Sigh, is it me? Or is it me?

The title is a little confusing so let me explain:

I have been using this site on and off for over a year now and I have lost a drastic amount of weight so far. I am pleased with my achievements so far but I feel like I have such a long way to go before I look anything like normal. I'm so upset that I have excess skin on my arms and my chest and I still have some belly fat. I see other people my age, who are flat as a pancake and live so carefree never even monitoring their food intake, I have always had to make a concerted effort to control myself and still do.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and think to myself, 'is this it?', 'Is this all you could manage after all your hard work?', 'You still look hideous and deformed and flabby and your nose is big and you have spots and your face is a horrible shape and your hair is awful ' etc etc etc

A year and a half down the line, the effort I've put in feels like a catastrophic failure in energy transfer. I feel as though I am destined for failure in every possible way and that clearly I was 'designed' to be a physical disgrace...

I am aware that I may have a view of my own self image that could be described only as a 'joke', the comparison I am trying to make is, is it my thoughts that are wrong or am I physically damned? I am so confused by my own appearance that I really can't tell what is real and what might be made up at the moment although I like to think I am at least intelligent to recognise that some of my concerns are fictitious.
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Replies

  • AmyZ46
    AmyZ46 Posts: 694 Member
    So funny that you posted this today ... We have so much in common -except you are way more mean to yourself than I am .

    I have momentary lapses of ,hmm what's the word? negativity .lol Just the other day I looked at my pictures and thought oh no...my nose looks huge and I even mentioned it on FB to my sister (jokingly) my husband posted immediately and said " leave your nose alone" lol. I used to weigh 270 lbs - I knew my nose was big then but I had so much else wrong that that was the least of my problems ..well all those issues are slowly going away ...my thighs OMG my thighs -- I have these two fat bags on the inside of my thighs that I can't wait until they are gone ....did I mention that I have lost like 6 inches on each thigh ,no of course not because I am so focused on these two bags of fat ...lol but these are momentary fleeting feelings I have and I think everyone has them from time to time. we just haven't been able to focus on these "little" things because our weight was our focus for so long ....I'm going to love my body and my face no matter what - big nose and all - because I am taking care of it ,

    BTW , I think you are a cutie ...so get used to who you are again and don't be so judgmental about your body . just take care of it ..oh wait I forgot to mention your fat arms... I love my fat flabby arms because I will eventually lose that to but these arms have gone through so much for me .I made them fat and I will make them thin ...one day ...so love your lose skin and everything about your new self because you are all you've got !


    Amy
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,421 Member
    I can't speak to the mental side of it...

    ...but I believe
    on and off for over a year now
    could be part of the problem.

    IMHO, at least in my experience, the most important factor in reaching your goals and being satisfied with your results is consistency. When I'm inconsistent, I am dissatisfied with my results and tend to focus on where I *could have been* if I had been more consistent.

    Best of luck to you.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    What the hell do you mean you look hideous? You are adorable! I LOVE your curly hair, it's a good cut on you, and If I were single and a few years younger and lived closer I would definitely date you. (Assuming you'd be interested, haha :blushing: )

    On the subject of loose skin and still feeling flabby, make sure you're not eating at too large a deficit, and take up heavy weight lifting. Diet is good for weight loss, Exercise and weightlifting is what gets you looking good naked!
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    In my experience, it takes well over a year after achieving your goal before your brain catches up and begins to see the fitter, leaner you and appreciate it as looking normal. Once you've met new people who have never known you as overweight it will begin changing.

    There is nothing wrong with you. You are an attractive young man. Keep getting fitter and stronger and living your life with gratitude for the changes you've been able to make.
  • ktsimons
    ktsimons Posts: 294 Member
    I can't speak to the mental side of it...

    ...but I believe
    on and off for over a year now
    could be part of the problem.

    IMHO, at least in my experience, the most important factor in reaching your goals and being satisfied with your results is consistency. When I'm inconsistent, I am dissatisfied with my results and tend to focus on where I *could have been* if I had been more consistent.

    Best of luck to you.

    boy, did I need to hear this today - exactly what I am going thru - thanks for posting!
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    The title is a little confusing so let me explain:

    I have been using this site on and off for over a year now and I have lost a drastic amount of weight so far. I am pleased with my achievements so far but I feel like I have such a long way to go before I look anything like normal. I'm so upset that I have excess skin on my arms and my chest and I still have some belly fat. I see other people my age, who are flat as a pancake and live so carefree never even monitoring their food intake, I have always had to make a concerted effort to control myself and still do.

    Sometimes I look in the mirror and think to myself, 'is this it?', 'Is this all you could manage after all your hard work?', 'You still look hideous and deformed and flabby and your nose is big and you have spots and your face is a horrible shape and your hair is awful ' etc etc etc

    A year and a half down the line, the effort I've put in feels like a catastrophic failure in energy transfer. I feel as though I am destined for failure in every possible way and that clearly I was 'designed' to be a physical disgrace...

    I am aware that I may have a view of my own self image that could be described only as a 'joke', the comparison I am trying to make is, is it my thoughts that are wrong or am I physically damned? I am so confused by my own appearance that I really can't tell what is real and what might be made up at the moment although I like to think I am at least intelligent to recognise that some of my concerns are fictitious.

    we live in an era of instant gratification.

    it messes with your expectations.

    your body doesn't respond with that level of urgency.

    it takes time for skin to "snap back" after rapid weight loss.

    instead of feeling bad about it, put in some time in the gym lifting heavy weights.

    give it all enough time to see results. a year or two perhaps.

    then compare a photo of yourself from then with a photo of yourself from now. you may be shocked by the amount of change.

    you're also very young. be grateful you made the change NOW instead of 20 years from now. your youth is your ally.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    I nitpick at my appearance also so this is a normal process.
  • StaceyJ2008
    StaceyJ2008 Posts: 411 Member
    Do more strength training and less cardio and eat more protein. Could help with the loose skin. Don't worry too much about it, just remember you aren't where you used to be. This whole thing is a journey and it takes time. Good Luck.
  • pittbullgirl
    pittbullgirl Posts: 347 Member
    I literally CRINGED as I was reading this! OUCH!
    You are so hurtful to yourself, this negative talk is only further damaging your syche and I really hope you talk to someone about this and are able to see yourself as an awesome human being.

    I'm wondering if its possible you have body dysmorphic disorder?
    Check out the symptoms and see if any resonate with you: http://www.adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/related-illnesses/other-related-conditions/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd

    I think you look fine and I hope you realize that WE are our own worst critics and need to learn to love ourselves, no matter the shape and size.
    I bet you'd never talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself.... thoughts to ponder.
  • BobbieLee1959
    BobbieLee1959 Posts: 608 Member
    First, let me say, "Quit beating yourself up!" You have done something wonderful for your body, and for your health...that aside, you are adorable!! I am old enough to be your Grandma, so please don't think I mean this in a "creeper" way, but you are a hottie! My daughter would agree 100%! Enjoy your success and give yourself time to get used to the new you and let others see they side of you that loves what you are doing~the rest will come, if you give yourself time! Look at yourself and look back at your former self and enjoy how far you have come!!
    :smile:
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,534 Member
    In my experience, it takes well over a year after achieving your goal before your brain catches up and begins to see the fitter, leaner you and appreciate it as looking normal.

    To echo this. I've made my transformation in stages - big drop, long maintenance, big drop. And only now - well into the second big drop and a year after starting that first maintenance phase - only know am I finally seeing what I accomplished in the first big drop.

    Patience. It'll come. And it'll be that much sweeter for the wait. :smile:
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
    ITA with all the other posters. One part of your post particularly spoke to me--when you said how you look at others thinner than you that don't have to watch what they eat. It has taken me a long time to accept this. But life isn't fair. This is my cross to bear, just as those people have their problems/concerns that just aren't as visible as my struggle with obesity. I think of people who don't have working legs, who don't have many of the other advantages that I have, and realize that I am lucky that this is my problem, because I can deal with it. I am dealing with it, with varying success. Celebrate that you are overcoming yours, and at such a young age! You have to be patient and wait for skin to snap back, for your mind/body image to catch up, etc. Stop worrying about what others have to do, and figure out what you need to do to live a happy and healthy life. Then go do it, and don't let negative thinking get in your way!!
  • enidite
    enidite Posts: 93 Member
    I think a lot of us struggle with this, especially if there is a lot of weight to lose. And like others have said, it takes a while for the self image to catch up with our new appearance and for the body to repair itself. You are very cute , so don't beat yourself up. I know easier said than done. My therapist said something the other day when I told him how I don't see a difference when I look in the mirror after losing about 50 pounds by now. He said 'well, then don't look in the mirror. You have a distorted body image. " And I thought, "he is right ." Though I need to look at myself , I should not judge myself by what I see in the mirror as I am my worst critic right now. However, I believe I have to learn to live with the new me and my flaws as I lose weight and that it is really important to learn self love along the way. So I try to remind myself how far I have come and how I am getting healthier and more confident by working on my self talk. We would never tell a friend that he/she looks hideous, yet we say it to ourselves all the time. Why should we respect ourselves so much less than our fellow human beings? We deserve our respect and love just like everyone else around us.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,414 Member
    You're only 21, so you are still growing into the idea of who you are as a person. Certainly at that age I was unjustifiably hard on myself and unsatisfied with my appearance, so I think a lot of what you are feeling is normal. You are figuring out that life isn't fair, and while that is kind of a sucky deal, the sooner you accept it, the better off you will be.

    You have been accomplishing a GREAT work in yourself. Well done. :drinker: I promise that things will get better. :flowerforyou:
  • julianpoutram
    julianpoutram Posts: 331 Member
    Gosh, I didn't expect any responses to this post to be fair and look what is here when I come back! You guys have cheered me up a bit. I do think I'm on a low at the moment, haven't been able to go to the gym all week as well which doesn't help things really. It's just ridiculous how I see myself from day to day, it's like my appearance can go from OK to hideous at the flick of a switch and I just have no idea how to cope with it sometimes (other than being miserable of course).

    Honestly, it is so humbling to hear you all give me encouragement and support when I needed it most, the community here has always been fantastic. To answer one thing that a few people have pointed out, when you say that we would never say that a friend is hideous or ugly to their face, I genuinely think all my friends are wonderful in their own ways and would never ever even think of them as ugly or hideous. These such remarks are only reserved for me I'm afraid, but I am working on improving on that.

    I should learn to be more greatful for what I have, and it is genuinely something that I try to think about when I get into thought patterns like this, perspective has always been difficult for me which can make me come off as 'self centered' to some people, if anything it is the exact opposite, all I ever do with my life is try to please other people by conforming to an ideal that is realistically unattainable.

    I thank you all for your help so far, you really are a fantastic bunch :)
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,745 Member
    (hugs for you)


    Sometimes it is as much a mental transformation as a physical one, sweetness.

    hang in there:flowerforyou:
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,745 Member
    and have you picked up a barbell yet?:wink:

    You will feel like a super hero.
  • tageekly
    tageekly Posts: 3,775 Member
    (hugs for you)


    Sometimes it is as much a mental transformation as a physical one, sweetness.

    hang in there:flowerforyou:

    True stuff here. Along with Jof's comments about consistency.

    I have found the mental battle so much tougher than the physical one, especially after losing a large amount of weight. It takes time for your skin to adjust and to feel some new sense of comfort in your "new skin" but it will happen. And staying consistent with your healthy eating and picking up a freakin' barbell or running a few miles makes you feel invincible and the confidence will flow.
  • The title is a little confusing so let me explain:

    I have been using this site on and off for over a year now and I have lost a drastic amount of weight so far. I am pleased with my achievements so far but I feel like I have such a long way to go before I look anything like normal. I'm so upset that I have excess skin on my arms and my chest and I still have some belly fat. I see other people my age, who are flat as a pancake and live so carefree never even monitoring their food intake, I have always had to make a concerted effort to control myself and still do.

    Sometimes I look in the mirror and think to myself, 'is this it?', 'Is this all you could manage after all your hard work?', 'You still look hideous and deformed and flabby and your nose is big and you have spots and your face is a horrible shape and your hair is awful ' etc etc etc

    A year and a half down the line, the effort I've put in feels like a catastrophic failure in energy transfer. I feel as though I am destined for failure in every possible way and that clearly I was 'designed' to be a physical disgrace...

    I am aware that I may have a view of my own self image that could be described only as a 'joke', the comparison I am trying to make is, is it my thoughts that are wrong or am I physically damned? I am so confused by my own appearance that I really can't tell what is real and what might be made up at the moment although I like to think I am at least intelligent to recognise that some of my concerns are fictitious.
    Funny the first thing I thought when I saw your picture was, "He's cute." We are our own worst critics. Go easy on yourself.
  • appearance isn't everything, live how you want to live. Think about it..we're all dying, our time is tickling down, so live, because life is too short to fill other people's shoes. Be happy, life your life to the fullest!

    best wishes