Friends not supportive?

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harley_rose
harley_rose Posts: 236
in Motivation and Support
I have been on MFP back in 2011/2012 and I am back..Hi y'all...but my subject here is my friend not supportive.

I have a close friend of 18 yrs that says I am obsessing over my calories and working out. I am trying to get back to a Normal BMI, so I am watching my calories (going over some days) and working out two days on, one day off, my workout consist of 5 minute treadmill with incline of 10 and speed of 3.3, then 5 minutes of weights training target two muscle groups, then back to treadmill for 5 with the same setting. I do this for 50 minutes now..

The problem here is my friend thinks I am over doing it, when in the past two months I have lost 12lbs which is only average of 6lbs per month.

She got the lap band on her stomach to which her doctor informed her he will not tighten again until she starts working out and eating properly. Yet she is judging me on doing MFP.

Does anyone else have friends like this? How do you handle them?
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Replies

  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    It sounds like jealousy on her part. She's seeing your success and the results of your hard work, and probably hasn't seen that much on her end.

    I have one friend who had the same thing, but she only lost 45lbs. She's gained that back and then some. I don't talk about what I'm doing on here with her anymore, because it feels like she belittles the success I've had so far by just watching my calories. She comes up with a dozen excuses as to why she can't do the same. I just don't have these conversations with certain people anymore.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Nope I don't keep negative people around me. Better for my mental health.
  • Efflictim
    Efflictim Posts: 147 Member
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    Pure jealousy. Surround yourself with positives not negatives.
  • LosingItForGood13
    LosingItForGood13 Posts: 182 Member
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    Negativity I don't deal with too well sounds like your friend is mad at your weight loss and if the doc is telling her to get her butt in the gym then she needs to be right there beside you supporting instead of saying something about your workout schedule really smh
  • rjordan1985
    rjordan1985 Posts: 11 Member
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    Try your best to be positive, motivational, inspirational and hope it rubs off :)
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
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    Get rid of her.
  • journey_man
    journey_man Posts: 110 Member
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    Limit your discussions of the subject with her.
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
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    Break up.
  • Erin_goBrahScience
    Erin_goBrahScience Posts: 1,215 Member
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    Generally speaking I don't talk about my fitness or nutrition with friends. If they make a comment or ask, I am more than happy but I don't lead off conversations about it.

    I have dealt with the unsupportive friend. The one that directly tries to sabotage you, the one that talks down your efforts. It's never actually about you its really about them. They don't want you to change because they don't want to change or see things lacking in themselves.

    It's hard but sometimes you just have to go at it alone. Remind yourself that what you are doing is for you and *kitten* the rest of the world. Don't seek approval just do what makes you the happiest and the healthiest (inside and out).

    Your friends and family will just have to fall in line. But if you wait for them to get onboard you may be waiting forever.
  • lbigham1
    lbigham1 Posts: 132
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    Someone very close to me once told me I was insecure because I count calories. Lol! Whuuuuuttttt???

    Anyway, there will always be people who have negative things to say about the positive things you are doing in your life. You just have to keep doing what you do for YOU and allow others to have their opinions (you can't change that). It is, however, your choice whether or not those people will remain in your circle.
  • DeltaZero
    DeltaZero Posts: 1,197 Member
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    Step 1: Delete non-supportive friends from MFP, this isn't facebook.

    Step 2: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    Step 3: Don't adhere to BMI
  • megan1869
    megan1869 Posts: 166 Member
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    lap band = weight loss cheating as far as I'm concerned!
  • Linasanz83
    Linasanz83 Posts: 11 Member
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    it sounds like she is probably wishing she could have been more discipline in her health like you are. instead she took the surgery road. thats her struggle. don't let that affect you even thought u care for her. just focus on your goal. just say u appreciate her concern but ur working on being a ninja and thats how you are going to reach the healthy weight you want. you have friends here who understand you so talk to us. we have your back :)
  • dczebiniak
    dczebiniak Posts: 14 Member
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    Hi, Welcome back. I just came back myself. Just agree to disagree with her and then find a different supposrt system. I dont have that many friends but the ones I have are supportive!!
  • lewismommy4
    lewismommy4 Posts: 2
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    Definetly a jealousy issue which is very sad. Just because she has been a close friend for 18 years doesn't mean she is a true one. Surround yourself with positivity! Good luck!
  • rennacoco
    rennacoco Posts: 25
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    unfortunately, a lot of people out there are like this. personally, i don't have any friends like this, but one of my close friends is dealing with a situation similar to this. in my opinion, i think people like this are jealous. they are upset at themselves because THEY can't put in the hard work and because of that they express it negatively towards those who are putting in the work. it's jealousy. brush it off.
  • lewismommy4
    lewismommy4 Posts: 2
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    Agreed!!
  • srcardinal10
    srcardinal10 Posts: 387 Member
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    Try your best to be positive, motivational, inspirational and hope it rubs off :)

    ^^^this.

    Depending on what the nature of the friendship is, it might be time to distance yourself too. You don't negative people in your life when you're clearly making such positive strides. You're eating well (hopefully) and exercising. "Athletes eat and train. They don't diet and exercise." Keep that in mind and enjoy your transformation.
  • harley_rose
    harley_rose Posts: 236
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    Thanks for the responses, I guess I never thought she would be jealous but she very well could be. I guess since we talk about everything I thought I could with the weight loss and exercise.

    She was a friend on MFP, but since deleted her.
  • Bebubble
    Bebubble Posts: 938 Member
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    I think you have been friends for 18 years is a long time. I bet she cares about you, this might be a way she is showing it. And she might just be a bit jealous of you. After all she has had to resort to surgery. It is truly no one business as to how you lose weight or even if you do so. Just as it is with gaining weight. I do not know you or her. But maybe you speak of your work out, weight loss a lot. Try not to mention it any more. Make new friends that you can talk "work out" with! If she brings it up. Change the subject. Or try and encourage her to work with you, not against you.

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