I feel bad for my husband.

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tannedjent
tannedjent Posts: 3
in Introduce Yourself
I'm new here and searching for people to give me some advice how to help my husband. He is gaining weight that drives him crazy. He used to be very fit and he has gained about 40 pounds within 7 years. Don't get me wrong, his extra pounds doesn't bother me at all. In contrast, he is taking high blood pressure medication, so he does need to lose weight as his doctor prescribed him to do so. His weight is stressing him out. He doesn't stick to his exercise anymore. If he does exercise, he would do it more than 2 hours a day. I stay quiet as I don't want to hurt his feelings. I just don't know what to say or do for him other than cooking healthier meal.

I can see he wants to lose weight, but he doesn't have the courage to do.

How do I help him without making him upset?

FYI: When I told him that he should have been exercising, he went ballistic. My intention was not to insult him. I reminded him his goal.
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Replies

  • D8vidFitness
    D8vidFitness Posts: 104
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    Best thing a wife can do is pack a prepared lunch or cook a great dinner for her man to come home to. You dictate a part of what he eats. Make him go hiking with you, ride a bike, etc.

    Best wishes
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
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    Focus on getting his food right, the exercise part plays a minor role in weight loss.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    i agree cook the healthiest you can, and then just ask him to take you for walks everyday. say you need to get out but want the company. eventually he will enjoy it and feel more motivated to do his own exercising.
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    I'm new here and searching for people to give me some advice how to help my husband. He is gaining weight that drives him crazy. He used to be very fit and he has gained about 40 pounds within 7 years. Don't get me wrong, his extra pounds doesn't bother me at all. In contrast, he is taking high blood pressure medication, so he does need to lose weight as his doctor prescribed him to do so. His weight is stressing him out. He doesn't stick to his exercise anymore. If he does exercise, he would do it more than 2 hours a day. I stay quiet as I don't want to hurt his feelings. I just don't know what to say or do for him other than cooking healthier meal.

    I can see he wants to lose weight, but he doesn't have the courage to do.

    How do I help him lose weight?

    What should I do?

    How to encourage him?

    He is me about 5 months ago, and about 15 years younger. If he likes healthy foods, I like vegetables, etc. make them available. Avoid bringing or baking things he shouldn't eat into the house. Once the first 5 or 10 lbs come off, the rest will be up to him. Based on what you said, he is not a binge eater, he is in a rutt. He just needs to see that there is a way out, he just needs to make the effort.
  • tannedjent
    tannedjent Posts: 3
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    I'm a full time college student and I work part time for him. We also have a child. I take care of everything in our households. His work is sedentary. Anyways, I'm vegan. I love vegetables and fruits more than anything else. Him, he would go out eat with his coworkers. When he is home, he eat dinner and then snacking throughout the night. He would tell me that it's zero or low calorie.


    Frankly, it is not in my culture to be bothered with extra pounds. It's his health that is in jeopardy. His mother told me about heart attack in their family. I'm worried. Other than that, I'm happy the way he is.
  • tannedjent
    tannedjent Posts: 3
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    He told me that his knees would have a problem. I was O_O.
  • OMGeeeHorses
    OMGeeeHorses Posts: 732 Member
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    I am on a lifestyle change, my husband wants to lose weight as well. I make my meal his meal. If he doesn't like it I tell him to tough it out and do it for his health. He normally shrugs and eats it. His biggest issue is coffee and cookies, I cannot stop him from eating what I do not give him ( works for his family, so his family is always giving him junk food which makes me mad) So I tell him he is no longer a child that he can chose what he wants for himself and decide if he need that cookie or whatever. So far he has lost 15lbs, tough love does work :D!
  • padams2359
    padams2359 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    I'm a full time college student and I work part time for him. We also have a child. I take care of everything in our households. His work is sedentary. Anyways, I'm vegan. I love vegetables and fruits more than anything else. Him, he would go out eat with his coworkers. When he is home, he eat dinner and then snacking throughout the night. He would tell me that it's zero or low calorie.


    Frankly, it is not in my culture to be bothered with extra pounds. It's his health that is in jeopardy. His mother told me about heart attack in their family. I'm worried. Other than that, I'm happy the way he is.

    I am 47. My father had his first heart attack at 42. My grandfather died from his 3rd stroke at 62. Unless being a young widow is also just part of your culture, you might want to get concerned about the extra pounds. Tough love.
  • StrongLife
    StrongLife Posts: 525 Member
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    Whew! You're in a tough spot. Some people get motivated by starting down the nutrition road first but some (like myself) get motivated by starting down the exercise road first. The stronger a man gets the more confident they get. Unfortunately, it has to come from inside him. Is there another male in his life that could help? Like a co-worker perhaps? Ideally it would be someone just starting the exercise road themselves. Maybe they can reel him in too? I am just giving the male opinion and believe things fall into place easier once he starts exercising.

    Edited because of my crazy bad spelling :)
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    He told me that his knees would have a problem. I was O_O.

    I was a 300+ lb 45-year old former ice hockey player with 2 .. um .. suboptimal knees, an ankle that's been dislocated a half dozen times, a displaced hip .... let's just say that lower body pain became a way of life ...

    I started slow with walking, body weight squats, body weight lunges, and the like. 2 years later, I run +/-3 miles a few times a week, and do things like squats with 200 lbs weight, lunges with an 85 lb vest, etc. ...

    My knees feel (and work) better than they did when I was 18. The best thing he can do is build a strong support system around them ...
  • Shannonpurple
    Shannonpurple Posts: 268 Member
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    Is you husband vegan? I know when I was hungry and snacking all the time I needed more protein? Also rather then telling he needs to exercise ask him to go for a walk bring your child...go to the park with your kid become more active together.

    I know you are busy with work and school and a child but both of you need to make time for your health.
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
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    He won't until he wants to. Just like the rest of us.
  • Bebubble
    Bebubble Posts: 938 Member
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    I truly understand your concerns. BUT he can not exercise or lose weight because you remind him, worry about him, or any reason you want. He has to want to. I am that person. That is why you so many people here that say, "i lost weight but it came back" They lost weight but didn't learn to be serious about it. Its a while lifestyle change. All I know that helped me was understanding that I WANT to be here for my kids and grand-kids. Now my husband, was a lot like yours. But his doctor got on him and told him about a program through our INS. Also putting up a thin full length mirror. And seeing how you look everyday helped. By thin I mean one that he has a hard time fitting hos whole body in it! If your husband is like mine, cooking healthy makes no difference. He could eat the healthy food and keep on going. OR not eat it and leave to eat fast foods.LOL! Your husband has got to live his life. You can not do it for him. Its HARD I truly understand that love for your husband.
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
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    Your husband's weight is your husband's problem, not your problem. He's not going to do anything he doesn't want to do, and you can't make him do anything. He's got to be ready to make the changes on his own.

    To lose weight, he needs to burn more calories than he consumes. This can be done without exercise.
  • mjpTennis
    mjpTennis Posts: 6,165 Member
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    Is there any other life stress blocking him from doing this? He could be blocking out this subconsciously because he is stressed about something else. The healthy foods and preparing the meals are a good thing, but if there is something else stressing it will override any other efforts.
    Sometimes joining a club sport or a weekly fitness group like drop in basketball, tennis league, for example where it his passion or "stress free" time. The ideas of a family walk are great too.

    Good luck to you all.
  • MJC360
    MJC360 Posts: 368
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    Your husband's weight is your husband's problem, not your problem. He's not going to do anything he doesn't want to do, and you can't make him do anything. He's got to be ready to make the changes on his own.

    To lose weight, he needs to burn more calories than he consumes. This can be done without exercise.

    I agree with this, if he doesn't decide to do it then he's never going to. All you can do is try to encourage him. Ask him to do physical things with you; going for walks, riding bikes, etc... and when you do prepare meals or snacks make sure they're something healthy that he's going to like.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    I'm new here and searching for people to give me some advice how to help my husband. He is gaining weight that drives him crazy. He used to be very fit and he has gained about 40 pounds within 7 years. Don't get me wrong, his extra pounds doesn't bother me at all. In contrast, he is taking high blood pressure medication, so he does need to lose weight as his doctor prescribed him to do so. His weight is stressing him out. He doesn't stick to his exercise anymore. If he does exercise, he would do it more than 2 hours a day. I stay quiet as I don't want to hurt his feelings. I just don't know what to say or do for him other than cooking healthier meal.

    I can see he wants to lose weight, but he doesn't have the courage to do.

    How do I help him without making him upset?

    FYI: When I told him that he should have been exercising, he went ballistic. My intention was not to insult him. I reminded him his goal.

    So after you eat the healthy dinner you've made, in a very gentle and non-confrontational way, ask him if he'd like to go for a walk with you. Don't sound like a coach, doctor, mother, external conscience ... adopt a tone as if you were asking him on a date ..

    Think of it like a gateway drug to a healthy lifestyle....
  • wild_wild_life
    wild_wild_life Posts: 1,334 Member
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    I agree he has to want to do it - you can support him but you can't do it for him, make him do it or trick him into doing it accidentally.

    Have you talked to him about your concerns for his health? If he understood that his health was at risk, that you are very worried, and that you are scared he is going to develop chronic illness or die and leave you and your child alone if he doesn't change his lifestyle, maybe this would be enough. If not, then what would?
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    You probably don't have a weight problem so it is hard to put yourself in his position. My hubby and I are both about the same, we both get a little chubby so we both are constantly working on our weight. We want to eat similar because we know how easy we gain weight.

    If you eat lots of fruits and vegetables though that is good. I guess just ask him what he wants you to do to help him. I guess if you don't have a weight problem it is hard for you to want to get out and bike and run and go to the gym and do all the stuff us bigger people have to do to lose weight. Like someone said it is a math thing, got to log and eat less calories. Be glad if you don't have a weight problem, I eat when happy, sad, sick, any emotion. This could be him also and he will have to log his calories cause we don't have the full button.

    I also agree it is he who will have to want to do something about his weight. My family was on to me and it didn't help, made it worse. I have heavy friends and I try to just accept them and when they are ready they will do something.
  • 86myHeadache
    86myHeadache Posts: 44 Member
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    I am like StrongLife, the more I exercise the better I eat. It sounds like your heart is in the right place. Good luck..

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