Given up on pretty.
plaingirly
Posts: 378
Since I have got bigger and bigger and what little confidence I had to start with has disappeared I have somehow given up on being pretty. I used to like playing about with nail colour and doing my make up and even just wearing jewellery and hair accessories. I was never stunning or anything and have been overweight all of my teen and adult years but I used to make an effort.
I just don't know how to get back into it. I have a lot of weight to lose but I want to make more of an effort with my appearance now but I feel like people will look at me and think she is fat why is she bothering with her nails or is she trying to distract people from the excess weight.
Does anyone else feel like that? I just hate attention and people looking at me. x
I just don't know how to get back into it. I have a lot of weight to lose but I want to make more of an effort with my appearance now but I feel like people will look at me and think she is fat why is she bothering with her nails or is she trying to distract people from the excess weight.
Does anyone else feel like that? I just hate attention and people looking at me. x
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Replies
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hear ya. Just coming out of a 4 year struggle witih depression and a host of other tragedies, plus joblessness and had just given up mani/pedi's, styling my hair or even putting on make-up. Then I got a dream job, started working out at the gym and suddenly I "wanted" to make the effort. I was smiling more and people were looking at and talking to me and I wanted to look nice (I too have never been called pretty - not even by my mother). I got a couple of mani/pedi's this summer and am due for another. I even dared to get my hair cut shorter and had some bright highlights added for the summer and on Saturday I'm going to get a shock of blue/black across my temples. A few weeks ago I dared to buy gel eyeliner and I really like how it frames my eyes.
I turned 50 this summer and I really got to that place where I don't give a *kitten* what others think. I care about me and what I think and I think I can ROCK blue/black shocks :bigsmile:0 -
Don't be so negative!!! Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and size does not matter.
From experience, my aunt is a bigger lady (5'8" maybe around 300lbs or so). She has tried to lose weight, rarely accomplished but was always confident in the size she was at that moment. She dressed well, always put on make up and had her hair done. Its all about presentation.
For me personally I love love love my heels. I always walk with more confidence with my heels on vs my tennis shoes. Find that thing for you... whether is be matching undergarmets, having your nails done, putting on some make up.... whatever it is just do it. Who cares what others think.
Be proud of who you are at whatever size..... others will see it too!!0 -
If you don't want to do your nails because of how people will judge you, losing weight will not solve the problem. You need to realize that you are always worth the care you put into your body, and you are going to paint your nails if it so pleases you - others be damned.0
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Go to a salon and get a great new hair style or even some color or highlights. It always makes me feel better to have nice hair. I have also found that confidence looks really good on me. When I decided I was worth it and I was going to make the change, people started to ask me how much weight I lost. I hadn't lost an ounce yet but I gained confidence and must have been walking and sitting a bit taller.0
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Sounds more like how I was when I was severely depressed. I stopped wanting to maintain my appearance because "I wasn't worth it". I hadn't even gained that much weight *yet*. Happiness is a choice. Once I realized that I had to fight tooth a nail to be happy, I dug myself out and found joy in little things again, like painting my nails and curling my hair. Because I<--- liked doing it, it wasn't for anyone else.0
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being frumpy never helped anything.
Sometimes making an effort to look good for yourself is enough in itself. i know if i have several days when i look like a slob i start to feel run down.
so my suggestion is to channel your inner diva and be fabulous. there's no reason to be at goal weight to sparkle and shine.
get rid of any and all clothes that dont look right on you or make you look frumpy. even during weight loss it's possible to find clothes you look good in, regardless of your size.0 -
Realize that you deserve to feel worthy of self love! Self confidence is something that really needs to build upon itself, so start out small and do something that you liked to do before you convinced yourself you didn't deserve it. Go get your nails done (or find a pretty polish that you like if you don't want to visit a nail salon), wear an old favorite accessory or buy a new one... anything! You have to start somewhere :flowerforyou:
I won't give you a lecture on not worrying about what other people think because I do it too--I live in Texas and I still wear long sleeves in the summer because I can't stand anyone seeing my fat arms. It's like, I don't intellectually care about what a random person thinks about my stupid arms but I still make myself miserable covering them up because I'm insecure about it. Last year, though, I bought 1/2 sleeve cropped cardigans, and that was a start! Baby steps, girl!0 -
As we get bigger we pretty much give up on ourselves... even bothering to get dressed up or put make up on seems pointless, but trust me when you do make the effort and try even something small like painting your own toe nails you will feel so much more self worth then you do now, when we look plain and ordinary we feel plain and ordinary.... people are so busy worrying about there own lives they wont be wondering why is she wearing this that or the other.....
you are beautiful inside and out... tell yourself that, size is not who you are, beauty does not define you.....
you are worth the effort, say it and believe it cos its true...
~charlie0 -
I am not a person who runs around quoting or paraphrasing Tyra Banks, but I'm going to do it here ... don't ever dull your shine for someone else. If you like to put effort into your appearance, do it. You should be proud of the way you look at all times, and that's YOUR call to make, not anyone else's.0
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Don't be so negative!!! Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and size does not matter.
From experience, my aunt is a bigger lady (5'8" maybe around 300lbs or so). She has tried to lose weight, rarely accomplished but was always confident in the size she was at that moment. She dressed well, always put on make up and had her hair done. Its all about presentation.
For me personally I love love love my heels. I always walk with more confidence with my heels on vs my tennis shoes. Find that thing for you... whether is be matching undergarmets, having your nails done, putting on some make up.... whatever it is just do it. Who cares what others think.
Be proud of who you are at whatever size..... others will see it too!!
WELL SAID!!! AND I AGREE COMPLETELY0 -
I used to have just a real sh-t mindset, where I'd hold off on putting extra effort into my appearance until after I'd lost some weight, after I had "earned" it. I started testing the things I told myself by imagining someone saying them to my daughter, and that helped me get away from that sort of thinking. Paint your nails if that's what you like. Don't wait.
Also, for discussion's sake, let's just say there is this naysayer who finds it unacceptable that you present yourself well. Let's even go out on a limb and say they're broken and b!tchy enough to comment that you have no business being manicured.
Doesn't that sound sort of nuts? Is this an opinion you'd really hold in high regard?
Hell with that. Paint your nails.
And edit for grammar.0 -
i totally agree with giving up the frumpy clothes. as I gained i was wearing pull on pants as a way of "not" noticing the weight gain. When I got my dream job I rationalized that I'd been out of work so long that I couldn't afford new clothes and thus squeezed myself into my ill-fitting, frumpy ones that made me look fatter than I thought I was. So I finally broke down and bought some new stuff (not much cause I intend on losing more than 6 lbs), but I feel and look so much better in them.0
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Okay, so you've "given up on pretty" ... what about healthy? Hopefully you came to MFP because you are ready to commit to healthy. Once you start moving more (and log your exercise minutes along with your food, each and every day), you will begin to feel better. Exercise is a known help when it comes to managing the blues. Chances are, as you exercise and start feeling better, notice you have more energy, etc., you will enjoy the idea of doing something nice for yourself, whether it is painting your nails or whatever.
BTW: Painting your nails is not the only way to take good care of yourself. I gave up on manicures years ago - and wear my nails au natural ... but I also shower every day, curl my hair and apply makeup every day before I leave the house ... etc. The alternative is to let yourself go completely ... and THEN what will those people be saying ... (Just kidding) But seriously, too many other things in life to worry about than to be spending valuable time worrying about what other people think. The only person that matters is YOU! Do what makes YOU feel good today!!0 -
but I feel like people will look at me and think she is fat why is she bothering with her nails or is she trying to distract people from the excess weight.
Does anyone else feel like that? I just hate attention and people looking at me. x
Just a thought ... people will probably look at you more if you go out looking disheveled and stinky ... When in Rome, dress like a Roman ... Maybe a different way to motivate yourself is to remind yourself that if it is attention you are trying to avoid, taking good care of yourself will help you blend in better. Maybe that will be some incentive to get yourself back on track??
P.P.S. I think you are giving people too much credit ... doubtful they are spending so much time thinking about the people around them and analyzing something like a person's weight and whether or not they painted their nails ... Just saying ...0 -
the day you realize it doesnt matter what anyone thinks about you, you can truly learn to be one with yourself and all other little things will fall into place....in the grand scheme of things looks always fade but personality is what matters...when it comes to weight loss even if a person had to lose a 100 plus pounds it may seem like it will take forever....but think about the time you are a live and relaize even if it took a year to 3 years....that amount of time is nothing on..you start tomorrow and take it a day at a time and wont worry about what people think....you'll look back once you reach your goal and how you were thinking at this present time and realize there was no point to it....good luck0
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I used to have just a real sh-t mindset, where I'd hold off on putting extra effort into my appearance until after I'd lost some weight, after I had "earned" it. I started testing the things I told myself by imagining someone saying them to my daughter, and that helped me get away from that sort of thinking.
What a powerful idea. It's really hard sometimes to change our self-talk, but imagining how it would sound to a child or someone else you love and care for is a great way to build compassion for yourself. I'm going to add this idea to my self-growth toolbox!0 -
Some lovely down to earth replies here. I think many of us can identify with the mind-set that the OP describes. Being overweight can be so demoralising especially if your self-esteem is on the frail side already.
As others have mentioned I too felt like a sight for sore eyes....I wished I could disappear....I didn't wear flattering clothes, not that there were any to buy as this was some years ago....long before clothes brands started to incorporate larger women in their sizing ....I had to buy clothes from the man side of the store....now that was a bummer.
To the OP......the number on the scale doesn't define you ......it is a number and you can let it control every aspect of your life and how you function or not. I know it's easier said than done but you are still you, with no doubt many positive traits. Focus on those....perhaps some regular positive self-talk, post-it notes etc, it all sounds a bit kitchy but with a little time it has proven to work.
On the physical side of the issue.....I completely agree with others that have said....be damned what others might think, go and get yourself treated to a manicure/pedicure, a new funky hairstyle, whatever. Focus on what you consider to be your best feature if it's your calves/feet get some heels and rock them with confidence and a smile (even if you have to fake it till you make it). The other thing is too....dressing down and trying to disappear does seem to work in reverse (at least that was my experience.....more people looked at me askance when I dressed badly, maybe it was my visibly miserable face that caught their attention too).
Please, please be kind to yourself. Nurture your wonderful human spirit and soar above this. Not only for you but for those that love and care for you.
All the Best
Karen :flowerforyou:0 -
If it helps any, I would never think such a thing just because someone is overweight. Never. And no matter your weight, you always are going to look and feel better if you put a little effort into your appearance.
Now, if someone is grimy and disheveled and looks like they sleep in a garbage bin, then yes, I will probably stare at their perfectly manicured hands and wonder, "Why?", along with, "They spend that much time on their hands and don't bother to bathe?"0 -
Don't get down on yourself OP! And just my $0.02, being a smaller size isn't an automatic high-five from the universe blessing you with happiness and "pretty." Shucks, I'm a size 00/0 and there are days I can't look in a mirror without wondering who let the monster out from under the bed! Establish a distinction between your size and you, and I guarantee you'll be much happier and even more motivated to pursue your fitness goals :flowerforyou:0
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Do in life what makes you happy.. if painting your nails and styling your hair makes you happy then DO it!! smiling is a natural way to make you feel good! and if you feel good and feel happier you are more likely to be more successful with your weight loss. I used to be so much heavier and I hated myself.. I made more effort, bought nice clothes and made damn sure I was going to fit into them, then watched them get too big
I never believed I could do this and then it happened! It can be the same for you.
you could have the hottest body in the world .. but it wouldn't matter if you couldn't smile. laugh and love yourself for who you are.
stay strong!! :flowerforyou:0 -
I do, even though I'm not what people would call obese or fat in some peoples opinions. Reguardless, I still have that bad image burned into my head, so i don't care what other people think i am. it's your own opinion that matters, not others. i know, easier said than done. but i just look at it as standing on my own in the world. it's sometimes best that way.0
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You'd be surprised what a difference just the first few pounds lost can have on your self esteem. Make painting your nails or anything else you enjoy doing a little reward for getting through the week and losing some weight. Anything to positively reinforce healthy eating choices and exercise can only make you feel better in the long run.0
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I have a lot of weight to lose but I want to make more of an effort with my appearance now but I feel like people will look at me and think she is fat why is she bothering with her nails or is she trying to distract people from the excess weight.
Here's the reality of the human condition. There are billions of people on this planet, and virtually none of them will even notice you or me or anyone else long enough to form such an opinion.
Go out, be you.
There is no reason not to.0 -
being frumpy never helped anything.
Sometimes making an effort to look good for yourself is enough in itself. i know if i have several days when i look like a slob i start to feel run down.
so my suggestion is to channel your inner diva and be fabulous. there's no reason to be at goal weight to sparkle and shine.
get rid of any and all clothes that dont look right on you or make you look frumpy. even during weight loss it's possible to find clothes you look good in, regardless of your size.
Excellent suggestions. Listen to her.0 -
don't give up on yourself and the goals in your profile.
If you could possibly be depressed, please talk to someone. Get offline and find some friends to encourage and support your journey. You've made a lot of progress.
Be open to those who recognize your strengths and talents. We care about you and wish you success and happiness as you define it.0 -
Thank you for all the replies! I really appreciate you all taking the time!
My worry about people commenting isn't really people on the street and strangers (I am pretty much invisible to them) but more people that I work with who are so fast to comment on anything and everything!
I have had sort of low lying depression for a long time - maybe 15 years or more but it isn't weight related .... more life related I think!
I bought a glittery nail polish today which I am excited about as it looks like pixie dust. Also bought a coat but not a plain and shapeless one - this one has a pattern (albeit a small one) and it is fitted. I really like it! 0 -
Oh yeah I gave up on pretty a long time ago, and pretty was a big deal to me because I was always the little girl who thought she was going to model. Yeah, big aspirations :huh:
Self acceptance is kind of a nice thing. I know I'm not going to be drop dead gorgeous. I'm going to either be obese or if I'm lucky enough I'll lose weight but be confronted with loose, unattractive skin and a sagging face. Hasn't stopped me I've had the marriage proposal and now the child I thought I never would have. I do think there is something to be said about doing something nice for yourself, and I feel better when I put on earrings or have painted toes. Just reminds me that even though I'm not one of the pretty ones...I'm still a woman.0 -
Just reminds me that even though I'm not one of the pretty ones...I'm still a woman.
You know what, I like that. A lot.0 -
Maybe reassess what you consider "pretty"? I no longer consider dying my hair, painting my nails, wearing perfume etc to be pretty, but I darn sure do consider having a healthy body to be pretty. Maybe if you start focusing on health instead of appearance that may help?
What won't help in any way at all is putting yourself down. Start loving and accepting yourself, ignore society's beauty standards (which are based on maximizing sales of products), and get HEALTHY.
Edit: depression, and all manner of health problems, can be cured by addressing WHAT you eat. True story. I did it.0 -
Two things:
1. Like many others have said, there's nothing like the boost a snazzy nail color or a nice new fresh haircolor and cut will give. It will give you a lift. Go for it. I'm always amazed at the boost in confidence when I do something like that, even if I don't feel good about my body shape. Or a new blouse, etc. etc.
2. I will confess to having had some version of the unkind thoughts you mention you thinking your co-workers would have, when I see certain people. But those were the people who would go spend $40 on a mani-pedi without any thought of going to the gym or going for a walk instead. If it's one or the other, I would get the workout instead of the mani-pedi. But why not do both? You can do both. I plan to exercise tonight, then shower, and then give myself a manicure (first since before shoulder surgery, now that I can manage it). Or truly, to hell with what anyone else thinks (including me), and do what you want!0
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