I think this may be my worst fear...or close to it

Options
vsangel87
vsangel87 Posts: 108 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok so, I'm pretty much afraid of gaining weight and i think i've always been...except it seems as if i'm more afraid of it now. In fact, i'm so afraid of it that i'm afraid of eating altogether. I mean don't get me wrong...i still eat, but i'm always hesitant about eating food that may not even be a lot. And if i do think i've eaten a lot i end up feeling really guilty about it. I think this may be the least i've eaten ever...i've never been so hesitant about food before...and so ashamed of it. For example, today i ate some chocolate which i haven't eaten in a while, and now i feel guilty about it even though i'm still under my calorie goal. And i always feel fat even though i'm not...only when i look in the mirror do i remember that i'm not fat at all. I've had nightmares in which i looked in the mirror after getting out of bed and finding that i'm fat...either that or really wrinkly. lol Anyway, does that mean i'm developing some sort of eating disorder?

Replies

  • micah2009
    micah2009 Posts: 38 Member
    Options
    Relax... I am not saying do not track your numbers but remember the ultimate point of fitness is to function better as a person!
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    Options
    It sounds like you're heading in that direction. It's normal for people (especially for women) to be a little concerned about what they eat, but to be genuinely afraid of eating because you're afraid of getting fat goes a little farther. If you can, talk to a counselor who specializes in eating disorders.
  • Luckymam
    Luckymam Posts: 300
    Options
    I think you need to talk to someone professionally as it sounds that you're developing a kind of anxiety where food and weight are concerned.

    As for feeling guilty about eating the 'wrong' kind of food; a dietitian that I know told me that there's no such thing as 'bad' food - there are simply some foods that due to their sugar/fat/calorie/nutrition content, should be eaten less often or in smaller quantities.

    I'd say that what you're experiencing is one of the downsides to sites like these. I didn't bother tracking my food for a while as I was becoming obsessional and disappointed when I didn't see the results I wanted. Maybe take time away for a bit? Just start enjoying life. Relax. What you're going through doesn't sound like fun - and being fit, and healthy should be.
  • rhoward66
    rhoward66 Posts: 34 Member
    Options
    I like Micah's advice...Relax! I've been tracking my calories on this website for 6 months now, and I can relate to what you are describing. I certainly have thought a lot more about what I eat (and what I have eaten in the past) than I ever did. That's a good thing...I think that's the reason for logging what you eat. Just try not to obsess. If you eat something you know you shouldn't have, log it. You don't have to be perfect 100% of the time, just remember what your goals are and what you need to do to reach them.
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
    Options
    I think you are right, there is a very fine line between tracking what you eat and obsessing over how much you can eat and an eating disorder. I definitely have felt what you are describing- you plan a whole meal out, and then you eat it, and then you feel incredibly guilty because you ate too much even though you *didn't* and you planned for every bite and you still have cals left over!

    What I do when this happens to me and just take a step back, recognize it is happening, and reassure myself that it really is ok. I remind myself that eating too LITTLE can be just as harmful as eating too MUCH, and that even if I DO go over by a few hundred calories, I'll STILL be losing weight. Sometimes those little things are all you need to realize that you really are ok.

    I haven't had that feeling come over me in a while. I've learned to relax and not obsess as much and enjoy myself without feeling guilty.

    If it is something that continues that you can't stop, I would suggest seeing someone about it. You recognize that it is a problem and sometimes, all you need is another person who knows what they are doing to help you work through it.
  • vsangel87
    vsangel87 Posts: 108 Member
    Options
    Thanks a lot for ur input everybody. It definitely helped. It's not the end of the world if i go over my calorie limit a little or eat something i shouldn't have. The good thing is i'm definitely eating enough...not too little or not too much. i never go below 1200 calories...it's always between 1200 and 1420 (my limit). But this obsessing thing isn't new, so i can't solely blame it on this site. I've had certain times in my life before during which i thought about what i ate and eating less than usual. At one point i tried not to eat anything at all...but that was before i knew better. Now i know that it's just as harmful eating too little as it is eating too much, as cytherea said. But i don't .think i can ever get over this fear of gaining weight...it's just something that i have always been afraid of for as long as i can remember. I just have enough sense to not eat too little.

Categories