Friday Night Sabotage Brain

Yep, 20 minutes til I get off of job number one and head to the restaurant I serve at on the weekends. I've been following my plan for 4 days, not feeling deprived, working out, adding in sensible treats and still...BAM! Sabotage brain attacks again!

I start wondering if it's worth it. Why? Because I want Monical's pizza. "So get pizza" you say. But I don't just want a few pieces...I want half the pie (a large of course)! And I want it dipped in ranch and french and I want pepperoni galore. Not only that...

I want dessert. I want cookie dough by the spoonful. And then some cookies if I get around to baking them.

And then, tomorrow morning, instead of going to the gym like I've been planning, I want to go to the Original Pancake House and get a massive stack of buttery, syrupy pancakes with a double side of bacon. And chocolate milk- duh.

And I want it because I'm having a long hard day... and I deserve it... and I'm really not fat anyway, I just feel fat... and others think I look perfectly fine the way I am... and I'll probably just give in later anyway so why not give in now... and I'll probably never actually look the way I want so why even do it halfway when I could have 2 cheeseburgers and an extra large fries in my mouth right now...

Why am I doing this to myself once again?! There is NOTHING wrong with pizza or cookies or pancakes or bacon or burgers and fries or even unplanned rest days- there IS something wrong with the all or nothing mentality and the self-sabotaging.

I'm scared to do well and I'm scared to believe in myself... not all the time- but in this important moment where I make a decision that determines if I push on or "start over yet again", I've completely lost confidence.

I hope I push on.

How do you get through these moments, if you have them?

Replies

  • adorable_aly
    adorable_aly Posts: 398 Member
    You're not a dog, stop rewarding yourself with food, find something else that makes you feel good after a long days work.
  • dmt4641
    dmt4641 Posts: 409 Member
    Are you in my brain? Sounds like my conversations with myself sometimes. I am just starting up again and having a planned "cheat meal" tonight that hopefully will stop at that and not continue. Because my "cheat meals" can continue for months if I have that all or nothing thinking.
  • dmt4641
    dmt4641 Posts: 409 Member
    Also, I looked at your food diary and it looks like you are at 1200. I don't know your height/weight but I know that would be too low for me personally and would lead to major cravings and binging. Maybe try upping your calories a little bit so you can fit in treats sometimes without feeling like you are failing.

    I am having a fun dinner out tonight, but I planned it and know I will still have a deficit for the week. So I don't feel guilty and I know I can have food like this again next week so there is not reason to binge tonight.
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    I used to have problems similar to these.

    For me it was more about reasons why I didn't need to workout and then that lead to I didn't work out, so I might as well just have ______ whatever food I used to make myself feel better. Then, inevitably that food would actually make me feel worse and then I'd eat more, and the wicked cycle would continue.

    I put a stop to it when I put a stop to feeding my feelings with food. I started instead doing things I liked, such as going for a walk, reading, shooting, whatever the need bring myself back up again. Also, I stopped giving myself excuses to not workout. I just do it now.

    Slowly, I overcame those feelings of needing to feed my emotions with food. Now I pay more attention to what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling it and how I can fix it or change it.

    Just keep in mind that this is not all or nothing. It should be a change in your life, so if you want pizza simply because you like pizza, then have pizza. You shouldn't give up the foods you love to be healthier, you should just be fitting them into your life and your new goals.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
    No judging here, I'd love to do just the same thing!

    But I agree with the poster who said that you're probably horribly deprived because you only eat 1200. You don't have to eat so few calories to lose weight. I've been losing consistently at 1600-1700 and I haven't done intense exercise or anything. With a more reasonable of calories, you can fit SOME of that stuff in your diet easily... just probably not everything in the same day.
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
    Ya but if you look at my diary I DON'T only eat 1200 I try to go for 1500-1800. And I eat yummy "bad for you" foods and don't feel hungry-
    It's more of a habit- a habit I started when I was around 13- gonna be a tough one to break!! Not so much a reward as a "comfort zone"
    Eating large amounts to feel happy is what I'm used to and they've proven that foods with high sugar and saturated fat light up areas of the brain where addiction is associated, so it won't be easy!
    I usually make sure I hit the gym right after work and it helps me deal with stress healthfully but on days where I work doubles and the second shift is at a restaurant where it's so easy to start a binge it gets really difficult!! Trying to train my brain to stop anticipating food here... Sigh
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
    Or I should say I eat "balanced" treats and healthy food alike
  • doutri2
    doutri2 Posts: 186 Member
    I think by posting all of your "extreme food ideas" online to get feedback is one way to the out of the "Friday Night Sabotage Brain". Because then you will re-read the post, have yourself a laugh and say Oprah's tag line: "When you know better, you do better." Then, after work, you will pack your gym bag for tomorrow morning and hit the gym with lots of self confidence.

    Best of luck. :happy:
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    Yep, 20 minutes til I get off of job number one and head to the restaurant I serve at on the weekends. I've been following my plan for 4 days, not feeling deprived, working out, adding in sensible treats and still...BAM! Sabotage brain attacks again!

    I start wondering if it's worth it. Why? Because I want Monical's pizza. "So get pizza" you say. But I don't just want a few pieces...I want half the pie (a large of course)! And I want it dipped in ranch and french and I want pepperoni galore. Not only that...

    I want dessert. I want cookie dough by the spoonful. And then some cookies if I get around to baking them.

    And then, tomorrow morning, instead of going to the gym like I've been planning, I want to go to the Original Pancake House and get a massive stack of buttery, syrupy pancakes with a double side of bacon. And chocolate milk- duh.

    And I want it because I'm having a long hard day... and I deserve it... and I'm really not fat anyway, I just feel fat... and others think I look perfectly fine the way I am... and I'll probably just give in later anyway so why not give in now... and I'll probably never actually look the way I want so why even do it halfway when I could have 2 cheeseburgers and an extra large fries in my mouth right now...

    Why am I doing this to myself once again?! There is NOTHING wrong with pizza or cookies or pancakes or bacon or burgers and fries or even unplanned rest days- there IS something wrong with the all or nothing mentality and the self-sabotaging.

    I'm scared to do well and I'm scared to believe in myself... not all the time- but in this important moment where I make a decision that determines if I push on or "start over yet again", I've completely lost confidence.

    I hope I push on.

    How do you get through these moments, if you have them?

    I can't think like that. I would have shut it down after the first sentence, before the whole thing snowballs. Fixating on food is not worth it for me.
  • sfca00
    sfca00 Posts: 2
    I like that you're being totally honest here. I think about food all the time and I'm constantly thinking of what I'm going to eat next! Today is pizza Friday, so I went on a 20 and a 40 minute walk today during my breaks to make up for the pizza I'm going to eat tonight. I also made sure to plan out healthy meals today because of the pizza, so I had greek yogurt and a cutie for breakfast and minestrone soup for lunch. It's all about planning- if you know that you're going out and going to eat bad food, try eating healthy during the day and exercising to make up for it. Good luck!!!
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
    Sounds like a hangry brain.
  • Vegan_85
    Vegan_85 Posts: 40 Member
    Can you make healthier versions of junk food? As in buy a wholemeal pizza base and add your own sauce, veg and low fat cheese. Or bake other foods rather than having the deep fried version. Have one cookie and then give the rest away.

    For example, I baked chocolate cupcakes on Wednesday night and left them at my boyfriend's house. I had two within 24 hours and then left. He had four within 24 hours, then two the next day. Being away from temptation helps!

    Can you bring sandwiches to work? I know that when I was a waitress, the smell of greasy food actually put me off eating. I just became so sick of looking at massive portions all day.
  • girlinahat
    girlinahat Posts: 2,956 Member
    You're not a dog, stop rewarding yourself with food, find something else that makes you feel good after a long days work.

    Just, thank you for this. :)
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
    Thanks all for the responses- I do often make my own healthy versions but when your in the "sabotage" mindset it's just not the way ya think. I did however vow this month to not buy any restaurant or fast food and get everything at the grocery store- so far it's helping!

    Trust me I'm trying to change the thinking and if I could turn it off I would!

    Unfortunately I work in an upscale steak house with a salad bar so EVERYTHING is tempting! The only things fried are hand breaded specially seasoned appetizers (no frozen, all fresh n delicious). Sadly salad is the hardest thing to "sneakily eat"

    I live with my bf and he eats all junk. So hard to stay away! But I've hade only ONE cupcake 4 days in a row now so I'm getting there!

    As for posting, yes, I think the post alone was meant to help me not do it by realizing exactly what I was doing... And I got sent home early when our banquet party showed up with only half it's people, so now I'm home and out of temptation! Hopefully going to make turkey tacos for dinner and get up tomorrow for the gym!
    Thank you all for your comments- it's nice to know there are some like me who do obsess about food (not because we want to! It's just an idea that doesn't come easy to us!!) sometimes when people brush you off and say "easy, I eat anything I want in moderation" I cringe because I would LOVE to be like that and I am TrYING but it is NOT easy for me :) one bit of certain foods and I become the Cookie Monster violently searching for me next victim!
    Anyway, thanks!
  • noratas
    noratas Posts: 49
    I'm this way also! I'm so "all or nothing" it's silly. If I allow myself to eat 1 cookie I'll eat a dozen. Literally. Right now there's an empty package of store-bought cupcakes under the seat of my car because I ate them all and had to hide the box. When I set my mind to eating properly, I can do it for days and weeks, but if I get a craving or experience stress, then the floodgates open. Incidentally, I'm also like this in other areas - if I spend $5 I'll empty my wallet, etc.
    I don't have any magic solutions, but it's comforting to know it's not just me!
  • Hotdawgnothotdog
    Hotdawgnothotdog Posts: 179 Member
    This happened to me for almost six months.

    I'd lost over 70 pounds I did good cant think of times I ever really binged or anything.

    But we were about to go tO the beach, my roommate decided to buy some junk food, not a lot but enough where I bunged. Like crazy. Within 3 days I gained 5 pounds. Luckily only gained 4 pounds at the beach. Came back home and got it off, back tI where I'd been before the beach and before the binge. But… I kept binging… not continuously, some days I did, some days I didn't.

    I always obsessed over losing weight, I still ran and even started playing basketball. But I'd stopped seriously counting calories and working out.

    From July to January I went between 191 and 186, and why? Because I couldn't stop binging. I'd have the intent to, but then my friend would give me a candy bar… diet done. I'd be at school and think about the peach cobbler my Mom made… and right then, my diet would be over, my plans were to go home and eat cobbler.

    I was frustrated. I felt I was too mentally weak to lose weight, food had a powerful grip over me. It still does.

    But I got tO looking back at precious weigh ins. During summer (well, before July), I lost about 30 lbs., it looked like I was losing 10 lbs. in about 4 weeks. So i made myself a deal; if I could stay within calories and workout for 28 - 31 days, 10 pounds would be gone.

    Now you can't actually guarantee something like that, but it got me going.

    Now keep in mind, although I'm trying to eat healthier, I still eat what I want, for me, the key's been proportion, have what you want just moderate it, also, space it out, don't use all your calories up at 2 pm.

    And when you're tempted to binge thing about that weight you wanna see on the scale, how great you'll look and be thin, the clothes you can wear, also, I know I can eat like crazy and maintain my weight (as long as I eat what I want one day, watch my calories the next, pretty much), so once I'm at the weight I like, I won't have to deprive myself of calories.

    One more thing: apparently your goal caloric intake's 1200, make sure that's not too few calories, don't deprive yourself.

    That was long, sorry, but I hope I helped.
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
    You're not a dog, stop rewarding yourself with food, find something else that makes you feel good after a long days work.
    Took a bath and read a magazine last night ... that helped!
  • sshintaku
    sshintaku Posts: 228 Member
    I try to think of another way to "spoil" myself after a long week. Special tea in a fancy glass, buying a magazine, a glass of good wine, getting my nails done. Or, I'll force myself to workout BEFORE I eat the bad food and then find that I really stopped craving it after my workout and don't end up eating bad after all.
  • doutri2
    doutri2 Posts: 186 Member
    Here's an idea: Create a "mock" food log on MFP with all of the foods you listed in your "sabotage". I'd hope that the calorie count at the end of the list would scare you straight. :sad:

    I say this with all the support I could offer. I am in the "can't eat even in moderation" group. It seems if I have 1-2 glasses of alcohol on the weekend, I've gained 1 pound on Monday and then I can't get rid of it. Sucks.