Losing weight and dating....

I wasn't attempting to lose weight when I mt my girlfriend but now she doesn't like that I am working out because she says I am going to leave her.

I've had this dilemma but not within the context of weight loss. Just within the context of dating in general.
I always thought that me turning down guys (nicely) would create bad dating karma and I would get turned down (which I have)

But now I have come to learn that this is what dating is.

1) Why dishonor yourself and your time by continuing to be with someone you do not like? Is it because you think you cannot do better? I always give someone multiple chances (a few dates to get to know them) before I ax them. I feel this is fair. You never know what gems you miss when you blindly deny someone based on one date or one flirting session

2) Why disrespect someone by continuing to date them if you don't like them? That's harmful to the other person because they could have freed up time to be with someone they who actually likes them. Also--I've fell into the trap of continuing to date someone to spare their feelings (as if they need my pity) which is kind of a disgusting energy because it's like I'm doing them a favor.

Get clear about what you want in a man. Know that bad dates or bad chemistry aren't failures, but rather a crystallization of what you DON'T want so that you can get clear about what you do what.
You are not obligated to like every human male just because you feel bad about the tables turning or don't want to hurt their feelings. You deserve to go after what you want, and you shall get it.
Also--there are no missed opportunities. Beating yourself up that maybe that guy you turned down was the ONE or maybe that guy who turned you down was the ONE and you'll never get him are pitfalls of the mind. Don't fall into such traps. Divine timing, my friend.
Happy dating!!!

To address the issue of attraction, it is not "mean" or "horrible" to turn down a date with someone you don't find physically attractive. There are right and wrong ways to go about declining, but you don't have to apologize for not being attracted to someone who is clearly thinking about the potential for physical intimacy with you. Looks are the jumping off point. It's human nature.

As for how weight-loss has impacted my dating life, ironically, losing weight helped me see beyond physical attraction and determine what else I am looking for in a man. Dating is purposeful for me now; it's not recreational. I have a level of self-awareness and self-respect that I didn't have before. I am happy. My life is good. Being single isn't my first choice, but I know I can handle it now, and, thus, I am more resolved than ever not to settle. It has nothing to do with the way I look or the way a man looks and everything to do with the kind of life we would have.

This goes beyond mere dating, but one of the biggest things I've realized is that I don't just want to be married. I want be really, really, legendarily great at being someone's wife. That's important to me. It's something I want to fight for every day, like I fight for my strength and my health. Not every man is worth that kind of effort. And the ones who ARE worth it are a lot easier to see now.

Are you talking about meeting someone in person and not have a physical attraction to them or looking at photos of potential dates online?

If you are not attracted to someone, you are not attracted to them, period. If you are around that person and find that even the personality doesn't excite you, move on - whether that person is thin or overweight is not going to make a difference.

Online is another story, very often photos are awful and very often photos are 10 years old and fabulous. I have a friend who used to be very heavy, then she lost a lot of weight. She started online dating. One guy reached out to her and she thought he was pretty awful physically, but she liked what he wrote - and she always said she would not base a guy on looks alone, she would want to meet him - because she had many years of being based on looks alone and it was awful. Long story short, she met him in person and he was much more fabulous in person that what he was online. Longer story now, she's married to that very man and they have two kids. She tells this story to many to try to prove a point, that you can't base a person (especially online dating) on looks alone.

My boyfriend and I met in person, years ago. He has known me at my heaviest and has known me at my thinnest. He has never complained, but he wants me to be happy, he doesn't like when I am uncomfortable. Like I said, we met in person. Good thing, because he never had luck with online dating. He is the most unphotogenic person ever, he looks like a psychopathic serial killer in many photos, LOL. I can honestly say I probably would have passed him up based on his bad photos.

You're not being mean, you're being honest with yourself with what you find attractive - but don't be unrealistic either, that will hinder you in meeting someone.

P.S. I also have a guy friend who is so not physically attractive (in my eyes), yet he has the greatest gift of gab and the best personality, he has no trouble meeting women, attractive and smart women.

As a married man I will tell you that I was not attracted to my wife in a physical way when I met her for the first time. I went on a date with her after being asked to by her sister. It took a few times of going out before I really got to know her and start falling for her. If I would have not went on that second date (the first was a blind date) I wouldn't be married for 10 years and have the two great kids I have now. Give them one date, if it works great, if not you have lost a little time, made a guy happy and got a free meal. I have went on dates with women I have found very attractive and found out I didn't like them after spending time with them. Good luck.

Have the men who've turned you down told you that it was because of your weight, or are you just assuming it was?
If that's the case, even skinny people get turned down! .. You can't assume it is because of you weight, they may just have not felt a connection, they may have not been ready for a relationship, there could be a million and one reasons. You can't go on a date etc feeling self conscious and thinking "oh they're going to turn me down because I'm overweight', because In thinking like that you could be coming across as elusive, so just relax.. be yourself.. and if you do get turned down, just dust yourself off and try again. :flowerforyou: