Feeling Beautiful

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CreativeRedhead
CreativeRedhead Posts: 2,166
in Motivation and Support
Why is that SO HARD?? I can't help it lately and find myself avoiding the mirror and people. Hopefully I'm not the only one. My mom in law showed me a pic of myself at the beach in '09 (I'll try to post it if I can get it from her this weekend) and I was shocked at how different I look these days compared to then. In total I've lost 50 + lbs since August of '09. But sometimes, I still feel FAT and UGLY. How do you gals and guys get over those days? I've always had issues with self esteem and body but I thought some of them would fade away. Even when my husband says something nice about me, I sometimes roll my eyes not realizing it really. It's sort of like an instant reaction. He finds it offensive as he should. I guess it's hard to believe when other people tell you that you look good when you don't see what they see in yourself. I was shopping the other night alone and took note of how many stares I got from men (one guy kinda stumbled over his own feet which was funny :laugh: ) but I always wonder why are they staring at me. Anyone else do that or is that weird? Ugh...I feel like rambling Reanna so I'll shut up now. I was just wanting to know how you all feel before/after/during the weight loss? Are you feeling like I do sometimes? If so what makes you forget about it or deal with it? :flowerforyou: You all are really really great and that's why I LOVE coming here. :heart:
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Replies

  • hunterzmomma
    hunterzmomma Posts: 121
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    awwww you are a cutie!=) everyone has their ups and downs...
  • sallyLunn
    sallyLunn Posts: 381
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    Maybe you are having a bad day? You look like a young and lovely ginger to me.
  • jhandley
    jhandley Posts: 118
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    Girl I so know how you are feeling! Feeling the same lately myself! And I know it's causing people around me to NOT want to be around me!

    Stay strong! I'm using it as my motivator, I guess its why i got out of bed and ran this morning dispite not losing crap in the past week.
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
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    I have lost 63# and until just recently, couldn't really see it when I looked in the mirror!
    Practice just saying "THANK YOU" when someone gives you a compliment. Hard to do at first, but it will get easier!! : )
  • daryls
    daryls Posts: 260
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    My bad/ugly days are usually when I am upset about something else - bad day at work, argument with my husband, etc. My feelings towards my appearance rarely have to do with my actual appearance!

    Try meditation or yoga - something to de-stress and focus on the internal aspects!!!

    About the starring - as people we tend to have "tunnel vision." This means that we think others are focusing on what we're focusing (example - weight). If we think about it, then we tend to think that others also think about it. That's not true. We're all focused on different thoughts and ideas.

    You look great to me!!
  • Zuznana
    Zuznana Posts: 284 Member
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    I know exactly what you mean. I've felt like that ever since I can remember. I never was really big (until my overeating got really out of control after my first child and onset of PND), but...and that is the big BUT. I was always so compared to my younger sister who was always slimmer and was doing much better at school. And I know that this is the cause of the problem. It was done when we were kids and I suppose it got stuck in my head.

    After my daughter was born, I have gone up to size 18 (UK) and even that was very tight. Lost some myself, then few years after I got personal trainer and got down to size 12 and was really enjoying it, but only because I knew I was size 12...not because I actually saw it most of the times. In my head I was still big and fat. Always something I was unhappy with. Finding little things that would annoy me about myself. I got into a habit to finding things to be unhappy about just so I'm not gonna be happy (if that makes sense).

    And I do the exact thing with my husband.......and he gets offended too, which makes me even more angry. I think that's why he stopped giving compliments lately.

    I'm sorry I can't give you advice as I don't know how to dealt with that myself, but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this.
  • sallyLunn
    sallyLunn Posts: 381
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    A friend of mine posted this on FB: Are you feeling bad about yourself ??? I have the perfect Rx----5 minutes of Jerry Springer and you will realize you are a total Stud. just sayin LOL

    You could try it.
  • freeatlast20
    freeatlast20 Posts: 120 Member
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    we all feel that way from time to time...enjoy what you have accomplished...bask in the knowledge that you are now turning heads....especially loved the part about the guy stumbling over his own feet...that made me laugh....Congratulations on what you have accomplished.....You are an inspiration to us all....:flowerforyou:
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Its not a just a girl thing. I feel the same way. Granted I still need to lose about 40 lbs to hit my goal but from where I was that's not much. Sometimes I still feel like I weigh almost 300 lbs. Especially when Im with other fit people. I feel so out of place.
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,022 Member
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    I think if you have been heavy for awhile it is hard to realize how much weight you have lost and still see the fat person. Yes I know exactly how you feel. Just keep telling yourself that you have lost weight and look slimmer now. It will take time, but try to just say thank you when people compliment you. We all have fat days, and sometimes weeks
  • mizyvee
    mizyvee Posts: 74 Member
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    Feeling beautiful comes from the inside. Regardless of what size and shape you are, there is something about you that is attractive to another person. Granted the instant visual gratification of what society has drilled into us of physical beauty often wins out in the "BEGINING". That first vision allows people to make those quick and sometimes wrong impressions on the suitableness of a person.
    When you find that you can love yourself for who you are, that will spill out to another person subconsciously to see past the first impression. When that other person gets past the "instant visual thing" they will start to see other things that are beautiful to them: eyes, hands, lips, ect. Those things will keep their attention as well as the personality that sadly takes the background in the beginning. This goes for the so-called sexy hot girl or guy too.
    Confidence and self love is a great thing. I am considered a thick girl, but carry it in good places. I don't think of myself as less sexy just because I am a little heavy. I want to lose weight so that I can get some of those “instant” gratification looks more often from my Hubby (and of course be able to shop for jeans without stress, lol). But I still can get him hot and bothered because I know that overweight or not, I can project so much more to him just because I am confident in myself. I also get a lot of attention from other guys even when I am with my girlfriends that are the more acceptable sizes. Although I am not interested, this is a great boost to the ego. I truly believe it is because I radiate confidence and self love.
    A skinny hot girl can turn a guy off with a self conscious clingy personality and she will be just as lonely as the so call fat chick who doesn’t love herself. Learn to love yourself in each phase of change that gets you to where you want to be in the instant visual stage. It will be less stressful and will allow you to take a complement more gracefully. This is just my amateur analysis of what works for me.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    Get over it. You are stunning.
  • FemininGuns
    FemininGuns Posts: 605 Member
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    :heart: Get the book "Love Yourself, Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay - she will get you there!! :):heart:
  • ana70
    ana70 Posts: 93
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    After years of struggling with body issues and self esteem is is somewhat difficult for me to see others going through what I went through. I too have had days like you are having, but for me my life was turned up side down with illness. After going through all that I went through, body image was small in comparison. Instead of concentrating on myself I started volunteering with the homeless. This put my problems in perspective. Some people don't have a roof over their heads and had the most difficult life and never had a chance. The cellulite on my thighs became a smaller issue for me. Now I am losing weight for health, not for my ego. Not that you have an out of control ego. Just remember their are people out their who are really suffering and that you not liking your body is common. We all go through it, it is part of being human. Count your blessings and remember you are unique, there is no one out there like you.
  • tbernard
    tbernard Posts: 54 Member
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    To start, you're pretty hot ...

    But here's another way to look at things.

    There are lots of men and women out there who walk around feeling good about themselves in smug perfection. Often the only difference between them and you is that they haven't had to go through any hard times yet. With many of them, their relationships are dependent upon those looks. They don't know who they are, but they can look forward to being dumped by partners once they no longer fit that perfect look....

    You've had some difficult times... and your spouse is still there...

    You can enjoy the life of a fit woman, but know that if a rough patch ever comes.... your relationship will survive it..

    And you've had some tough times.... and overcome.... many people never will.
  • superwmn
    superwmn Posts: 936
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    When your inner critic tells you that you're fat and ugly, you have to counter/challenge that claim. The more you counter those negative thoughts, the less frequent the negative thoughts become.

    Even if you don't 'believe' what you're countering with, say it anyway. Keep saying it with conviction. Eventually, you will mean it.

    It took a while, but now the negative thoughts are few and far between and I naturally counter every negative with a positive :)

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! TELL YOURSELF SO! ALL THE TIME!

    Charmagne
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    I think some Wendy's chili sounds nice. I don't feel like cooking.
  • CreativeRedhead
    CreativeRedhead Posts: 2,166
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    :happy: Thanks for all the input. It's always nice to have reassurance you're not alone in something. I love hearing about others goings on. I was more or less just thinking out loud today, not having a bad day. If I was I'd be in the bed crying and not typing out what all my issues are at the moment. :tongue:

    Thanks for that book suggestion..I'm probably going to get it on amazon...looked very helpful. And thanks to the men who commented so far, I know it's not a gender issue. Logically yes I know, as some of you know, it's pretty stupid to think these thoughts sometimes but alas they creep up in our minds. I love all of you. :smile:


    And as for Wendy's chili for dinner.........I think we're getting some pizza out but to each her own right! :laugh:
  • CasperO
    CasperO Posts: 2,913 Member
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    It gets better, you'll get used to it. It's an adjustment you'll have to make, but it's a good one.

    I think we need more pics,,,, just sayin.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
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    Awww...sweetie, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Unfortunately for us I know exactly what you're feeling. When I look in the mirror I still just see a fattie. When I hold up my before pics though I look fantastic! It's all about perception. You just don't realize how much thinner you are yet. I'm sure the men at the stores are tripping over themselves trying to get a look at you. Your husband is absolutely correct about how you look, listen to him. You're not a fattie anymore girlfriend, you're smokin' HOT! :smokin: Get used to the stares. :wink:

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