Don't understand my own thoughts/feelings

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MissAnjy
MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Before I got pregnant (3 years ago) I weighed in at 165lbs and I stand 5'10. Everyone always commented on how thin I was, and I felt great. I never felt the need to workout, or watch what I ate. I was confident and comfortable. I'd never heard a negative comment or a complaint about my body in my life. After having my twins, I ballooned up to 195lbs. I felt awful. I was sad all the time, and I just didn't feel like "me" anymore. I started my weight loss journey on August 29th of this year. I got married on August 7th, and my turning point was NOT feeling beautiful on my own wedding day :(

It hurt a lot, so I decided to change. Since then, I have lost 24.2lbs putting me at 167lbs which is roughly what I had weighed prior to my pregnancy (back when i was skinny in everyones eyes incl. my own). Lately, i've had so many comments about how thin I am again, and how I'm so 'tall and lean" and compliments about getting my body back. HOWEVER, when I look in the mirror. I still see that fat girl. I still feel sad. I remember before my pregnancy (at this same weight) feeling so confident and feeling so beautiful. How can i be at that SAME WEIGHT now, and still feel and see myself as fat? I don't understand my own conflicts within myself. This is how my body was before, yet, now that I look in the mirror, I say to myself "wow, i was this chubby?"

what is wrong with me? I don't understand. How could i have been 'so thin' before and now at the same weight i still feel like i look fat? I don't understand. Is this all in my head? Maybe i need to change on the inside, but how do you go about that?

Replies

  • amyv1983
    amyv1983 Posts: 9 Member
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    I don't know the answer on how to change your thinking but I think sometimes it takes our minds awhile to catch up to our bodies. You are not used to seeing yourself as your thinner self and you still view yourself in the way you used to be. Give it time. Remind yourself how far you have come. Buy yourself a new outfit and love the way you look in it. Try to work on yourself esteem because you are worth it! Congrats on getting to your pre-pregnancy weight! After twins that is no small feat! Way to go!
  • gonabfit
    gonabfit Posts: 711 Member
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    I know you are going through a lot, and not being happy with your body is tough... I've been there. Sometimes the number on the scale can be the same but your body composition may be different. For example I weigh 10 lbs more than I did last year but I LOOK more fit. I am unhappy with the scale weight but happy with the visual. Check your body fat %. The amount of Muscle vs. Fat makes a difference when it comes to how FIT you look and or feel. When I finish my weight loss journey I will be aiming to maintain a good amount of muscle and keep the body fat percentage low!


    Do you lift weights?
    How quickly did you lose all the weight?
    did you eat a healthy diet?
    These things all matter.

    BEST of luck!
  • highrise
    highrise Posts: 147 Member
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    I really feel for you, Anjy - I'm having the same problem still (having dropped from 180lbs to 133lbs at 5'10) I still look in the mirror and see 'the fat girl'.

    I think, as a poster above said, your head has to catch up with how you really look. I hope it happens for you soon.

    You look great, by the way
  • sarahleelee
    sarahleelee Posts: 79 Member
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    Hey girl!

    I'm 5'11 and know how you feel! I used to weigh about 140lbs and gained a good 10 pounds a year until I hit 205. I'm down to 183 and feel better than ever. I sometimes look in the mirror and see a trim, beautiful girl, but other times see a girl who needs to lose at least 20 more pounds. I attribute a lot of this to height. I think that being so tall has always made me feel very "big" next to other girls and I just want to be "small" and have people stop commenting on how "not normal" I am. The emphasis on height makes me want to control my weight because it's something I can control.

    At 165, I can tell you that you look FABulous! My goal weight is 160, but I'll be very, very lean at that weight! Look in the mirror again and see how beautiful your body is! A lot of times we still see the chubby girl with off of her insecurities and look right past how great we really look! Hope this helps, oxox
  • potluck965
    potluck965 Posts: 529 Member
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    I'm not really familiar with the changes a body goes through when having babies, but it seems to me that having twins might have a significant impact on your body shape.

    It may be your weight is okay, but you need some more toning and muscle work to try to get back to that original shape. You should be prepared for the fact that it may never be exactly the same again, but you may need to look elsewhere than just straight weight loss.

    After all, you see really thin people that don't look all that great because the body is more than just what you weigh.

    Good luck but I think once you find the right direction you will get to your destination. Your weight loss proves that you are willing to do the hard work, you just need to know where to direct your energies.
  • clioandboy
    clioandboy Posts: 963 Member
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    Yes I too think that it takes time for our vision of ourselves in the mirror to be 20:20, there is so much to adjust to and especially where negative feelings are wrapped up in there too. Do bear in mind that your body could well be different post pregnancy to pre pregnancy regardless of what the scale tells you (for me it is age I weigh what I did 20 years ago BUT my bod aint the same lol!)

    Give yourself time to adjust, try to enjoy your change in stats on an intellectual level and try to note the benefits to you for having dropped the weight and eventually your emotional responses may just get their act together.

    IF you find that your negative feelings continue or grow, do consider seeking professional help as there is always the possibility that there could be post natal depression to some degree - and this is eminently treatable if it is the case get treated!

    lastly congratulations on your return to a healthy weight, you have done fantastically well!
  • DizzieLittleLifter
    DizzieLittleLifter Posts: 1,020 Member
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    :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • TaraMaria
    TaraMaria Posts: 1,975
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    I completely understand sweetheart ***HUG***

    First off, I think its hard to visualize the new me when we've spent so much time angry and miserable with the old me. My brain still doesn't accept the fact that I've lost weight even when my pants sizes are so much smaller. This isn't every day and that thought process is beginning to change. Take a deep breath, and give yourself some time. Look at where you've come from and where you are now. Clothes are such a great factor.

    Another thing is, this was PRE-baby. When I was thin before I had my son...which would have been when I was 16, I never doubted what I put in or out of my mouth and just felt great. Our bodies are different now whether you have stretch marks or not. You've had two beautiful children! Your body paid the price. We are getting older...there are SO many odds working against us!

    One thing that I've been doing to help combat the mirror is really work out. Its my me time. Its the time that I fight the negative voices in my head and I say HEY! I'm doing what I need to do to stay toned and fit! Zumba, kickboxing and running! My three go to's! And you don't have to belong to a gym to do them! :o) Find what out what your nitch is and do it! And 8 times out of ten...my three year old is right there doing the moves with me...or jumping on my back for floor work...SO! Ha ha! It makes the workout way more intense!!

    One last ***HUG*** and one last...you have done the work lady....now ENJOY IT! :o)
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
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    Before I got pregnant (3 years ago) I weighed in at 165lbs and I stand 5'10. Everyone always commented on how thin I was, and I felt great. I never felt the need to workout, or watch what I ate. I was confident and comfortable. I'd never heard a negative comment or a complaint about my body in my life. After having my twins, I ballooned up to 195lbs. I felt awful. I was sad all the time, and I just didn't feel like "me" anymore. I started my weight loss journey on August 29th of this year. I got married on August 7th, and my turning point was NOT feeling beautiful on my own wedding day :(

    It hurt a lot, so I decided to change. Since then, I have lost 24.2lbs putting me at 167lbs which is roughly what I had weighed prior to my pregnancy (back when i was skinny in everyones eyes incl. my own). Lately, i've had so many comments about how thin I am again, and how I'm so 'tall and lean" and compliments about getting my body back. HOWEVER, when I look in the mirror. I still see that fat girl. I still feel sad. I remember before my pregnancy (at this same weight) feeling so confident and feeling so beautiful. How can i be at that SAME WEIGHT now, and still feel and see myself as fat? I don't understand my own conflicts within myself. This is how my body was before, yet, now that I look in the mirror, I say to myself "wow, i was this chubby?"

    what is wrong with me? I don't understand. How could i have been 'so thin' before and now at the same weight i still feel like i look fat? I don't understand. Is this all in my head? Maybe i need to change on the inside, but how do you go about that?

    Alot of people that get weight loss surgery will be recommended to seek therapy, so that their mind won't trick them into thinking they are still large when they in fact are not. It may be in your head and I believe that therapy may help. Maybe in your head, somehow, you feel you don't deserve to feel right or thin again.
  • tizzardc
    tizzardc Posts: 6
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    I feel what your going through, I am 5 3 and before pregnancy I weight 150, which is slightly over weight, I never got compliments like you, however I felt good in my own skin, I knew that I needed to loose about 10 but I was fine. I have 2 children 3 and 1.5. While pregnant I went from 150 to 170ish after I had her I didnt loose the weight and I gained a bit, then with my son I felt so bad I did the best I could not to gain and gained only 4lbs. After all was said and done I weighed in at a wopping 177lbs I felt horrible, fat, lazy and depressed, so I started my weight loss journy over a year ago now. I went from 177 to 131, I havent been this small since in my early 20's. I feel great, I feel confident and beatiful, I get compliments all the time about how great I look and how slim I am and how lucky I am to look so wonderful after 2 babies. However, when I look in the mirror I still see the fat girl, and feel her. I was a size 14 before my weight loss and now I am a size 4, yet every time I put on my new closes or my skinny freinds clothes I feel like I am stretching them,that I really dont fit them, I'm just squishing in them, then I look at a picture and I am like wow look how slim I am. I think for me I felt bad about myself for so long, that my head feels comfy there, if I dont feel good about myself maybe I wont be dissapointed. Or maybe I am in some kind of denial about how good I really do look. However, its slowly getting better, I now look in the mirror and sometimes see that my arms are skinny, or I have a tiny waist. I now put on my size 4 clothes and new ones too, and think I am streching, but its fallowed by I cant strech EVERYTHING, especially jeans :) So then I know I am not streching or squising into my clothes and feel truly good about myself that I have to go check my self out. Then my husband catches me. :):) I think these thoughts and feeling are normal for a person after loosing weight, I have 2 freinds whom join me on my quest to loose the weight and they too went from large sizes down to smaller then pre preggy sizes and have the same thoughts and feelings, and they too are slowly adjusting those thoughts and feelings.

    Hope this helps, sorry about spelling and puntuation, not a strong point :)
    Candice

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