When others don't notice your loss...

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Jemie45
Jemie45 Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
So, Im doing this all for myself and no one elses validation, but - how is it that I have lost 15 kgs (30 pounds) in the past year, 10 (20 pounds) in the past 5 months and my friends/colleagues haven't commented at all?! im a size 12 now from 14/16 and its halfway to goal, I have another 15kg to go but thought that 1-2 dress sizes down would be noticable.

Its my head doing its crazy thinking now and feeling like I havent lost any weight at all or that I'll never reach my goal. Weight loss has been a very slow process, despite low cals/exercise Im only losing around 2kg a month and sometimes it feels like the scales dont move at all. Today I was at a picnic and friends were commenting on a couple of the other girls' weight loss but no one said anything to me. Suddenly I felt huger than ever before and so demoralised.

Its hard to explain why I even want someone else to notice, if someone did comment Id actually be extremely embarrassed and would brush it off to get the attention off me, yet I still want it... I guess I just need some external validation to know my efforts are actually leading somewhere and keep slogging away another 5-6 months...

Has anyone else felt like this?
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Replies

  • gwsgator
    gwsgator Posts: 1 Member
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    People who see you every day aren't likely to notice gradual or even not so gradual loss. I can almost guarantee you that someone who doesn't see you everyday will notice.

    I have lost weight fairly quickly and everyone has noticed. But this has a downside too. I can't tell you how many people have asked if I am sick or if something is wrong. It's nice that they notice,...but it has a downside too.
  • DianneP6772
    DianneP6772 Posts: 272 Member
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    gws is right - people who see you often - may not notice much. But just wait until you see someone who hasn't seen you for 6 months or so. This has happened to me as i have been away from tennis because of an injury. Now i am back playing and seeing people for the first time in 6-7 months and they are just amazed. Some don't recognize me.
    Yes - i did this for myself. But honestly - its really great when someone else notices. And its about 30 lbs for me.
    Stay with it - and believe me - they will notice. And when you get to your goal - you will get lots of comments.
    They are often with a question - has this been intentional?
    Its worth it - you are healthier - and stay the course - In the end - you win!
  • em435
    em435 Posts: 210 Member
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    Yep, if they see you everyday they may not notice. I've not lost much but friends I hadn't seen in years noticed my puny 15lb loss but hardly anyone I see regularly has said anything. Those who have, have said my face is a little thinner so I think it also depends where you have lost the weight.
    It could also be down to whether or not you wear clothes that fit your slimmer figure. If the clothes are baggy, people are less likely to comment.
    ..and don't forget, it might not be in the nature of the people you have around you. They might be jealous or they might not want to bring it up in case they offend you somehow...

    2kg a month is great progress (I wish I could lose that steadily!)! The compliments will certainly come, just be patient (or pull out all the stops for an occasion this holiday season)
  • queenb39
    queenb39 Posts: 54 Member
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    Yes I have lost 24 lbs. an has no one has noticed. But if I gained 24 lbs. the world would notice..
  • 1a1a
    1a1a Posts: 761 Member
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    As you say, you don't need the validation of others :-) and how much better and fitter do you feel now this side of your journey?

    (On the plus side, chances are no one noticed you put the weight on either which was the case with my boyfriend).
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,370 Member
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    They'll most likely notice when you're back in Summer clothing. Try not to let it worry you and keep up with what you're doing.

    Probably just means that they never viewed you as 'large' to start with!!


    .
  • datleprechaun
    datleprechaun Posts: 21
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    I think it depends on how much you currently weigh. I think it reaches a certain point where you need to be in a certain weight range for people to really notice. I know it sounds weird but let me explain.
    About a year or so ago I lost weight like I'm doing right now. Like I was about 20 pounds less than I currently am. EVERYONE noticed. I wasn't even thin, still in the overweight category on the BMI but I was suddenly at a weight range where I think for my height it just all of a sudden looked really noticable. Right now I have lost 30 pounds (I gained weight back since the first time I dieted unfortunately) and no one has really noticed. I'm predicting once I lose another 20 pounds people will notice again just like last time. So if you're looking for that validation just keep going. It might even take as little as another 10 pounds for people to say anything.
  • Dixie2111
    Dixie2111 Posts: 30 Member
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    Hi Jemie, I'm sorry to hear such negative responses from your colleagues, but I too am in the exact same situation at work where colleagues have said absolutely nothing to me about my weight loss either, but, I put it down to petty jealousies not that anyone else is vastly overweight and they all are slim (except for one person who is not) and she is very prickly and down right nasty when speaking to me since I have lost a stone and a half and I have gone down from a dress size 14/16 to a size 10/12, but I see that as HER problem not mine I am doing something she don't like and it's probably getting to her. I am half way there with my weight loss and have been a member of MFP since May 2013, so not quite as long as yourself hon. Please don't take their silences as a negative, turn it around into a positive because sweetie you are getting right up their noses! Its like being in a bucket of crabs really, those that climb up are always pulled back down by the others also trying to climb up, so eventually no-one escapes the bucket - be a starfish instead because you ARE a star. :flowerforyou: This is what its like in my office too because I work with mostly other females with only two males in our particular part of the office, so you can appreciate that 6 a women plus me making 7 and two males its not a very healthy work balance. But, I must say the other day my head boss, who is female and around the same height as me although she's slightly larger, complimented me when I was saying to the one lady who is my friend there because of an injury I had let things slip and I'd gained 4 pounds and was feeling bloated that day my boss said; 'Well, Michelle, you have done really well, I can see how well you have done with your weight loss and I must take a leaf out of your book come the New Year and shed some of mine' . :happy: I was so bemused to have received a compliment I didn't even thank her. So, there is hope for you, and I think you have done really, really well! Keep up the good work and don't let the B's get you down! xx :heart: :smooched:
  • sasouna
    sasouna Posts: 35 Member
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    The last time I lost weight (that was more than 10 years ago), I lost 21 kg and everyone noticed except my best friend.. May be because we saw each other everyday at college. Unfortunately, when everyone kept telling me I lost a lot of weight, I went into a "well, well, everyone says I lost a lot of weight, I don't need to lose anymore then!" phase and I stopped! I stopped losing and started gaining and went over those 21 kg by another 23!

    Now, a friend of mine noticed I lost weight (only 5 kg, and I need to lose at least 45 more), I noticed a stall, and thinking of avoiding meeting this friend for a while, lol.. I know she means well, but it seems I don't respond well to compliments :bigsmile:
    On the other hand, I sometimes feel like "ok, why aren't more people telling me I lost weight? :angry:"

    It's so messed up! :laugh:
  • 15Nov2013
    15Nov2013 Posts: 46 Member
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    Yes I have lost 24 lbs. an has no one has noticed. But if I gained 24 lbs. the world would notice..

    EXACTLY ... i find people noticing even the tiniest bit of weight gain ... yet they don't always seem to notice huge loses ... this has always interested me
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    I have lost a lot of weight.
    The first comments, from people that I see every day, came after I had lost about 40 pounds.

    One young man I work with was talked to me about it after I had lost around 100 pounds. His wife lost 100 pounds during the same time. He told me that he noticed my weight loss "a long time ago", but was not sure if he should mention it or not. He explained that he thought that some people take the comments negatively, so he did not say anything. His wife encouraged him to mention it to me.

    Maybe some people you see daily have the same reluctance.

    The comments can be encouraging, and helpful, I will admit, but doing this for yourself is a huge reward.

    The reason I began my journey, was a health assessment for our health insurance at work in December of 2011. We were told at that time that we would have until December of 2012 to improve our 5 biomarkers to receive a discounted premium charge. December of 2012 they extended that period until December of 2013. I am very happy to say, that I received my assessment in the mail this past Friday, and I passed all 5 markers. Ultimately, this is what it was all about for me. The comments are nice, but this is what inspired me to finally do something for myself that got me healthier.
  • andrewjuu
    andrewjuu Posts: 76 Member
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    I lost 90 lbs in 2 years & received only a passing comment or two from people at work & those were people that I hadn't seen in quite a while who could not contain their surprise. After thinking on it some, I attributed it to a number of factors. #1 we live in a politically correct world now where comments in the office about other people's appearances are generally discouraged. After all, a compliment about how good you look now could be taken the wrong way ie., how bad you looked previously. Of course comments from members of the opposite sex are even more frowned upon due to sexual harassment in the workplace fears. #2, people are afraid there may be health issues involved that caused your weight loss & don't want to create an awkward situation by calling attention to it. #3, people may feel they don't know you well enough to make personal comments so they keep quiet. So in my case I tend to attribute the lack of positive comment to one of the above & not assume that there was a conspiracy to ignore my accomplishments. Besides, I notice the looks certain members of the opposite sex cast my way every now & then & I don't need the spoken word to appreciate that they approve of the change :wink:
  • GardenGirlie
    GardenGirlie Posts: 241 Member
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    I truly feel in the "politically correct" atmosphere we are now supposed to live in, especially work related, that there are several people who have noticed but purposely said nothing. I completely understand why they wouldn't. Keep doing it for yourself and really believe....people have noticed, I guarantee it!!
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    Commenting on someone's weight loss can be a very tricky thing. I can't tell you how many people (here and elsewhere) have complained because someone tells them "you look good now" or "you've lost weight, you look so much better" or whatever. Some people are afraid to say anything incase you've been sick and didn't mean to lose weight. Some people just don't know what to say.

    And of course, saying nothing is bad, too, because then people think you don't care or didn't notice or their effort is wasted. :ohwell:

    I'm sorry you feel like no one has noticed. But it's very likely that they just don't know how to say it the "right" way and don't want to offend you.
  • trixiepinkie
    trixiepinkie Posts: 19 Member
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    I agree with everyone. It's the people who see you everyday, that aren't going to notice a difference because it's gradual. Everyone carries it differently, so it all depends on the situation. My coworkers are now noticing, and I find it a bit uncomfortable to talk about it. I think the face is where people notice the most. That's what I've been hearing anyway. Keep up the good work, and people will start to notice. Just may take a bit more time for you.
  • ElizabethFuller
    ElizabethFuller Posts: 352 Member
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    Do you talk about diet and exercise at work? I think if people know that you're trying to lose weight they are far more likely to comment on your weight loss.
    Someone at work joined WW last year and all we heard about was how many points there are in this or that, I'd like to eat this or that but I'm on a diet...... You know how it goes. Well, she was asked about her weight constantly, every pound lost was applauded and admired.
    Now, I started my diet in June, I avoid talking about diets and I don't bleat about the things I can't eat (I think it's boring to the naturally thin and a tad inflammatory to the overweight!) and I don't think it's particularly obvious I'm on a diet.... So no one notices, I've lost about 35lb and two dress sizes and there's not been a single comment. But I really don't need cheerleaders, I'm doing this for me, for my health and well being. Yes, it would be nice to be encouraged along but that's what we're here for - you're doing an awesome job, in the right and healthy way - you rock!! :flowerforyou:
  • cjsroute24
    cjsroute24 Posts: 15 Member
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    The same thing is happening to me too. I have lost b/t 30 and 35. I have gone down a size in clothes and am getting close to going down another, but very few people have commented. Don't know if it's because it is winter and the clothes are bigger - so hide it?

    I've been kind of surprised, but since *I* know I'm doing good, I've not been worrying about it. The few people who DO say something do make you feel good though!!!!
  • Commander_Keen
    Commander_Keen Posts: 1,179 Member
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    Question: Who do you work with, guys or gals?

    Question: How often do they see you, they may not have notice if they work with you every day, vs, seeing you very 6 months.

    Statement: Maybe you need to buy tighter fitting cloths, to show off your new curves.
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
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    Good job you're doing it just for you. :flowerforyou:

    Honestly? 1-2 dress sizes is not something I ever really notice in those around me. And, it happened to me too. I lost about 30 lbs before anyone commented, but people had noticed earlier, they just didn't like to say anything. You'll probably find that one day, all of a sudden, everyone will notice, and then they won't shut up about it. :smile:
  • Mypupsnow
    Mypupsnow Posts: 4
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    I think you deserve a new outfit you feel great in!

    I lost 30lbs off of my 130lbs(sickness) and not a single coworker commented. I think many simply didn't notice because I was still wearing clothes that fit my old frame and thus added weight to my new one.I think many feel that weight is such a sensitive subject they don't want to comment unless they know what's going on. Some will give you hidden complements like "that shirt looks good" but really mean "the new you looks great in that shirt"

    Tell them and I'm sure that they'll see the difference- it gives them a trigger to comment on a gradual change that's been happening over time.

    This group certainty noticed and they seem to think you're doing awesome!

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