? For those who have lost 40+ pounds
CJisinShape
Posts: 1,404 Member
Is there anything I can do to prepare myself mentally for a large weight loss? I hear a lot of people either still feel fat and others have personality changes, some pleasant, some not so much.
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Replies
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As you lose weight, you should look at it as a process of educating yourself on food. I felt like because I found great passion on other things besides just losing weight. Most importantly it should be about beginning a lifelong journey of eating food that is beneficial for your body.
As for dealing with changes, my mood has constantly been on the upswing. I take many pictures of myself to document progress. Now when i am having a day where I'm like.. "Wow, I look like I've put on 10 pounds." I have a photo of me at 10 pounds heavier that I can look at and say nevermind. Sounds silly and borderline conceited but it really helps me.
The biggest challenge I have had has been financially supporting a wardrobe that aligns with my success. The goodwill has been my best friend because I didn't like when my clothes were baggy on me but didn't want to spend the retail amount of new clothes. I saw the weight loss clothes as just temporary and waited until I was at the size I wanted to be to completely go full force into buying a new closet full of clothes.
Just continue to stay positive and remind yourself.. regardless of how much you have lost or how much you have to go - that you are taking the time and effort to make a difference in your life. It is very motivating and uplifting to think that you are doing everything in your power to better yourself. No scale can trump the feeling I get from looking at my food diary and seeing that I am making the right choices.
Feel free to add if you are looking for more support! Good Luck
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Weightloss is amazing, and positive no matter what. You WILL feel excellent after losing 40 pounds. That said, it's been my experience that people don't feel as good as they could have because they create high expectations that they can't meet.
Don't have expectations, good or bad. I had expectations, and they were either blown out of the water or completely crushed. You can't tell what's going to happen, so don't try to. You're only setting yourself up to feel disappointed when your expectations aren't met, and I have a feeling a lot of people's expectations are too high. People think that losing X pounds is somehow going to totally transform them - it isn't. You'll be thinner, and that's basically it - you won't look like a supermodel, or get rid of your crooked nose, etc.
My advice to you is that you shouldn't expect anything to happen, just let the weight loss happen by itself and don't think "Oh I'll be able to do X" or "By the time I'm done I'm going to look like this person I saw on the internet" because this is almost always unrealistic.
As far as feeling certain ways after losing weight, like feeling fat or having personality changes,
You can't really tell how you're going to change by reading other people's stories, since everyone has different circumstances. I was always really overweight, so losing weight was a huge change in my life and made me exceptionally confident.
However, feelings can be different if you come from a different circumstance - if you were an athlete before you became overweight, losing the weight may not feel good enough since you're still not near how healthy you were before you put it on.
There are a lot of things that people don't tell you about, or that you don't really hear about, when it comes to losing weight. For example, before I lost my weight I couldn't really feel my ribs without poking into my sides. Now I can feel my ribs whenever I lay down on my side and it freaks me out. Personally, I am still overweight, but I feel quite a bit fatter than I was before because I have a lot of loose skin.0 -
Thanks for the info. I will definitely take pictures along the way, and try not to forecast.0
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Even if you can't see the changes in the mirror, don't be discouraged. Everyone else could see my progress except for me, and it was very discouraging. 70 lbs later I look at pictures from before and see a totally different person! It's worth it, just don't give up!0
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I didn't start freaking out until I got up above 50 pounds lost. it was overwhelming because nothing fit; clothes, shoes, my skin. but I've been working through it.
I've found making myself smile when I look in the mirror to start judging myself helps. I see the pride in that smile and think about all I've done, instead of all I still need to do.
tv/media bodies don't exist in the real world. but there's no reason you can't love yours and be proud of everything that it can do; especially compared to what it couldn't do before.
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I believe it all has to do with your mental state, regardless of weight/size. It can go any number of ways, as you know.
It seems that people who have the worst time with this are those who have come to see the extra pounds as their #1 focus, problem, and enemy. Those individuals often believe that with a large weight loss, they will find happiness, confidence, and fulfillment. Rarely is that true. Most people still have plenty of issues and problems regardless of weight.
I do think we all have SOME sort of issues, though.
I have been 106 lb heavier than I am today. I am "used to" being about 65 lb heavier than I am today. That size (60+ lb larger) is how I think of myself. In my brain, that is the size I am because I was at that size for the better part of 2 decades. It can be really shocking and strange to realize I am not being stared at in the misses section when I grab an XL shirt, or that yes that guy is looking at me favorably in the supermarket and he isn't looking at just my face. It sounds good I guess, but it's not always good.
I have a couple of friends who apparently weren't such great friends because they are threatened/upset by me suddenly being smaller than they are. It makes me feel like I was serving the purpose of being the fat friend and self esteem booster, you know, "Oh well I'm not as fat as HER so I'm okay". That can be weird to deal with. I am still at the low end of obese and I know I'll have more experiences in the future as I continue to lose. But hope this helps in some tiny way.
I strongly advise counseling. I honestly don't believe that my weight/size was at the focus of my own issues with anxiety (which persist) but counseling helped me in so many different ways, I believe it brought me to a point that I am a happier & more relaxed person and helped me to actually lose a bit (a lot, I suppose).
Good luck to you!!0 -
I think it's going to depend on the way you feel emotionally about your current body and shape, and what the motivation is for losing weight in the first place. I lost 50lbs very gradually (over 2 years) so although it is a significant loss, I haven't noticed from week to week, or even month to month, any significant change. What I do notice though, is having to buy smaller clothes, and people who don't see me regularly complimenting me.
I was very down about my size before, but that feeling is very firmly in the past. The exercise I get has improved my mood enormously and helped to regulate my sleep pattern, I no longer feel guilty about the way I live my life, but I don't feel deprived of anything either. You have to think of the changes you make as a whole lifestyle change, as a permanent state of being.
I have accepted my body now and do not see myself as that old overweight girl in the mirror - instead I see strong muscular legs (from lots of walking), my almost flat stomach (which I love), and my strong jawline which I could never see before. I don't think many people in the world are 100% happy with their body, so it's better to emphasise and praise the bits you like, rather than flaw-focus.0 -
I think it's very very hard to prepare in advance for the way your body will change with a large weight loss. That being said, there are a couple things you probably should prepare for. Compliments are one of them. If you have a hard time with compliments, or aren't used to thinking of yourself in a positive way, it can be really really difficult. I never really felt bad about myself, but I can't take compliments very well so it's been difficult to constantly hear about how well I'm doing or how great I'm looking. For me it's not about LOOKING great, it's about FEELING great (the looks are just a bonus!). Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the support and encouragement, I'm just not used to it so it takes some adjusting to.
The other thing I wish I would have prepared for is shopping. It sounds silly, but it can be really hard to wrap your head around! I find myself still drifting to the larger clothing in stores, even though it's nowhere close to fitting me. I remember walking into a store and trying on a dress, then asking the sales lady for a size smaller. She looked at the size on the dress when I handed it to her, and actually said "are you nuts? This definitely won't fit you!". Eventually though your mind starts to catch up with your body 0 -
I have a couple of friends who apparently weren't such great friends because they are threatened/upset by me suddenly being smaller than they are. It makes me feel like I was serving the purpose of being the fat friend and self esteem booster, you know, "Oh well I'm not as fat as HER so I'm okay". That can be weird to deal with. I am still at the low end of obese and I know I'll have more experiences in the future as I continue to lose. But hope this helps in some tiny way.
I hadn't thought about this, but I think this potentially something that is going to happen in female social circles, whether you realise it or not, after significant weightloss. Women can be extremely competitive as we know. I probably haven't thought about it because I tend not to have close female friends, most of mine are male...I'm a tomboy haha :-P0 -
gear up for permanent changes- gear up for LOTS of time - and don't look at this as a journey with a destination - it isn't. when people talk about their journey I laugh because if I ever "stopped" my journey - as in found an end -I would put it all back on again plus some- it has happened every time! It is no longer a journey for me- it is a change. This is not who I was, this is who I am becoming everyday.0
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I can only say, don't sweat the small stuff. There's going to be days/weeks you lose nothing, or very little, and some that are up because of water retention. Just take it all in stride, and let it be. As long as you see a downward trend over time, you know you're in the right spot. If it helps, make small goals for yourself, but don't get disappointed if you don't reach it within a specific time frame.
Also, don't look at how far you have to go. Think about how far you've come, how much better you feel. Enjoy your food, be adventurous with it, look for new things to add in. To be honest, I'm 100% happier with the way I eat now than previously. I don't cut anything out, I work it in to my calorie goal (With the exception of Soda, which is a separate issue). I'm able to fully appreciate my food and it's calories now.1 -
Bump!0
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I can only say, don't sweat the small stuff. There's going to be days/weeks you lose nothing, or very little, and some that are up because of water retention. Just take it all in stride, and let it be. As long as you see a downward trend over time, you know you're in the right spot. If it helps, make small goals for yourself, but don't get disappointed if you don't reach it within a specific time frame.
I totally agree with this. Weight loss is definately not linear. Don't give up, just take it one ounce at a time. Start with something small and build on it. Before you know it each step becomes habit and you have a new lifestyle.
Now about dealing with the person I see in the mirror. Sometimes I don't recognize her....and sometimes I see the same "fat" person 40 something pounds ago. I rely on my before pictures to get me through those times. Also keeping a pair of pants from back then to try on really helps me realize how far I have travelled.
Good luck with YOUR journey and remember....time passes anyway, so what do you have to lose? (besides the weight)0 -
One other thing (that I'm just getting my head around properly) - don't get too down on yourself if you put some back on - try to stayed focused on why you started in the first place. It's pretty easy to just drop the ball completely and before you know it, it's months down the track and you have a lot of work to do. I got down to 78kg (172 lb) from my starting weight of 114kg (251 lb) through calorie counting and exercise, and got to really love my running. I've since had a couple of injuries which have prevented me running, and I stopped calorie counting because I was feeling really down and it all got too hard, and the few times I got on the scales just made me feel worse because the numbers were going up. Four months later +11kg (24 lb).
I'm back into it now - I thought I had fully taken on the "lifestyle change", "it's not a sprint it's a marathon" etc etc, but the last few months have shown me how easy it is to slip back when things start going wrong. At least I only have a few months work to get back to my goal weight - I can see how so many people who lose a lot end up right back where they started a year or two down the track. So if you put a bit back on, don't worry, it happens - just don't let it turn into putting a lot back on.0 -
I've lost 70lb-+. Ill be honest i have a hard time seeing it sometimes. When i do i go and put on a pair of pants i used to wear that now fall down my hips. Im slowly making my way thru the "skinny clothes" i had from last time i was this small.
It's funny. I notice my body more now. I keep playing with my now jiggly thighs (who knew it. When losing weight fat goes from hard to jiggly) and noticing how my arm is shaped.
Pictures have really helped i have pics that show 20lb weight .loses in the same skirt ~ which started super tight & all but falls off my now. Putting the jeans i had to buy because i only have one paint that fits next to my old chubby pants helps.
I have a ways to go still and see its probably going to remain where my mind needs to catch up to my body. Just keep doing things to remind you how far you've come.
I do think changing your clothing whether shopping in your own closet or getting a few pieces that are tight in your new size helps. Hard to see the weight loss when you're still wearing the same clothing0 -
As you lose weight, you should look at it as a process of educating yourself on food. I felt like because I found great passion on other things besides just losing weight. Most importantly it should be about beginning a lifelong journey of eating food that is beneficial for your body.
As for dealing with changes, my mood has constantly been on the upswing. I take many pictures of myself to document progress. Now when i am having a day where I'm like.. "Wow, I look like I've put on 10 pounds." I have a photo of me at 10 pounds heavier that I can look at and say nevermind. Sounds silly and borderline conceited but it really helps me.
The biggest challenge I have had has been financially supporting a wardrobe that aligns with my success. The goodwill has been my best friend because I didn't like when my clothes were baggy on me but didn't want to spend the retail amount of new clothes. I saw the weight loss clothes as just temporary and waited until I was at the size I wanted to be to completely go full force into buying a new closet full of clothes.
Just continue to stay positive and remind yourself.. regardless of how much you have lost or how much you have to go - that you are taking the time and effort to make a difference in your life. It is very motivating and uplifting to think that you are doing everything in your power to better yourself. No scale can trump the feeling I get from looking at my food diary and seeing that I am making the right choices.
Feel free to add if you are looking for more support! Good Luck
WOW!! After reading your bio and this response, all I can say is WOW!! :noway: You are such an inspiration and I KNOW your parents are sooooo proud of you. Being a mom of a special needs young man (24 years old) I commend you for wanting to go into the field. YOU ARE GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!!
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I agree with everyone else who has recommended that you take pictures, to motivate you, and to remind yourself of just how much you have accomplished. I have an album on FB, where I periodically add photos, and I only have it viewable to people who are supportive, or are close enough to me, that I want to share my progress with them. I've lost slowly enough, that I don't see a difference in myself, so having pictures to look at, and compare side by side, is helpful to me. It will take a long time for your brain to catch up with your body, but eventually it will
Another tip I have, is to not keep wearing (and don't actually keep them either) your old 'fat' clothes. I have lost more than 60 pounds over the last 2 years, and although I've done a bit of up and down (like most people do, with a few large plateaus in there as well), not having the next size up in pants to throw on, has been a big motivator for me. I've got a few friends who are losing as well, and I've passed along a lot of my clothes to them, or I've consigned the nicer work items I used to have, from when I had a down town office job.
A friend of mine, who lost 50 pounds, recommended to me that I go out and buy an outfit that is a size smaller than I currently wear, as a mini goal outfit. Then I can put it on periodically, and be motivated all over again, to fit into it. Well, I jumped into that with both feet, and I bought a fitted $300+ leather motorcycle jacket in November. I can currently get it on, but doing it up, it looks tight. But I can wear it as a dressy accessory to many outfits, without needing to do it up currently, and I can't wait until it fits even better.
Consignment shops, kijiji/craigslist and the thrift stores are a great place to shop for in-between sizes as well, but I really enjoy shopping in stores as well.
Set goals, and celebrate your scale and non-scale successes! Take compliments from people, and keep lists of all the things that have changed, since you've become healthier. I did a huge list up once I lost 50 pounds, and it was crazy! Everything from going up stairs, to having my ugly steel-toed work boots fit better; the list was huge! I wish I had taken more photos of my whole body when I weighed more, but like most people, I avoided the camera, or only took head shots (and then the weird 'surprise' photos of you that others take, at weird angles, and when you are doing odd things, like eating at a party!).0 -
The other thing I wish I would have prepared for is shopping. It sounds silly, but it can be really hard to wrap your head around! I find myself still drifting to the larger clothing in stores, even though it's nowhere close to fitting me. I remember walking into a store and trying on a dress, then asking the sales lady for a size smaller. She looked at the size on the dress when I handed it to her, and actually said "are you nuts? This definitely won't fit you!". Eventually though your mind starts to catch up with your body
Yep!
I agree totally! I actually had a wonderful experience, shopping for that leather jacket I mentioned above. The woman at the store was wonderful. I mentioned that I had lost 50 pounds recently, and because of that, I wasn't sure if they would have a size to fit me, or if my bat-wing arms would fit into something that was so fitted (like the style I wanted), and she said told me that in 'regular size clothes' that the arms would be smaller, but that I shouldn't have an issue. It was crazy, I thought, that she saw me as being a 'regular sized clothing wearer' as I am still shopping in the plus stores/sections. It was an amazing confidence booster to hear someone say that they thought I was a normal size! I haven't been a normal size since grade 9!
(I know that she was also likely trying to make a sale of a pricier item, so she might have been stretching the truth a little, as I still feel like I look plus sized, but it was nice, none the less).
Oh, and buy shaping garments, if you are going to wear clingly tops/skirts. I feel so much more confident, when my extra skin isn't flopping around/bulging out weirdly, like it is, in my current profile picture. That top fits so much nicer, over a shaping camisole, and with a good bra! (bye bye apparent muffin top!)0 -
Work on basing most of your self-esteem on competence (being proud of things you're good at) rather than appearance. Liking yourself at any weight helps prevent self-esteem issues that can arise with weight loss (or gain).
Take progress pics regularly. I wish now that I'd taken some in the very beginning, but I didn't. When you have "but I don't feel like I look different" thoughts, you can see the difference in your pictures.0 -
I have a couple of friends who apparently weren't such great friends because they are threatened/upset by me suddenly being smaller than they are. It makes me feel like I was serving the purpose of being the fat friend and self esteem booster, you know, "Oh well I'm not as fat as HER so I'm okay". That can be weird to deal with.
^ This
I've been surprised by the lack of support I've received from my female friends. Most of them ignore my weight loss altogether or have to one up me in their conversations.
One of my New Year's resolutions was to rid myself of these toxic friends, and for the most part, I've been able to. I'd rather have a couple of good friends that support me through it all than have a dozen fair weather friends.0 -
After losing my weight I still have moments of feeling fat, I will grab my chin to be sure I didn't grown the 2 other chins back. My personality is still the same but my attitude on life and everything else has changed for the better. When you change your body, you're mind and attitude will change.
You can't prepare yourself for that, just be in control of not becoming a self righteous know it all lol. I still lack confidence but my confidence has grown a lot since I lost the weight.
I have had "Friends" leave my side and turn on me, I've had family turn on me. That was their issue not mine. I can't worry about other people, I have had to surround myself with like minded people and positive people, those people have helped me become a better me.0 -
thanks all for sharing, very interesting stuff0
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It's all up to you and your state of mind. I like the old adage to set the stage - How does one person eat an elephant? (One bite at a time).
It's important to realize that even today you are much better off then you were before losing 5 lbs. When you get to 10 lbs, celebrate that accomplishment! This is a case to continually celebrate how far you've come, not how far you have to go. Hence concentrate on one bite at a time, or maybe for the people on this forum concentrate on one less bit at a time.
In my personal case, I never started with the goal of losing 100 pounds, or now 123 lbs, or next 130 lbs. I started with wanting a healthier me. I started on the treadmill 6 days a week, it became a habit and a lifestyle change. I then started eating better since it didn't make sense to burn 600 calories on the treadmill and then eat a half of pizza. When I got to 25 lbs lost, I thought that is really cool, when I got to 50 lbs lost, I thought I'm not sure where this will all end, but I don't think I'll ever be back to where I started. I then started to focus on 100 lbs lost and started to look at goals, not because that is where I need to be, but just to have a goal.
If I never lose another pound I know that I'm much better off today than I was 111 pounds ago. I'm still overweight, some would say I'm still a fatty, but if they only knew where I was they'd just smile and "high 5" me!0 -
I love that you touched on somehting I've been feeling. You said that one should not look so far ahead....that can be overwhelming. It is the food and workouts that make me feel so good about myself. I started with a personal trainer. The first day I could barely get through the warm up. Now I work out an hour 4-5 days per week and strength and stamina are through the roof.
I started dieting on the New Years Day and I'm down 9 pounds in 13 days. I'm excited but hope it keeps going. Day by Day.0 -
The other posters have given you great advice! I really like the idea of making a NSV list--something I try to acknowledge to myself frequently even though I don't write them down. For example, I can jog up four flights of stairs now, something I couldn't have dreamed of doing a year ago. As someone else said, it's a journey, not a destination so enjoy the ride.0
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As you lose weight, you should look at it as a process of educating yourself on food. I felt like because I found great passion on other things besides just losing weight. Most importantly it should be about beginning a lifelong journey of eating food that is beneficial for your body.
As for dealing with changes, my mood has constantly been on the upswing. I take many pictures of myself to document progress. Now when i am having a day where I'm like.. "Wow, I look like I've put on 10 pounds." I have a photo of me at 10 pounds heavier that I can look at and say nevermind. Sounds silly and borderline conceited but it really helps me.
The biggest challenge I have had has been financially supporting a wardrobe that aligns with my success. The goodwill has been my best friend because I didn't like when my clothes were baggy on me but didn't want to spend the retail amount of new clothes. I saw the weight loss clothes as just temporary and waited until I was at the size I wanted to be to completely go full force into buying a new closet full of clothes.
Just continue to stay positive and remind yourself.. regardless of how much you have lost or how much you have to go - that you are taking the time and effort to make a difference in your life. It is very motivating and uplifting to think that you are doing everything in your power to better yourself. No scale can trump the feeling I get from looking at my food diary and seeing that I am making the right choices.
Feel free to add if you are looking for more support! Good Luck
WOW!! After reading your bio and this response, all I can say is WOW!! :noway: You are such an inspiration and I KNOW your parents are sooooo proud of you. Being a mom of a special needs young man (24 years old) I commend you for wanting to go into the field. YOU ARE GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!!
Thank you for the kind words. We are all awesome!0 -
BUMP!! LOVE ALL OF THESE RESPONSES!!0
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These changes have been the most difficult part of the process for me, and entirely unexpected (although I kind of fell into this without ever setting out or planning to lose weight/be healthy).
It took over a year for me to "see" the non-morbidly obese version of me in the mirror (I was a size 6 but still saw a size 22/24 in the mirror). I saw pictures of myself (as a size 6) and had no idea who the person in the photo was. I just couldn't connect that image to my picture of myself. As a morbidly obese person, your every action is judged-from your food choices to where to park, how you walk, how you dress, how you look, and despite all that judgement-you're invisible. Regular-sized people (even "just" overweight people) aren't subject to this kind of scrutiny. It's been very disconcerting to adjust to no longer being simultaneously invisible and judged. It's not that attentions are bad or good-but they are new, and very unsettling. For me, it's not that I disliked myself when I was morbidly obese, but so much of my day to day interaction with others and my lifestyle revolved around being morbidly obese. Stupid stuff even like not making a certain recipe because I couldn't stand for as long as required to make it or making it my husband's chore to bring the laundry to and from the basement because I physically could not get myself and the laundry up and down the stairs. It's not about liking myself or self confidence or self esteem for me, it's that every single aspect of my life has changed so very drastically. It's like learning to get to know a whole new person-only that person is you. So you have to unlearn the person you knew as yourself and learn the new person and how that person lives.
Eating better, getting some exercise, weathering the ups and downs-that's the "easy" part.0
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