I want to drop #'s, he doesn't
HealthyEscape
Posts: 255
Well, it's not that he doesn't want to lose weight, he's just not motivated to get started and keep it up. He know's (as much as I do) what has to be done, yet he doesn't try to change.
It's frustrating because we both want to lose weight and get healthy but I feel like his lack of motivation and dedication starts to eat at me until I'm sitting on the couch with him and a bowl of ice cream being shoved in my mouth.
For anyone else in this kind of situation, how do you manage? How do you really do what you need to do and watch the one you love not follow in your steps? How do you keep your motivation?
It's frustrating because we both want to lose weight and get healthy but I feel like his lack of motivation and dedication starts to eat at me until I'm sitting on the couch with him and a bowl of ice cream being shoved in my mouth.
For anyone else in this kind of situation, how do you manage? How do you really do what you need to do and watch the one you love not follow in your steps? How do you keep your motivation?
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Replies
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I find that my fiance and I feed off each other... like if im working out everyday and eating healthy he will start doing the same. And vice versa... stay strong and set a good example! He may just start doing the same and then will be there to motivate you when you need it! goodluck!0
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My husband and I are in the same boat. He starts to workout and diet, but doesn't keep up with it when he doesnt see results right away. The only thing I can suggest, honestly, is going grocery shopping alone and gettin ONLY things that you can eat so that he doesn't really have a choice. That way, at least when you're around, he's eating healthy. (My husband will go out to lunch when I'm at work with his friends and there withh by mcdonalds bags and everything else in the trash can!). You can't force someone into motivation because we ALL know how hard it is to get started and to actually stick with it. Maybe when he starts seeing some serious changes in you, then he will follow?
Good luck!0 -
You have to do this for YOU, not him. Hopefully he will see your success and that you aren't "starving" and how much better you feel when you exercise and will join you! He has to get there in his own mind, you can't put it there for him!! Just do what you have to do and realize this is for YOU! You can do this and I bet you will be a great motivator. (Not nagger, just motivator) haha0
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You want to lose weight for yourself, so just go ahead and do it! Once he sees you dropping those pounds, he will likely follow your lead! Stay strong and just politely decline any tempting foods and stay on track! You can do it! MFP will help you get there! :happy:0
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You just got to do what you do. "You can lead a horse to water but you can make it drink". If he see your success he may become more willing but you nee to concentrate on yourself and motivate your self to reach your goal. Good luck!0
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My husband was the same way until I got a wii fit plus. He was setting up his stuff and it told him he was in the obese category. He had me measure his height to be sure he was right (he was) and the next day we both started on this site. It has been 3 weeks and we are keeping each other motivated. I don't think he would have done anything if he had not seen the word obese on the tv screen. It sounds like your hubby may need a similar wake-up call.
Good Luck!0 -
My husband has your problem. He is the one that has been motivated and I have not. It isn't because I don't think I need to loose the weight because I do. It was just that he wanted me to do it his way and I can't. He is power walking 4 plus miles a day. He wanted me to do the same. I have had 3 knee surgeries, fractured my left foot once, and broke my right ankle twice. The last ankle injury is recent. So after he has been doing this for about 2 months I started trying to watch my food a little better. I have started to see some small results. My next step is to get a membership to the local recreation center so I can use the indoor pool. That way it is low impact and I can't use my injuries as a reason for not exercising. My point is just do what you need for you and it may inspire him as my husband has inspired me. Maybe when he see's how people react to you and your new body he will feel the need to make sure he can keep the new healthier, and sexier you. If he doesn't get motivated at least you will be healthier.0
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Hopefully this isn't deemed too crass, but this is honest to god advice from my ex girlfriend and I (from long ago) when we were trying to lose weight together.
When we started she had about 20 lbs she wanted to lose and I needed to lose 40. So every 2 lbs for her and every 4 lbs for me, we set out a schedule of 10 "rewards" that one had to give the other. These rewards had to be something we wouldn't normally do for each other and something that we would be really motivated to work towards.
Some of the rewards I had to do for her included: Painting her toe nails while watching a chick flick on the couch with her, taking her mom out for a nice dinner by myself, spend the day at the mall with her going clothes shopping and even holding her purse... you get the idea.
Her rewards for me, well most of those were sexual in nature because, well, I'm a guy and that's what motivates us, and will most likely motivate your husband as well. Of course I won't go into details but you know what your man likes (and you should ask him if you don't) but remember, it's gotta be something "special" that wouldn't usually happen on a normal date night if you know what I mean. And don't try witholding stuff in order to reward with it later, that's just mean. There are other rewards I'm sure he'll enjoy too (wash his car, play cocktail waitress to him and his friends on a football Sunday, etc.), those are just the "easy" ones to come up with.0 -
Hopefully this isn't deemed too crass, but this is honest to god advice from my ex girlfriend and I (from long ago) when we were trying to lose weight together.
When we started she had about 20 lbs she wanted to lose and I needed to lose 40. So every 2 lbs for her and every 4 lbs for me, we set out a schedule of 10 "rewards" that one had to give the other. These rewards had to be something we wouldn't normally do for each other and something that we would be really motivated to work towards.
Some of the rewards I had to do for her included: Painting her toe nails while watching a chick flick on the couch with her, taking her mom out for a nice dinner by myself, spend the day at the mall with her going clothes shopping and even holding her purse... you get the idea.
Her rewards for me, well most of those were sexual in nature because, well, I'm a guy and that's what motivates us, and will most likely motivate your husband as well. Of course I won't go into details but you know what your man likes (and you should ask him if you don't) but remember, it's gotta be something "special" that wouldn't usually happen on a normal date night if you know what I mean. And don't try witholding stuff in order to reward with it later, that's just mean. There are other rewards I'm sure he'll enjoy too (wash his car, play cocktail waitress to him and his friends on a football Sunday, etc.), those are just the "easy" ones to come up with.
That's seriously a fantastic idea. Thank you for this.0 -
I feel ya and how I do it simply put (MY FITNESS PALS) and couldn't do it without you all0
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That's seriously a fantastic idea. Thank you for this.
Glad I could help! I just wish I still had a GF that I could do this with because it was really effective for both of us! Let me know how it works out and if he's receptive to it. Good luck!0 -
Hopefully this isn't deemed too crass, but this is honest to god advice from my ex girlfriend and I (from long ago) when we were trying to lose weight together.
When we started she had about 20 lbs she wanted to lose and I needed to lose 40. So every 2 lbs for her and every 4 lbs for me, we set out a schedule of 10 "rewards" that one had to give the other. These rewards had to be something we wouldn't normally do for each other and something that we would be really motivated to work towards.
Some of the rewards I had to do for her included: Painting her toe nails while watching a chick flick on the couch with her, taking her mom out for a nice dinner by myself, spend the day at the mall with her going clothes shopping and even holding her purse... you get the idea.
Her rewards for me, well most of those were sexual in nature because, well, I'm a guy and that's what motivates us, and will most likely motivate your husband as well. Of course I won't go into details but you know what your man likes (and you should ask him if you don't) but remember, it's gotta be something "special" that wouldn't usually happen on a normal date night if you know what I mean. And don't try witholding stuff in order to reward with it later, that's just mean. There are other rewards I'm sure he'll enjoy too (wash his car, play cocktail waitress to him and his friends on a football Sunday, etc.), those are just the "easy" ones to come up with.
Very creative!!!!!0 -
My husband and I are in a similar situation. However, what I've learned over the last few years of marriage is that you just HAVE to do what is right for you and get a supportive network like this website, family or other friends who are willing to put themselves up to the challenge.
When you have a circle/variety of people to chat about losing pounds with, it makes a BIG difference.
The more I workout and stay consistent, like in the winter when I go to the gym 4 nights in a row..... it motivates my husband. Now, he won't stick with it because he seems to be "okay" with how he feels and looks. But if we can encourage each other or feed off of each other - that is a big step. Sometimes it happens - sometimes not.
The point is, you still have to do it for yourself to make yourself happy. Maybe staying consist and having positive affects will only motivate him.... it just might take awhile.
Good Luck and Keep Rockin'! :glasses:0 -
I was told my wiener looks bigger and sex was better. That's good enough for me! :drinker:0
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I probably can't give you any tips to get him going in the right direction, but I know exactly what you are going through.
In a way, I'm lucky, my husband has a seizure disorder, so I have convinced him that it's not safe to be in the kitchen.
I try to keep our meals healthy, but he always wants more than a normal amount and I have a terrible time saying no to him.
I only keep a small amount of snack food, (baked tortilla chips and things like that) in the house for quick sandwich type meals, and I keep them hidden so he doesn't know where to find them. We both LOVE ice cream, so even that is more expensive, I now buy the single serve containers, 2 or 4 a month, to keep us from finishing off the cheaper gallon buckets in a week or two.
Of course if you have young kids in the house, grandkids that live close, or even more dangerous, teenagers around, it is very hard to keep your meals healthy without a lot of complaints.
Good luck!!!
Barb :drinker: - Water, water, water and more water0 -
I was in your exact same position until a couple months ago. I was working so hard, but when my husband suggested we go out for late night hot dogs I just didn't have the will power to resist him. You know what finally did it? My husband went to the doctor's for a physical and found out that at 25, he's overweight (duh) and his cholesterol is high. Doctor told him to loose weight and lower his cholesterol or be prepared to face heart problems in the future. That was enough for him. Got him on MFP, got him suggesting walks everyday, and now we're both on our way to a healthier lifestyle.
I don't know if your husband faces similar health concerns, but maybe a review of his present health would give him the motivation to join the fight. Other than that, stay strong, stay positive, and keep moving forward. Maybe suddenly being the husband of a super sexy wife will be motivation enough!0 -
I have a similar yet different situation. My husband is a stick, yet he can eat everything....and I mean EVERYTHING under the sun and still LOSE weight. I have difficulties with this because he just doesn't NEED to lose weight. My opinion is you can only change what you can control. Make healthy, yet tasty meals and don't make anything special ordered. You don't need to make more than one meal a night. If you buy the groceries, control what goes into the cart. He can still have satisfying and tasty snacks without going overboard. Don't buy as much of the junk as you would now and see how far it gets you. Otherwise, don't rely on him to motivate you. Write down all the reasons YOU want to get healthy and fit and then work off of your goals. Find an accountability buddy that isn't your husband and do this with them. Either way, don't let his lack of motivation hinder your goals. You are worth it! Eventually, he will feel the same. Who knows...maybe seeing your success will spark some fire in him.
Good luck to you! 0 -
I think we are married to the same guy!! He knows he needs to lose and knows what to do and as you stated I do the shopping and I only buy healthy items but he tends to eat alot of McDonalds and other unhealthy options then I come along and find the evidence. I have found that it doesn't work at my house to say anything because he knows and chooses not to live the same lifestyle as me. I have learned to let some things go even tho it is really really hard some days.My husband and I are in the same boat. He starts to workout and diet, but doesn't keep up with it when he doesnt see results right away. The only thing I can suggest, honestly, is going grocery shopping alone and gettin ONLY things that you can eat so that he doesn't really have a choice. That way, at least when you're around, he's eating healthy. (My husband will go out to lunch when I'm at work with his friends and there withh by mcdonalds bags and everything else in the trash can!). You can't force someone into motivation because we ALL know how hard it is to get started and to actually stick with it. Maybe when he starts seeing some serious changes in you, then he will follow?
Good luck!0 -
:noway: Wow, I can't believe you went there....I was told my wiener looks bigger and sex was better. That's good enough for me! :drinker:0 -
As for exercise u can't force someone.. but the shopping and food you most certainly can.. don't allow him to shop with you. That way the only thing in your cart is what you will eat. Then its no longer you being forced to eat bad. It's him who will be forced to eat healthy, then when he is seeing himself lose a lil weight from food choices he might change his mind on exercise0
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I was told my wiener looks bigger and sex was better. That's good enough for me!
I couldn't help but laugh at this post. I guess whatever works is good, huh?0 -
Another way to get him involved with you is to find fun activities that you like to do together. Like bike riding, for example, or walking the dog, or just going out into the backyard and doing yard work. If it's something you like to do together, that'll get you both off of the couch.
Along the same lines, see if there are any activities you don't currently do that you might like to try together as a bonding experience as much as anything else. Making it fun in some way will help both of you get and stay motivated.
Example, the hubby wanted to do cross-country skiing for some reason. I don't know why he got this particular bug in his bonnet, but that doesn't matter so much. We bought some skis for both of us from Play It Again Sports a few years ago and we go together if we have an opportunity. Or he'll ski and I'll walk the dog if I'm not feeling up for it. Obviously that particular activity is only applicable during certain times of the year, but you get the idea.
Good luck!0 -
Honesty is important.
:noway: Wow, I can't believe you went there....I was told my wiener looks bigger and sex was better. That's good enough for me! :drinker:0 -
well, for me, it's i want to drop #s, he doesn't need to and still wants me to bake yummy desserts for him and expects me to have the self-control not to eat them alongside of him...lol
so what does it take - being true to myself. i am doing this diet for me and my own health, strength, and self-fulfillment - of course he benefits by it (eye candy!), but knowing i'm doing right for my body helps out a lot.
gotta just keep tracking every thing and realize that some days it's ok to indulge (just not every day!!!)0 -
I was in your exact same position until a couple months ago. I was working so hard, but when my husband suggested we go out for late night hot dogs I just didn't have the will power to resist him. You know what finally did it? My husband went to the doctor's for a physical and found out that at 25, he's overweight (duh) and his cholesterol is high. Doctor told him to loose weight and lower his cholesterol or be prepared to face heart problems in the future. That was enough for him. Got him on MFP, got him suggesting walks everyday, and now we're both on our way to a healthier lifestyle.
I don't know if your husband faces similar health concerns, but maybe a review of his present health would give him the motivation to join the fight. Other than that, stay strong, stay positive, and keep moving forward. Maybe suddenly being the husband of a super sexy wife will be motivation enough!
In fact, he does have similar health issues (at 29yrs old). Obese, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, sleep apnea (he uses a machien to breath every night). He's on several pills for each of the above. He says "I want to get healthy" but then doesnt do anything about it. He'll go work out at the gym and then complain about something hurting and stop all together instead of modifying.
I started a sticker calendar at home for the both of us. We still need to set up a reward schedule, but we'll see how it works. For every day that we work out, we get a sticker. It's competitive because the winner with the most stickers at the end of the month will get a special reward for the other person.
I as well have a hard time saying no when he offers to guy us not-so-healthy dinners (like last nights chinese food). It was good until about an hour afterward when I felt sick and stuffed and disgusting. I promised myself last night that I will find my "no thank you" voice next time and eat my healthier dinner and let him fend for himself if he doesnt want a healthy meal.
Thanks for your motivation!0 -
Thank you EVERYONE for you honest answers and imput. I know that it's up to me and me only and that I can only control myself. You're motivation has really gotten me going again and I feel ready to tackle this weight loss.
Cheers to you all!0 -
My husband needs to lose some weight too (because of a heart condition) but I can't get him to eat like me. It breaks my heart to know he needs to lose the weight and he pretty much keeps eating the same way and I CAN'T do it for him. I'm hoping he's seeing how supportive the people are on here for me and decides to jump on the wagon with me. I love MFP and with out everyone here my loss thus far would not have been possible.0
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Just keep trying to be fit and healthy and eventually it'll catch on because he wont wanna be left out! just insist on having it your way. You can't force him to be healthy, but you can insist on him letting YOU be healthy0
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