Diets are like...

Diets are like new girlfriends...
1) At first you can’t sleep at all
2) You announce it to everyone on Facebook
3) You are 100% convinced you’ve found something that you can do for the rest of your life
4) You go on and on talking to your friends about it until they are sure you have gone crazy
5) You bring it home for the Holidays and make your family feel uncomfortable
6) You stop going out with your friends because of it
7) Your friends and family express concern that you are going to end up hurt
The more time passes, the less often you get an erection
9) You enjoy eating it at first, but after a while even the smell of it makes your stomach turn
10) After a few months you start daydreaming of other flavors, and want more variety
11) At first you make a lot of tasty, homecooked meals – but then get lazy
12) Over time you start to notice bad breath and body odor
13) You start seeing things in the toilet that are strange, unfamiliar, and gross
14) You lose your zest for life and start staying home and watching movies every night
15) You pass no gas at first, then after a few months you start farting a lot
16) You develop a strange rash
17) Your sex life gets steadily worse
18) It makes you feel cold, lifeless, and empty inside
19) After several months you lose all your motivation to work out and stay in shape
20) You start to cheat and feel really bad about it
21) You spend time looking at alternatives on the internet, and watching videos
22) You keep hearing that it’s your fault that things aren’t going well
23) You tell everyone it’s over and they say “I told ya so, what were you thinking?”
24) You find another and start the whole process over again
25) After a few months apart you forget how horrible it was and you want to start over
about an hour ago