Do you get disgusted that your Partners not trying too?

bubbaduts
bubbaduts Posts: 196 Member
edited September 2024 in Motivation and Support
Am I the only one out there who is Married to the "anti healthy" that won't support me in weight loss whines when i put healthy food on the table and laughs about me going to the gym? It upsets and disgusts me at the same time! He was so different five months ago when I gave up smoking after smoking 2 packs a day for 9 years he quit to and supported me in that cold turkey with me even. now why is it that when I want to loose 100 lbs because i'm unhealthy he's so against it and almost makes me feel bad for it. I suggested the family go for a walk and i get scoffed at for it I want my 1 1/2 year old to grow up with a healthy family like I never did. I just don't know what to do to motivate him PLEASE HELP!

Replies

  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Are you pushing him to do this with you? I think it's pretty clear he's not interested and you can't make someone do something he doesn't want to do -- especially lose weight. If he's not "in that place," there's nothing you can do about it.

    However, he SHOULD NOT be making fun of you for doing it. There's nothing about that that is OK. Maybe if you stop pushing him (if you are), he'll stop being mean to you.
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    that is a hard one! you can't force him to diet and live the healthy lifestyle himself, but what you can do is make food for you and your kids (let him make his own), go for walks with your kids (let him stay home), and just keep doing what you are doing! hopefully once he sees how well you are doing he will wanna follow suit! if not, you may need to have a talk with him about how you would like hiim to join you but if he doesnt want to then ok. and regardless if he joins you or not, you need his support and def do NOT need him making fun of you for wanting to better yourself! sorry to hear this, but good luck to you :)
  • Phatpatty
    Phatpatty Posts: 55 Member
    I understand!! Same situation!!! My husband once has said, he doesn't want me to be "thinner" because he would be worried about me leaving him...little does he know its FOR BETTER OR WORSE, not till i loose 100lbs!! Were suppost to be having a November challenge to see who can loose the most weight/inches, and who wins gets an extra 100 to spend on themselves...however, I am pretty sure he gave up!! Now obviously he doesn't have nearly as much to loose but he still needs to get healthy!! I am here with ya!! :) Your going to have to go it alone, and as soon as he see's how much it doesn't bother you how he eats unhealthy, and acts like he doesn't want to workout-- sooner or later he should adapt and realize well if i go with her on the walk I will get to spend time with her. The thing is you have to do it for yourself and your child!!!! Good Luck
  • serrinac
    serrinac Posts: 21 Member
    I can imagine that is very frustrating for you. Remember that this is your goal so you can't push your choices on him. He doesn't like the healty food, he can cook his own dinner for goodness sakes. He doesn't have to drag you down to his level (sounds harsh but its the only phrase I could come up with) and he doesn't have to pick himself up to your level either. Personally I think it's more a self confidence issue with him. He's a bit afraid, and knows, you will come out of this looking and feeling fantastic and he just doesn't have the will power. You have to account for you and only you. You've got to centralize your focus on you. Marsha Marsha Marsha!!!

    Hopefully once he sees the big difference in you as you drop he will join, but it has to be his choice.
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    Just keep doing what you're doing, many times simply seeing another's example is what gets a friend or mate to make changes.

    Remember this is for YOU and though it's not easy when the rest of the household is not on board, it's important you put yourself first. Remember why you're doing this, to feel better about yourself, to become healthier, to build your self esteem and for your little one to grow up with a healthy example:flowerforyou:

    Your hubby may or may not follow for now, but in the meantime plant your feet firmly on the ground and take that walk yourself with your son,:wink: as you make changes your hubby will notice. Is is guaranteed he'll join in? Hard to say...but it's about you now and your son. Seeing others change is hard & can bring up uncomfortable feelings, sometimes it makes us see things within ourselves that we realize we should change as well...maybe he's going through something similar?

    Sending you positive thoughts and wishing you a wonderful journey...what a lovely Mother you are to want your son to have something you didn't have growing up:heart::flowerforyou:
  • SJSchwartz
    SJSchwartz Posts: 131 Member
    It could very well be a self-esteem issue with him. I've heard of guys wanting to even sabotage their partner's diet because they're scared that either they will leave them when they become "hot mammas" or they're afraid that a bunch of other guys will be constantly hitting on their girl.
  • Aeriel
    Aeriel Posts: 864 Member
    My husband is not on this journey with me, but at least he is supportive. However, it took him until I had lost about 30 pounds before he realized I was sticking with this and doing it for life. It is possible, that if you have dieted before and not succeeded, that he thinks this is going to be the same as before and why should he support you. It is no excuse, but might be what he was thinking.

    Stick with it, lead by positive example, let him know if he wants you to cook, he eats what you do. If he wants to eat something else, he can make it. Once he sees you are serious, he may come around.
  • bubbaduts
    bubbaduts Posts: 196 Member
    When we got together I was only 10 lbs thinner than I am now. This is my first diet I've ever been on in my life. He's a creature of habit and hates having his life shaken up and that might be part of it. I do push vegetables on him because I worry about his health but i've always done that. We've always been relatively healthy eaters just our portion control and overuse of cheese and Icecream always in the freezer is what made us unhealthy. I Don't Push he's still allowed to eat whatever he wants for breakfast and lunch but dinner is family time and we eat as a family so he dislikes my changes in cooking. I haven't asked him to exercise with me just walk so the family can get out of the house in the evening or on the weekend. I've told him to make his own dinner if he doesnt like it but he just asks why I can't go back to cooking like I used to. I guess i will just have to stick to my guns
  • tjradd73
    tjradd73 Posts: 3,495 Member
    yup best way...just stick to your guns! go on your walks bring your kids and cook healthy for you and the rest of your family and let him make his own food!! you shouldnt have to eat unhealthy because he wants too and you shouldnt have to make 2 separate meals because he doesn't want what you are having!
  • itsbella
    itsbella Posts: 1,101 Member
    Bubba...don't worry about him. He's an adult and able to make his own choices....NOW your children is a different story. Children will eat whatever mommy buys and brings home and cooks. Children are sponges and they will absorb everything you do, say, eat and when you're in the bathroom they want to watch that too!! You don't owe your husband to be a healthier you BUT you do owe it to your children to KNOW BETTER AND DO BETTER so that they can learn and teach future generations. Obesity is an epidemic and mommys are usually the ones bringing the food home. Ask yourself, do my children have my support to be healthy?

    If momma ain't happy, nobody is happy! Take care of YOU because if YOU don't who's gonna do it?

    Bella
  • The_Wallflower
    The_Wallflower Posts: 111 Member
    A lot of men are scared of their women losing weight because of the attention it will grab. Some are scared of you leaving them, some are scared of cheating...who knows..its crazy! Just stick to your guns and get healthy! Trust me, once you are there he will appreciate it more LOL. Don't let him discourage you... my husband is kind of the same way...
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