keeping the spark alive.

Alyshe
Alyshe Posts: 511 Member
edited September 22 in Motivation and Support
This is something out of my comfort zone. I want to know how to keep the spark alive between you and your boyfriend for years, fienca or husband. And men how do you keep the spark alive with you ladies. ....I'm asking I need to know. lol. :laugh: When the last time you went on a date with your lover? Me.... do you really want to know..... lol :laugh: ................uuhhh this is going to be embarrassing anwering my own question. :sad: ...embrace your self..... more than two years. :indifferent: we had a date for our four year aniversary and it doesn't count. It sucked for both of us. that was last month. Here's why as soon as we pulled in to his dad driveway to drop of our son his brother called and said " hey you guys want to go bowling?" I wanted to go but wanted to spend special time with just me and him. We dont do much with other people and are around eachother alot. So we should have went. But I mean two years with no date. ouch. I do have some blame I had separation anxiety from my son. But we are going to plan another date. :happy: And I just wanted to know how you keep the spark alive with the one you love.

Replies

  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
    I've been with my husband for 12 years total, next year celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. You ask a good question. It's hard for even the best of relationships because the honeymoon is just a phase for anyone. That doesn't mean there isn't any spark ever, but those chemical and hormonal responses you experience in the beginning of a relationship do fade naturally.

    That being said, there are definitely things you can do to keep your relationship alive and hot. ;) Being here and taking an interest in yourself and your well being is definitely one great way. ...and that's not to say that you have to look a certain way or fit a certain shape, but just the fact that you take care and pride in yourself is an attractive personality trait.

    Another thing I've tried hard to do is have your own life. Even if you and your boyfriend are attached at the hip, find a way to not always be so available. Show your man that you definitely have a life outside of him. Women typically are so giving of themselves, and while that's an admirable, unselfish trait, men like to have to work for their woman's attention, just a little bit. It makes you more attractive to him if you're not always fawning over him.

    Anyhow, those are just a couple of things that come to mind right now. Kudos to you for working on your relationship. :)
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
    I hope that was what you were looking for. ..not sure if I answered your question exactly, but you also wanted to know the last time we went on a date.. We don't have children, so we tend to have a weekly date doing something.
  • niknok28
    niknok28 Posts: 84
    Justin and I have lived together for seven years now. We never experienced a "honeymoon stage" due to a lot of drama going on when we first got together he is my best friend without a doubt through thick and thin. I think that we keep the spark going by just enjoying life, starting new projects together, pushing each other to progress and just being buddies. I don't consider him treating me out to a nice dinner and coddling me as a sign of a "good relationship". It's much more fun and real to hike out somewhere and have a picnic or spend half a day just watching movies and cuddling or writing down brainstorm ideas for a future garden. We certainly are not a social couple and just have a couple friends that we see every so often.

    I guess just don't try to fit any preconceived notion of what a healthy relationship is and just start living life. Go out and learn something new together and apart! Passion is passion if you are passionate about life than you'll be passionate about one another.
  • Alyshe
    Alyshe Posts: 511 Member
    Thank you ladies for posting. We do have a good relationship. I was just looking for ideas. Like do you ever write notes or text your lover with notes like. "Hey I think your hot can't wait for our date this weekend." or " I love you and miss you" or hot notes. Or do you ever do a dinner night after the kids go to bed with the finger food you cooked together, then feed each other with your hands and have some wine at dinner? Sit and hold eachother while you watch a movie? Does your man ever bring you flowers just because it wednesday and he's thinking about you? I have been a stay at home mom and felt so unattractive and have been putting everything before me. I think that is a really big problem so latley I've been doing better. I do make my self available all the time but I dont have a job or many friends in this area to hangout with so I'll have to work on that. I do want to start dancing agien.
  • rnroadrunner
    rnroadrunner Posts: 402 Member
    My wife and I leave little notes to each other,it says just one word. SHMILY ,this stands for see how much i love you. We especialy do this when one or the other must go on a trip without the other. We will hide them around the house or in the luggage. It is kinda cheesy but it is nice.
  • gambitsgurl
    gambitsgurl Posts: 632 Member
    I slip notes in his lunch.
    I text him sexy messages.
    I brought him flowers today (he looked confused. VERY confused but then melted).
    I initiate sex sometimes.
    I'll call him randomly and tell him I want him.
    When I see something he may like, no matter how small, I get it and leave it under his pillow.
    I try to bake him something special once a week.
  • gambitsgurl
    gambitsgurl Posts: 632 Member
    But one thing you DO need to do is have some "you and him adult date time". You need to be a couple. I know you don't want to leave your son but one day you wake up and it's you and the kids and you don't know each other anymore.
  • jrlenig
    jrlenig Posts: 364 Member
    Ok, I may be sharing TMI, but occasionally I will change into my sexy drawers(that what he calls them) and when I strip down to get in my pj's surprise. And Ashlye since you don't have kids yet, date night, all the time, no movies though, talking is the best thing about having a soul mate, married ten years this spring, thinking about renewing our vows since this time around I won't be the fat bride!
  • valmaebel
    valmaebel Posts: 1,045 Member
    We play a board game. :P It's called A Hot Affair. It's a blast with fun little mini-dares, drinking a bit, snacks, music, stripping and a final fantasy the winner gets to choose. It seriously is a blast, takes an hour or two and is great. We like to go to a sex store together occasionally and see if anything sparks our interest. Basically, we both try to keep it fresh. But I've also talked to him about the fact that with women, a good conversation is what makes a woman feel intimate with someone. So he takes the time to actually talk with me, see how I'm doing, tell me how he's doing etc. I make sure I initiated sex with him as much as he does with me. It's touch with 2 munchkins to be spontaneous. But just cause we can't necessarily be spontaneous with when we do it doesn't mean we still can't be spontaneous with how we do it. :D Wish you the best!
  • leanmass24
    leanmass24 Posts: 304 Member
    We go out and do something together once a month.. dinner, movie, drinking, just something fun that we both enjoy. We are always cracking jokes with each other, so luagh an have fun. If you want to grab his attention go do something that he likes and you dont really care for or vice versa for guys. Little things add up too, like if you do a chore that he has to normally do without him asking you to do it. Like last week she got home after work and the house was cleaned and dinner was cooked. Make out like when you were teenagers every now and then. A peck on the lips or cheek is fine for every day, but you have to remind them that you are still interested in them every once in a while. Sex is always welcome to, but dont make it a chore or routine thing. I hate it when my GF is like ok you have 30mins. Actually set time aside to and do it right. Get out the scented candles, flavorings, toys, and massage oils and actually use them. It makes all the difference in the world. Stress sex and quickys have their place, but you should go all out every once in a while and do it right.
  • hannah_lin
    hannah_lin Posts: 54
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, and the honeymoon phase hasn't ended in many ways. I make him lunch everyday and always write him little notes. I'll randomly buy him flowers or chocolate. We are both very polite to eachother-- we don't let ourselves get passive aggressive or take eachother for granted. He always saves me the last bite of his dessert, or the cherry on top of his ice cream. I drive him to work and pick him up when I know he's feeling overwhelmed. He opens the door for me every time we get in the car. Like many people say, it's the little things I think that make the difference. Just making that little extra effort. I think for each of us we just try to be very sensitive and attentive to what the other might be needing-- :)
    Good luck! Have fun on your next date!
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