Onderland oh Onederland.......(sigh)

Scubanana7
Scubanana7 Posts: 361 Member
in Motivation and Support
ONDERLAND, oh ONDERLAND.....wherefore art thou my glorious WONDERLAND.....:ohwell:

ALAS my friends, I have fallen DOWN the Rabbit Hole OUT of ONEDERLAND.....
I WAS THERE. I was there for months and months. I was there and down more than 30 pounds INTO Onederland. I was so far into Onederland that I was 25 pounds from my goal.

I fell. I fell BIG. I fell into CARBWORLD. Now, some of you will chastise me for hating CARBWORLD...but it HATES me. When I succumb to the carbs of bread, I lose ALL control and eat BREAD, CHRISTMAS COOKIES, THANKSGIVING ROLLS, FUDGE, CAKE, ICECREAM, CHIPS AND MORE CHIPS......

My motto is "Great Possibilities Come With Control". I am, most unfortunately, dang near a Heroin Addict when it comes to carbs. My lovely motto went OUT the window. You say, it is not the fault of the carbs....it is the fault of the eater (me). Yes, I OWN my faults. I OWN my addiction. I OWN my backward slide of 30+ pounds UP THE HILL and OVER that beautiful threshold of ONEderland. I BLEW it. I lost my control. I stopped going to the gym on TOP of eating like a FOOL.

I failed big time. I stopped logging. I didn't want to log because it was all a lie if I didn't RESET my ticker. I didn't want to reset it and face that freaking number that begins with TWO. I failed my friends. I stopped being supportive as I crumbled in despair while stuffing myself with another batch of cookies. I, unfortunately, developed a love for baking which comes out in force at Christmas. Yes, I made bean brownies and almond/coconut flour, low sugar cookies. I ate them....along with the other realm of baked goods.

The more I ate, the more I wanted to eat. The little angel on my shoulder sat mortified.....and tried to scream but could only whisper...."Please don't. Please stop. You worked so hard to lose. You really don't want to do this." :brokenheart:

The Carb-overloaded, Sugar-Stoned Monster just laughed and ate 5 more cookies. :explode:

My spirits fell, I ate more. My body ached, I ate more. I am the epic example of failure. It hurt. It hurts. I actually started over, announced my NEW initiative, promised my friends I was back on track, began walking. I would eat right for about half a day.....over and over. At night, the Monster :drinker: returned and I would snack enough for 6 people....I failed again. I also failed to log my ever increasing weight.....

I can't take it anymore. I had gotten rid of my fat clothes. I have nothing to wear. I feel like crap. I look like crap. Worst of all, I am banished from ONEderland.

I took the step. I logged in my new and painful new weight. I walked 45 minutes yesterday. I SWEAR I will hit the gym on Monday. I made it through one day of proper eating yesterday. One step at a time.

I truly am back in this race. I apologize to all my MFP friends for my Non-support. I will find myself again through the encouragement OF and the support TO my fellow health seekers.

Replies

  • chelstakencharge
    chelstakencharge Posts: 1,021 Member
    Ok, you seriously just made me cry! You have been struggling and apparently all of us that are your support system were too engrossed in our own lives to reach out to you. You understand my situation with my pending divorce, etc. but that is still NO EXCUSE!! I have been a bad friend to you and for that I humbly apologize. With that being said, we all struggle with our own addictions, mine is my sweet tooth. The thing is, you have been successful at this and you can and WILL do this again!!! I am committed to supporting you 110% . Look out world, SCUBA is finally taking control and heading in the right direction!
  • hoyalawya2003
    hoyalawya2003 Posts: 631 Member
    Congrats. You are owning it, and you will get back down. One step, one day at a time. I have been there, too, and I am proof you can climb back on the horse and ride it! This time is better than ever for me, and I hope it will be for you, too.
  • victoriousO
    victoriousO Posts: 63 Member
    So glad you are back friend:)))) Life is full of ups and downs and for serious, I could have been the author of your post!!! I was in onederland for a couple of months but I keep resisting to continue the downward trend:(( I am not giving up because I have too much to live for and I know you realize that too. We can do this, we know what feeling better feels like, right? I am right here by your side and willing to give you extra support because I am a fellow carb lover and hate it!!! Love that you are back:))
  • SkagitYogini
    SkagitYogini Posts: 112 Member
    Oh Scuba! I agree with Chelstakencha: I have not done a good job of supporting you. Thanks for waking me up! One thing I know for sure, you would never accept that kind of negativity from another person, so why do you accept it from yourself? We truly need to change our thought patterns. When you feel you are "bad", a "failure", and that you "blew it", please notice the pattern and try to change it to a postitive. You are a wonderful, beautiful woman, and have been an inspiration to me personally! Why, just this morning I thought of you while "Car Dancing" to Sir Mix-a-lot's "Baby Got Back"!

    Onederland is within reach again, and you'll be welcomed back with open arms! (((HUGS)))

    ~Sherry
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    Hey Scuba,

    Welcome back!

    First, the 30 pounds will come back off. Pretty quickly really. In my experience, when you come off a low-carb diet people gain about 10 pounds of water as they re-add carbs. That will slide back off fast enough. So, you'll be back to +20 soon.

    Second, you are a rockstar when it comes to meeting goals. So I don't see this as a failure of will or addiction, etc. In my opinion, this is just entropy. After making and meeting SO MANY great goals last year - you drove off the end of your goals.

    And with no big goals left - entropy set in.

    Make some aggressive goals. I have no doubt that you will meet them. And once you have met them - make some more.

    Don't run out of goals.
  • blueimp
    blueimp Posts: 230 Member
    Welcome back. Me too. (For me, I never got to onederland and I didn't gain as much back but I gained a lot back.) I went into carb hell, just as you describe, I love bread -- but, for me, bread is evil and leads me into all sorts of other carbs. I'm crawling my way out. I appreciate that we are all in this together -- we're back -- let's stay back!
    Congratulations to you!
  • texasgal22
    texasgal22 Posts: 407 Member
    Confession is good for the soul and in this case, the scale. You owned it and that makes you a winner. It's no fun losing the same weight once lost before but it can be done. Keep on doing what you have to do; keep us posted and we will encourage and support you any way we can.
  • lisakay0x
    lisakay0x Posts: 46 Member
    Oh you glorious majestical female!

    Hark! For now thoust wanders in the dark seeking the light of the land of ones, but it is not out of reach for anyone, even those who have come, gone, and feel they have banished themselves by placing one too many carbohydrates on their tongues! AVAST! FOR WHAT LIES YONDER? It is a pinhole of light! Of hope! It is ONEDERLAND.

    It will be a struggle. It will take determination. It will be a battle of wills. Sweat will pour from thy flesh, but alas, young lady, GRAB THY BLADE. ARM YOURSELF. And come back.

    In short, you can do this.

    Too much caffeine for me today :)

    Love & pixie dust!

    Lady L
  • bagpuss66
    bagpuss66 Posts: 17 Member
    Well said. I have certainly been there and very recently, but we are both back and taking steps forward and this is a one day at a time journey.

    Go you!
    x
  • Nana_Anne
    Nana_Anne Posts: 179 Member
    I read all the responses and I can relate to so many. I can also understand you because I am there too. I think both of us keep missing each other on the in and out. OK I laughed with carbs as heroin. YES!!!! I can't just eat one lays....it's the whole bag! The cookies, bread all of it. know your not alone.

    I also don't want to get into the habit of like, like , like, check...done. Please know I am here and poms poms in hand (ok no outfit) cheering you on. As I wrote today............ "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Galatians 6;9

    Also. when we confess then it's over, gone and no condemnation! You are a beautiful lady.
  • mamma_nee
    mamma_nee Posts: 809 Member
    Your getting right back on that saddle!! You know what to do , now just doit !! Onederland is waiting for you :)
  • dnish53
    dnish53 Posts: 162 Member
    You have no how much I feel for you. It could be my story. In 2011 I too had gotten down 30+ lbs under 200. I gave away my "fat" clothes and felt so good. And then Christmas 2011 happened and 2012 came along and the weight came up until when I weighed in on January 1 I was no longer in onederland. I finally had to accept it and decided to reset my ticker to show the weight loss. Hand in there and take one day at a time. I know we both can do this.
  • airangel59
    airangel59 Posts: 1,887 Member

    I took the step. I logged in my new and painful new weight. I walked 45 minutes yesterday. I SWEAR I will hit the gym on Monday. I made it through one day of proper eating yesterday. One step at a time.

    Welcome Back my friend :flowerforyou:

    You CAN do it. The past is just that. Yesterday was day one. My motto, One Day, One Pound, One Step at a time. Weigh, measure & write what you bite. Scuba..Mistakes happen, we're all human. At least you recognized what happened, caught it and YOU CAME BACK. Many of my buds have had to re set their ticker as they got lost on their journey & like you they are back. I'm rooting for you Scuba, you tasted Onederland once & you WILL GET there again... Keep your mindset where it needs to be. I know you CAN do it.
  • karlalband
    karlalband Posts: 196 Member
    I have been putting on and off the same 6 or 8 lbs since September. I'm about 35 pounds from Onederland. And sometimes I just get so worked up over it I could scream. I hear Carbs saying my name all day. I really feel for you, this isn't easy. But were still here and were going to get this done. TG for Friends and Friends I Have Made on MFP:flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • heymoe012
    heymoe012 Posts: 5 Member
    Hugs to you. Its okay. Really. Dust yourself off and start anew. It could have been five years before the carb coma ended. You realized the path, and now are taking control. There is no room for anything but positive thoughts...you have worked hard and will overcome. We are all in it with you.
  • sbrownallison
    sbrownallison Posts: 314 Member
    Like other responders, been there, done that! Good on you for owning it and glad you're back on the journey to Onederland. I've been in the 200s a number of times. That was usually the place where (if I actually was facing the scale, facing reality) I would get myself back to Weight Watchers. I think that I never really accepted that this whole eating thing just doesn't come easily for me. If left to my own devices, my weight just climbs back up. The moment I start to cut corners, the weight comes back. If I bought/baked a cake, I would eat the whole thing, so I have to control my environment and not have stuff like that at home. In my latest journey (almost two years ago), I decided to cut bread out of my diet, as it was taking up so many of my calories plus was a trigger food for me. Best of luck to you. YOU CAN DO THIS!

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