Coworkers and friends not very supportive.

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  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
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    I'm probably more confrontational than you OP (hell, I'm more confrontational than nearly anyone I know!) but if people's comments upset you then tell them. They probably don't intend to upset you and may well be surprised that your feelings are being hurt.

    Sometimes to have to jerk someone's chain to make them look in the mirror and see their faults. I had a co-worker tell me I was "obsessive" because I declined a doughnut & use the gym nearly every day..... So I said "Dave, you are 4 years younger than me and in the last year you had a triple heart bypass and I cycled 100 miles in a day. Maybe I should be giving you health & fitness advice?"
    (Don't worry we have the kind of relationship that can withstand a bit of banter!)

    It's very common for a herd mentality in a work environment and if the herd are unfit and fat they will try to reinforce those behaviours unconsciously. Just tell them to think before speaking!
  • action_figure
    action_figure Posts: 511 Member
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    Don't eat their crap. It's always going to be bad.

    Also, you cannot possibly "look like a man" by weight training alone. You don't have the testosterone for it. Avoiding weight training because you think you might "accidentally" get a power lifter's physique is like avoiding jogging because you might "accidentally" step out your front door and win the Bostom marathon one day.
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
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    Whenever I apply for a job, I know a major part of that job is providing moral support to my coworkers toward whatever personal pursuits they have in their lives.

    Not unless you work in Human Resources. Your job is to do your job not be a soft shoulder for the jerk next to you.
  • ImtheOnethatsCool
    ImtheOnethatsCool Posts: 212 Member
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    Whenever I apply for a job, I know a major part of that job is providing moral support to my coworkers toward whatever personal pursuits they have in their lives.

    Not unless you work in Human Resources. Your job is to do your job not be a soft shoulder for the jerk next to you.

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  • TheJhazminShow
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    I run into this a lot too. I am morbidly obese and very open with everyone I know about my interest in losing weight, getting healthy, studying nutrition, etc. Still, so many of my friends and co-workers are always encouraging me to eat the cookie or have the chips or take the free candy "just this once, what can it hurt?" to which I can only reply "Just this once" is what got me here in the first place, because you can't say "just this once" every damn day. :P

    I think a lot of it has to do with food guilt. Many people in our society don't want to be the only ones eating the "naughty" food, they need other people to do it with them to feel okay about it, so they will try to get others in on it. I know I am guilty of this myself. I am too ashamed to be the fat kid at the cake table so I never go alone. If no one goes with me I don't go. Hah.

    If people are really rude or pushy about it you can shut them down by saying "It's my choice and I'm just not in the mood for that right now, thanks though." or something similar.

    Hang in there!
  • Mangopickle
    Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
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    Sorry sweetie, Nurses are the worst. Like all professionals in a high stress job they tend to acquire other unhealthy habits to self medicate their stress. They gossip, they are horrible with money, many smoke and most eat absolute crap. There is often a bizarre envy of anyone trying to improve their life or get ahead. I was immediately cut from the herd when i had the audacity to go back to school and get my NP. My parents taught me years ago the differences between friends and acquaintances. Friends never make you feel bad about doing something good for yourself. When you are with a friend you both become the best versions of yourself. They are right there cheering you on. If you want to achieve the ideal BMI for your ht why should anyone discourage you. A simple truth is that sometimes you outgrow your friends and they turn into acquaintances. I have a 100+ acquaintances but only 2 friends. Of course, I am assuming that you aren't preaching nutrition at them all the time LOL! As a Catholic I routinely have occasions to fast and abstain from pleasures( I.e. candy, fried food) as a way to be closer to God. This provides me with a ready excuse when I am presented with a gift of homemade fudge during the Holidays. I say thank you and ask if I can pass it along to a very poor working family that I care for. My advice is be gracious in your declines and don't give acquaintances to much information- it only invites them to comment and you don't need that negativity. Then you will be happy at work and in charity with your fellow man. That's what worked for me, good luck!
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Whenever I apply for a job, I know a major part of that job is providing moral support to my coworkers toward whatever personal pursuits they have in their lives.

    Not unless you work in Human Resources. Your job is to do your job not be a soft shoulder for the jerk next to you.

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    LOL! And I agree. You aren't there to make friends and support every little life changing decision they make..so why expect the same from them. Next time, don't discuss your weight loss and if they are bothering you that much, report them to HR.
  • electricbeauty
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    I used to take a plate of food, say thank you. Go to my desk, and throw it away when no one was looking, some people will not shutup, and when they know you are eating healthy, they try even harder. I know as a nurse, you probably don't have a cubicle wall to disguise the "throw away technique" :-), but when no one's looking throw a few pieces at a time in the trash rolled up in a napkin, it's sad that we have to go through so much (reverse psychology) on people but ultimately it's your decision. When you're super fat, they look at you like do you really need that?" when you start to lose weight, those same people will start to offer you food. It's irritating but I do understand you don't want to mess up your work environment by telling them if they want the chocolate ate, then they can always eat it themselves but if they continue on, you may just have to. Most of the time, you only need to set people straight once and they will shutup about it and go about their business. Sometimes "friends" are your "friends" for more than just because you are a "good person" when you start to change and grow, their security in having you be "a few lbs bigger than them" starts to make them feel insecure about themselves. Sometimes people keep us around for ulterior motives that we don't see until we start to change, then the real them starts to come out..

    I had a cousin who was a bit smaller than me and our other cousin when we were teenagers, she was always so happy when we would go to a party and dance all night long, thinking that we made her look so good, when I started losing it was quite obvious she was NOT happy about it. When I invited my friends who were teeny tiny she would stand on the wall all night long looking crazy because all of sudden she wasn't the "smallest" in the group anymore. tsk tsk.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    I work in a small office of about eight people and they all know I have food allergies and that i refrain from eating office sweets. They know I'm 99% no processed sugar (sweets). They never give me a hard time about it, and they don't offer me food either.

    The reason they know all this is because I've known them for years and they see me losing weight and not eating junk in the office.

    They are all very respectful.
  • Frayde
    Frayde Posts: 321 Member
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    I think it is so awesome that your sweetie is supportive. So is my husband. That's the best cheering section of all.
  • laineybz
    laineybz Posts: 704 Member
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    I've given up caring what my co-workers think of my "healthy eating". They all complain about wanting to lose some weight, make comments about themselves being plump. Even messaging me asking for my help.....then they eat bars of chocolate one after the other or a whole pack of biscuits. I don't want to listen to them whinging on about being overweight when they aren't helping themselves.

    I'll quite happily sit and eat my food while they eat all their rubbish then complain after they've ate it. Keep doing what you're doing and ignore them! Deep down, it's a jealousy thing.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    I'm sorry they are bugging you!

    I really wouldn't check calories on the backs of food somebody brought in to share, though, unless you can be very discreet about it. It's more because it's a gift, you know? It's rude (imho) to give off any signals that an offering might not be up to your standards.

    I completely understand why it might not be up to your standards considering it's food, though! There are health issues involved, no doubt.

    I really don't like people telling me what to eat or asking a lot of nosy questions about my food, either. I usually tell them I'm a big girl and really think I can decide what I want or don't want to eat without a lot of help, thanks ;) That's after simply saying I'm not hungry right then (etc) doesn't work.
  • supermuslimgirl
    supermuslimgirl Posts: 96 Member
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    Perception is key. I have a friend though supportive she tells me I did not need to loose many friends do. At 5'4" 200lbs I was obese (34% body fat) but they did not see that because most people around us are very overweight and because I was not a round shape and knew how to dress it they figured it was normal weight.

    What I tend to do is I do not mention my starting weight or current weight I ask them if I look boney or sick. They say no you look healthy. I ask how much do you think I lost? they say 5-10 lbs I ask how much do you think I weighed before? They say 150-160. Then I tell them I weigh 168 now and I started at 200 I grab all the belly fat (gross) I still have and say you see a pound of butter how many of them do you think I have left in this blubber. To be at a good weight for me I should be between 108 and 145. I am aiming for 140. I even show them the BMI calculator. When the real ugly truth about my body is known they usually understand and even start looking into their own health.

    You obviously were not obese as you said but you are not shooting for skin and bones either. Ask them if they have a clue about BMI and if they want to look up theirs it is free! And enlightening.
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  • mwhite61451
    mwhite61451 Posts: 209 Member
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    U have 2 choices

    1-tell or coworkers to f*&k themselves
    2-stop telling them anything. U work with them. Keep it that way.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
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    Your success does not depend on the support of others.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    My advice is not to discuss your efforts with people unless they ask, and then keep your answers as short as possible.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    It bothers people to see others changing because they aren't ready to confront what they know they need to change about themselves.
  • Gwen_B
    Gwen_B Posts: 1,018 Member
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    I think misery loves company! They aren't happy with their selves, so they don't want you to do better! Its not about them, its about you!! You need to stay strong for you and ignore the haters!!! Keep up the great work!! Good luck!!
  • trudijoy
    trudijoy Posts: 1,685 Member
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    I tell those who ask what I'm doing, and try not to go on about calories etc to people who may or may not care. At the end of the day though it's your mouth and thus your choice as to what goes in it.

    I encounter the most negativity from the 'excuse brigade'. You've thrown out the excuses, so..... they hate on ya.
  • catfive1
    catfive1 Posts: 529 Member
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    “Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.”