all to fimilair

i find myself attempin to lose weight again..i am currently 222 and yes i been here before then i will lose down to 200 and go no futher..my 1st goal weight is always 180 but once i reach the 200 mark im like ok this is ok i feel better bout myself no need to go any futher yes i dream about bein thinner healthier but the thought of bein under 200 almost frightens me as silly as it may sound almost like i will lose me..i havent always been this size my adulthood started when i was 14 when i married and had my first child..i got back to my pre pregnacy weight of 120 i then i thought i was fat ..wow how silly wasi!! little did i know 23 yrs and 4 more babies i would be 222..i didnt plunge over the 200 mark till i was 21 and pregnant with my only girl by time i had her i was 212 gainin 32 pounds durin the pregnancy...then i finally got back down to 180 when my daughter was 2 we took our 2 nephews in ..our 7 children all boys and 1 girl ranged from 2 to 9 yrs old at the time..in oct of 2000 we had a house fire that nearly took our lives..our nights after that were mainly sleepless night in fear of wakin up to bein trapped into a house that was on fire..thats when the food part came in.. i stayed awake to almost 4 or 5 in the mornin and would eat all thru the night..so thats when food became my comfort my friend..dont get me wrong i have managed to get it under control a few times but like i said once i reached the 200 hundred mark i would stop tryin..now my little girl is 15 and i am at 222 addicted to sweets now... its not so much food anymore as it is the sweets especially chocolate..so i been on fitness pal since saturday jan 4th ive done good only chocolate ive had is hot chocolate and only sweets ive has is rootbeer float..my biggest disappointment i feel about myself is i set goals and i never reach them whether its weight loss or other things..so this is my story and i really wanna make it this time..:-) Philippians 4:13(KJV) 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.