Cornered by Friends and Family?
Touji
Posts: 32 Member
I'm sure many have had these experiences:
You go visit a friend or family member's home, and they offer you something like cookies. You decline because you don't know how many calories and nutrients are in it, or because you ate a lot earlier, and then... it begins.
"You can have a cheat day you know."
"You need to eat more to avoid starvation mode"
"You won't lose weight anyway, since you're drinking diet soda"
"There are good calories and bad calories"
"Your metabolism is going to slow down unless you eat more"
etc etc.
Why are people so pushy when I mention anything related to my diet? I never get this kind of reaction when I bring up what kind of car I choose drive, what kind of clothes I choose to wear, or what classes I choose to attend. As soon as weight loss is even hinted at, I get loads of fallacious comments and pressure from everybody to eat more. How do I stop this and why does this happen?
You go visit a friend or family member's home, and they offer you something like cookies. You decline because you don't know how many calories and nutrients are in it, or because you ate a lot earlier, and then... it begins.
"You can have a cheat day you know."
"You need to eat more to avoid starvation mode"
"You won't lose weight anyway, since you're drinking diet soda"
"There are good calories and bad calories"
"Your metabolism is going to slow down unless you eat more"
etc etc.
Why are people so pushy when I mention anything related to my diet? I never get this kind of reaction when I bring up what kind of car I choose drive, what kind of clothes I choose to wear, or what classes I choose to attend. As soon as weight loss is even hinted at, I get loads of fallacious comments and pressure from everybody to eat more. How do I stop this and why does this happen?
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Replies
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Don't mention your diet. No one wants to hear about your diet. A polite no thank you with no offer of explanation is sufficient.0
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Why do you even mention it? I just say no thanks to things I don't want to eat and don't leave any room for questions. If pushed you could just say you don't want it, don't like it or you're not hungry. Really no big deal unless you engage with your friends and family in the conversation.0
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I would second not offering too much information.
If (big if) they are open enough to ask questions and listen, you could educate them about what you are doing and how and why. Maybe even dispel some of the false ideas they've been force-fed.0 -
"NO Thanks" is ALL the information you are required to give. If you initiate further conversation regarding your diet - it's on you!0
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Don't mention your diet. No one wants to hear about your diet. A polite no thank you with no offer of explanation is sufficient.
Yep.0 -
Why are people so pushy when I mention anything related to my diet?
Why are you "mentioning" your diet?
If you don't want to eat something, just say "no thanks, I'm good".0 -
just say no thanks....
that's ALL you have to say.
of course now that they all know and have heard about your diet they will assume the implication is there...0 -
I had a similar situation with a coworker yesterday. She brought in a huge plate of sugar cookies to share with everyone. I politely declined. She tried pushing a damn cookie on me all day long and it was very irritating because I had to keep saying "no thank you!" I made it through the day without eating a cookie, but it was hard.0
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I'm sure many have had these experiences:
You go visit a friend or family member's home, and they offer you something like cookies. You decline because you don't know how many calories and nutrients are in it, or because you ate a lot earlier, and then... it begins.
"You can have a cheat day you know."
"You need to eat more to avoid starvation mode"
"You won't lose weight anyway, since you're drinking diet soda"
"There are good calories and bad calories"
"Your metabolism is going to slow down unless you eat more"
etc etc.
Why are people so pushy when I mention anything related to my diet? I never get this kind of reaction when I bring up what kind of car I choose drive, what kind of clothes I choose to wear, or what classes I choose to attend. As soon as weight loss is even hinted at, I get loads of fallacious comments and pressure from everybody to eat more. How do I stop this and why does this happen?
I understand what you are going through, and when you lost +100 lbs weight and turn down food like cookies and cakes (especially the traditional stuff during the holiday season) it doesn't matter whether or not you mention diet, everybody KNOWS you are dieting. And I understand that family or friends can indirectly sabotage you, or say dumb things like ' now, don't get too thin, it's unhealthy". You need to be strong and just stick to your convictions. You aren't the only one suffering this BS, hang in there. Say no thanks, and if they ask again, remind them that you have already said no thanks - usually they get the message at that point, unless they are truly on the path to sabotage, where you then are relinquished to repeating no like a broken record. Be strong and take care.0 -
I hear you here, I don't actively mention I'm on a diet but that doesn't really stop the comments, my favourite is the suggestion that I'm becoming 'obsessed'. Usually I stop short of suggesting that obesessed is a word used by the lazy to describe the dedicated haha
seriously though I think no thank you should more than cover it
Billy x0 -
When you put info out there, people usually think it's a topic of conversation on it and we all know how much most people love giving their tale on something.0
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This surprises me when people can see how much weight you've lost. I'd just say no thanks and if they question you, just say you don't want it. Period. If they persist or want to engage in discussion about your weight, tell them you'd rather not discuss it then. I'm surprised also that people would say to you that you'll never lose weight when you've lost such an incredible amount. They're being insensitive if they say that; you've proven you certainly can lose weight. Try to surround yourself with supportive people!0
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Well to be fair, OP did say "when you go to a friend or family member's home." I should hope your friends and family members are close enough to a) listen to you talk about things in your life, including healthy endeavors and b) notice that you're looking smokin' hot. So yeah, they're aware. But especially at the holidays they want you to enjoy being with them and sometimes enjoyment includes food!
I had issues with office food over the past month and learned a lot from people's responses about social eating. I've changed my behavior as a result. Instead of saying no thanks:
1. At a coworker's birthday celebration I took a piece of apple pie. I ate what I wanted and threw the rest away at my desk where no one else would know.
2. A different coworker brought in candy today and offered me a piece. Rather than say no thanks I took it, ate what I wanted, and threw the rest out after she had gone.
I don't think there's a thing wrong with saying no thanks. I did, on the day my office had a Thanksgiving feast on the same day as my birthday when I wanted to save up my calories for a piece of cannoli cake with my family. I'm just saying I'm grateful for learning here on MFP that there are other options that don't draw attention to my eating habits.0 -
I get this from my family every year around the holidays. They're all overweight, and while I don't actually talk about diet, they all insist I'm unhealthily thin (I'm nothing close to thin) and try to fill me with cookies and pie, lol. Meanwhile, 3/4 of them have gout or diabetes.
I still eat the cookies and pie though. :P0 -
Culturally we have a complex relationship with food. Eating together is a way of bonding. Bring or providing food is a way of showing you care. Food is a part of our celebrations and a symbol of a good, rich, enjoyable life. Food is a pleasure. The amount of food we eat and what we eat are also sources of guilt for some / many of us. Consuming "unhealthy" or the "bad" foods can be seen as a sign of weakness. Eating too much can seem like a personal or moral failure. Food is a temptation to a "wrong" way of life. Someone urging you to eat probably starts by wanting to include you in their "family feast" . When you say no, and especially if you mention being in a diet it can bring up their own conflicted feelings about food, eating and social relationships. They may feel that persuading you to eat with them is a sign of your accepting them and belonging to the group. They may feel that your eating assuages some of their guilty feelings / fears of being judged about "bad" foods.
As much as possible it is easier to avoid these complex issues. So talk to a few "safe " friends, or those of here at MFP about the diet, exercise, weight loss etc. Complement and thank those who offer food and treats, but politely decline. If someone just won"t stop do your best to remove yourself from the situation. In the end stick to what you know is right for you and try to be patient with others who are negotiating the same difficult food issues we all share.0 -
I was almost through Thanksgiving dinner and SO's aunt asked me about my portion size. I told her portion control was how I handle my sex addiction. She didn't say anything about it again.0
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Just take the cookie and put on your plate. Play around with it, crumble it a bit and voila! People will leave you alone.
If they ask you why you aren't eating it, just say you already ate a couple0 -
I was almost through Thanksgiving dinner and SO's aunt asked me about my portion size. I told her portion control was how I handle my sex addiction. She didn't say anything about it again.
I died laughing at this! /thread0 -
Sorry for my wording in the OP. I am not mentioning my diet when I refuse things, I mention something related to my diet (the fact that I don't desire to eat this food)Why are you "mentioning" your diet?
If you don't want to eat something, just say "no thanks, I'm good".
Some have taken what I said as if I'm telling people I'm on a diet every time they offer me something - I'm not.
The suggestion to just say "no thank you" and to not bring up my diet doesn't work - my friends and family all know I'm dieting already. I don't go over to my friend's home and inform them I'm on a diet - they already know.0 -
You decline because you don't know how many calories and nutrients are in it
Personally I'd just opt for "No thanks, I'm fine"Why are people so pushy when I mention anything related to my diet?
Don't talk about it, if people say something turn it round and mention your successes.0 -
Am I the only one who just goes to friends and families homes and have a good time.... No one forces me to eat what I do not want to eat and because they are my friends and family they know better than to try and force anything upon me that is after all my decision. Now having said that I don't want to be rude going over there and say no to there hospitality so if I know I am going I will adjust my calories saving a majority of them for that particular meal and still portion out what I believe to be an amount that fits within my plan and eat it and be done.... After all this isn't like any everyday occurrence so it is like any other day and can be preplanned and worked in only difference is I can not weigh out anything but it is only one meal and that will not make or break anything in the grand scheme of things..... Atleast that is my take...... Best of Luck0
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I eat anything anyone offers me and I enjoy it fully.
then I just go work it off.0 -
Why are people so pushy when I mention anything related to my diet?
Why are you "mentioning" your diet?
If you don't want to eat something, just say "no thanks, I'm good".
^^ yup0 -
Hopefully you are losing weight in a nutritionally blanced way and by eating normal foods. If that is so, you can allow for the cookie and not make a federal case out of abstaining. Even if you don't have the precise nutrients for a cookie, you could just this once, use a generic cookie from the database for your diary entry.
I have been avoiding the judgement of others by being on a sort of stealth diet. Few people outside my household know I'm trying to lose weight. My public eating appears entirely normal because, if I have to, I can allow for whatever it is by adjusting my eating the rest of the day or week. The pounds are coming off slowly so It is only recently that others are begining to see that I have lost weight and I simply thank them for noticing. If they ask how I do it, I'll tell them but otherwise I keep it to myself. All they see is me enjoying a cookie like everyone else.
Unless there is some kind of medical, biochemical, metabolical reason not to, eat the dang cookie!0 -
I eat anything anyone offers me and I enjoy it fully.
then I just go work it off.
^^^ yep, I do this too!0 -
Sorry for my wording in the OP. I am not mentioning my diet when I refuse things, I mention something related to my diet (the fact that I don't desire to eat this food)Why are you "mentioning" your diet?
If you don't want to eat something, just say "no thanks, I'm good".
Some have taken what I said as if I'm telling people I'm on a diet every time they offer me something - I'm not.
The suggestion to just say "no thank you" and to not bring up my diet doesn't work - my friends and family all know I'm dieting already. I don't go over to my friend's home and inform them I'm on a diet - they already know.
I see your point but I see their's too. Telling someone that in effect, "I don't choose to eat your food, I make better choices" is a bit of an insult to hosts, though family should be accepting of your diet.
I agree with taking a "no thank you" portion. Take a little, try it, put it down, no hurt feelings. Most people pay no attention to what you actually eat, but a refused offer almost calls for an objection in our customs.0 -
Don't mention your diet. No one wants to hear about your diet. A polite no thank you with no offer of explanation is sufficient.
In my experience, this ^^^^^is the best answere!0 -
Don't mention your diet. No one wants to hear about your diet. A polite no thank you with no offer of explanation is sufficient.
^^^^ this
because when you say "no thank you I'm on a diet" to people who are not being particularly careful about what they eat, they take it to mean "I really, really, really, really, really, really, REALLY want some, but I'm being forced, shackled even, to this horrific diet regime that's depriving and torturing me and I need to be rescued, and by rescued, I mean I need you to give me *permission* to break my diet." - and so they try to help you by giving you permission to eat them "you know it's okay to cheat sometimes" "oh, just one won't hurt" etc
however if you say something like "not now thanks, I've just eaten" or "I'm not hungry, maybe later" or even "no thanks" then those kinds of things are generally taken at face value. Even if they give you one to eat later, you can always discreetly dispose of it later rather than eating it. They'll usually forget to ask you about it, if they did (because it was some homemade thing they're really proud of or something) then you can just tell them it was lovely (you're not technically lying either, because it was still lovely whether you actually ate it or not...)
so anyway, yeah, don't mention that you're on a diet, find some really dull reason why you don't want to eat that thing right now.0 -
If someone offers you a cookie, take it, ask where the bin is and make sure they watch you put it in.
Job done. Or when they ask you to jump, do you ask how high?0 -
I agree with everybody else. Don't talk about your diet or weight loss.
You can also use a sense of humor to say no in a million different ways.0
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