Need help avoiding friends that love to eat..

2»

Replies

  • Rogstar
    Rogstar Posts: 216 Member
    Well...my husband likes to eat. It's a little hard to avoid him! :heart:

    Last year, after 7 years of marriage, I realized that he isn't me. I have to do things for myself and not wait on him to want to get healthy. Every couple of months I would say that we should get one program or another, or we should join a gym together, or stop eating out. He would be noncommittal but interested, but we would never do it together. I finally had to tell myself that I am my own person and it doesn't matter what he does or wants to do, It's what I want to do. Of course, I'm still hoping he gets interested in fitness and healthier eating...but it doesn't affect what I do for myself.

    We still eat out, we still go to the movies (I'm the one who insists on popcorn!) but we also go on walks and go to parks & museums and art fairs. Most days we eat the same foods at home that we did before, but perhaps a little more salads and steamed veggies. We just eat less of it because I put less on our plates. I just have to make healthy choices for me and not be influenced by him or our other friends who may choose something that doesn't fit in my calories for the day. I still have those days where I splurge, but I'm aware of it now and can work around them.

    So, I agree with those who have said that this is a journey without a real ending. If you love your friends, you will find a way to be with them. There is no reason to avoid them. It's about you and your own goals. You can do it...it might just take time to get to a point where it becomes second nature to order the water and low-cal options.
  • mrsjones2point0
    mrsjones2point0 Posts: 332 Member
    Letting your friends know the journey you are on, and what your goals are is really key here.

    Plus, if they all know that you are trying to lose weight, you will feel more peer pressure to order and eat better out with them; not that they have to live by your guidelines, but I find that if I've made this grand announcement to my friends, I look like a dumbass ordering the fattening stuff. Making it public knowledge adds in more peer pressure to suceed and greater fear of failure.

    And really, if they are truly friends, they will understand and be supportive - if they aren't, THEN you walk away from them and find new friends at the gym or on the trail, or in that museum you talked about.
  • echofm1
    echofm1 Posts: 471 Member
    Whenever I see these kinds of threads, people always seem to assume that the people who are hardest to hang out with are fat and lazy. If anything, my overweight friends are easier to hang out with because they understand! They tend not to offer me desserts or pressure me to get drinks.

    It's the skinny friends who have the ability to stop eating delicious, calorie-dense food that are the biggest struggle! Often because they'll also suggest getting a drink or splitting a dessert. Even if they know about my weight loss goals, for some people it's just ingrained into how they interact with you.

    And because I do enjoy them as people, and not just because they'll sit around and eat with me, I don't intend to get rid of them just because they offer to split a dessert with me. I'd rather get better at my own self control.
  • lcvaughn520
    lcvaughn520 Posts: 219 Member
    I kind of feel you on this one - it is definitely hard to stay on track when your social life revolves around eating and drinking. You should continue to be friends with your current friends, but maybe try to make some new friend whose interests line up with your new lifestyle! Join a gym or a running club and try to form relationships with people you meet there. It is important to have a support group with similar goals - it makes it all that more likely that you'll be able to stick with this change!
  • elainecroft
    elainecroft Posts: 595 Member
    It's a great time of year to get support from your friends -

    "Hey, I've been trying to get healthy this year. Now that the holidays are over I want to get back on track. I am hoping that you can support me on this because I am really excited!! Let's hang out this week - how about we do X (and insert an activity that you want to do instead of eating). Or, if we are going to do Y (movie, dinner, whatever), I'm just letting you know that I'm making it a goal to not eat junk snacks so I'm going to try to bring my own snacks / not drink alcohol, etc."

    The key is to say "I want you to support me in doing this but I'm not restricting what you do" versus "I want you to support me in doing this by doing the same thing I am". Most good friends will be 100% behind you if you phrase it the first way.
  • seltzermint5
    seltzermint5 Posts: 6
    I still go. I control what I eat and drink (and what I purchase). My friends know that I am a cheapskate, first and foremost, so I'll be more likely to get an app and water instead of that steak dinner and slice of cheesecake and glass of wine. Now that I track my calories and eat healthier, they really don't pay that much attention. If they whined about it I would straight up tell them why I order the way I do.

    My best friend and I go out to a coffeehouse once a week. Sometimes I eat a normal sized dinner before I go. On those nights I just get plain black coffee over ice, and I enjoy it. Sometimes I eat a mini-meal with nothing sugary and then get plain coffee and a small pastry. It still fits my calories. Sometimes I skip dinner and at the coffeehouse I order a full size protein smoothie with bananas, chocolate, etc, and that is my dinner. There are a lot of ways to handle that. A few years ago I would have eaten a full sized dinner and then got a big flavored mocha latte and maybe a cookie or cupcake too.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    My friends can order what they want. I'm 36 years old, I'm not easily influenced. I love my friends too much to avoid them just because they make different choices than I do.
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
    I understand this. I often say I'm poor, already ate, not feeling good, or just get something light. it's something and they won't feel like they're eating alone. suggest healthy places to eat where u know U can get food ur ok with. pick the lightest thing prepared the lightest way (no mayo, steamed) and get a to go box. it's doable just don't "forget" to do it!
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
    also, it's better if you don't tell them your food goals I've found. my friends react and try to pig out sad but true. the only exception is work out buddies. if they have a gym membership they will want to go.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Just say "no thanks" when your friends offer you food. If you don't want to eat then don't.

    If you do want some popcorn, offer to share a small movie popcorn. Have water or diet soda instead of the sugar drinks.

    I've seen plenty of people at the movie house with one scarfing down the popcorn and another just sitting there not eating a thing.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    Wow...some peoples responses are very judgemental and harsh. This is a message board to be able to vent and get support. SHEESH!!!I sympathize with you. I have friends that get together every friday night and eat and drink. I have begun to stay in until I can get this under control. I look at my friends who go out and eat/drink all the time, and that is my motivation. It just isn't worth it. You are single so it is more difficult to find an excuse to stay in. You may just want to express how you are feeling and what your goals are to your friends. I think they will understand, and may join you! Good luck!
    Actually, this is just your perception. Support does not mean enabling people with what they want to hear, but empowering them with what they need to hear.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    Be careful who you fatternize with...

    I need help b/c the ppl that I hang out with most of them don't have the same goals as me with weight loss. I was just invited out again tonight by one and tomorrow by another, and honestly I am tired of drinks, food and all the calories that ensue. I just have no other ideas for activities, because even if I meet up with a friend for the movies, she will get popcorn and will want to grab a drink or food after. It is inevitable. It's not worth it for me to even go because I've gained a few already since Tgiving and I need to refocus. I can't gain any more weight. I am single,no kids so it's assumed that I am always free and ready to go out and drink, but my waistband (and wallet) is saying otherwise

    Does anyone have any ideas or is anyone dealing with this? What do you do/say or do you just avoid them.

    This has caused me a lot of anxiety -- a lot.

    What works for me is to stand my ground in a nice way -- to say I'm losing weight and getting healthy and I'm on a roll and don't want to get off track, but to please go ahead and enjoy yourself. Just have coffee with your friends, not a meal. Or go to the movies, but eat first so you aren't hungry and just drink water.

    Or do something else. Invite them to take a hike, window shop, go to a museum (those things are free). Like somebody else said, maybe you can cultivate some new friends who have healthier lifestyles.
  • Shuuma
    Shuuma Posts: 465 Member
    13 years ago, I had to give up red meat because I can't digest it. I lost friends because I refused to eat red meat and cause myself pain. I really lost some "friends"! I was a bit befuddled because who cares what your friends eat? Well, apparently, my true friends really don't care because they just made sure eating involved other choices for me.

    Your true friends will respect you. Explain your goals and how important it is to stick with it and your true friends will respect that and move on with life. If they are pressuring you or mocking you, I respectfully submit it's time for new friends.
  • lizzyclatworthy
    lizzyclatworthy Posts: 296 Member
    I get this, people have not been exactly supportive. I stole a lot of tips from the book 'naturally thin' and drew on my experiences of being sober for 4 years.
    It's sometimes as if I am personally insulting people by not ordering chips, not drinking shots or going home early because I have a gym session booked the next day.
    We still go out for food, I make better choices and make sure I earn enough calories during the day to cover myself that night. I take my car everywhere so I don't have to drink (what a ridiculous phrase 'have to drink' )
  • in4nomz
    in4nomz Posts: 230
    Easy, don't get extra food when you go out. Just because your friend gets popcorn at the movie theater doesn't mean you have to get some (or eat some of hers). Same with drinks, you can have a night on the town and not drink. If your friends are going to give you crap for eating/drinking the way you want then they aren't very good friends.

    Will power girl, will power.
  • Fenrissa
    Fenrissa Posts: 116
    I think part of the beauty of a good friendship is respecting one another and communication. Life is too short to avoid friends and family because they may not have the same weight loss and/or fitness goals. Your weight loss goals are your goals and should not be controlled by other people. Go enjoy the time with your friends and family and practice self-control and saying no to things that will keep you from your goals. If they are good friends, they will understand.
    You said it perfectly.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Ask them if you can go to a coffeehouse 90% of the time and cut back on the restaurant visits. Don't avoid your loved ones. Just change what you do together. People get in the habit of going to restaurants, but there are lots of other options that don't involve exercising if your friends don't want to do activity based outings.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    Coffee is what I do (and look at my username, lol). But restaurants are usually great, too. There are usually low enough calorie appetizers, and I have no problem ordering that for a meal and saying that I'm not hungry enough for a big plate. I've always done that (I eat throughout the day, not big meals). We have a lot of places here that offer 'small plates', even :)

    But the appetizers are usually awesome and you can leave a bigger tip for the server if you are worried about the price difference.

    If y'all have places that serve breakfast all day that folks want to go to, get a couple of hard boiled eggs (and a piece of Virginia ham, maybe). Things like that :)

    The worst is when places only offer pub grub. I usually don't eat then, because everything is so greasy, etc. Hopefully there are lots of other places to go where you are than just places with bad choices. That really would suck.
  • turtleball
    turtleball Posts: 217 Member
    When going to the movie theater how about bringing your own 120 calorie popcorn? and maybe a 100 calorie snack pack desert? and a drink like water (my choice), pepsi 0 or something like that?

    ((sneak it in your purse of course))

    so that way you guys are all eating and having fun... without you downing 2000 calories.
    when you go to a restaurant how about you just eat half of it then take the rest home? I dont know much about friendship and hanging out but in my head I imagine that good friends should at least care about your health.
  • lizzyclatworthy
    lizzyclatworthy Posts: 296 Member
    Most of my friends have become used to me bringing Tupperware to meals out now.
    I love keeping enough to make a salad the next day!
    Seriously, 'naturally thin' is really helpful for this kinda situation!
  • tnsumner
    tnsumner Posts: 283 Member
    A lot of my friends are overweight. Plus eating is just a social thing to do, just like drinking. You could always offer to cook for them so you can control the calories. I found that suggesting ANYTHING else to do sometimes worked. Especially if they want to lose weight too.
  • Nico_the_enabler
    Nico_the_enabler Posts: 123 Member
    Personally I don't avoid them. I make the most of it. I guess its a matter of perspective. If my friends are foodies (and most of them are) they eat all the food. lol. Makes for less temptation for me. I havn't actually 'come out' about losing weight and they are only just starting to notice that I have lost. So less issues with ppl trying to sabotage my efforts. If it really was an issue I think I would just say upon invitation.. am watching my cals this week so I wont be staying for dessert. Or.. have a early morning tomorrow so wont be drinking much tonight etc.
    Perhaps the issue here isn't so much your friends and too much food as it is you trying to keep an established lifestyle with your friends that no longer fits into your desired weight loss goals.
    Either way...good luck

Categories