Hi, my name's Francesca and I am a food addict.

There is a feeling of euphoria that comes over me when I'm scarfing my face. It doesn't even have to be anything decadent. It just has to be slices of bread, or any non-diet friendly food. It is like the crack addict, finally finding that first hit. The way it courses through his veins, kicking any and all stress out of mind. It is simply addictive, no other way to describe it. That first bite of food, it’s deceiving. What could one bite hurt? That second bite, it starts playing with your mind. “Oh, if I have one more, it’s ok. It can’t possibly do any more damage.” That third bite, yes, that’s the Devil. It’s that forbidden fruit, being dangled. You know it’s wrong, but what the Hell? You take that third bite, and there it is. Euphoria.

And, of course, guilty immediately follows. I attempt to throw up, that doesn’t work. Why would it, I’m not anorexic. Well, there are always laxatives. I toy with the notion, but end up deciding to just stew in my guilt. Nope, that’s not how the human body works Francesca. After I spent the whole night tossing and turning because I know in my gut that one night of eating crap just ruining my entire diet, I wake up.

Alright Francesca, it’s a new day. I take all my vitamins, get my coffee ready and have some breakfast. I prepare a healthy lunch. I am feeling great about the day. I go to work, ready for the day. I bust my *kitten*, can’t eat lunch until 2-2:30PM. I am starving by that time. I eat it without even tasting what I’m eating. It’s a shame, really. I spent so much time that morning preparing a lunch filled with protein, and veggies/fruit. I was looking for to it. Oh, well… time is of the essence. I have to take my lunch whenever I can. Right?

By the time I get home, I am tired and famished. I drink my shake, hoping that’ll tide me over ‘til dinner. Ha! On good days, I’ll drink that shake, filled with fruits and go for a walk. I come back, get on the elliptical and then take a shower. I’ll eat a healthy dinner, and go to bed, happy.

Unfortunately, most days I drink my shake, sit around a little bit, and then raid the kitchen. I’ll eat whatever I can find. Chips. Ice cream. Bread. Hot pocket. Peanut butter, by the spoonful. By this time, I’m still within calories, barely. I can stop and go exercise to stay safely out of the red, or keep on keeping with the damage. Keeping on keeping with the damage involves me throwing a t-shirt on, grabbing my slippers and jumping in the car to either get a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or some fast food. It’s 8PM, and I have had 3000 calories already. The euphoria is amazing. I feel like I’m walking on sunshine. I eat that final spoonful of ice cream. I look at the spoon, and immediately the guilt commences.

If you ask me why I keep poising my body, I couldn’t answer you. That is the mind of an addict, and they aren’t apologetic. Fortunately, I am sorry I eat that crap. So, perhaps, there is hope for me yet. I might be able to control my eating, and set a healthy life for myself. Yes, I’ll do that… after I have that one bite of cheesecake. One bite won’t hurt, right?