Coworkers and friends not very supportive.
sjackson310
Posts: 23
So when i started my weight loss journey in late September, I was 151 lbs. My goal weight is about 130-132 and the last time I weighed in (November 16th) I was 144. So I was never really morbidly obese at 5'6'' and it's just been a few aesthetic pounds I wanted to lose.
My immediate family has been supportive and telling me how good of a job I've done, but my coworkers keep telling me I am crazy and don't need to lose weight, to "eat the d*mn chocolate", and to stop counting calories. Granted, they all have between 25-75 lbs to lose. My friends are telling me that I am fine, and since I am not obese, I am better off than most of the country. A few of my friends call me "obsessed" (and not in a joking way, they say it seriously and sort of concerned sounding) because I count all of my calories and spend money on the gym, fitbit, and my weight bench set at home.
Then there are the friends that are telling me that if I keep weight training, I am going to look like a man and be gross.
My boyfriend is very supportive of me and every day he tells me how fantastic I look. It's really bothering me that people can't be supportive, especially the people I spend a lot of my time with. I KNOW I am not "huge" but that doesn't mean I can't want to lose some weight and get healthier. I don't get told I look sick or anything like that, but people downplay all my efforts and try to make it seem like I have a disorder or something for wanting to be active and healthy. I am a registered nurse too, so my coworkers should be more supportive in my efforts (well, at least I think).
Am I the only one dealing with this? I am irritated right now.
My immediate family has been supportive and telling me how good of a job I've done, but my coworkers keep telling me I am crazy and don't need to lose weight, to "eat the d*mn chocolate", and to stop counting calories. Granted, they all have between 25-75 lbs to lose. My friends are telling me that I am fine, and since I am not obese, I am better off than most of the country. A few of my friends call me "obsessed" (and not in a joking way, they say it seriously and sort of concerned sounding) because I count all of my calories and spend money on the gym, fitbit, and my weight bench set at home.
Then there are the friends that are telling me that if I keep weight training, I am going to look like a man and be gross.
My boyfriend is very supportive of me and every day he tells me how fantastic I look. It's really bothering me that people can't be supportive, especially the people I spend a lot of my time with. I KNOW I am not "huge" but that doesn't mean I can't want to lose some weight and get healthier. I don't get told I look sick or anything like that, but people downplay all my efforts and try to make it seem like I have a disorder or something for wanting to be active and healthy. I am a registered nurse too, so my coworkers should be more supportive in my efforts (well, at least I think).
Am I the only one dealing with this? I am irritated right now.
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Replies
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What jumped out at me is that your OVERWEIGHT coworkers are telling you not to lose anymore weight and to just have some food with them.
They feel better about themselves when trying to lure you into their "food corner," so to speak.
To the coworkers, just say "no thanks" and ignore their comments.
To you friends, tell them to cut out their remarks.
The bottom line is that this is YOUR journey and you really do not need the support of others (thought support is helpful and nice) to lose weight. You just need a calorie deficit, that is all.
Hang in there, this too shall pass.
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Why do you feel the need to tell your co workers that you are counting calories and trying to lose weight? In theory overweight people that are in denial are going to be unsupportive because by supporting you means they have to admit to themselves that they are unhealthy and have to change and they are not ready for that. I was never overweight. But, whenever I tried to lose weight and count calories and go to the gym more, I don't tell a lot of people except maybe my husband, because people in general will have negative reaction to a healthy weight girl trying to lose "vanity pounds" considering the majority of the population is overweight. Why don't you just count your calories, lose weight and stop discussing weight loss altogether to those unsupportive people you mentioned. You don't need their approval to lose weight and be healthier.0
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The reason my coworkers know is because they ALWAYS bring food, which is usually unhealthy, so i ask what is in it, or if it has a nutrition info thing on the back, I go and look (which is obvious) or I am scanning in foods with the scanner. I don't ever say "I am going to check the calories of these Twizzlers" but they get it. When they ask why I won't eat the candy that everyone else is eating and I just tell them "it has too many calories and itll throw me over my daily budget" I get told I am starving myself and I won't be able to stay on this diet long term. Which is funny because I eat lots of junk, but I knew about it beforehand and allot the calories to do so.
I don't need their support, it's moreso I hate the demeaning comments. I do not need them to cheer me on, but if I didn't ask them to make fun of me for this, then they need to cut that out. I wish they would just not say anything
As for my friends, when I tell them my reasoning and that I am doing this for me and it's my goal, they get all butt hurt. IDK if everyone is just hormonal right now but I guess they just want me to take their criticism, but when I tell them this is serious and to stop saying this crap, they get all offended (yes, I say it nicely but firmly).0 -
Your success and healthy choices make them feel guilty, so they try to bring you down. You can't change their behavior, but you can change how you feel about it. You're doing what makes you happy and you should be proud of yourself. Never defend yourself to them, ever. If they offer you something, just say "no thanks." You don't owe them any explanations. If they won't leave you alone, firmly tell them that it's your body and that your personal choices are none of their business.0
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So when i started my weight loss journey in late September, I was 151 lbs. My goal weight is about 130-132 and the last time I weighed in (November 16th) I was 144. So I was never really morbidly obese at 5'6'' and it's just been a few aesthetic pounds I wanted to lose.
My immediate family has been supportive and telling me how good of a job I've done, but my coworkers keep telling me I am crazy and don't need to lose weight, to "eat the d*mn chocolate", and to stop counting calories. Granted, they all have between 25-75 lbs to lose. My friends are telling me that I am fine, and since I am not obese, I am better off than most of the country. A few of my friends call me "obsessed" (and not in a joking way, they say it seriously and sort of concerned sounding) because I count all of my calories and spend money on the gym, fitbit, and my weight bench set at home.
Then there are the friends that are telling me that if I keep weight training, I am going to look like a man and be gross.
My boyfriend is very supportive of me and every day he tells me how fantastic I look. It's really bothering me that people can't be supportive, especially the people I spend a lot of my time with. I KNOW I am not "huge" but that doesn't mean I can't want to lose some weight and get healthier. I don't get told I look sick or anything like that, but people downplay all my efforts and try to make it seem like I have a disorder or something for wanting to be active and healthy. I am a registered nurse too, so my coworkers should be more supportive in my efforts (well, at least I think).
Am I the only one dealing with this? I am irritated right now.
Set yourself some ground-rules and stick with them, rigidly, rules such as:
Do NOT tell co-workers you are dieting (it is none of their business and they do not have to know)
Do NOT tell co-workers when you lose weight (it is none of their business and they do not have to know)
DO, however, tell co-workers that you do not need lessons on what to eat, you are doing just fine
Do NOT look for support anywhere, that way you will never be irritated or upset when people do not give it
IGNORE co-workers who continuously try to encourage you to eat certain stuff, they are just trying to justify their own cravings
Seriously, who cares whether people support you or not, you are doing fantastic, you don't need other people to give you grief.0 -
The reason my coworkers know is because they ALWAYS bring food, which is usually unhealthy, so i ask what is in it, or if it has a nutrition info thing on the back, I go and look (which is obvious) or I am scanning in foods with the scanner. I don't ever say "I am going to check the calories of these Twizzlers" but they get it. When they ask why I won't eat the candy that everyone else is eating and I just tell them "it has too many calories and itll throw me over my daily budget" I get told I am starving myself and I won't be able to stay on this diet long term. Which is funny because I eat lots of junk, but I knew about it beforehand and allot the calories to do so.
I don't need their support, it's moreso I hate the demeaning comments. I do not need them to cheer me on, but if I didn't ask them to make fun of me for this, then they need to cut that out. I wish they would just not say anything
As for my friends, when I tell them my reasoning and that I am doing this for me and it's my goal, they get all butt hurt. IDK if everyone is just hormonal right now but I guess they just want me to take their criticism, but when I tell them this is serious and to stop saying this crap, they get all offended (yes, I say it nicely but firmly).
[/quote
I'm not saying lie but give as little information as0 -
The reason my coworkers know is because they ALWAYS bring food, which is usually unhealthy, so i ask what is in it, or if it has a nutrition info thing on the back, I go and look (which is obvious) or I am scanning in foods with the scanner. I don't ever say "I am going to check the calories of these Twizzlers" but they get it. When they ask why I won't eat the candy that everyone else is eating and I just tell them "it has too many calories and itll throw me over my daily budget" I get told I am starving myself and I won't be able to stay on this diet long term. Which is funny because I eat lots of junk, but I knew about it beforehand and allot the calories to do so.
I don't need their support, it's moreso I hate the demeaning comments. I do not need them to cheer me on, but if I didn't ask them to make fun of me for this, then they need to cut that out. I wish they would just not say anything
As for my friends, when I tell them my reasoning and that I am doing this for me and it's my goal, they get all butt hurt. IDK if everyone is just hormonal right now but I guess they just want me to take their criticism, but when I tell them this is serious and to stop saying this crap, they get all offended (yes, I say it nicely but firmly).0 -
The reason my coworkers know is because they ALWAYS bring food, which is usually unhealthy, so i ask what is in it, or if it has a nutrition info thing on the back, I go and look (which is obvious) or I am scanning in foods with the scanner. I don't ever say "I am going to check the calories of these Twizzlers" but they get it. When they ask why I won't eat the candy that everyone else is eating and I just tell them "it has too many calories and itll throw me over my daily budget" I get told I am starving myself and I won't be able to stay on this diet long term. Which is funny because I eat lots of junk, but I knew about it beforehand and allot the calories to do so.
I don't need their support, it's moreso I hate the demeaning comments. I do not need them to cheer me on, but if I didn't ask them to make fun of me for this, then they need to cut that out. I wish they would just not say anything
As for my friends, when I tell them my reasoning and that I am doing this for me and it's my goal, they get all butt hurt. IDK if everyone is just hormonal right now but I guess they just want me to take their criticism, but when I tell them this is serious and to stop saying this crap, they get all offended (yes, I say it nicely but firmly).
Don't lie but give as little information as possible. If you need to pass on food why not say "no thanks" or if you just have eaten a snack say "I'm full" rather than "that will get me over the caloric limit". Also bring in healthy snacks and eat those while they are eatingg their snacks. It might make them feel better to know you are not starving yourself. One of the posters was right that if you give very little information and they are still saying negative comments you should just change your mental attitude to not get bothered, because you know they are just jealous. Also spend some time finding new friends that are at a healthy weight. Find people at your workplace that is more like you, who cares about her health, who eats right, and exercises regularly. Once you hit your target goal don't count on these individuals to celebrate with you. It is possible that old relationships can become toxic.'0 -
So when i started my weight loss journey in late September, I was 151 lbs. My goal weight is about 130-132 and the last time I weighed in (November 16th) I was 144. So I was never really morbidly obese at 5'6'' and it's just been a few aesthetic pounds I wanted to lose.
My immediate family has been supportive and telling me how good of a job I've done, but my coworkers keep telling me I am crazy and don't need to lose weight, to "eat the d*mn chocolate", and to stop counting calories. Granted, they all have between 25-75 lbs to lose. My friends are telling me that I am fine, and since I am not obese, I am better off than most of the country. A few of my friends call me "obsessed" (and not in a joking way, they say it seriously and sort of concerned sounding) because I count all of my calories and spend money on the gym, fitbit, and my weight bench set at home.
Then there are the friends that are telling me that if I keep weight training, I am going to look like a man and be gross.
My boyfriend is very supportive of me and every day he tells me how fantastic I look. It's really bothering me that people can't be supportive, especially the people I spend a lot of my time with. I KNOW I am not "huge" but that doesn't mean I can't want to lose some weight and get healthier. I don't get told I look sick or anything like that, but people downplay all my efforts and try to make it seem like I have a disorder or something for wanting to be active and healthy. I am a registered nurse too, so my coworkers should be more supportive in my efforts (well, at least I think).
Am I the only one dealing with this? I am irritated right now.
I started a thread of my own this very weekend about this entitled 'Criticism for losing weight' It's a common phenomenon by the looks of things.0 -
Keep doing what you're doing! I have about 13 more lbs to go and friends keep telling me to stop now and just maintain. I smile and keep going! When you're comfortable, you'll start maintenance......just like me!0
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I agree with the others on here saying, give them as little info as possible. I'll also and that i wouldn't look at their food and ask whats in it, or read the calorie count on their food. Thats probably making them angry and feeling like your bragging (not saying you are) or that you shouldn't be proud of what your doing. I went through a phase where i worked really hard to lose weight and exercise, and i did an awesome job. I had no support, people were actually the opposite. To the point i fell for it and gave up my exercise and healthy eating. I went from 120 pounds to where i am now. Which i'm clearly unhappy about. So, what i'm trying to say is if you say nothing to them , you'll probabaly feel great and they probably won't even notice you lost weight til your almost at your goal. I find when people are around you everyday, they notice less.
Stick to your plan, work your little butt off and if you need to talk or get support, look for it here, not with your co-workers. heehee Hope this helps :happy:0 -
I agree with what others said above. Only one of my coworkers knows that I'm counting calories, etc., and she jokes that I eat like a little bird... But she's also asked me what app I use, how to set her activity level, because she expressed an interest in giving it a try too. I don't tell anyone at work with the exception of this one person - our offices are right next to each other and we share a fax machine, filing cabinets, etc., so we're in a close proximity all day and she sees what I eat at work.
I haven't told my extended family. My boyfriend and sister know, but that's it. My BF and I live together so obviously he sees me weighing food, meticulously writing down recipe ingredients and weights as I cook so that it can all be logged, and he is enjoying my progress as much as I am lol. He is super supportive, as is my sister... But most in my extended family struggle with their weight, and they all have their own opinions about weight loss that I'm not interested in hearing (don't eat any carbs! Drink that nasty *kitten* cayenne pepper and lemon juice mix all day! Do 500 sit-ups a day! Start a juice cleanse! ...you get the idea). Recently, I was at an Italian restaurant with said family members, and when I ordered a side portion of pasta with tomato sauce (and only ate 1/3 of it... I know what 2oz of pasta looks like!), a large salad, and a side of steamed broccoli, my grandmother asked it was feeling okay, and why wasn't I eating fettuccine Alfredo or ravioli or pasta with OIL (like 1/2c of olive oil... no thank you) like everyone else. My response was "I'm not interested in eating 2,500+ calories for dinner today", and then they all shut up.0 -
Set yourself some ground-rules and stick with them, rigidly, rules such as:
Do NOT tell co-workers you are dieting (it is none of their business and they do not have to know)
Do NOT tell co-workers when you lose weight (it is none of their business and they do not have to know)
DO, however, tell co-workers that you do not need lessons on what to eat, you are doing just fine
Do NOT look for support anywhere, that way you will never be irritated or upset when people do not give it
IGNORE co-workers who continuously try to encourage you to eat certain stuff, they are just trying to justify their own cravings
Seriously, who cares whether people support you or not, you are doing fantastic, you don't need other people to give you grief.
^^ This is really good advice. Don't talk about diet and exercise with friends and co workers, if you decide to eat the treats then don't log the calories in front of them, by now you should be able to have a pretty good guess ( although the 240 calories chocolate cookies someone at work brought in caught me out!!). Eat one and say that you're not keen on these/they give you heartburn or a headache. I actually can't eat chocolate cake at work anymore because people think I'm allergic, I never actually said this they just assumed there must be a really serious reason I never eat it. :ohwell:
Basically, don't give them any ammunition at all. You're doing a good job, your goals are yours alone!0 -
I agree with the other posters as well. Keep in mind that calorie counting and logging have been shown to be an effective way to lose weight. Wishful thinking and "I'l start Monday" have not had the same success. Also, our perceptions of what is a normal and healthy weight have been skewed by the obesity epidemic. A normal weight person is often considered thin or skinny when in fact they are at a healthy weight.
You are doing great! Keep it up! Ignore the naysayers and get your support, when you need it, from those who are supportive.0 -
I just rock my guns and that pretty much keeps people quite. If you're ultimately going to have sustained success, you're going to live a lifestyle that is different than that of the vast majority of people around you (except your gym rat friends)....you're going to have to learn not to give a damn what other people think about it and do what you do for you. Also, I wouldn't bother mentioning calorie counting, etc....when people ask me why I'm not eating the doughnuts or whatever all of the time I just tell them I don't really eat like that much anymore...and like I said, I just rock my guns. Actually it's to the point now after over a year of doing this that other co-workers will chime in and say something like, "does he look like he sits around eating doughnuts?"0
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My coworkers give me funny looks while offering cookies and cupcakes, candy and other treats too. I keep telling them I'm on a diet, but they don't seem to get it. Some of them are heavier than I am and others are so skinny it hurts to even look their way. Still it's MY diet, not theirs. It's MY health, not theirs. They are not the one who got asked if they were pregnant because they were so fat. They are not the one with a family history of diabetes, high blood pressure, heart attack, stroke and cancer. If they want to play Russian Roulette with their health, fine, but not me.
Stick to your guns, put on a smile and pretend that you know a secret that they don't. Let them eat their poison and suffer the consequences, because what they are eating is literally poison to me and my metabolism.
Eat healthy, diet healthy and smile as they drop dead at early ages and you live to a ripe old age in good health! They're probably just jealous anyway.0 -
It's tough. I CLEARLY have a ways to go and some coworkers and friends say I am fine, criticize me or tease what I eat because I am eating veggies at lunch instead of buffalo wings and a personal pizza... When I was really good and someone offered me a candy or sweets, I would take it, say thanks, and TRASH IT. Or I would give it to my male boss who eats everything without asking where it came from. Now I've lost my motivation so it's becoming harder. One coworker brought me a bag of snickers on Thursday, someone else was putting bread in front of me, pizza parties, etc.
I know that I am guilty of talking too much, but I find that when you are with ppl for hours, something is bound to come out regarding an important part of your life. I think from now on if I have a comment or a question, I will post it on my wall instead of asking ppl that aren't trying to get healthy. I have said that I am craving pizza and someone will say well you don't eat it often do you, go ahead. If I posted that on my wall, no one would say that. A lot (most) of my coworkers need to lose 60-100 lbs as well, you would think that they would not try to tempt someone else. I would say that misery loves company, but that seems harsh. But I do feel that daily emotional eating, or living to eat is a type of hell for me, one that I thought I escaped. I think the craziness of my job is causing my will power to falter0 -
This is pretty common, and in my opinion it stems from jealousy. Forget the haters and just be you 0
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It's not their job to support you. In fact, there's no reason they even need to know. If you don't want to eat something, just don't eat it.
But if you are counting calories in front of them - at work - yeah, that's rightly going to be perceived as being "obsessive".0 -
How about just saying "no thanks, I'm not hungry or I just had a snack etc" You seem to be the one bringing up the calorie counting issue not your coworkers. I have been counting calories for several months now and manage to politely decline food at work without having people push food at me. I really don't need my coworkers support or not, my weight and diet is not their concern. I don't feel the need to tell them about it, and make them think I am trying to make someone feel bad about what they are or are not eating. Live your own life and stop worrying about what other people think and do.0
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Stick with the positive comments. This is an independent journey and the results are ours to enjoy! Everyone wishes they had your discipline..
Keep up the good work! 0 -
Well put!0
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If someone tells me I'm too thin, too obsessive, whatever I really have to bite my tongue not to say you're fat and don't care back to them. Now if you are being obsessive in front of them it can get annoying. I've worked with people who go on and on about the diet they're on, the workouts they do, how many calories are in this and that. It's about as interesting as listening to stories about the cute poopie someone's kid made. Co workers are co workers. People you are obliged to spend at least 8 hours a day with whether you like it or not. I find the less they know about my personal life the better.
For friends either straight out tell them to knock it off or find new friends because if they can't see it hurts you to make stupid comments then they aren't really friends unless it's the same as I said above and you are obsessively driving them nuts with calorie counting and talking about your diet and exercise.0 -
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I can speak to co-workers being supportive. My family is very supportive of healthy lifestyles. I once had an entire table of co-workers pressuring me to eat a piece of strawberry cake. I had a very satisfying lunch and I was full, but I also did consider the calories. I worked with a bunch of teenagers at the time in a treatment centre.
While most of my coworkers were pressuring me to eat the cake, I loudly announced to the teens that "This is what peer pressure looks like kids", and they all stopped pretty quickly, even though I said it in a jokingly matter and everyone had a laugh. One of my co-workers pointed out that it is because everyone else feels bad if I dont eat the cake, she knew EXACTLY the psychology behind the pressure. She herself struggled with her weight - and to my surprise, I later found out, she used to be over weight as all by about 100lbs. Interestingly enough, she was one of the coworkers adding pressure.
I NEVER count calories infront of coworkers. If there is cookies in the room, I either have one and estimate the calories or I say "No I dont want one". If they continue to pressure me, I just say it again "No I am fine, I do not want one". There is nothing wrong with you saying NO - dont worry about their feelings, they will live if you do not eat the candy.0 -
I get what you are going through completely!! I get a lot of flack for counting calories. I however, have an even further complication. I have been eating gluten free for the last 6 months due to terrible stomach issues, so not only do I count calories but there is an entire multitude of food I won't go near under any circumstances as it contains gluten. Most people at work know that I can't eat Gluten, we have potlucks quite frequently and people are always bringing in treats for the office. December will be exceptionally bad for that I'm sure... Most people don't give me a lot of of trouble for passing up on food as probably 95% of the time it contains gluten. But I do have a select few co-workers who are constantly giving you a hard time about watching what you eat, and one of them happens to sit in the cubicle right beside me. Eats whatever she wants, always tells me how delicious it is, and even buys the crap and leaves it on her desk. I often find myself cringing when I see the type of food she eats, so in a way it almost motivates me more. I see her eating lasagne and garlic toast sopping in butter for lunch, and I look at my well-prepared grilled chicken salad that I prepared ahead of time (that also tastes great), but will help me achieve the results I want.
I have quite a few co-worker who are in the same boat either doing weight watchers or counting calories. This can also be annoying as they feel they know way more about weight loss than me and I am constantly told that if I am eating over 1200 calories I must not be able to lose weight... V8 smack moment!!! This frustrates me even more than the co-workers telling me to stuff my face with bad food.
I am also getting married next month and still want to lose a few more vanity pounds, as we will be getting married in the Bahamas. I personally don't need to justify my eating habits to anyone!0 -
Personally i don't expect any support from my co-workers so it is not irritating no matter what they say. There is a time in a life when your inner strenght and motivation is so big that you don't need any help to achieve your goals. Its all inside you and its all up to you. Just believe in yourself.
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I would never tell co-workers I'm dieting. And I wouldn't ask what's in stuff either. Just eat what you want and log it as best you can.
While asking how food is prepared should be a positive sign, it's not. It's seen as being trite.
Some strategies are, "I just ate a snack", "I'm not hungry right now", "no thanks", "I'll try some in a while, I'm busy right now", or, if their *kitten*, I'll go get a plate and when they're not looking, throw it away. I've had to do that a number of times because they won't let up.
Whilst there is nothing wrong with what other posters have said, I think this gets to the root of the issue. By being obvious about what you are doing, it is setting you apart from the crowd and effectively rubbing their noses in their own lifestyle. I would be less concerned about what is in things, and more concerned about being discrete. If you want the pizza, have the pizza and log it when no-one is looking. If you don't, or are not sure, then politely decline. Occasionally we have a box of chocolates in the office so I would accept 1, and then just say a 'no thanks' to any more. It took them a few months to even realise I was losing weight. People don't like change and will go to extraordinary lengths to maintain the status quo. If you become more discrete, the status quo should return in a short while and then your lifestyle change will be forgotten. It won't be instant. To get an instant result I think you would need to be rude and would probably get yourself fired!0 -
Why do people even tell acquaintances that they are losing weight?
Stop making a big deal about your weight loss to people and people will stop making a big deal about your weight loss to you.
Or get thicker skin since it sounds like everyone is just paying you compliments anyway.
"Everyone keeps telling me I don't need to lose weight because I look awesome! Geez people! Support me!"
*first world problems0 -
This happens to me too. I work in the "Nutrition world" and at lunch the main topic is food, restrauants, diet, exercise... I get comments like "that's all you are going to eat?" and "that's not enough!" What they don't see is that I ate a small snack a few hours ago and am having a lite lunch. It gets frustrating and old to explain it every stinking day but people comment just to comment and I respond with a light hearted response. And some days if I don't want to hear it (along with all the other dribble talk at lunch :)haha...I just skip eating with others and do my own thing. I do notice that when I talk to too many people about my weight loss journey I get de-railed, especially after a 5-7# weight loss...grrr. I know I'm the one de-railing myself. This time I'm going to try the advice above and keep my journey to myself and only share with those who are supportive. I need to work on quieting the urge to explain myself when I decline the junk food that goes around the office. Good Luck and be well!0
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