My scale says 189 today -- Lost 151 lbs!

Basically I had a bad relationship with food all of my life. My mother, who was fat as a child, was very conscious of everything I ate. Sugary treats were only allowed in the house on binge and purge days. (Because of this, I'm not a big cookie, candy, cake or anything sweet eater) I would get criticized after coming home 'fat' from my grandmothers house where food was freely given. Sneaking food whenever I could became the goal since meals were so closely monitored. As an adult, with the newfound freedom and no restrictions, I ate. And then ate some more. There was a whole wide world of different tastes and foods yet to be eaten. And I was going to eat anything I wanted so I did.

Fast forward to my late 20's where I was at 320lbs. I was just newly diagnosed as a diabetic, had an angioplasty and was generally miserable. In the hospital, the admitting doctor kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me, I was just too fat until the cardiologist actually found the problem under all that fat. After the angioplasty, I took the weight loss drugs, Meridia and Xenical, stepped up the exercise and got down to about 200lbs where I stalled but after being over 300 lbs, I was fine with the 200 mark. Because you know, I was 'big boned'... sigh....

Then of course life changed again and I found myself in Memphis TN (I am originally from NY). Guess what, a whole new world of food. And all of it unhealthy (biscuits & gravy, real mac & cheese, fried everything) so of course, I had to try it all. And I did. Enough for 2 or 3 people. Over the next 10 years I gained weight up back to almost the 300 mark. I had to have yet another stent put in to keep my blocked arteries open.

Then life changed again, I got divorced and moved to Phoenix AZ. I work from home now, so I was barely leaving the house at all. It's just so easy to sit in front of the computer and eat. So easy that you can do it with out thinking. Which I did. And got yet another 2 stents put in to keep those blocked arteries open and was taking impossibly high amounts of insulin and Metformin to control the diabetes. And the heart pills, and the cholesterol pills and the blood pressure medications.

Last October, I took a trip to NY to visit friends, and came back horrified and ready to make a change. What happened? I couldn't even walk down the block without back pain. I was so out of shape that a 5 minute walk left me grasping for breath and bent over with pain. I couldn't even walk back to the car, they had to pick me up. Everyone was great and understanding and it all just made me feel that much worse.

So I came back home and joined a gym. Meh. I have learned I am not a gym person. But I did meet the most excellent trainer who I still work with twice a week. I hooked up with a weight loss doctor who's focus is on losing weight naturally, by changing your diet - no drugs.

So here it is a year later and my scale says 189 this morning (which puts me over 150 lbs lost) , I am less than 20lbs away from hitting my goal of 170. My cardiologist is finally giving me glowing reports, I am off all drugs for the diabetes, and my blood pressure meds have been cut in half. I feel great. My friends all comment on how much happier I seem now and if I had to think about it, I really am happier. People make jokes about how I lost them in weight which is kind of funny.

I make it a goal to walk at least a mile most days and I weigh all my food and track everything here. Basically, if I need to go anywhere within a mile radius of my house, I walk there - Walgreens, Walmart, Doctor appts (Luckily I live near a lot of things). I don't beat myself up about eating anything. I learned a lot about myself and my issues with food. I love anything with carbs I am trying different and healthier foods to try to replace some of my previously carb laden meals and it's working - Cauliflower is the greatest vegetable ever and I just made a spaghetti squash for the first time.

I am in the best shape of my adult life and truly loving it. I do have some extra skin that I will think about removing after I have the first year of maintenance under my belt but it goes with the territory. In clothes, no one knows it is there... And I would rather have the skin instead of the extra fat that used to be in that skin

But in conclusion, was this easy? No - not at all. I can't tell you about all of the food fantasies I had during this past year and all the times, I really wanted to go F it and drive to Walgreens to get a can of Pringles. And how many times I wanted to call the trainer to tell her I wasn't coming. But I finally realized that I was ready to do this. It has been an eye opener along the way and I learned a lot about myself and my issues with food.

This wasn't a diet, but a life changing work of art... and I am the final masterpiece and I am loving it!