ... welp lol
I love cheese too! Just thinking that since "queso" is cheese in Spanish, a quesadilla without cheese needs another name! 0
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