wow a bit of encouragment wont kill you :(

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skylersnanna
skylersnanna Posts: 88
in Health and Weight Loss
So Im in this weightloss for the long haul I have a lot of weight to lose over 150lbs, Im doing it to be healthy, I am asthmatic and also have arthritis in my back and would one day like to fly back to Australia to see my family, but my Husband just does not get it, he is telling me I dont need to lose weight because Im beautiful already etc etc
HELLOOOOOO!!!!!! Im not doing this to become sexy and pick up other men, its not a beauty thing at all to me I just want to be fit and healthy but he doesnt understand, so I have told him I dont want to hear any comments from him because I am doing this whether he like it or not.
Are there others out there who dont have a supportive Husband/Wife/Partner??
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Replies

  • psarah
    psarah Posts: 84
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    Yea..My partner actually is doing this with me. So it's nice to have the support, and someone to work out with. :happy:
  • JodiS75
    JodiS75 Posts: 284
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    My husband is as supportive as they come, but I'm so proud of you for doing this for you, regardless of what he says! You are very strong, and I am sure you'll do a great job! Keep it up!
  • skinnyack
    skinnyack Posts: 683
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    I believe a swift kick in the groin would encourage him to have a better attitude. It after all wouldn't be your fault. Spontaneous leg lifts are a symptom of eating healthier and exercising.

    Stick to it girl- in the end it all comes down to our own determination anyways... and a couple MFP friends maybe :-)
  • Starlyte123
    Starlyte123 Posts: 31
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    Guys don't realize how hard it is. They drop weight super fast. That's why, honestly, I didn't tell my husband for about the first two weeks after joining a gym and trying to eat better. I wanted to make sure I would stick with it on a regular basis. That way I wouldn't have to listen to, "oh another crazy scheme...this'll last a week..."

    Just stick to it and use this website. There's tons of support on here for you! :)
  • gentlebreeze2
    gentlebreeze2 Posts: 450 Member
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    I understand you wanting encouragement and support, but honey, appreciate that he thinks your beautiful. Guys like that are rare. Love him as he is, and get all your support from the great people on this sight (and believe me, there are a lot of amazing people here). Some of us got stuck with jerks who lie and cheat. Thankfully, that's behind me now. I wish you luck!
  • Seesaa
    Seesaa Posts: 451
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    My man is doing this with me as well, but we are in different countries so at home support is important to me as well. So I have a few gym partners who I support and they support me. It's nice to be understood.

    I hope your husband catches on as to why this is important to you and not let his insecurities kinda ruin it for you. I'm sure he just needs time and to see how happy and healthy you become.
  • sandra80
    sandra80 Posts: 308 Member
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    mine's not supportive but i plan on adding his 180lbs to my weight loss ticker when i get rid of him!!!!!!!! yay for divorce!! no the weight loss is not the reason but he's unsupportive of me in every way and i decided i was done.
  • Sherry1979
    Sherry1979 Posts: 457
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    Mine is supportive, but he's on the other end of the spectrum. . .even though he loves me for "me". . .he still wants me to lose weight to have a "hot" wife to show off. . .so when I am not doing so great he "supports" me by telling me what I should & should not be eating. Even though he eats whatever he wants and just like tonight went thru the drive-thru at Taco Bell and got his dinner. . .so I got to watch him eat Taco Bell in the car on the drive home and then come home and make my grilled chicken. . .sorry this wasn't supposed to turn into a rant but it feels good to say it anyways!! :grumble: :wink:

    Maybe you could mention in a nice way to your husband that if you lose the weight you will be healthier and live a longer life. . .maybe if he saw it as he got to keep his wifey alive & healthy longer then maybe he could see your side of it. But no matter what, you do this for YOU because you are worth it!! :flowerforyou:
  • DancingDreamer
    DancingDreamer Posts: 520
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    unfortunately this is a VERY common situation. my ex BF used to do that ALL the time, it annoyed the crap out of me (thats not why we broke up, and we're still friends). i dont know why some people do this but there is really only ONE way to fix it and that is to sit him down and have a nice long CHAT about why you are trying to lose weight. you need to tell him that you are NOT doing it for him, that you are doing it for YOU and your own health. you need to tell him that while its sweet and wonderful that he thinks you're beautiful just the way you are, that that has NOTHING to do with you trying to lose weight. reassure him that when you have lost your weight you ARENT going to go look for other guys because you love him and you've found the one you want, why would you look for another (seriously, this kind of ego boost will make him listen to you. lol). keep up what you have been doing, and remember that this is for you and if he still keeps trying to sabotage your diet just ignore him.

    good luck! :flowerforyou:
  • Nina74
    Nina74 Posts: 470 Member
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    I don't have a bf/husband/so, etc, so it's just me. I'm doing this for me (I would be anyways) and to be healthy.

    hang in there! You can do this!!!
  • cardbucfan
    cardbucfan Posts: 10,423 Member
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    Count me in with you honey. Mine brings home donuts and asks if we can have "fun food" for dinner.
  • dlj1970
    dlj1970 Posts: 186 Member
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    I'm so proud of you for being determined despite your husband's lack of support. I also used to be married to someone who kept telling me he liked me the way I was (used to weigh 30 lbs more than I do now). I think it's a combination of several things, but I would think the most important thing is that he wants you to know that he still finds you attractive. That is encouragement in it's own way. The other thing is that men who care about us are problem solvers,and they don't like it when they can't help you solve a problem directly. Since he can't lose the weight for you, maybe he's trying to tell you that he doesn't think there a problem?? That way he doesn't have to admit that he can't fix it: ) Just a thought...in any case, more power to you!!
    big hugs,
    dl
  • meggonkgonk
    meggonkgonk Posts: 2,066 Member
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    He loves you just as you are? What a jerk!

    Am I the only one who thinks the guy might be trying to be supportive? Failing, sure. But trying. Everyone expresses it differently. From what you've written it sounds like he's afraid you're trying to change because of support he hasn't given you- which in a marriage esp is a scary feeling.

    Idk, I've seen people with unsupportive significant others, but that's usually that they get tired of hearing about the diet all the time, or they don't like feeling excluded or that you are outdoing them. This, to me, sounds like misplaced encouragement. Sit down and let the hubby know you appreciate that he loves you for who you are but you need to make some changes for you, and you would really really like his support for it, because it is something that is important to you for health reasons.

    Maybe I'm missing something, but he doesnt sound like he's trying to discourage you- just like he's trying to show he cares.
  • foxylady8098
    foxylady8098 Posts: 57
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    My husband completely understands that I need to do this for me and nobody else (plus, I really would like to comfortable fit into my pants again). The people who give me the hard time are the people I work with. Okay, I'm skinnier than all of them, but that doesn't mean that my self esteem is any better than theirs!
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
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    Wow, he sounds VERY loving and supportive to ME! I'm not sure where the lack of support is at least in the part you've shared...it sounds to me like he cares deeply for you and finds you attractive and as he put it Beautiful!:love: What women wouldn't love a man to say that to her? Am I missing something?:frown:

    Now if one's spouse/mate is sabotaging them that's entirely different... but simply going by what you've shared sounds like he'd get on board if you sat down and explained to him about the 'wanting to get healthy part'. He already loves you unconditionally...:wink: which is something not all women can say about their spouse.:drinker:
  • padbh
    padbh Posts: 40
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    wow he likes that you will get diabetes and have severe knee and hip problems, among other things if you dont take care of yourself!
  • Tamishumate
    Tamishumate Posts: 1,171 Member
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    I totally get it, my husband was the same last year. BUT I can say that this year he has come around , well since may, he has.much better , much more supportive, I think cause he finally gets that this is the way its going to be, I will be spending time at the gym, 5 times a week. Give him time, he may come around too, its hard for them when they see us changing , they feel very unsure about what that is going to do to the relationship.
    hang in there!
    Tami
  • nimil
    nimil Posts: 9 Member
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    i think guys are really not sure how they are supposed to act with this sort of stuff. mine always says "you are beautiful how you are, but if you feel you need to lose weight, or if its bothering you health wise, then do what you gotta do!"

    most likely he's worried he will say something that will make you think he doesn't love you because of your weight, or that he doesn't think you are as beautiful.
  • grouch201
    grouch201 Posts: 404 Member
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    Girls are just bizarre creatures. Girl says, "I think I need to loose some weight." Guy responds, "I love you the way you are." Girl gets upset due to lack of support. Instead, guy responds, "Yeah, I've been thinking you need to lose some weight too." Girl gets upset because guy admits she's fat. Third alternative "Okay, let's go running together." Girl gets upset because guy is trying to fix the problem instead of listening to her vent.

    Bottom line: For all you know, he *was* being supportive and you misinterpreted it. Now if he starts bringing home pizza and donuts, and your favorite ice cream, knowing full well what you're trying to do, that's another story.
  • GrandmaCarolyn
    GrandmaCarolyn Posts: 27
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    There is a lot of support in someone just loving you the way you are. But ask your doctor to make out a prescription slip to lose weight that you can show him. I also have asthma and arthritis, as well as diabetes. And my doctors are the first ones who have told me to lose weight. Taking prednizone for my asthma caused me to gain 50 poounds and develop diabetes, and the weight is not helping the pinched nerves in my back. It also makes my demand for oxygen greater.
    My husband does try to support me. But we have been married 47 years and I can't say that was always so. I was never able to lose weight when I was hating myself for being fat. His accepting me as I am helped me to accept myself, too, and gave me the desire to take care of myself. So thank him, but tell him it is medically necessary for you to lose weight. He may feel threatened that you are going to diet him, too, so reassure him that he can eat what he wants but you will have to keep lower calorie alternatives in the house for yourself. (low fat items and fresh fruit, for instance.)

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