Discouraged where I am

I would focus on the weights...lifting heavy, compound moves...unfortunately, this is something that takes a LONG LONG time to get rid of..that is why they call it stubborn. Believe me I know! To get in Protein is not that hard...a big piece of chicken, some peanut butter, yogurt...and if I really need to supplement I get some Body Fortress at Walmart for $18..but quite honestly, I don't really need to..just something you need to have at every meal.

Sometimes our bodies do not store fat evenly, and to lose the last remaining fat would require a drop to below healthy levels. First, it's probably not as bad as you thing. Second, I'd suggest upping your lifting to 3 times a week if you can, and get a good program, something like this:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/560459-stronglifts-5x5-summary

And yes, doing a few cutting and bulking cycles might help.

Why can't you get enough protein?

I just cant seem to do it .. we eat a lot of pasta for dinners and whatnot.. breads..etc.
Its frusterating to say the least because everything is carbs in my house and living at home with an unhealthy un-willing to change family is hard to say the least.

I use my gym membership..just not to the extent that I could.
Im always there just, clueless. I can only afford the 90$ for a year package .. so to say the least I dont have the money for classes or a trainer.

( I also REALLY dont enjoy doing weights, but thats just a suck it up type thing )

Yes, you "can" do it. You are just choosing not to do it. I'm part Asian and I had to change how I ate in order to incorporate more protein. I do use Optimum Nutrition to help, but that barely gets me halfway to the 120g minimum I've set for myself.

I don't have access to a gym with free weights...but I did save up and buy the Cap Dumbbell set with plates for $50 and have bought/will continue to save up to buy heavier plates when I can. And it's taken a bit, but I've also gotten an Iron Gym bar and a bench. If you can't get the equipment right away, there are also bodyweight exercises you can do until then.

There are a ton of exercises you can do - bodybuilding.com has a great database you can search through.

Overall...the "I can'ts" are really just excuses.

Why can't you get enough protein?

I just cant seem to do it .. we eat a lot of pasta for dinners and whatnot.. breads..etc.
Its frusterating to say the least because everything is carbs in my house and living at home with an unhealthy un-willing to change family is hard to say the least.

I use my gym membership..just not to the extent that I could.
Im always there just, clueless. I can only afford the 90$ for a year package .. so to say the least I dont have the money for classes or a trainer.

( I also REALLY dont enjoy doing weights, but thats just a suck it up type thing )

NO, it's a "fake it till you make it" type thing. Tell yourself you like it trick yourself into getting dressed, getting there, and just starting, and reward yourself after each lifting session or week worth of lifting with anything from a bubble bath to chit chat time with friends to a movie night at home with your cell phone off for NO INTERRUPTIONS whatever is $ and calorie free that you value.

I seriously think having more muscle to fat ratio will get you the look you desire while keeping your overall weight high enough to have the cal goal you are comfy with. In the meantime it will get you a TDEE that will accomodate for that work which will be a cal goal I'm pretty sure you'll be pleased with. Get that book you were told about at the library and then use it's tactics at your gym. At your weight you could pretty much stand around looking lost and it won't be long before some guy (or girl) comes along to help you. When they do , DO NOT be offended, be grateful and be honest about your goals. One thing will lead to another and you'll find your way.

In the meantime do as much as you can on your own and pretty soon your rewards won't be necessary the feelings you get from lifting will be reward in itself.

I thought about that -- but I am a total uneducated noob in that area.
I have a gym membership at Planet Fitness, but no idea how to lift in accordance to make a difference.
I mostly do like squats...lunges..and the weight machines and stuff at current.

Another area of issue is protein!
I cannot get enough daily protein, and oh my god powders are so expensive.

Not really. You can get Body Fortress for about $30 a jug at Walmart. Per gram of protein it's one of the cheapest sources.

the 2lb container at my local walmart and grocery store is 16.99. it's what i use and i like it. mixed with water, it's bearable to drink and packs a punch with 30g protein per scoop.

try it out! it'll def help you get closer to your protein goal.

Eggs are probably something your fam already buys and you just eat them all and when they see they are running out all the time they'll start buying more, they aren't expensive.

Same with chicken.

There are lots of bars and boxes of bars for around $5 try those until you can afford tubs of protein powder if those are too expensive right now. You are just down right now and unable to problem solve for yourself. You will get it, don't worry, you are already on the right track it's just getting your ducks in a row. You got this! You got this far, the finish line is in sight and you know how to get there just keep putting one foot in front of the other...:flowerforyou:

very true, and a good point.

tough to beat chicken for the protein to calorie ratio!

Why can't you get enough protein?

I just cant seem to do it .. we eat a lot of pasta for dinners and whatnot.. breads..etc.
Its frusterating to say the least because everything is carbs in my house and living at home with an unhealthy un-willing to change family is hard to say the least.

I use my gym membership..just not to the extent that I could.
Im always there just, clueless. I can only afford the 90$ for a year package .. so to say the least I dont have the money for classes or a trainer.

( I also REALLY dont enjoy doing weights, but thats just a suck it up type thing )

Well..there is nothing wrong with carbs but unless someone is holding you down and making you eat it all...well you are the controller of your own destiny. I cannot tell you the number of times I have made my own special dinner, over not had the rice, or substituted a small portion of brown rice while they ate wonderful sticky rice and two cups of pasta. You make a lean piece of protein, carbs, and veggies....I moan about my family not working with my diet but hell, if I want it bad enough I will make do.