Given up on pretty.

Since I have got bigger and bigger and what little confidence I had to start with has disappeared I have somehow given up on being pretty. I used to like playing about with nail colour and doing my make up and even just wearing jewellery and hair accessories. I was never stunning or anything and have been overweight all of my teen and adult years but I used to make an effort.

I just don't know how to get back into it. I have a lot of weight to lose but I want to make more of an effort with my appearance now but I feel like people will look at me and think she is fat why is she bothering with her nails or is she trying to distract people from the excess weight.

Does anyone else feel like that? I just hate attention and people looking at me. x
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Replies

  • hear ya. Just coming out of a 4 year struggle witih depression and a host of other tragedies, plus joblessness and had just given up mani/pedi's, styling my hair or even putting on make-up. Then I got a dream job, started working out at the gym and suddenly I "wanted" to make the effort. I was smiling more and people were looking at and talking to me and I wanted to look nice (I too have never been called pretty - not even by my mother). I got a couple of mani/pedi's this summer and am due for another. I even dared to get my hair cut shorter and had some bright highlights added for the summer and on Saturday I'm going to get a shock of blue/black across my temples. A few weeks ago I dared to buy gel eyeliner and I really like how it frames my eyes.

    I turned 50 this summer and I really got to that place where I don't give a *kitten* what others think. I care about me and what I think and I think I can ROCK blue/black shocks :bigsmile:
  • _Calypso_
    _Calypso_ Posts: 1,074 Member
    Don't be so negative!!! Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and size does not matter.

    From experience, my aunt is a bigger lady (5'8" maybe around 300lbs or so). She has tried to lose weight, rarely accomplished but was always confident in the size she was at that moment. She dressed well, always put on make up and had her hair done. Its all about presentation.

    For me personally I love love love my heels. I always walk with more confidence with my heels on vs my tennis shoes. Find that thing for you... whether is be matching undergarmets, having your nails done, putting on some make up.... whatever it is just do it. Who cares what others think.

    Be proud of who you are at whatever size..... others will see it too!!
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    If you don't want to do your nails because of how people will judge you, losing weight will not solve the problem. You need to realize that you are always worth the care you put into your body, and you are going to paint your nails if it so pleases you - others be damned.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Go to a salon and get a great new hair style or even some color or highlights. It always makes me feel better to have nice hair. I have also found that confidence looks really good on me. When I decided I was worth it and I was going to make the change, people started to ask me how much weight I lost. I hadn't lost an ounce yet but I gained confidence and must have been walking and sitting a bit taller.
  • ladynocturne
    ladynocturne Posts: 865 Member
    Sounds more like how I was when I was severely depressed. I stopped wanting to maintain my appearance because "I wasn't worth it". I hadn't even gained that much weight *yet*. Happiness is a choice. Once I realized that I had to fight tooth a nail to be happy, I dug myself out and found joy in little things again, like painting my nails and curling my hair. Because I<--- liked doing it, it wasn't for anyone else.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
    being frumpy never helped anything.

    Sometimes making an effort to look good for yourself is enough in itself. i know if i have several days when i look like a slob i start to feel run down.

    so my suggestion is to channel your inner diva and be fabulous. there's no reason to be at goal weight to sparkle and shine.

    get rid of any and all clothes that dont look right on you or make you look frumpy. even during weight loss it's possible to find clothes you look good in, regardless of your size.
  • pseudomuffin
    pseudomuffin Posts: 1,058 Member
    Realize that you deserve to feel worthy of self love! Self confidence is something that really needs to build upon itself, so start out small and do something that you liked to do before you convinced yourself you didn't deserve it. Go get your nails done (or find a pretty polish that you like if you don't want to visit a nail salon), wear an old favorite accessory or buy a new one... anything! You have to start somewhere :flowerforyou:

    I won't give you a lecture on not worrying about what other people think because I do it too--I live in Texas and I still wear long sleeves in the summer because I can't stand anyone seeing my fat arms. It's like, I don't intellectually care about what a random person thinks about my stupid arms but I still make myself miserable covering them up because I'm insecure about it. Last year, though, I bought 1/2 sleeve cropped cardigans, and that was a start! Baby steps, girl!
  • charliex2202
    charliex2202 Posts: 4,281 Member
    As we get bigger we pretty much give up on ourselves... even bothering to get dressed up or put make up on seems pointless, but trust me when you do make the effort and try even something small like painting your own toe nails you will feel so much more self worth then you do now, when we look plain and ordinary we feel plain and ordinary.... people are so busy worrying about there own lives they wont be wondering why is she wearing this that or the other.....

    you are beautiful inside and out... tell yourself that, size is not who you are, beauty does not define you.....

    you are worth the effort, say it and believe it cos its true...

    ~charlie
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
    I am not a person who runs around quoting or paraphrasing Tyra Banks, but I'm going to do it here ... don't ever dull your shine for someone else. If you like to put effort into your appearance, do it. You should be proud of the way you look at all times, and that's YOUR call to make, not anyone else's.
  • Don't be so negative!!! Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and size does not matter.

    From experience, my aunt is a bigger lady (5'8" maybe around 300lbs or so). She has tried to lose weight, rarely accomplished but was always confident in the size she was at that moment. She dressed well, always put on make up and had her hair done. Its all about presentation.

    For me personally I love love love my heels. I always walk with more confidence with my heels on vs my tennis shoes. Find that thing for you... whether is be matching undergarmets, having your nails done, putting on some make up.... whatever it is just do it. Who cares what others think.

    Be proud of who you are at whatever size..... others will see it too!!


    WELL SAID!!! AND I AGREE COMPLETELY
  • _chiaroscuro
    _chiaroscuro Posts: 1,340 Member
    I used to have just a real sh-t mindset, where I'd hold off on putting extra effort into my appearance until after I'd lost some weight, after I had "earned" it. I started testing the things I told myself by imagining someone saying them to my daughter, and that helped me get away from that sort of thinking. Paint your nails if that's what you like. Don't wait.

    Also, for discussion's sake, let's just say there is this naysayer who finds it unacceptable that you present yourself well. Let's even go out on a limb and say they're broken and b!tchy enough to comment that you have no business being manicured.

    Doesn't that sound sort of nuts? Is this an opinion you'd really hold in high regard?

    Hell with that. Paint your nails.

    And edit for grammar.
  • i totally agree with giving up the frumpy clothes. as I gained i was wearing pull on pants as a way of "not" noticing the weight gain. When I got my dream job I rationalized that I'd been out of work so long that I couldn't afford new clothes and thus squeezed myself into my ill-fitting, frumpy ones that made me look fatter than I thought I was. So I finally broke down and bought some new stuff (not much cause I intend on losing more than 6 lbs), but I feel and look so much better in them.
  • mamacoates
    mamacoates Posts: 430 Member
    Okay, so you've "given up on pretty" ... what about healthy? Hopefully you came to MFP because you are ready to commit to healthy. Once you start moving more (and log your exercise minutes along with your food, each and every day), you will begin to feel better. Exercise is a known help when it comes to managing the blues. Chances are, as you exercise and start feeling better, notice you have more energy, etc., you will enjoy the idea of doing something nice for yourself, whether it is painting your nails or whatever.

    BTW: Painting your nails is not the only way to take good care of yourself. I gave up on manicures years ago - and wear my nails au natural ... but I also shower every day, curl my hair and apply makeup every day before I leave the house ... etc. The alternative is to let yourself go completely ... and THEN what will those people be saying ... (Just kidding) But seriously, too many other things in life to worry about than to be spending valuable time worrying about what other people think. The only person that matters is YOU! Do what makes YOU feel good today!!
  • mamacoates
    mamacoates Posts: 430 Member
    but I feel like people will look at me and think she is fat why is she bothering with her nails or is she trying to distract people from the excess weight.

    Does anyone else feel like that? I just hate attention and people looking at me. x

    Just a thought ... people will probably look at you more if you go out looking disheveled and stinky ... When in Rome, dress like a Roman ... Maybe a different way to motivate yourself is to remind yourself that if it is attention you are trying to avoid, taking good care of yourself will help you blend in better. Maybe that will be some incentive to get yourself back on track??

    P.P.S. I think you are giving people too much credit ... doubtful they are spending so much time thinking about the people around them and analyzing something like a person's weight and whether or not they painted their nails ... Just saying ...
  • the day you realize it doesnt matter what anyone thinks about you, you can truly learn to be one with yourself and all other little things will fall into place....in the grand scheme of things looks always fade but personality is what matters...when it comes to weight loss even if a person had to lose a 100 plus pounds it may seem like it will take forever....but think about the time you are a live and relaize even if it took a year to 3 years....that amount of time is nothing on..you start tomorrow and take it a day at a time and wont worry about what people think....you'll look back once you reach your goal and how you were thinking at this present time and realize there was no point to it....good luck
  • CJ_Holmes
    CJ_Holmes Posts: 759 Member
    I used to have just a real sh-t mindset, where I'd hold off on putting extra effort into my appearance until after I'd lost some weight, after I had "earned" it. I started testing the things I told myself by imagining someone saying them to my daughter, and that helped me get away from that sort of thinking.

    What a powerful idea. It's really hard sometimes to change our self-talk, but imagining how it would sound to a child or someone else you love and care for is a great way to build compassion for yourself. I'm going to add this idea to my self-growth toolbox!
  • Spreyton22K
    Spreyton22K Posts: 323 Member
    Some lovely down to earth replies here. I think many of us can identify with the mind-set that the OP describes. Being overweight can be so demoralising especially if your self-esteem is on the frail side already.

    As others have mentioned I too felt like a sight for sore eyes....I wished I could disappear....I didn't wear flattering clothes, not that there were any to buy as this was some years ago....long before clothes brands started to incorporate larger women in their sizing ....I had to buy clothes from the man side of the store....now that was a bummer.

    To the OP......the number on the scale doesn't define you ......it is a number and you can let it control every aspect of your life and how you function or not. I know it's easier said than done but you are still you, with no doubt many positive traits. Focus on those....perhaps some regular positive self-talk, post-it notes etc, it all sounds a bit kitchy but with a little time it has proven to work.

    On the physical side of the issue.....I completely agree with others that have said....be damned what others might think, go and get yourself treated to a manicure/pedicure, a new funky hairstyle, whatever. Focus on what you consider to be your best feature if it's your calves/feet get some heels and rock them with confidence and a smile (even if you have to fake it till you make it). The other thing is too....dressing down and trying to disappear does seem to work in reverse (at least that was my experience.....more people looked at me askance when I dressed badly, maybe it was my visibly miserable face that caught their attention too).

    Please, please be kind to yourself. Nurture your wonderful human spirit and soar above this. Not only for you but for those that love and care for you.

    All the Best
    Karen :flowerforyou:
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    If it helps any, I would never think such a thing just because someone is overweight. Never. And no matter your weight, you always are going to look and feel better if you put a little effort into your appearance.

    Now, if someone is grimy and disheveled and looks like they sleep in a garbage bin, then yes, I will probably stare at their perfectly manicured hands and wonder, "Why?", along with, "They spend that much time on their hands and don't bother to bathe?"
  • ModernNerd
    ModernNerd Posts: 336 Member
    Don't get down on yourself OP! And just my $0.02, being a smaller size isn't an automatic high-five from the universe blessing you with happiness and "pretty." Shucks, I'm a size 00/0 and there are days I can't look in a mirror without wondering who let the monster out from under the bed! Establish a distinction between your size and you, and I guarantee you'll be much happier and even more motivated to pursue your fitness goals :flowerforyou:
  • Danicacub
    Danicacub Posts: 41 Member
    Do in life what makes you happy.. if painting your nails and styling your hair makes you happy then DO it!! smiling is a natural way to make you feel good! and if you feel good and feel happier you are more likely to be more successful with your weight loss. I used to be so much heavier and I hated myself.. I made more effort, bought nice clothes and made damn sure I was going to fit into them, then watched them get too big :) I never believed I could do this and then it happened! It can be the same for you.

    you could have the hottest body in the world .. but it wouldn't matter if you couldn't smile. laugh and love yourself for who you are.


    stay strong!! :flowerforyou: