Need help avoiding friends that love to eat..

Emilie04444
Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
edited February 9 in Health and Weight Loss
Be careful who you fatternize with...

I need help b/c the ppl that I hang out with most of them don't have the same goals as me with weight loss. I was just invited out again tonight by one and tomorrow by another, and honestly I am tired of drinks, food and all the calories that ensue. I just have no other ideas for activities, because even if I meet up with a friend for the movies, she will get popcorn and will want to grab a drink or food after. It is inevitable. It's not worth it for me to even go because I've gained a few already since Tgiving and I need to refocus. I can't gain any more weight. I am single,no kids so it's assumed that I am always free and ready to go out and drink, but my waistband (and wallet) is saying otherwise

Does anyone have any ideas or is anyone dealing with this? What do you do/say or do you just avoid them.
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Replies

  • twixlepennie
    twixlepennie Posts: 1,074 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    eta: I'm the only one, with two exceptions, that are currently on this path of those I know/friends/family. Doesn't mean a thing-this is about me, not them.
  • toutmonpossible
    toutmonpossible Posts: 1,580 Member
    Find some physical activities you enjoy (running,biking, hiking, team sports) and cultivate friends in those areas.
  • nikkylyn
    nikkylyn Posts: 325 Member
    Invite them hiking or rockclimbing offer to pack a nice healthy lunch.. etc dont wait for them to invite you.
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    You know AOL those nasty things you secretly think about your friends, but never say because they're your friends?

    Start saying them. You'll stop getting invited out.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    Good points. But I am definitely not going to wait until I am mentally ready because the scale will just continue to go up. I know this is for life, but I have heard of ppl that limit who they hang with for these reasons. I know myself and it can lead to a downward spiral. And I'd have to disagree that other's food habits have no bearing on yours, because it does, especially when ppl offer you something
  • nomeejerome
    nomeejerome Posts: 2,616 Member
    I think part of the beauty of a good friendship is respecting one another and communication. Life is too short to avoid friends and family because they may not have the same weight loss and/or fitness goals. Your weight loss goals are your goals and should not be controlled by other people. Go enjoy the time with your friends and family and practice self-control and saying no to things that will keep you from your goals. If they are good friends, they will understand.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,150 Member
    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    +1
  • echofm1
    echofm1 Posts: 471 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    eta: I'm the only one, with two exceptions, that are currently on this path of those I know/friends/family. Doesn't mean a thing-this is about me, not them.

    This, seconded. Most of my friends aren't losing weight with me, and that's fine. You need to go in with a plan. When you go out for drinks, maybe get a diet pop instead or just go with water. If you go out to eat, plan to get something small. Nothing says you need to get popcorn and a drink at the movie, even if your friends are. Only avoid them if you actually want to start severing ties. Otherwise, when you ask to hang out, suggest something else. My experience has shown that most people don't really have any idea of where they want to go when they hang out. they just want to spend time with a friend. So put forward ideas. Go window shopping, watch a movie at your place, go swimming together or maybe go to a park for a hike. There might be seasonal activities going on around town. Take it as a chance to explore where you live a bit more by going to local carnivals, art shows, zoos, etc.

    You can't control what they eat and drink, so make plans that leave you feeling involved with the activity but don't destroy your budget. Learn to say no when they offer to split dessert—or plan for half a dessert and enjoy the hell out of it. Part of the journey is learning to make good choices for you and your goals, even when it might not be the easiest thing to do.
  • Lemmynade
    Lemmynade Posts: 160 Member
    I have the same problem... single, no kids, and all social activities revolve around food an alcohol, which I don't mind, it's just so many!

    One thing you could try to do is consolidate, as in have one dinner out with multiple friends vs. having several throughout the week. You get the same social interaction with less of a hit to both the waistband and the wallet. Or have a monthly dinner party! It's a little pricy depending on what and how much you cook, but you could institute a potluck, or just have everyone bring wine. With this you control the menu, the quality of the ingredients, and can make those healthy swaps! (BTW, all of these things are things that I need to do too!)

    The best trick though, is learn to say no. No, you can't/won't/shouldn't go out; No you're not eating, but might have a drink; No, you're not drinking, but you'll have dinner. Telling your friends what you're goals are is just going to help you, if they're supportive, they'll understand! And indulge yourself sometimes. It's ok.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,150 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    Good points. But I am definitely not going to wait until I am mentally ready because the scale will just continue to go up. I know this is for life, but I have heard of ppl that limit who they hang with for these reasons. I know myself and it can lead to a downward spiral. And I'd have to disagree that other's food habits have no bearing on yours, because it does, especially when ppl offer you something

    So it's your friends' fault you can't say no when offered food?
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    Invite them hiking or rockclimbing offer to pack a nice healthy lunch.. etc dont wait for them to invite you.

    That's a good idea. I was thinking of going to a museum and coffee tomorrow instead of dinner and drinks. I love hiking, just have to find places to do it.
  • laserturkey
    laserturkey Posts: 1,680 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    Good points. But I am definitely not going to wait until I am mentally ready because the scale will just continue to go up. I know this is for life, but I have heard of ppl that limit who they hang with for these reasons. I know myself and it can lead to a downward spiral. And I'd have to disagree that other's food habits have no bearing on yours, because it does, especially when ppl offer you something

    At some point you are going to have to accept that YOU are in charge of yourself and your eating habits. If someone offers me food I don't want, I say, "No, thank you." Then I don't eat it.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    Good points. But I am definitely not going to wait until I am mentally ready because the scale will just continue to go up. I know this is for life, but I have heard of ppl that limit who they hang with for these reasons. I know myself and it can lead to a downward spiral. And I'd have to disagree that other's food habits have no bearing on yours, because it does, especially when ppl offer you something

    So it's your friends' fault you can't say no when offered food?

    Hmmmm is that what I said???
  • Ainar
    Ainar Posts: 858 Member
    You might wanna talk with them and ask them to support you. Like a serious "sit down, it's time for serious ****" talk". Tell them how important this is for you, how bad you are with self control and ask them for help. Ask them not to ask you to food places that often or at least to help you and order some boring salad, when they're with you, so you would not be tempted. Order smaller portions at movies so you would not be tempted as well. If they care about you and wanna help then they will play along. It might limit they fun but I think it's fair to ask it anyways cos if they are your friends and friends should help friends out. If they are not willing to play along well then you have following options.

    If that does not work, either work on yourself and develop self control, right focus and discipline. And keep your current friends and do current activities the way you do them. Or find new new friends with similar goals to hang out with and hang out less with your current friends, liek maybe only once a week when you are having a cheat day/meal or something. As simple as that. There are weight loss clubs, workout camps and classes where you can meet new people with similar goals. You just have to look.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    I still have all of the same friends I've always had and I can guarantee you that none of them have to fitness and nutrition goals that I do. I'm still more than capable of going out for a meal with them and eating something that fits into my calorie goals. It's really not that hard. Just because you go out with friends doesn't mean that you need to pig out or drink all the beers or whatever.

    When others have said that this is for life, what they're saying is that depriving yourself...whether it be of your friends or food or whatever is only going to lead to failure...long term success is ultimately going to be predicated on your ability to practice moderation because these types of things and situations will always be abundant unless you just don't want to have any friends.
  • twixlepennie
    twixlepennie Posts: 1,074 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.


    Good points. But I am definitely not going to wait until I am mentally ready because the scale will just continue to go up. I know this is for life, but I have heard of ppl that limit who they hang with for these reasons. I know myself and it can lead to a downward spiral. And I'd have to disagree that other's food habits have no bearing on yours, because it does, especially when ppl offer you something

    No, other people's food habits really don't have any bearing on you. I think when you figure that out, then you'll be on your way to successfully doing this.

    And I'm not trying to be mean, but I've gone through this and I had to finally take a step back and realize this is about ME, and I can only control MY actions. I can't keep looking to others as excuses for why I can't do this. After I came to this point, I was able to move on and succeed. Now when someone offers me food and I don't want it, I just say 'no thank you.' It really is that simple.

    But, I've learned that I control food and what/how I eat- it no longer controls me. This is why I will be part of the 5% that actually succeeds at long term weight loss, when 95% of people fail.
  • Desterknee
    Desterknee Posts: 1,056 Member
    It's called personal responsibility. Get some.

    Going to a movie? What does it matter if your friend is getting popcorn? Don't you get any. If they try to guilt you, just say no.

    Going to a bar? Have a soda. Have seltzer water. Are they hassling you? Just say no.

    This is a ridiculous mindset. What they're doing should have no effect on what you do. I have gone to bars for hours without having a single drink when I was choosing to abstain from alcohol. I don't eat theatre popcorn at the movies cuz I think it's gross. Yet I still go to the movies, still go to bars, still go out to eat. Plus if you don't have enough backbone to just say no, there are a million excuses you can use for why you're not drinking or you don't want to eat a huge meal. Say you're on antibiotics, say you had a late lunch, say whatever.

    Your excuse is invalid.
  • eganita
    eganita Posts: 501 Member
    Personally I love food and good beer myself, but I make it a point to only go out to eat once a week at the most (typically...). Could you suggest more active outings with friends - hiking, bike riding, walking, etc? It's cold/snowy where I live now, but there are some indoor options too - rock climbing (there's an indoor wall near where I live) or even bowling (still burns SOME calories at least). Or could you invite friends over to watch a sporting event or something like that, and only have (At least semi-) healthy snacks on hand?

    A lot of my friends play hockey, so a lot of my socializing tends to be around playing hockey, going for a run, etc.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    Good points. But I am definitely not going to wait until I am mentally ready because the scale will just continue to go up. I know this is for life, but I have heard of ppl that limit who they hang with for these reasons. I know myself and it can lead to a downward spiral. And I'd have to disagree that other's food habits have no bearing on yours, because it does, especially when ppl offer you something

    At some point you are going to have to accept that YOU are in charge of yourself and your eating habits. If someone offers me food I don't want, I say, "No, thank you." Then I don't eat it.

    I get that. Unfortunately I am not there yet. I was there a few months ago, but after gaining a few pounds back, it seems my resolve has gone away. I guess I have to work on my resolve and getting my goals in check again.
  • Ainar
    Ainar Posts: 858 Member
    Also I wanna say that I think finding new friends or limiting time with, or dismissing, old ones is a legit strategy. You are with what you hang out with. Fat people hang out with fat people. Drug addicts hang out with drug addicts. Nerds hang out with nerds. Etc. You are hanging out with people who have similar interests and/or goals. Hanging out with fat or lazy people holds you back just like hanging out with drug addicts holds you back from recovery. If your friends are unnecessary weight and are not willing to support you then, drop them. There is nothing wrong with that. Your real friends will be willing to sit on a diet while with you cos they care about you. If that's not the case they are not worth holding on to anyways cos if they can't support you in tiny thing like this then they for sure won't support you in bigger stuff, if time ever comes, they are not your real friends. These kind of friends are just a time sink to keep us from getting bored. They have zero value to you apart from that. Might as well get new ones. If they do support you of course then don't dismiss them, don't misunderstand me.
  • farfromthetree
    farfromthetree Posts: 982 Member
    Wow...some peoples responses are very judgemental and harsh. This is a message board to be able to vent and get support. SHEESH!!!I sympathize with you. I have friends that get together every friday night and eat and drink. I have begun to stay in until I can get this under control. I look at my friends who go out and eat/drink all the time, and that is my motivation. It just isn't worth it. You are single so it is more difficult to find an excuse to stay in. You may just want to express how you are feeling and what your goals are to your friends. I think they will understand, and may join you! Good luck!
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    You might wanna talk with them and ask them to support you. Like a serious "sit down, it's time for serious ****" talk". Tell them how important this is for you, how bad you are with self control and ask them for help. Ask them not to ask you to food places that often or at least to help you and order some boring salad, when they're with you, so you would not be tempted. Order smaller portions at movies so you would not be tempted as well. If they care about you and wanna help then they will play along. It might limit they fun but I think it's fair to ask it anyways cos if they are your friends and friends should help friends out. If they are not willing to play along well then you have following options.

    If that does not work, either work on yourself and develop self control, right focus and discipline. And keep your current friends and do current activities the way you do them. Or find new new friends with similar goals to hang out with and hang out less with your current friends, liek maybe only once a week when you are having a cheat day/meal or something. As simple as that. There are weight loss clubs, workout camps and classes where you can meet new people with similar goals. You just have to look.

    THANKS!! Good advice. I honestly haven't had a talk with them. They know that I have lost a bit of weight, but they don't know that I am still actively trying to lose more. I think if they did, they would be more supportive, especially since they want to lose weight as well. I also need to work on my self control so it will be less of an issue. When you go a month of loosening the reigns and hanging out, I think it CAN be harder to come back. But this thread is already helping me get there, so it's all good.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    This is for life- you need to figure out how to make it work for these types of situations or you're going to fail. You cannot avoid family and friends and food situations for the rest of your life.

    Also, other people's food habits have absolutely NO bearing on yours. If you can't even go to a movie with a friend, who may get popcorn, then I wonder if you're actually ready to be doing this right now. You need to change your mindset and focus on you, not what other people are doing/eating.

    Good points. But I am definitely not going to wait until I am mentally ready because the scale will just continue to go up. I know this is for life, but I have heard of ppl that limit who they hang with for these reasons. I know myself and it can lead to a downward spiral. And I'd have to disagree that other's food habits have no bearing on yours, because it does, especially when ppl offer you something

    At some point you are going to have to accept that YOU are in charge of yourself and your eating habits. If someone offers me food I don't want, I say, "No, thank you." Then I don't eat it.

    I get that. Unfortunately I am not there yet. I was there a few months ago, but after gaining a few pounds back, it seems my resolve has gone away. I guess I have to work on my resolve and getting my goals in check again.

    Instead of focusing all of your energies on some arbitrary goal weight or whatever the scale says and letting the scale dictate your success and resolve, why don't you focus on the process of being a healthier you? Focus on your nutrition and fitness and realize that these things are life long endeavors...there is no finish line. When you're always focusing on some arbitrary goal weight, you're inadvertently focusing on a finish line that doesn't exist if you are indeed going to have life time success at controlling your weight and be healthy and fit.
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
    i have a good friend that is severely overweight always want to eat food whenever we hang out. i just tell her i am not hungry and that's that. so she eats all she wants and if i am hungry i eat whatever and then i am done.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    Wow...some peoples responses are very judgemental and harsh. This is a message board to be able to vent and get support. SHEESH!!!I sympathize with you. I have friends that get together every friday night and eat and drink. I have begun to stay in until I can get this under control. I look at my friends who go out and eat/drink all the time, and that is my motivation. It just isn't worth it. You are single so it is more difficult to find an excuse to stay in. You may just want to express how you are feeling and what your goals are to your friends. I think they will understand, and may join you! Good luck!

    God bless you for this comment. I've learned to deal with the harshness, but venting here is still better than venting to ppl that are not trying to lose weight, although next time I may just keep it to my friends wall.

    That's how I feel too, that it's just not worth it sometimes to go out. Plus I find that when I say no, it reminds my friend that she is trying to lose weight as well, lol.
  • brc912
    brc912 Posts: 43 Member
    Just tell them that you are cutting back on going out so that you can focus on your weight loss, and just go out with them maybe once a week, or a couple times a month. If they are your friends, they should be understanding. But, as far as them eating/drinking, etc. you can't avoid that.

    I eat before I go out with my friends to restaurants/bars. Then when I am there I order an iced tea, coffee or water and just hang out with them. It is a change from the drunkenness/binge eating I used to partake in, but it is helping me in my waistline and my wallet. Just focus on yourself, and the rest will work itself out, and as I said, if your friends aren't understanding of this then they weren't really your friends to begin with.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    If I go out with friends and don't feel like drinking - I DON'T. I'll drink pop, juice or water with a lemon. I don't make a big announcement that I'm not drinking alcohol so people don't even notice...I standing around chatting with a beverage in my hand like everyone else.

    If I go to the movies and want to snack - I'll stash something less calorie laden than theater popcorn with butter in my purse (pretzels, almonds or my own portion controlled bag of popcorn.)

    If I'm going out to eat with friends I'll check the menu ahead of time for healthier options. Or I'll watch my portions...as long as it fits in my calorie goal!! I'm not one to turn down pizza;)

    You have the ultimate control over this. Admittedly it is a bit easier if you start to surround yourself with like minded people who are up for a hike (or some type of recreational sports) and then to a restaurant that has a lot of tasty healthy options. But there is no need to dump your current friends! Like I said - you have ultimate control over this!! This is your fitness journey not theirs.....WILLPOWER.
  • twixlepennie
    twixlepennie Posts: 1,074 Member
    Wow...some peoples responses are very judgemental and harsh. This is a message board to be able to vent and get support. SHEESH!!!I sympathize with you. I have friends that get together every friday night and eat and drink. I have begun to stay in until I can get this under control. I look at my friends who go out and eat/drink all the time, and that is my motivation. It just isn't worth it. You are single so it is more difficult to find an excuse to stay in. You may just want to express how you are feeling and what your goals are to your friends. I think they will understand, and may join you! Good luck!

    I'll support others by telling them what they need to hear, regardless of how 'harsh' it may be. The best way to succeed at this is to find those who have done this whole thing successfully and learn from them, regardless if what they say isn't what you want to hear. That's how I figured it out, and hopefully the OP will do the same.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    Thanks for ALL the comments guys!! It has really helped me put this issue into perspective
  • tinglesby
    tinglesby Posts: 96 Member
    Wow...some peoples responses are very judgemental and harsh. This is a message board to be able to vent and get support. SHEESH!!!I sympathize with you. I have friends that get together every friday night and eat and drink. I have begun to stay in until I can get this under control. I look at my friends who go out and eat/drink all the time, and that is my motivation. It just isn't worth it. You are single so it is more difficult to find an excuse to stay in. You may just want to express how you are feeling and what your goals are to your friends. I think they will understand, and may join you! Good luck!



    I agree! i understand that a certain amount of "harshness" may be neccessary, but theres no need to be rude. And sometimes it IS neccessary to abstain from certain friends who love to go out to eat/ drink all the time. i had a friend like that. and i tried to suggest healthier restaurant/ activites alternatives, but she kept saying no she wanted to eat mexican, or italian, or someting rich or go out for beers....it just gets old when you dont have the support. so i agree, that abstaining for a while to get things in control and find your focus is a good idea. ABSOLUTLEY!!! HEAR HEAR!!!
    GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND IF YOU WANT A FITNESS BUDDY ADD ME. :)

    Theresa
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