wow a bit of encouragment wont kill you :(

skylersnanna
skylersnanna Posts: 88
edited September 22 in Health and Weight Loss
So Im in this weightloss for the long haul I have a lot of weight to lose over 150lbs, Im doing it to be healthy, I am asthmatic and also have arthritis in my back and would one day like to fly back to Australia to see my family, but my Husband just does not get it, he is telling me I dont need to lose weight because Im beautiful already etc etc
HELLOOOOOO!!!!!! Im not doing this to become sexy and pick up other men, its not a beauty thing at all to me I just want to be fit and healthy but he doesnt understand, so I have told him I dont want to hear any comments from him because I am doing this whether he like it or not.
Are there others out there who dont have a supportive Husband/Wife/Partner??
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Replies

  • psarah
    psarah Posts: 84
    Yea..My partner actually is doing this with me. So it's nice to have the support, and someone to work out with. :happy:
  • JodiS75
    JodiS75 Posts: 284
    My husband is as supportive as they come, but I'm so proud of you for doing this for you, regardless of what he says! You are very strong, and I am sure you'll do a great job! Keep it up!
  • skinnyack
    skinnyack Posts: 683
    I believe a swift kick in the groin would encourage him to have a better attitude. It after all wouldn't be your fault. Spontaneous leg lifts are a symptom of eating healthier and exercising.

    Stick to it girl- in the end it all comes down to our own determination anyways... and a couple MFP friends maybe :-)
  • Starlyte123
    Starlyte123 Posts: 31
    Guys don't realize how hard it is. They drop weight super fast. That's why, honestly, I didn't tell my husband for about the first two weeks after joining a gym and trying to eat better. I wanted to make sure I would stick with it on a regular basis. That way I wouldn't have to listen to, "oh another crazy scheme...this'll last a week..."

    Just stick to it and use this website. There's tons of support on here for you! :)
  • gentlebreeze2
    gentlebreeze2 Posts: 450 Member
    I understand you wanting encouragement and support, but honey, appreciate that he thinks your beautiful. Guys like that are rare. Love him as he is, and get all your support from the great people on this sight (and believe me, there are a lot of amazing people here). Some of us got stuck with jerks who lie and cheat. Thankfully, that's behind me now. I wish you luck!
  • Seesaa
    Seesaa Posts: 451
    My man is doing this with me as well, but we are in different countries so at home support is important to me as well. So I have a few gym partners who I support and they support me. It's nice to be understood.

    I hope your husband catches on as to why this is important to you and not let his insecurities kinda ruin it for you. I'm sure he just needs time and to see how happy and healthy you become.
  • sandra80
    sandra80 Posts: 308 Member
    mine's not supportive but i plan on adding his 180lbs to my weight loss ticker when i get rid of him!!!!!!!! yay for divorce!! no the weight loss is not the reason but he's unsupportive of me in every way and i decided i was done.
  • Sherry1979
    Sherry1979 Posts: 457 Member
    Mine is supportive, but he's on the other end of the spectrum. . .even though he loves me for "me". . .he still wants me to lose weight to have a "hot" wife to show off. . .so when I am not doing so great he "supports" me by telling me what I should & should not be eating. Even though he eats whatever he wants and just like tonight went thru the drive-thru at Taco Bell and got his dinner. . .so I got to watch him eat Taco Bell in the car on the drive home and then come home and make my grilled chicken. . .sorry this wasn't supposed to turn into a rant but it feels good to say it anyways!! :grumble: :wink:

    Maybe you could mention in a nice way to your husband that if you lose the weight you will be healthier and live a longer life. . .maybe if he saw it as he got to keep his wifey alive & healthy longer then maybe he could see your side of it. But no matter what, you do this for YOU because you are worth it!! :flowerforyou:
  • DancingDreamer
    DancingDreamer Posts: 520
    unfortunately this is a VERY common situation. my ex BF used to do that ALL the time, it annoyed the crap out of me (thats not why we broke up, and we're still friends). i dont know why some people do this but there is really only ONE way to fix it and that is to sit him down and have a nice long CHAT about why you are trying to lose weight. you need to tell him that you are NOT doing it for him, that you are doing it for YOU and your own health. you need to tell him that while its sweet and wonderful that he thinks you're beautiful just the way you are, that that has NOTHING to do with you trying to lose weight. reassure him that when you have lost your weight you ARENT going to go look for other guys because you love him and you've found the one you want, why would you look for another (seriously, this kind of ego boost will make him listen to you. lol). keep up what you have been doing, and remember that this is for you and if he still keeps trying to sabotage your diet just ignore him.

    good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • Nina74
    Nina74 Posts: 470 Member
    I don't have a bf/husband/so, etc, so it's just me. I'm doing this for me (I would be anyways) and to be healthy.

    hang in there! You can do this!!!
  • cardbucfan
    cardbucfan Posts: 10,571 Member
    Count me in with you honey. Mine brings home donuts and asks if we can have "fun food" for dinner.
  • dlj1970
    dlj1970 Posts: 186 Member
    I'm so proud of you for being determined despite your husband's lack of support. I also used to be married to someone who kept telling me he liked me the way I was (used to weigh 30 lbs more than I do now). I think it's a combination of several things, but I would think the most important thing is that he wants you to know that he still finds you attractive. That is encouragement in it's own way. The other thing is that men who care about us are problem solvers,and they don't like it when they can't help you solve a problem directly. Since he can't lose the weight for you, maybe he's trying to tell you that he doesn't think there a problem?? That way he doesn't have to admit that he can't fix it: ) Just a thought...in any case, more power to you!!
    big hugs,
    dl
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
    He loves you just as you are? What a jerk!

    Am I the only one who thinks the guy might be trying to be supportive? Failing, sure. But trying. Everyone expresses it differently. From what you've written it sounds like he's afraid you're trying to change because of support he hasn't given you- which in a marriage esp is a scary feeling.

    Idk, I've seen people with unsupportive significant others, but that's usually that they get tired of hearing about the diet all the time, or they don't like feeling excluded or that you are outdoing them. This, to me, sounds like misplaced encouragement. Sit down and let the hubby know you appreciate that he loves you for who you are but you need to make some changes for you, and you would really really like his support for it, because it is something that is important to you for health reasons.

    Maybe I'm missing something, but he doesnt sound like he's trying to discourage you- just like he's trying to show he cares.
  • foxylady8098
    foxylady8098 Posts: 57
    My husband completely understands that I need to do this for me and nobody else (plus, I really would like to comfortable fit into my pants again). The people who give me the hard time are the people I work with. Okay, I'm skinnier than all of them, but that doesn't mean that my self esteem is any better than theirs!
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    Wow, he sounds VERY loving and supportive to ME! I'm not sure where the lack of support is at least in the part you've shared...it sounds to me like he cares deeply for you and finds you attractive and as he put it Beautiful!:love: What women wouldn't love a man to say that to her? Am I missing something?:frown:

    Now if one's spouse/mate is sabotaging them that's entirely different... but simply going by what you've shared sounds like he'd get on board if you sat down and explained to him about the 'wanting to get healthy part'. He already loves you unconditionally...:wink: which is something not all women can say about their spouse.:drinker:
  • padbh
    padbh Posts: 40
    wow he likes that you will get diabetes and have severe knee and hip problems, among other things if you dont take care of yourself!
  • Tamishumate
    Tamishumate Posts: 1,171 Member
    I totally get it, my husband was the same last year. BUT I can say that this year he has come around , well since may, he has.much better , much more supportive, I think cause he finally gets that this is the way its going to be, I will be spending time at the gym, 5 times a week. Give him time, he may come around too, its hard for them when they see us changing , they feel very unsure about what that is going to do to the relationship.
    hang in there!
    Tami
  • nimil
    nimil Posts: 9 Member
    i think guys are really not sure how they are supposed to act with this sort of stuff. mine always says "you are beautiful how you are, but if you feel you need to lose weight, or if its bothering you health wise, then do what you gotta do!"

    most likely he's worried he will say something that will make you think he doesn't love you because of your weight, or that he doesn't think you are as beautiful.
  • grouch201
    grouch201 Posts: 404 Member
    Girls are just bizarre creatures. Girl says, "I think I need to loose some weight." Guy responds, "I love you the way you are." Girl gets upset due to lack of support. Instead, guy responds, "Yeah, I've been thinking you need to lose some weight too." Girl gets upset because guy admits she's fat. Third alternative "Okay, let's go running together." Girl gets upset because guy is trying to fix the problem instead of listening to her vent.

    Bottom line: For all you know, he *was* being supportive and you misinterpreted it. Now if he starts bringing home pizza and donuts, and your favorite ice cream, knowing full well what you're trying to do, that's another story.
  • GrandmaCarolyn
    GrandmaCarolyn Posts: 27
    There is a lot of support in someone just loving you the way you are. But ask your doctor to make out a prescription slip to lose weight that you can show him. I also have asthma and arthritis, as well as diabetes. And my doctors are the first ones who have told me to lose weight. Taking prednizone for my asthma caused me to gain 50 poounds and develop diabetes, and the weight is not helping the pinched nerves in my back. It also makes my demand for oxygen greater.
    My husband does try to support me. But we have been married 47 years and I can't say that was always so. I was never able to lose weight when I was hating myself for being fat. His accepting me as I am helped me to accept myself, too, and gave me the desire to take care of myself. So thank him, but tell him it is medically necessary for you to lose weight. He may feel threatened that you are going to diet him, too, so reassure him that he can eat what he wants but you will have to keep lower calorie alternatives in the house for yourself. (low fat items and fresh fruit, for instance.)
  • KellyBurton1
    KellyBurton1 Posts: 529 Member
    Since I have lost weight, my marriage improved alot. Because I had more energy, more patience, alot more confidence. He just liked that fact I wasnt depressed anymore and was able to be more involved in everyday life. Maybe with time your husband will see that as well. Men are like babies, they always need attention!
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    He loves you just as you are? What a jerk!

    Am I the only one who thinks the guy might be trying to be supportive? Failing, sure. But trying. Everyone expresses it differently. From what you've written it sounds like he's afraid you're trying to change because of support he hasn't given you- which in a marriage esp is a scary feeling.

    Idk, I've seen people with unsupportive significant others, but that's usually that they get tired of hearing about the diet all the time, or they don't like feeling excluded or that you are outdoing them. This, to me, sounds like misplaced encouragement. Sit down and let the hubby know you appreciate that he loves you for who you are but you need to make some changes for you, and you would really really like his support for it, because it is something that is important to you for health reasons.

    Maybe I'm missing something, but he doesnt sound like he's trying to discourage you- just like he's trying to show he cares.
    I'm seeing it the same way you are...I see a supportive spouse not a jerk here.... I'm a bit lost on the other comments on him being a downer... ::shrugs:::

    I guess that's what's great about a message board we all have our input? :huh:
  • twnzmom
    twnzmom Posts: 182 Member
    I am extemely luck in the husband department. He is so so supportive, he is always telling me how proud he is of me. I have never really worked out and when I started this journey i committed to 3-5 times a week but once I started and started seeing the results 3-5 was not enough now I exercise 5-6 a week.. Every single night when we retire for the evening he will snuggle and tell me how good I am doing and how proud he is of me for sticking this out. He will split a meal with me when we go out to dinner so that I can have my favorites without blowing my day. I love him with all my heart and yes I am doing this just for me but now i am also doing it a little bit for him. Don't stop, just keep on doing it for yourself and one day he will notice how fabulous you look and he will jump on the compliment wagon as well hopefully. Meanwhile you have all of us cheering you on. I could not have done this well without my MFP friends and my best friend and co-worker.
  • Bigpelly8
    Bigpelly8 Posts: 504 Member
    If you don't get the support at home, you know you can always get it here!! My wife is understanding and respects what I am trying to do, but I get more support by my friends here, because they know what I am going through. My wife doesn't nor do any of my friends or family for that matter. People here have walked in my shoes, and they know what it's like. I can turn to anyone here when I need them, and you can do the same!!
  • kymarai
    kymarai Posts: 3,729 Member
    It isn't uncommon for a spouse to be unsupportive in our weight loss journey. I have seen it many times. You are in the right site for support. He will either climb on board or get over it. You need to do this for you! You have a great attitude and goal. One day at a time, one bite at a time, and one step at a time. You can do this! Good luck!
  • suzukigrl
    suzukigrl Posts: 71
    don't hold it against him too bad. people generally don't want people they love to change. not because they want you to continue to be unhealthy or feel bad but because they don't want your opinion of THEM to change. and yes, he will sabotauge you, whether he means to or not. just be firm and let him know you love him. he knows if you expect more of you, you will expect more of him. just be loving and kind despite his reluctance. you'll win him over. good luck and congratulations on making this healthy decision.
    wally
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    Girls are just bizarre creatures. Girl says, "I think I need to loose some weight." Guy responds, "I love you the way you are." Girl gets upset due to lack of support. Instead, guy responds, "Yeah, I've been thinking you need to lose some weight too." Girl gets upset because guy admits she's fat. Third alternative "Okay, let's go running together." Girl gets upset because guy is trying to fix the problem instead of listening to her vent.

    Bottom line: For all you know, he *was* being supportive and you misinterpreted it. Now if he starts bringing home pizza and donuts, and your favorite ice cream, knowing full well what you're trying to do, that's another story.
    Always great to hear a guys input on here:flowerforyou:
  • gnrshelton
    gnrshelton Posts: 358 Member
    I think your husband might be trying to be supportive. He isn't telling you that you need to lose weight he is telling you that you are beautiful to him how you are. That should at least make you feel loved. That IS his way of being supportive. If you lose the weight I am sure he will love you for the new you. I know you want to lose the weight to be healthy. That I can understand but I'm also sure you want to lose the weight to look and feel better about yourself like most people do. Give the hubby a little slack. Just show him how amazing you feel when you lose the weight. If you don't want to hear what he has to say you probably shouldn't ask. You have to do life changes for you and not for the support you will get from others. If it's truly for you then what he says shouldn't matter.
  • skylersnanna
    skylersnanna Posts: 88
    wow lots of different opinions here, and thanks all for pitching in, but no I have tried sitting him down and explaining why Im trying to lose weight, he to is also very over weight but will not join me in losing his, we live at home with his parents and his mother has done nothing to help the situation by babying him and buying him junk food not just for him but the whole family we cannot afford to move out as Im in the process of a spousal immigration application, so thats when I decided that if he wasnt going to join me thats no excuse for me not to lose weight, but now he is insecure that if I lose weight then other men are going to look at me and Im going to run off with someone else, I have reassured him so many times that that will never happen, yet he sits there stuffing his face watching hockey while I do my exercising, Im hoping that later down the track he will see my success and join me, but Im not holding my breathe :cry:
  • janemartin02
    janemartin02 Posts: 2,653 Member
    HI!When I started this journey I weighed over 300 lbs.I wanted to lose wt to be healthy to live to see my children grow up and enjoy my grand children.I was doing this for me.I didn`t want to be diabetic,I didn`t want to be obese.I didn`t want to have high blood pressure and other heath issues.
    My husband married me when I weighed over 250 lbs.I knew he married me for me.At first he didn`t understand why I wanted to loose wt.Also was it gonna be like before,the yo yo dieting.I have lost 93 lbs so far.It has been a lot of ups and downs with some health issues and surgery on the side,but I haven`t given up.I won`t give up.I want to be at a healthy wt for me,not to please anyone else.
    Do what you have to do for you.Find the support where you can.the MFP has been very helpful to me.Your husband loves you for you,i`m sure but if you aren`t happy the wt you are,I say go girl!
    Be healthy and be happy.If he wants to join you he will,but it`s his decision.
    good luck!you can do anything you put your mind to.Just don`t quit,keep moving forward and you`ll get to where you want ! day at a time.
    Take care,jane
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