Criticism for losing weight?

moya_rargh
moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I was 16st (224lbs for our US friends) in 2010 and since then I have gradually decreased to 12.5st (175lbs)
I'm 5ft 8ins and you can see from my progress pics what I used to look like.

I've started running this year as well as hitting the weights again. I dropped from 12st 3 (171) to 11st 3 (157) in 6 weeks - yes, a bit drastic. I'm now aiming to maintain while gradually losing body fat, rather than scale weight until I'm lean enough to start bulking back up again.

Since losing the weight, I've had very little in the way of support or encouragement and any remarks about my weight loss seem to be derogatory wrapped in concern's clothing. You know the sort of stuff. "I need to eat more", "I'm wasting away", "I look ill" etc, etc.

Nobody was this concerned when I was 4.5st (63lbs) overweight three years ago. I often feel like I'm now swimming against a tide of potential sabotage. Does anybody else have this problem?

Replies

  • Puffingmuffin
    Puffingmuffin Posts: 76 Member
    Generally my family has been happy for me losing weight (about 7kg a few years ago). Though a few friend-nemies smile but deep down inside, they're jealous as heck. Who cares what others say or think? Be happy and give thanks, that's my motto!
  • ChrisS30V
    ChrisS30V Posts: 157 Member
    This has been an ongoing problem for me. Pretty much every family member outside of the ones that actually live with me and see me on a daily basis has made a wise-*kitten* or accusatory comment at one time or another. I've been told that I need to stop starving myself, been asked if I have an ED, etc. The funny thing is, all the comments are from people who are overweight or obese and it would seem they're the ones with screwed up eating habits. I think a lot of it stems from jealousy and the fact that they hate to see someone standing out and making changes that they themselves are too lazy to make. I also think a lot of it is good old fashioned hatefulness, too.

    Like in your case, nobody said anything when I was overweight, or when I would gain 20 or 30 lbs between family gatherings. Don't pay any attention to it, they can't comprehend the hard work that you've put in to get to where you are. Haters gonna hate.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    People are afraid of others changing, because they are unwilling to confront what they need to change about themselves.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    And the worst part is that this time next year after I've bulked, the same people sniping at me for 'being too skinny' will probably be asking if I'm on steroids!!!

    Why does a successful change in weight always have to elicit an accusation of some form of wrongdoing? The only place I've been told that I look better for losing weight is on here.
  • 89nunu
    89nunu Posts: 1,082 Member
    I get the same thing from friends and family that don't know how much and what I eat. They always go 'you are not eating enough' 'you are getting to skinny' 'be careful' but on the other hand, the people that do know how much I eat (people I share my food choices with and colleagues as I bring in a massive bag full of food everyday) are more like 'how can you eat this much?' it's all down to perspective!
    The people being negative don't know what we know about your weight loss: that you are doing it the healthy way by watching what you eat and how you train.
    Shrug it off and keep being the best you you can be!
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    I get the same thing from friends and family that don't know how much and what I eat. They always go 'you are not eating enough' 'you are getting to skinny' 'be careful' but on the other hand, the people that do know how much I eat (people I share my food choices with and colleagues as I bring in a massive bag full of food everyday) are more like 'how can you eat this much?' it's all down to perspective!
    The people being negative don't know what we know about your weight loss: that you are doing it the healthy way by watching what you eat and how you train.
    Shrug it off and keep being the best you you can be!

    Thanks. As you can see from my diary, I always eat over and exercise back under to come in just under my maintenance (obvious spike for yesterday's entry as I went for a night out/meal) and I haven't logged this afternoon's food yet, there is no way that I would starve myself. I love food, me!
  • forjaneuk
    forjaneuk Posts: 3
    I am getting much the same, apart from someone else who is losing weight using this website. It's strange how friends can be the first to make what they think is funny remarks when you are carrying the weight, but can barely utter a compliment when you are losing it - I don't understand and long since given up even trying. As far as I am concerned, I am losing weight for me and for no-body else - and now ensure I give out compliments to some people as sparingly! Good luck and don't be put off by others. I even have, amongst the above friends people I would call feeders - and I have also had to learn to cope with them too - the kind who overload food with butter and more butter oh and a little cream for good measure - will cater for vegetarians but it seems that for anyone on a diet they will just either have to lump it or just eat less and go home hungry! Weight control is hard work and many factors make it even harder!
  • MaritzK
    MaritzK Posts: 66 Member
    Yes, unfortunateley it's very common in people.. Although I don't really know what the reason is. As long as you are healthy and feel good, let them talk. You're doing this for yourself :) Good luck!
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member

    It's strange how friends can be the first to make what they think is funny remarks when you are carrying the weight, but can barely utter a compliment when you are losing it

    Ain't that the truth?
  • tbgree00
    tbgree00 Posts: 25 Member
    I get this a lot from my mom and grandparents. I don't see them all the time and when I do they tell me they're worried. The one that hurts a little is they say "You don't look like yourself." or "you barely resemble the little boy we cared for." I know they mean well and don't understand nutrition etc but it's still annoying. Especially when I pounded 1k calories at Thanksgiving dinner. I was like "Did you not see me eat a huge plate of food?"

    Luckily my wife and coworkers are supportive so I've been able to have great success this year so far.
  • jazi719
    jazi719 Posts: 150 Member
    People are afraid of others changing, because they are unwilling to confront what they need to change about themselves.

    This is so true!
  • S_of_Montreal
    S_of_Montreal Posts: 37 Member
    Some peoples idea of a compliment sounds more like an insult. Yet, the change you made was significant enough to be worthy of a comment. It's better than staying the same and to be commentless.
  • workout_ninja
    workout_ninja Posts: 524 Member
    I get alot of "dont lose any more weight" and "your becoming obsessed" Actually no - just because I dont want to eat a chocolate eclair and an empire biscuit with a giant cup of coffee filled with sugar, does not make me obsessed. and If i get one more "oh a little one wont hurt" I will scream. If I want the damn sweet, i will eat it, but dont force it on me!
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    I get alot of "dont lose any more weight" and "your becoming obsessed" Actually no - just because I dont want to eat a chocolate eclair and an empire biscuit with a giant cup of coffee filled with sugar, does not make me obsessed. and If i get one more "oh a little one wont hurt" I will scream. If I want the damn sweet, i will eat it, but dont force it on me!

    This! People are now queueing up around the block to offer me 'snacks and treats' - they've never done this before in my life!
  • lucyloutoo
    lucyloutoo Posts: 522 Member
    I get alot of "dont lose any more weight" and "your becoming obsessed" Actually no - just because I dont want to eat a chocolate eclair and an empire biscuit with a giant cup of coffee filled with sugar, does not make me obsessed. and If i get one more "oh a little one wont hurt" I will scream. If I want the damn sweet, i will eat it, but dont force it on me!

    I get this too,or "you're looking skinny" (which I correct to "looking well")
    And yeah it's always those people who made comments about being larger than them before that do it (I was never day as such, just heavier than I wanted to be)
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,301 Member
    Sounds to me that you are working round where you should be, for you, and who else is best placed to know our own bodies, oneself. You are taking an interest in your well being. I like your 5th, I think it was photo. a string of medals. Long may you be able to add to them.
  • XTSH
    XTSH Posts: 129 Member
    I dropped from 154lbs to 132lbs in 6mth. Not a lot of weight and difference so I managed to evade the comments for the most parts. However, this week I finally wore some new fitting clothes to work and people had commented from Monday to Friday. Somehow, they ALWAYS assumed first that I have starved myself to achieve this. I said no. I watched what I eat and regularly workout. Motivation I always said.
  • taiyola
    taiyola Posts: 964 Member
    Yesterday you considered not going out for a meal in case it put you over your calories - maybe people on the outside World see this kind of behaviour and recognise how unhealthy it is?

    I eat a lot, and haven't lost anything life changing, so not really. One of my friends is a feeder though who has lost weight - she will buy herself chocolate, perhaps feels guilty about it, and then try to make me eat it?
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    Yesterday you considered not going out for a meal in case it put you over your calories - maybe people on the outside World see this kind of behaviour and recognise how unhealthy it is?

    I eat a lot, and haven't lost anything life changing, so not really. One of my friends is a feeder though who has lost weight - she will buy herself chocolate, perhaps feels guilty about it, and then try to make me eat it?

    No less healthy than a 2000 calorie burger with 1000 calorie fries when I'm meant to be maintaining on 2000! As I said on that thread, I'm new to this tracking malarkey and I'm still trying to find a balance. I NEVER want to be that fat and unhappy again and yes it does feel like people are queueing up to knock me down now that I am succeeding. Incidentally, it is always high fat, high sugar, high calorie, low nutritional value food that they offer me as well, when they know that I exercise regularly.

    In 2007 I was really muscular and women actually found me attractive (yes, I know!!!) My friends' reaction to this? "You can't polish a turd!"
  • drugrug
    drugrug Posts: 50
    I went from 135 to 98lbs in about a year & I defiantly got the same "concerned for my health" response. but i just do what i want (the healthy way) and it makes me happy so i forget about what other people have to say!!!
  • red_road
    red_road Posts: 761 Member
    Im not sure these comments are always from jealously, but yes it is rude, perhaps for some reason people feel it is okay to comment on weight loss rather than weight gain as that is a more sensitive topic. Maybe it it also because so many people struggle to lose weight and dont understand how you could lose so much so fast in a healthy way. In time they will get used to it, just focus on the positive and all the encouraging comments and feedback from this site and good friends.
  • carpetbagger12000
    carpetbagger12000 Posts: 41 Member
    My in-laws give me a hard time in a teasing way when it is obvious I am exercising portion control. Most of them are overweight/obese, except for one brother-in-law who actually said to me, “Would it kill you to gain a pound?” My daughter was obese and they didn’t say a word about it. When she joined MFP and lost over 50 lbs. and started running and working out, the compliments were forthcoming. I, on the other hand, get chided for trying to maintain a youthful figure. I don’t get it either.
  • kwantlen2051
    kwantlen2051 Posts: 455 Member
    Sometimes people are critical because they feel jealous or insecure. Keep your chin up and do what is right for you. They will eventually get tired of it. Good luck on your journey.
  • CharisSunny
    CharisSunny Posts: 276 Member
    Im perpetually told to not lose any more.
    Sometimes the comments are veiled in a question, "So how much more are you thinking about losing? *sideeye*


    As long as you are remaining within a healthy range, and making the changes in a healthy manner continue until you are pleased.

    Make sure to reassess every now and again though, make sure your mindset is healthy so that YOU are seeing YOURSELF and not your previously obese version :)
  • Supertact
    Supertact Posts: 466 Member
    I've gotten the you're starving yourself, you're wasting away and you have an ED while eating more nutritious food and being more full then them.
    All from overweight or obese family.
  • 2aycocks
    2aycocks Posts: 415 Member
    You KNOW you look much better and FEEL much better!! So turn off your hearing aid and look the other way when snarky remarks are coming at you. Or you can say, "Want to race?" :laugh:
  • Saramelie
    Saramelie Posts: 308 Member
    I can`t wait to be told that I am too skinny!!!!!
    No, but seriously, people don`t like other people changing and taking care of themselves because it just puts in their own face what THEY are not able/unwilling to do. Screw them! Enjoy your new body! :-)

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