Learning to Love Myself

My name is Nicole I’m 33 years old and I joined myfitnesspal because a friend told me it was better than spark people. I struggle with depression and I’m going to blame my family for it (mother, sisters, grandma, uncle, cousins, everyone on my mother side of the family). When you’re a teen and make mistakes (I had sex at 16, had a baby at 17, lied about stuff so people wouldn’t be so mad at me for getting pregnant, heard stories about my family and the horrible things they did to each other, and seen things I wish I never saw) you grow and you learn from them right, well I grew, learn and also never forgot them thanks to my family. My label is that I’m a liar, a user, ungrateful, slut, Fat a**, a waste of time, and the new one is I’m delusional. I pretend it doesn’t bother me when they smile in my face and tell me they love me and then turn around and go back to bashing me again. When I confront, no one says anything, they just say they never said it. But now get this it’s just my mother side of the family, and they all have made this image that they are perfect, they expect people to bend over backwards for them and they all do. Well I’m tired of it, the same old crap, the same old lies, and them remembering the same old me. Because reality is I’m not them! And I’m not that girl they speak of!

I am a wife to a wonderful man who is an Army Sergeant, a Manager at his job, and a part-time student in college going for electrical engineering. Best part about him is he’s not my children’s father but he raises them as if they were his own. I am a Great mother to three Amazing boys who do great in school, are so full of happiness, and love me like crazy. I’m also a mother to a teen daughter who is 16 let me tell you she is a big handful and is heading down the wrong path, but I still love her no matter what, and it’s my job to steer her in that right direction, she is beautiful, has an amazing voice and can play the guitar. I am a college graduate in Small Business, I no longer have to be a single mother and I can be a MOM They love me and this is my family. And I need to be strong and healthy for them.

It’s hard to see the true love in your own home, when you have family outside of the home making you feel like you don’t belong. I have tried for so many years to fit in with them and I see now that I just wasn’t meant to fit. God had a different purpose for me and I’m ready to see what that is. So I’m pushing that part of my family aside, and I’m going to focus on me, the happy me. So no more trying to impress them, no more trying to make them see I’m different, no more doing what they want me to do, and they will no longer enjoy my mistakes in life. I’m standing up for myself and I belong to someone my husband, children, father, dad’s side of the family, and my friends.

I’m currently 325lbs and this is from starving myself throughout the day and emotionally eating at night. I will no longer do that anymore, and I will eat 6xs a day and not eat at night. I will work out in the mornings and I will go for walks with hubby and the kids. I will get my weight down to 195lbs that is my goal to myself. This will happen because I need to love ME!

Thank you for reading my intro, It felt good to get stuff off my chest instead of holding it inside.

Good Luck to all of you and your weight loss, and feel free to add me. The more support the better we will all be!