Coworkers and friends not very supportive.
Replies
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Don't hate your co-workers.
1. For your height, you can weigh between 125 and 145 (small frame on the lower end and medium frame on the higher end). So, to them, you aren't fat. In reality, you are in a good zone.
2. The fact that you are in the zone of your weight area, they will think you are obsessed.
3. I you are in your weight zone and are trying to be more fit, you make them feel bad for not caring about their size and appearance.
4. You have to please yourself so just ignore them. Make up some funny comment that you could say about wanting to feel good about yourself and being in optimum shape and walk away.
Keep up the good work!!!!!0 -
"My response was "I'm not interested in eating 2,500+ calories for dinner today", and then they all shut up. "
Great one!!! I'm going to use that!0 -
I think it often makes other people feel badly about their own weight when someone else is losing weight (no matter whether the person losing weight is slightly overweight or obese). It's not necessarily jealousy (sometimes it is though).
I think it hurts people even worse when they see that the other person CAN lose weight. I had a friend...we were both overweight kids. We started losing weight around the same time. She yo-yoed for years, and I was able to keep the weight off. She would often make "excuses" for why I was able to keep the weight off and she was not.
I know she wasn't jealous; I feel like she was more ashamed of herself. It's just easier to accept that people are going to try to sabotage you (sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally). Just do you, and try to ignore other people's comments.0 -
So when i started my weight loss journey in late September, I was 151 lbs. My goal weight is about 130-132 and the last time I weighed in (November 16th) I was 144. So I was never really morbidly obese at 5'6'' and it's just been a few aesthetic pounds I wanted to lose.
My immediate family has been supportive and telling me how good of a job I've done, but my coworkers keep telling me I am crazy and don't need to lose weight, to "eat the d*mn chocolate", and to stop counting calories. Granted, they all have between 25-75 lbs to lose. My friends are telling me that I am fine, and since I am not obese, I am better off than most of the country. A few of my friends call me "obsessed" (and not in a joking way, they say it seriously and sort of concerned sounding) because I count all of my calories and spend money on the gym, fitbit, and my weight bench set at home.
Then there are the friends that are telling me that if I keep weight training, I am going to look like a man and be gross.
My boyfriend is very supportive of me and every day he tells me how fantastic I look. It's really bothering me that people can't be supportive, especially the people I spend a lot of my time with. I KNOW I am not "huge" but that doesn't mean I can't want to lose some weight and get healthier. I don't get told I look sick or anything like that, but people downplay all my efforts and try to make it seem like I have a disorder or something for wanting to be active and healthy. I am a registered nurse too, so my coworkers should be more supportive in my efforts (well, at least I think).
Am I the only one dealing with this? I am irritated right now.
First, I would like to say that you are NOT alone! I was in the very same situation as you not that long ago. I was stuck around 150 lbs or so and wanted to get to 135 (which is about the middle of my ideal weight - 5'5" female). My husband had recently started an extreme caloric restriction diet (think emulating gastric bypass surgery with willpower and calorie tracking alone) and I wanted to be supportive of him while losing that last bit of weight I had been hanging onto. As a side note I weighed 250 lbs when I got married at 20. I lost weight in phases throughout the next 12 years, ending with this last round of caloric restriction. I am now 32 and surpassed my goal. I am around 125 lbs now and have increased my muscle mass and definition by a lot. My friends and co-workers sometimes tell me that they worry about me because I still keep a pretty strict food diary and workout 4-6 days a week. I also have the same kind of issues as skyegsd. I have been a vegetarian for close to 8 years. I haven't eaten eggs (I am intolerant, which causes extreme stomach/gastric distress) for probably 7 1/2 years and I haven't eaten sweets in probably 10 years (except for the occasional exception, in small amounts, like my birthday or anniversary).
I think there are two reasons that people in your inner circle are either unsupportive or concerned. The first being that when you lose weight, usually the persons face becomes fairly gaunt at first. Giving the impression that you are not being healthy. This will eventually resolve itself after your body adjusts to your weightloss. Or at least this has been my experience as well as my husbands (he lost 209 lbs in about 1 1/2 years). The other reason, in my opinion/experience, is that the person feels jealous that you are doing something they feel that they can't. Most people don't like to see others be better at something than they are. A lot of people also don't tolerate difference (of eating, beliefs, exercise, etc.) very well and either intentionally or subconsciously try to get you to conform to their "norm".
Try not to let it bother you! I still struggle with this and find myself getting defensive about my eating and exercise habits. When/if I realize this is happening, I do my best to just step back and say to myself that we all have different opinions and ideas about what is healthy and I need to do what is right for me and my body!
I hope this helps you feel less alone in your pain and frustration. Know that you are not alone and true friends will be supportive of you as long as they know you are not damaging yourself. So talk to your friends about what is hurting you.
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I don't say anything unless people ask what I'm doing to lose weight. So far I've gotten nothing but support and people don't feel bad when I refuse treats offered. Sometimes I accept or if it's a birthday I'll take a donut or a slice of cake but I won't always eat it. I will either take it home and eat it later when I can look up nutritional info or I will give it to my kids. Don't feel bad when they don't support you because you are the only one you need approval from. If they want to be overweight that is your choice. Just politely decline and say you are not hungry or you are going out later and don't want to spoil your appetite. You have the right to say no and they need to respect that or maybe you need to report them for workplace violence. That will give them the hint to BTFO. Congrats on your progress and keep up the good you are doing for your body.0
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Some people hate success stories and love train wrecks. If they don't support you in your presence, imagine what they say behind your back.0
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I run into the same thing at work... not people telling me I dont need to diet, but people constantly trying to get me to indulge in things that I dont need. I really think its because they plan on eating it, and it makes them feel better and less guilty if they get others to join in. So irritating!0
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I get this too. I'm 5'5.5" and started at 138. I'm now 128 and smack in the middle of a healthy bmi. Quite honestly, though I'm fairly happy where I am, I wouldn't mind dropping my bf a little. I have no problem dismissing coworkers or friends comments. I also will tell people my stats. If they say anything, I literally shrug it off. Like, thanks for your opinion. Don't care. They don't say much any more.0
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Whenever I apply for a job, I know a major part of that job is providing moral support to my coworkers toward whatever personal pursuits they have in their lives.0
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I'm probably more confrontational than you OP (hell, I'm more confrontational than nearly anyone I know!) but if people's comments upset you then tell them. They probably don't intend to upset you and may well be surprised that your feelings are being hurt.
Sometimes to have to jerk someone's chain to make them look in the mirror and see their faults. I had a co-worker tell me I was "obsessive" because I declined a doughnut & use the gym nearly every day..... So I said "Dave, you are 4 years younger than me and in the last year you had a triple heart bypass and I cycled 100 miles in a day. Maybe I should be giving you health & fitness advice?"
(Don't worry we have the kind of relationship that can withstand a bit of banter!)
It's very common for a herd mentality in a work environment and if the herd are unfit and fat they will try to reinforce those behaviours unconsciously. Just tell them to think before speaking!0 -
Don't eat their crap. It's always going to be bad.
Also, you cannot possibly "look like a man" by weight training alone. You don't have the testosterone for it. Avoiding weight training because you think you might "accidentally" get a power lifter's physique is like avoiding jogging because you might "accidentally" step out your front door and win the Bostom marathon one day.0 -
Whenever I apply for a job, I know a major part of that job is providing moral support to my coworkers toward whatever personal pursuits they have in their lives.
Not unless you work in Human Resources. Your job is to do your job not be a soft shoulder for the jerk next to you.0 -
Whenever I apply for a job, I know a major part of that job is providing moral support to my coworkers toward whatever personal pursuits they have in their lives.
Not unless you work in Human Resources. Your job is to do your job not be a soft shoulder for the jerk next to you.
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I run into this a lot too. I am morbidly obese and very open with everyone I know about my interest in losing weight, getting healthy, studying nutrition, etc. Still, so many of my friends and co-workers are always encouraging me to eat the cookie or have the chips or take the free candy "just this once, what can it hurt?" to which I can only reply "Just this once" is what got me here in the first place, because you can't say "just this once" every damn day. :P
I think a lot of it has to do with food guilt. Many people in our society don't want to be the only ones eating the "naughty" food, they need other people to do it with them to feel okay about it, so they will try to get others in on it. I know I am guilty of this myself. I am too ashamed to be the fat kid at the cake table so I never go alone. If no one goes with me I don't go. Hah.
If people are really rude or pushy about it you can shut them down by saying "It's my choice and I'm just not in the mood for that right now, thanks though." or something similar.
Hang in there!0 -
Sorry sweetie, Nurses are the worst. Like all professionals in a high stress job they tend to acquire other unhealthy habits to self medicate their stress. They gossip, they are horrible with money, many smoke and most eat absolute crap. There is often a bizarre envy of anyone trying to improve their life or get ahead. I was immediately cut from the herd when i had the audacity to go back to school and get my NP. My parents taught me years ago the differences between friends and acquaintances. Friends never make you feel bad about doing something good for yourself. When you are with a friend you both become the best versions of yourself. They are right there cheering you on. If you want to achieve the ideal BMI for your ht why should anyone discourage you. A simple truth is that sometimes you outgrow your friends and they turn into acquaintances. I have a 100+ acquaintances but only 2 friends. Of course, I am assuming that you aren't preaching nutrition at them all the time LOL! As a Catholic I routinely have occasions to fast and abstain from pleasures( I.e. candy, fried food) as a way to be closer to God. This provides me with a ready excuse when I am presented with a gift of homemade fudge during the Holidays. I say thank you and ask if I can pass it along to a very poor working family that I care for. My advice is be gracious in your declines and don't give acquaintances to much information- it only invites them to comment and you don't need that negativity. Then you will be happy at work and in charity with your fellow man. That's what worked for me, good luck!0
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Whenever I apply for a job, I know a major part of that job is providing moral support to my coworkers toward whatever personal pursuits they have in their lives.
Not unless you work in Human Resources. Your job is to do your job not be a soft shoulder for the jerk next to you.
LOL! And I agree. You aren't there to make friends and support every little life changing decision they make..so why expect the same from them. Next time, don't discuss your weight loss and if they are bothering you that much, report them to HR.0 -
I used to take a plate of food, say thank you. Go to my desk, and throw it away when no one was looking, some people will not shutup, and when they know you are eating healthy, they try even harder. I know as a nurse, you probably don't have a cubicle wall to disguise the "throw away technique" :-), but when no one's looking throw a few pieces at a time in the trash rolled up in a napkin, it's sad that we have to go through so much (reverse psychology) on people but ultimately it's your decision. When you're super fat, they look at you like do you really need that?" when you start to lose weight, those same people will start to offer you food. It's irritating but I do understand you don't want to mess up your work environment by telling them if they want the chocolate ate, then they can always eat it themselves but if they continue on, you may just have to. Most of the time, you only need to set people straight once and they will shutup about it and go about their business. Sometimes "friends" are your "friends" for more than just because you are a "good person" when you start to change and grow, their security in having you be "a few lbs bigger than them" starts to make them feel insecure about themselves. Sometimes people keep us around for ulterior motives that we don't see until we start to change, then the real them starts to come out..
I had a cousin who was a bit smaller than me and our other cousin when we were teenagers, she was always so happy when we would go to a party and dance all night long, thinking that we made her look so good, when I started losing it was quite obvious she was NOT happy about it. When I invited my friends who were teeny tiny she would stand on the wall all night long looking crazy because all of sudden she wasn't the "smallest" in the group anymore. tsk tsk.0 -
I work in a small office of about eight people and they all know I have food allergies and that i refrain from eating office sweets. They know I'm 99% no processed sugar (sweets). They never give me a hard time about it, and they don't offer me food either.
The reason they know all this is because I've known them for years and they see me losing weight and not eating junk in the office.
They are all very respectful.0 -
I think it is so awesome that your sweetie is supportive. So is my husband. That's the best cheering section of all.0
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I've given up caring what my co-workers think of my "healthy eating". They all complain about wanting to lose some weight, make comments about themselves being plump. Even messaging me asking for my help.....then they eat bars of chocolate one after the other or a whole pack of biscuits. I don't want to listen to them whinging on about being overweight when they aren't helping themselves.
I'll quite happily sit and eat my food while they eat all their rubbish then complain after they've ate it. Keep doing what you're doing and ignore them! Deep down, it's a jealousy thing.0 -
I'm sorry they are bugging you!
I really wouldn't check calories on the backs of food somebody brought in to share, though, unless you can be very discreet about it. It's more because it's a gift, you know? It's rude (imho) to give off any signals that an offering might not be up to your standards.
I completely understand why it might not be up to your standards considering it's food, though! There are health issues involved, no doubt.
I really don't like people telling me what to eat or asking a lot of nosy questions about my food, either. I usually tell them I'm a big girl and really think I can decide what I want or don't want to eat without a lot of help, thanks
That's after simply saying I'm not hungry right then (etc) doesn't work. 0 -
Perception is key. I have a friend though supportive she tells me I did not need to loose many friends do. At 5'4" 200lbs I was obese (34% body fat) but they did not see that because most people around us are very overweight and because I was not a round shape and knew how to dress it they figured it was normal weight.
What I tend to do is I do not mention my starting weight or current weight I ask them if I look boney or sick. They say no you look healthy. I ask how much do you think I lost? they say 5-10 lbs I ask how much do you think I weighed before? They say 150-160. Then I tell them I weigh 168 now and I started at 200 I grab all the belly fat (gross) I still have and say you see a pound of butter how many of them do you think I have left in this blubber. To be at a good weight for me I should be between 108 and 145. I am aiming for 140. I even show them the BMI calculator. When the real ugly truth about my body is known they usually understand and even start looking into their own health.
You obviously were not obese as you said but you are not shooting for skin and bones either. Ask them if they have a clue about BMI and if they want to look up theirs it is free! And enlightening.
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U have 2 choices
1-tell or coworkers to f*&k themselves
2-stop telling them anything. U work with them. Keep it that way.0 -
Your success does not depend on the support of others.0
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My advice is not to discuss your efforts with people unless they ask, and then keep your answers as short as possible.0
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It bothers people to see others changing because they aren't ready to confront what they know they need to change about themselves.0
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I think misery loves company! They aren't happy with their selves, so they don't want you to do better! Its not about them, its about you!! You need to stay strong for you and ignore the haters!!! Keep up the great work!! Good luck!!0
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I tell those who ask what I'm doing, and try not to go on about calories etc to people who may or may not care. At the end of the day though it's your mouth and thus your choice as to what goes in it.
I encounter the most negativity from the 'excuse brigade'. You've thrown out the excuses, so..... they hate on ya.0 -
“Obsessed is just a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.”0
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Who cares what anyone else says or thinks.
We are own our own path with health.................0
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