Why getting started seems so hard

JECole2013 · January 2014

I have been a yo-yo dieter (weight looser and gainer) for 35 years. I had gastric bypass 13 years ago, lost 140 pounds. Kept it off for 10 years, then started to gain again until 40 pounds were back. Now I'm loosing again and feel back on track.

But for the last 18 months, I complained that I couldn't figure out the formula to loosing again. It seemed that every time I stepped on the scale, more pounds showed up. I didn't think I was overeating. Though I wasn't exercising anymore, I knew I had an active life.

I was eating "clean" most of the time, sure I had sweets now and then, but in small amounts. I ate late at night, but again, clean food and in small amounts.

I went to my doctor, then a gastric bypass surgeon to find out if there was something wrong with my small stomach or my health. I was very puzzled, and a little depressed. I didn't go through the hell of gastric bypass to be back here, frustrated because I wasn't staying thin.

I didn't get much help from either doctor. Yes, they said a few things, like "eat right and exercise" and "don't fall back into old habits," but they didn't seem phased by my weigh gain and seemed cold about my concern and fear. They were no help.

So, I reluctantly headed back to a weigh loss clinic where an account manager tried to sell me a $700 program of diet pills, powder shakes and a large dose of guilt to loose the weight. As this skinny young woman talked to me about weekly weigh-ins and supplements, I wondered what she knew about obesity.

Then if finally hit me, I just wasn't ready to loose weight. I'm not talking emotional readiness. I'm talking readiness to collect data, evaluate my eating and exercise, speak to doctors about specific problems and what medical help might be needed. I wasn't ready to devote the time I needed to my personal health and my struggle with weight. I was talking a lot about it, but wasn't really doing the things that I needed to do.

So, I reset my thinking and did the following:
1. Was I ready to put the time and energy in to loosing weight? Yes, I was ready to spend time on this effort.
2. Reminded myself of the simple formula, low calories, daily exercise, lots of water, increase nutrients, collect the necessary data
3. Now, look at what I am currently doing: I wasn't counting calories, weighing myself, exercising, eating daily nutrient-rich food

So, I decided not to beat myself up anymore for not doing it, just decided that for whatever reason, I wasn't ready to focus on weight loss. Now I am.

So, I changed my actions, slowly at first, but I've turned the ship.
1. Evaluated my problems … I was craving food, and at bad times (late at night), so I was eating more "bad food" than I thought.
2. Not exercising (having an active lift doesn't count)
3. Not collecting any data

Problem 1, I went to the doctor and told her, I'm craving food and can't seem to stop. What can you do to help me fight cravings. She put me on a 30-day appetite suppressant. Wow, the next day, cravings were stopped. Now I could stop focusing on what I was missing and start focusing what I needed to eat for health. I had the window to work at a new diet without that white-knuckle feeling of deprivation.

Problem 2. Joined the cheapest gym in town and bought a cheap but very effective home rowing machine. Now, I have two options that fit my very busy schedule. I no longer feel guilty if I can't get to the pricey gym I once belonged to … because I missed the exercise AND was paying so much for nothing. Guilt is a killed.

Problem 3. Begin the task of collecting data by joining MFP and log in every day with the necessary data, food, weight, exercise.

Now, I can track and evaluate every day if my actions will lead to weight loss and physical health.

It took 3 years to turn the ship around and head in the right direction. And willpower isn't a part of the equation. Just regular old effort is.

Please let me know if any of you agree or have had similar thoughts on the subject. I'd love to hear from those professionals because I have more to learn and weight to loose.

Goal179 · January 2014

You have hit the nail on the head. If you aren't ready to make the changes then it won't happen. I don't know why it is so mentally challenging to get my head in the game, but it s. Your article below has helped me soooo much. I have lost 30 pounds, but something happened over the holidays that seem to slow me down. I haven't been able to get perfectly back on track since. I love the idea of adding a diet supplement to help stop my cravings. I will see if that helps me as well. Thanks for putting this in perspective. I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Let us know how it goes.

JECole2013 · January 2014

Thanks so much and sounds like you are already back on track and headed in the right direction. Good luck on your journey and stay in touch with your progress!

Skoteesh · January 2014

Fantastic post!
Thank you

Schtroumpfkin · January 2014

I don't have any advice - just want to congratulate you on your self-evaluation and honesty. Facing up to our own shortcomings is really difficult. However, taking control of fixing them is empowering. Good luck and make sure you come back to your post, bravely expressed in this public arena, if you ever lose focus.

allen_ac · January 2014

It happens to most of us really

You constantly tell yourself "tomorrow is the day to start", or "I'll start next week"
Then when you start, you fall off and screw up in the first couple days then you say to yourself "Don't worry, i can restart Monday"
Then it becomes a never ending cycle of feeding yourself more reasons to comfort your inability to begin

But that's okay, because the first step to take is to tell yourself that you actually WANT to do something about it
There are many people who aren't 'ready' to lose weight, but have come to the realisation that it's just time to, for their own health and safety

We always fall off because we want to dive into the deep end of the pool without learning how to swim
The next step has to be small, it has to be changes that are so easy to make, that you don't have to think about it

For instance, if I were to eat Mcdonalds everyday, for every meal
Would i succeed if I suddenly changed to chicken and vegetables and water? most likely not right?

So take baby steps
- Instead of having a large meal, have a medium meal
- Instead of having a normal coke, have a diet coke
- Help yourself by slowly tapering off your habits / eating patterns
- After a while of having breakfast, lunch, dinner of McDonalds
- I would go then change breakfast to a normal daily breakfast i.e eggs, bacon, toast, coffee

Plus, you must have a goal set in mind, as specific as you can choose
- If you have no goal to work for, you will not want work for anything because you see no improvement to track specifically on the path you lay out
- These are little tools of motivation to get you started once you see results and to help you keep going when times are tough
- Reminding yourself day in day out of what you set out to accomplish, that you promised yourself you would not stop until you achieved this goal

And remember, these goals are still short term, if you only just started. You make short term goals, so you know it in your heart and capabilities that you can and will achieve this short term goal, once you achieve 3-4 of your short term goals, you can start looking to plan long term goals, but using short term goals in between to keep the furnace burning

Slow and steady wins the race, health and fitness is a long journey. Why? Because you want it to be long, you want that health to continue to improve, you want that health to last longer, you want your body to withstand the things you throw at it.

Time is quality, being fast does not always win you the grand prize
- If you were in a race and you had to cross a rocky unstable bridge, are you going to run through it as fast as possible? or are you going to take your time and think every step through that will ensure your success

This is the journey of health and fitness

Self belief comes first, you must know exactly who you are down inside, no matter what you think you look like to other people, you must be aligned with yourself before you take more steps forward. The people you do it for comes second, that could be even yourself, but family and friends is always good too, for the support they provide are the most important when you are climbing out of a hole.

Keep a bunch of these in mind and if you truly grasp and embrace these notions I've put forward, i guarantee you, you will last a lifetime

*Just wanted to add: Expect to fall off, but don't let it deter you from the bigger picture, when you make a mistake, another door opens for you to balance the mistake. Those who believe in their abilities and focus on the grand scheme of things rather than the one bad choice in a day or week, will be the ones who sustain longevity

JECole2013 · January 2014

I love the sentiment "You want it to be long!" Cause you are right … the alternative sucks!

Each day is all we have and if I'm working to take care of my disease, obesity, today, then I'm ahead. If I'm neglecting that, then I have to work to do to turn that around.

I try now to stop dwelling in the emotion of this, because that adds a bunch of useless variables. Instead, I am working to identify the specific problems and work them. I don't really find "solving my emotional issues" to be helpful. Sure, it matters, but emotional growth takes a lifetime and I don't want to wait until then to begin to tackle my medical problem _ obesity.

allen_ac · January 2014

I agree to a certain extent

But I believe that the emotional issues is what will be the differential when you come across the sticky points in your long journey and that will be the determining factor of pushing through the hard times or falling off and going back to square 1. Your friends and family can only help you with so much emotional support, but if you cannot come to yourself to accept the importance of your own mind, your own will, you really just have less hope in yourself. If you don't have these things sorted out now and you leave them till later, it's going to be mighty hard to get through when times get tough.

You must remember that our true grit and determination is only shown when things aren't going the right way, if you start weak, you finish weak. I understand emotional variables can derive from so many things, some very serious, some not as much, but in the end, that's what you want for yourself anyway, you want to be strong willed, you want to be able to control your urges. Emotional growth doesn't take a lifetime, it's forever improving, starting now is better than later.

Of course you're going to attend to your health issues ASAP, but what are you using to execute it? You don't just simply tell yourself to do something you don't want to / are not accustomed to and expect yourself to continue doing it mindlessly, correct?

There is only one thing that will keep telling you to repeat your newly created habits and patterns. You sort yourself out now with your mind and you sort yourself out for good. You can always add to your growth as a person, but believing in yourself and starting with a good foundation is what will set you on the right path. I would imagine that you wouldn't successfully go off attempting to change your life around if you don't have some of these things set in place, in the beginning / during / after your journey.

JECole2013 · January 2014

Absolutely!! Yes, you are right and I'm glad you posted such a well written explanation. My trite post did make it seem like emotional issues aren't important and aren't a variable in health. My bad for sure because I wouldn't want someone reading it and thinking that they can deal with physical health without dealing with emotional health …

To clarify, I think that sometimes I would look SOLELY at my emotional healthy as the reason for weigh gain, poor physical health, etc. When in fact, I was working on emotional health but not working on physical health. I would continue to neglect physical health believing that as long as I was working on emotional health I should expect weight loss.

The fact is, I am in a pretty good place emotionally and have worked for two years on that … therapy, etc.

So maybe, that is really the first step … try to get to a good emotional healthy place, then you will be in the best place to tackle the weigh/fitness problem … not sure, but one thing I know, we obese people carry around more than weight and one of those emotional issues is that we blame ourselves for "not doing it" for "not having will power" etc. I really want to say that in my journey, will power doesn't do any good if you haven't faced/learned what is at work uniquely to your body/lifestyle. If you are not eating deficit calorie count than you won't loose weight.

Thanks so much!

brandnewsnickerpuss · January 2014

Also, the easy reason: change is hard. If change were easy, everyone would always reach all of their goals without any fuss. *heh*

Thanks for sharing your post!

edwardkim85 · January 2014

What helped me a lot was... food scale.

Thought the brown rice I was eating(one bowl) was 200kcal, turned out it was actually 300kcal+ .

Also 'guestimating' chicken breasts and meat, etc doesn't work. Measure it on a food scale.

mm. another one is to get a habit of keeping track of your food (everything) on mfp. Pretty easy now-a-days with phone app and all.

The mfp goal is not for everyone though and sometimes it's set a bit low for weight loss, so set it higher (do some research about your TDEE) and don't feel bad if you go over one day because you had 100 kcal left but you wanted to have that slice of pizza for dinner that's 300kcal.

don't, especially, 'make up' for it the next day or you will yo yo diet again.

over a period of time, you will know what your body craves and wants and know what portiosn to eat to lose/maintain your weight.

allen_ac · January 2014

Just wanted to quickly say that I can tell you will do great! I would wish you luck but you don't need it

I think you have a good grasp of it all and the fact that you control all your choices and such, I know you will excel this time
Keep at it, through thick and thin, you got this!

jacqueinhutto · January 2014

Thank for these really great posts. It is appreciated by a newbie. I like the idea of starting slowly to change my habits. Thsis is my seco d week. 1st week I concentrated on logging my food. Send week I added 30 mins on the gazelle. Next I am going start adding water......little by little I hope to change my habits and create better. Definately going to buy a scale. Thanks for keeping this positive this morning..

KardioKim · January 2014

Great thread. Thanks for sharing!

JECole2013 · January 2014

You are right. I was just telling my son the same thing. Good thing to consider!

JECole2013 · January 2014

THANKS!!! I loved getting this encouragement!!

And thanks for adding your ideas and opinions! Good stuff.

JECole2013 · January 2014

Thank you for posting too. All this information is just what I need and I bet what others need as well. Good luck!

JECole2013 · January 2014

Great idea! I was thinking about getting a food scale. You are right … a rough estimate gone wrong can compound quickly.

I think that is what my real problem was … calories that I didn't realize I was eating, either because I wasn't paying attention or I wasn't counting.

Thanks so much.

luckydays27 · January 2014

2. Reminded myself of the simple formula, low calories, daily exercise, lots of water, increase nutrients, collect the necessary data

The only part I would question is the low calorie. It depends on how low you go. Its completely possible to lose and maintain weight loss if it is done slowly with a reasonable weight goal. People who go at it all gung ho and drop to as few calories as possible (around her 1200 or less), seem to have a tougher time with losing. I started out this way and failed at every attempt.

This time, I took it slower and went for a 500 cal a day deficit (1 lb a week loss) and the pounds came off, even with me eating 16-17-18-19-2000 cals a day. Currently I average 1850 cals a day and at a .5 lb weight loss goal, I still lose.

Best part is, there is no craving for certain foods because I can eat what I want, but ONLY if I have the cals for it.

As for the rest, you got it pretty spot on.

Oh and I do weight all my foods with a scale and use measuring cups spoons for all free flowing liquid.

livinfluffy · January 2014

I really needed to read this today! Looks like I have some thinking to do about what my goals are and if I am ready to put in the work.Thanks!

JECole2013 · January 2014

Thanks all for all the information, positive thinking and personal struggles! Sure does help to know that others are dealing with the same things.

To post about the low calorie amount … that makes sense. It is easy to think that cutting too low is the fastest way to loose, but at what cost in the long run. I've thought about that a lot over the years, too.

I am leaning toward making sure that the calorie count lets me get in the right number of nutrients (I'm still studying that) so that I will not have malnutrition. I've learned that lesson the hard way … but I've been wondering if that is why US obesity rate is sky rocking … is it because the calories we eat are so empty??? So when we cut them, we are cutting what we need.

I've been looking for food rich in nutrients so I get the bang for my buck … for example I eat avocado despite the high calorie number, because it is loaded with lots of good stuff. I eat tomatoes despite some who think they are too high in sugar.

I eat meat for the protein, but kinda have been thinking about vegan …. still working on that … thoughts?

One thing that I read recently, here at MFP in fact, the habits of longtime maintainers … those who have lost a lot of weight and kept it off for more than 5 years, 10 years …

1. Alway weigh themselves at least once a week.
2. Never cheat.
3. Exercise daily
4. Count calories
5. Drink 8 glasses of water daily
6.Get plenty of sleep

The way I look at it, …. some people have the disease of obesity and this is what is needed to remain a healthy weight (and body). Just like those who must follow a regiment for diabetes, etc.

I am not like people without this condition … those who can eat anything and never gain … (though who knows if they are suffering from another disease like heart disease).

In order to take care of myself physically it seems that I must follow a specific regiment to battle my disease. So in that vein, I got my thinking turned and started to tackle differently.

I want to be a certain weight (30 pounds less than I am now) … because I believe that is the healthiest for me. In order to do that, I need to reduce calories .. just one step … but I also need to figure out where to settle with calories …

It seems to me that the losing part is just the first chapter … the maintaining is next … staying healthy last and always, always, until the day I die, manage my disease. Hey, maybe we obesity sufferers have it better than some … at least we can see very obvious symptom when our body is hurting and unhealthy.

Thanks again all!

Why getting started seems so hard

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