Not happy even after reaching my goal

ponycyndi · December 2013

I originally wanted to lose some weight that I gained after my baby was born, so my clothes would fit again, and I wouldn't have to buy a second new wardrobe in the same year. I set a lofty (read: unrealistic) goal for myself, so that I wouldn't quit after losing 5 lbs. My goal was 23lbs, which would put me at the lowest my weight was in my adult life, at 19, prior to my having 3 kids.

I did IT! I have now lost a total of 36 lbs, which was a full 13 lbs less than I was 13 years and 3 kids ago. But now, I am not happy. My friends call me "skinny"... I'm not, I'm a voluptuous size 10, and my husband tells me how thin I am, that he can put his arms all the way around me. I'm not "THIN" I'm Thin-ER. Why am I so unhappy then? My original goal to fit in my clothes again, has failed. They are now all too big. I don't know why I didn't/couldn't stop losing weight after reaching my goal, and now I think I may have an eating disorder. I love walking (pretty much the only exercise I'm doing now), and I just don't have the appetite for the rich and fatty things I used to. I've completely stopped eating out all together too. Is there something wrong with me?

samammay · December 2013

You arent happy because your weight isnt your issue. Its your perception of yourself and that is reflected by the compliments of others.

Not being mean, but a talk with a therapist might help out a lot.

ETA: Awesome job on hitting your goal!

katiegirl1962 · December 2013

To hell with what everyone else thinks!!! It's how you feel that is important right? You sound like you are depressed :~( that isn't good.

redhotbeads · December 2013

I agree with Sammamay and Katiegirl ... you do sound depressed, and no amount of weight loss will fix that. If you aren't comfortable going to a therapist, what about your family doctor? I hope you feel better soon, and a big congrats for reaching your goal!

SakuraRose13 · December 2013

Your mind needs to catch up with your body basically , you are smaller congrats by the way awesome , anyways its a huge change for yourself and it can be hard to get used to. So what if you don't eat out its better if you don't really some people never do. Your unhappiness is probably not all from weight loss , one thing should never control your happiness now that you have reached it you need to set a new goal for yourself for instance reminding yourself that you have so much to offer , you feel almost let down because you were so focused for so long on that one thing and now you must more forward , its happens to a lot of people . Do not worry the feeling will pass and if you feel you need help than ask there are always ways . good luck

Eleonora91 · December 2013

Aw

yes you might need more help I guess! But at least you're being honest about your problem. This is already a great achievement. Try to focus on your health, you've done so much and accomplished your goals! Maybe you just need someone to help you to relax and find a good way to cope with your new body.

LioshaM · December 2013

If you think something is wrong with you because you don't want to eat out or eat rich or fatty things you used to, why would you want to? Isn't this a whole lifestyle change. Why lose the weight and then try to go back to eating rich or fatty foods, that will probably pack the weight right back on.

Treat yourself... Love yourself... embrace your new self. Look in the mirror at your new size 10 and love you!!! Your body is rejecting that food because probably it thinks it's crap. Your mind won't let you eat it because it know's it's crap. Don't try to gain weight because you can't fit into your new clothes... Once you get into the right clothes... things will get better and then you won't be able to take your eyes off of yourself CELEBRATE.

If it's possibly depression... been there... still is.... get some help...talk it through... But happiness is not found in your outer appearance but on the inside.

tristaj90 · December 2013

I have had the same problem. I lost 90 pounds (after being at 234) and it took me a year to do it. I was told by family members that i'm a "skinny minnie" and that I should stop losing or "the wind may blow you away"....well I'm 140 pounds and have maintained that for almost a whole year (bouncing between 141-145) and I'm not happy at all. At 5'4" tall, the max I can weigh to be in the "normal" BMI range is 145.. So I want to be between 125-130 (or really would be happy with just 130-135)...

I KNOW i've lost weight. I had to buy all new clothes as well. But I feel it's not good enough. If I slip up and start gaining i'll immediately be in the overweight range again. i'm too close to it. I want to be away from it. I still feel like the "fat girl" and I see how "skinny" i've gotten compared to where I was. But I still see the fat on my body. I work toward getting rid of it and I think that I am obsessive over it.. but at least if I'm going to be obsessed about something it's something that's healthy (weight, health, fitness, etc).

13Strong · December 2013

It's hard to know without height, weight, muscle, exercise, calorie/food measurements to know if you are being unhealthy by wanting to lose more or if it is ok. Also some of us will always have curves even when fit, healthy, and physically active - there is some genetics to that.

BUT that being said, your perception of yourself is important whether you are 100lbs+, 50lbs+, 23lbs+, 0+... etc. Who you are, how you are, how beautiful you are isn't a function of weight or body type. To me, someone who is thin and someone who is larger and someone who is awkward can all have the potential to be in their best shape and be happy - it has little to do with the shape but more to do with their lifestyle and personality.

I would also suggest talking to someone, not so much because you are unhealthy or in trouble (impossible to know from the internet) but it would help getting new perspectives since you are worried about this enough to post about it.

Drudoo · December 2013

I've dealt with the same 'You don't need to lose more weight' BS. People become used to seeing us as 'bigger' because that's all they know so when we drop weight, we've now become 'too skinny' when in reality we are at an ideal weight. Your mindset is not what is wrong. You've hit your goal and have worked hard to do so. Everyone else needs to realize you are the same people and be happy for you. Either that, or you need to surround yourself with new friends.

JewelsinBigD · December 2013

I agree with a lot of people on here you sound depressed- are you getting all the nutrients you need? When you lose weight often times depression will occur since you may experience a loss of energy from less carbs or not enough vitamin D or something else. Make sure you are taking good care of your body- get your blood work done and if that shows nothing - try adjusting your diet to see if more carbs would help cheer you up. If nothing else works- see a therapist - but I would hate for meds to be your first stop.

bikermike5094 · December 2013

On a different vein maybe your unhappiness isnt weight related but maybe post partum depression? You didnt say how long ago your last one was born and I dont even know if that makes a difference, I'm not a Dr. but i had a friend who had PPD 6 months after giving birth and ended up in a psych ward until they got her treated... not a fun time.

Fuzzipeg · December 2013

May be you just need time to settle into the new. Though if you only intended to become the size you were when you were 19, (is this what we all consider the "magic" age) maybe you could start using foods which are not considered to be the "lightest" option. Something like using full fat milk instead of semi skimmed or a little cream on your fruit rather than yoghurt. Butter not spread. There is an argument that butter is better than spreads now, because the chemicals used to release the oils for spread are not considered to be as good as they once were. If you could convince yourself of this it could be a good place to start. Or try to increase your portion size an extra tablespoon here and there will add up.

I think we all have times when we need to rethink ourselves when we have been trying to achieve health and fitness. I hope you manage to find the best way for you, to "square the circle" or would it be "circle the square" what ever it take for you to be comfortable in your own skin soon so you, your family and friends can enjoy the company of the new vital you with new horizons.

Fabfitgirl5 · December 2013

Sounds more like you may have to fix the "you" on the inside, not the outside. That is not an insult, nor am I knocking you, I am just saying that only you can make you happy, your husband, family, etc. can't do that.

Physical appearance is great but it won't make you happy unless you are content mentally and emotionally and that means doing work on the mind and soul.

You may want to talk to a professional. If you have health insurance they do cover some counseling services.

micheleld73 · December 2013

I'm more UNSATISFIED than unhappy. I'm at a good weight, but I still see flab and cellulite everywhere!! I believe the feelings come from (as other have said) our perception of ourselves influenced by what others tell us. Take time to look at yourself in the mirror and point out what you like and what makes you happy and go from there! Celebrate your success and buy those new clothes that will fit and flatter!!

40andFindingFitness · December 2013

You could have the baby blues and if so nothing will make you happy at the moment. May need to go back and have a chat with the doctor/midwife, etc. You may also need to start lifting to tone, if you are just thin(ner) without definition. Or, you may need to tell your friends, family, etc. to be nicer and more supportive. ;-)

Good luck.

ShadeyC · December 2013

Your mind needs to catch up with your body basically , you are smaller congrats by the way awesome , anyways its a huge change for yourself and it can be hard to get used to. So what if you don't eat out its better if you don't really some people never do. Your unhappiness is probably not all from weight loss , one thing should never control your happiness now that you have reached it you need to set a new goal for yourself for instance reminding yourself that you have so much to offer , you feel almost let down because you were so focused for so long on that one thing and now you must more forward , its happens to a lot of people . Do not worry the feeling will pass and if you feel you need help than ask there are always ways . good luck

This

ShadeyC · December 2013

I'm more UNSATISFIED than unhappy. I'm at a good weight, but I still see flab and cellulite everywhere!! I believe the feelings come from (as other have said) our perception of ourselves influenced by what others tell us. Take time to look at yourself in the mirror and point out what you like and what makes you happy and go from there! Celebrate your success and buy those new clothes that will fit and flatter!!

And sort of this. I'm not unhappy, and I'm not unsatisfied. I'm pretty impressed with the job I've done. However, I still have some squishy bits I would prefer to be toned up, and that's what I'm working on. Building muscle to fill in the squidge

I'm on maintenance and my goal is a fitness one not a weight loss one now.

I think the problem is two fold.
1. People aren't used to seeing you the way you are now, they have to get used to it, hence they use words you don't like. My flatmate does it too, I had to reeducate her. She now doesn't call me skinny mini or thin and tiny (and as you say, I'm not - I'm 5'4 and weigh 64.9kg, that's within my weight range for my height and I don't have a problem with it), she says I'm smaller than I was. I am much more comfortable with those words. Words are funny like that, they can mean one thing to one person and something else to another. It may mean the same thing to her, but it meant something different to me and I needed her to correct it.
2. You've reached your goal and now you need a new one (and it shouldn't be weight based). We all need challenges every day, whether they are small or big. It's what makes us grow and learn and that's what makes us get out of bed everyday.
Maybe think of something you could enter or learn as a family. And make your body strong for it. They will see how strong you are and how this makes it easier for you to do things and the words might change to admiring your guts at completeing challenges.

There is definitely a mental component.
I dislike heavy foods too, because I've gotten a taste for fresh cooked well flavoured healthy stuff. I automatically want to eat the bright colourful fresh looking things as opposed to the rich, heavy looking stuff because I know it will taste better to me. And I LOVE food. I went through a stage where I didn't want to eat. It was awful. It was also mental. I had to train myself out of it, and now I'm back to enjoying my food, whilst knowing it is fuel for my body, and making automatic healthy choices instead.

Aside from this, I would agree you do need to go and talk to someone even if it's just to count things out.
We tend to be dissatisfied as a species and obsessed with being happy all the time. Sometimes you need the lows to appreciate the highs, but if there are more lows than highs, it's best to at least talk it out.
Saying things out loud sometimes makes a difference

ReadyForWeightLoss · December 2013

I hate hate hate.. How ppl always have to talk smack!! I have always been chunky my family would always compare me to my skinny cousins saying they are thin and clothes look so nice on them , you should lose weight. I was always sad and felt bad seeing my cousins so pretty and thin . But i would always get compliments that i was really pretty and that made me feel better anyway,At 15 i decided to lose weight . Once i hit my goal weight EVERYONE would comment omg you are soooo skinny blah blah my mom would say you look anerixic and i didnt care i loved my body. Now that ive gained 100 pounds EVERYONE comments about it saying omg you gained so much weight and my mom omg you are fat blah blah. Im so sick and tired of ppls opinion like stfu my body my life !!! Gtfo.

My point is who cares what any1 else thinks you should be happy you reached your goal
Weight amd some more. If you feel good and love your body then be happy and treat yourself with sexy new clothes hehe

Goodluck.

ponycyndi · December 2013

I really appreciate all the replies, which gave me some outside perspective that I needed alot.

I think one of the main issues is that I was part of a support group with some friends who have had much less success than I did, some of them who have much farther to go than I did to start with also. So people I care about were being discouraged by my success! That is very sad to me.

Another smaller issue is that I have always been a big girl (size 12 at my smallest) and never imagined myself any other way. I honestly didn't ever desire to be thin and was always happy with my body (except when I could not wear my favorite jeans!) And only now am I even at a "normal" BMI, I was always "overweight" and even at my lowest weight, 2-3 lbs over the "normal" range, but never unhappy with my body.

I'm more committed than ever to exercising, eating things I love, and staying at a healthy weight so I can live forever to enjoy my family! I've also found I'm much happier when I put the scale away, and just go by how I feel. When I'm hungry, I eat, and if I'm too tired to work out, I do it when I'm feeling well and rested.

redladywitch · December 2013

Sometimes it's hard when we put value on what others think. I can understand that one. Try to think of how well youre doing with getting healthier. You really have done a great job. Try to focus on that. You are worth it. I wish you continued success.

Not happy even after reaching my goal

Replies

Categories