lost weight, and lost social life.

Danilynn1975
Danilynn1975 Posts: 294 Member
in Motivation and Support
Ok, this is been bothering me. A lot.

2 years ago this month I started a journey to lose weight. I did it and have been maintaining since about February of last year.

I'm married. My husband has been mostly supportive and not overly or actively attempted to derail the new lifestyle.

He seems pleased with the changes.

However, before I lost weight, we went out to eat, went to the movies, went out to clubs and shoot pool/throw darts. You know we had a really good social life. Rarely did we not go out at least once to do something every week.

This trend continued well until I hit roughly the 20 pound gone mark. Then things changed.

Now....goal weight hit and maintained and we never go anywhere or do anything.

Well, I can't really remember the last time he took me anywhere. Our last outing was to the grocery store. Before that it was to my high school reunion and that was in October.

I'm starting to feel as if he is ashamed to be seen with me. I've talked and asked what's going on, and from all he has said and his behavior nothing is actually wrong.

I don't want to be nag and keep harping on it, but it is really hurtful because it feels like he doesn't A) want to be seen with me
or B) want anyone else seeing me.

if you have any insight or advice I'd love to hear it.

Replies

  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
    I'm leaning towards he doesn't want other guys seeing you. If he was embarrassed to be seen with you, I don't think he would've been supportive or be pleased with the changes.
  • georgieb23
    georgieb23 Posts: 76 Member
    Firstly, congratulations on your weight loss!

    I say overthinking things will never help so if he's not taking you anywhere, take the bull by the horns and take him somewhere!

    Organise a day out - maybe a nice walk somewhere and a healthy picnic and surprise him. Once he's seen how much fun it is to get back out and about with you hopefully things will take off. He may just be feeling so used to not going out he doesn't realise he's missing out and making you feel like you're missing out too, so just jumpstart it :)
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    Why don't you make plans to go out with him? If he refuses to go out with you, make plans with your friends.
  • MyFoodGod
    MyFoodGod Posts: 184 Member
    Instead of blaming your weight loss you should get offline and talk to him. Have some activities in mind - walk or hike, movie, museum, play, bowling, pool, sporting event. If he shows no interest in any of them, you need to ask him why not or what does he want to do.

    Hopefully you have good communication between the two of you.
  • gcbma
    gcbma Posts: 112 Member
    Just my opinion, maybe this is his way of being supportive? Maybe he feels he's not putting you in a position where you may inadvertantly consume calories? Maybe he is afraid he will have to deal with other men looking at you? I am Not sure. But congrats on the weight loss!
  • bingefreeaubree
    bingefreeaubree Posts: 220 Member
    If anything he should be prouder to be seen with you now that you did lose weight. =) I don't think it's that he's ashamed. Those are all environments in which you'd probably be tempted to drink a lot and eat a lot and he probably just didn't think you'd be into that since watching what you're eating? It wouldn't hurt to ask him. You guys are married and communication is a very important prat of a healthy relationship. But I agree with everyone else. Maybe plan one of those outings again and he'll realize you'd still like going out and start planning things for you two again.
    Good luck! :smile:
  • msnucerity
    msnucerity Posts: 333 Member
    I agree with gcbma- maybe he thinks by not taking you anywhere he thinks he's doing you a favour by keeping you out of situations where the food choices aren't the greatest.

    He might also be embarrassed of himself if he knows you worked so hard and look so good, by comparison maybe he feels like a laze-about or slob.

    Maybe surprise him and take him out where you'd like to go :)
  • thatATLgirl
    thatATLgirl Posts: 60 Member
    I think men are just lazy and sometimes you have to give them positive reinforcement when they do something good. I'd say your weight loss has nothing to do with it; sounds like you're guy is just slackin' and he needs to shape up! Have you hinted, not nagged, him to plan something for you two to do together? I know in my past relationship, it meant a lot to me when the guy PLANNED stuff. Gently explain to him that it makes you feel loved when he plans things for you two to do together.
  • PhilBGolf
    PhilBGolf Posts: 1
    He's not ashamed to be seen with you. He's afraid somebody's going to steal you away from him! Congrats on the life change :)
  • elliexxgeorge
    elliexxgeorge Posts: 58
    Maybe he is worried how he looks and thinks people will think what are you doing with him?
  • vjohn04
    vjohn04 Posts: 2,276 Member
    You should probably ask him about it, since he's really the only person that can tell you why he's doing what he's doing.

    Just don't do it in a confrontational way.

    If you have and he's been honest about it. Then maybe you should start planning some of your outings that include him.
  • thatATLgirl
    thatATLgirl Posts: 60 Member
    Just had another thought- is it possible that maybe you've been a 'bummer' to be around when out and about around calorie-laden foods? Like maybe you are being too paranoid about eating too much when out with him so he's like "well why bother even going out because she's not going to have any fun" or "she's going to talk about how unhealthy the food is" or something like that?
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    Why don't you make plans to go out with him? If he refuses to go out with you, make plans with your friends.

    ^^THIS!!!
  • crazybookworm
    crazybookworm Posts: 779 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss and maintenance!

    Why not try just making plans for the two of you? Instead of relying on him to initiate it. Say "You know, we haven't gone out in a while. Let's go shoot a game of pool tonight!" or something. Did you used to do the ol' pitcher of beer and 2 lbs of wings thing? If so, maybe thats why he hasn't initiated date nights(because maybe you don't really eat that stuff anymore?)

    Either way, it shouldn't be just on him. Why don't you try leading?

    Good luck!:smile:
  • pamperedlinny
    pamperedlinny Posts: 1,688 Member
    Just my opinion, maybe this is his way of being supportive? Maybe he feels he's not putting you in a position where you may inadvertantly consume calories? Maybe he is afraid he will have to deal with other men looking at you? I am Not sure. But congrats on the weight loss!

    This all the way! My DH and I stopped going out so much after I lost a bunch of weight. But when I sat down and talked it out with him he pointed out that we went to a lot of places with food. We still go out now but it really is a lot less often and sometimes we purposefully plan to go somewhere without food (like to play Frisbee at the park in the summer). But food is such a big part of our culture that to plan to go out on the town for the evening nearly always involves food & drink. And never the healthy kinds.
  • TipTopMMR
    TipTopMMR Posts: 89 Member
    I would just start planning things to do, ask him to join you and, if he says no, still do them! Honestly, I think it would take one night of you going out and having fun without him (a movie and dinner with a friend?) for him to want to go out with you again.
  • AnnaMarieDinVa
    AnnaMarieDinVa Posts: 162 Member
    You should probably ask him about it, since he's really the only person that can tell you why he's doing what he's doing.

    Just don't do it in a confrontational way.

    If you have and he's been honest about it. Then maybe you should start planning some of your outings that include him.

    ^^^^This!!! I would open up a dialogue with him. Then you can solve the issue, and make your marriage even stronger. I think you look adorable. I doubt he is ashamed of you. :)
  • vmr2811
    vmr2811 Posts: 36
    Just had another thought- is it possible that maybe you've been a 'bummer' to be around when out and about around calorie-laden foods? Like maybe you are being too paranoid about eating too much when out with him so he's like "well why bother even going out because she's not going to have any fun" or "she's going to talk about how unhealthy the food is" or something like that?

    Very interesting! I was thinking the whole "maybe is supporting you by not bringing around the temptations" thing, but this does give you something to think about.

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