I'm literally terrified of what I'm about to do tomorrow...

lbelsches1 · January 2014

Tomorrow will be yet another attempt (this will be the 3rd attempt) at joining a gym...

The first few times I ended up breaking down and went on a crazy binge on fast food... and instead of pushing myself to just work through my problems and go to the gym anyway, I just cancelled the membership.

I know that my expectations (although I thought were realistic at the time) were WAY too high back then. I went too hard too fast and ultimately set myself up for failure. I'm super morbidly obese (currently 315lbs, 5ft 6in) and have self esteem issues. Losing 1lb a week just wasn't what was gonna work for me at the time. I wasn't satisfied unless I lost 3 or more pounds per week and after losing the initial 20lbs, I had a difficult time losing anything else which left me seriously discouraged.

I learned from my past mistakes and have had better success at weight loss *now* than I ever had before in the past even though I've started out this last month dieting alone (for mobility/medical reasons)... But I'm still terrified to go in tomorrow even with my new found confidence.

I have no idea why but I have this serious feeling of terror that I can't seem to shake. I can't quite pinpoint why I feel this way, but I do.

I don't know if it's because I'm going to feel like the largest person in the room (and I probably will be), or if it's just because i'm THAT terrified to fail again. It could be both things that's causing this anxiety for all I know. I just don't know how to shake it though.

I don't think i'd actually seriously NOT go tomorrow, but I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind... Like I'm so scared, that maybe I should wait. But I can't wait any longer. This year is my final attempt to lose weight on my own (my medical history folder is literally too big for a 3 inch binder) or else I'll have to resort to surgical intervention (lap-band)... I don't want to keep pushing it back farther and farther until I get to a point where I give up again.

It's strange because I've been in a gym before... I have never experienced any sort of fear or anxiety/panic when I joined or even when I went and actually worked out... So this is totally a new reaction for me.

I can't be the only person that felt anxiety regarding this sorta thing... So, I was hoping maybe you all could share your own experiences and share a little advice or tips to help me in my attempt to get over this by tomorrow.

Thanks for reading!

[EDIT]: Hopefully this is in the right place. If not, kindly direct me, and I'll gladly delete this and put it where it belongs!

meshashesha2012 · January 2014

dont be terrified. you can do this!

what exactly terrifies you about the gym? if it's because you think people wll be staring at you then just know that most people wont even be paying attention to you.

just get a tour of the facilities, ask questions about what the gym culture is like, when are the busy times, etc. get your free sessions with the personal trainer and to get the most out of that give them more specific goals than just weight loss. something like being able to eventually do 20 full pushups, being able to run a mile non stop, being able to increase your flexibility etc. these goals wil also help keep you on track because you can have those to focus on if you ever have weeks when the scale isnt showing progress.

also remember to take measurements and pictures!

i'm also a big believer in visualization, so just imagining yourself walking in and feeling confident. imagine how proud after your first workout, your 10th, your 100th etc.

good luck!

jaz050465 · January 2014

Good luck. How about starting a blog or a journal, sometimes writing down feelings help. DEFINITELY KEEP US INFORMED ABOUT HOW YOU're getting on.
sending friend request

resolv13 · January 2014

To me it sounds like you are more afraid of failing than you are actually afraid of the gym. The gym reminds you of past failures. But, many of us on MFP (including myself) will tell you, that we have fallen off the wagon, only to have to get back on and start over again. Sometimes better than we left off… and in my case… sometimes much worse. But, we can't let past failures define who we are… its about moving forward. Who cares if you are the biggest person in the gym that day… if you keep in this path one day you may be the smallest. Everyone in that gym is there because they are working towards their own best self. And if anything they will be happy to help, and happy for you when you reach your goals. Don't be afraid. Be excited! This is your year! You are GOING TO DO THIS! You are going to lay it all down in that gym tomorrow and SWEAT!

Therealobi1 · January 2014

hiyah u will get used to the gym once u keep going try out some classes like spinning . you get a good workout plus everyone friendly in classes.

remember gym is not the only way. i used fitness blender.com and hasfit.com. both great websites.

good luck

mockchoc · January 2014

There is no reason you have to use a gym though so if you feel uncomfortable so much it makes you quit then why not just walk as long and as briskly as you can and build it up from there or do something like swimming .. anything you feel more comfortable doing. I am very close to goal weight and I still don't feel comfortable there, forcing myself though only because I have started weight training and don't have what I want at home.

RamonaFr · January 2014

I did two years of regular training in a gym, starting at more weight than you currently have. I was afraid people would be unkind, but, frankly, no one is paying attention. They're all staring into the mirrors at themselves while they work out. I relaxed and got on with it.

kathymcpick · January 2014

I know how you feel and I am proud of you for even trying. Good luck tomorrow. I hope you go and do something FUN! Sometimes I go with no intention but to stretch and lift small weights...inevitably...since I am there I will get on the elliptical for 30 minutes or so...and maybe walk on the treadmill. Enjoy it and let us know how you did. Cheering you on!

verptwerp · January 2014

Best of luck to you ....... relax, take a deep breath ...... and remember that baby steps work well, you don't have to run a marathon tomorrow :drinker:

stplatt · January 2014

You Go Girl!!!! Great job making the decision to get out there. My wife was about the same size as you are when she started her journey a couple of years ago. It took a lot of time in the gym, but she was able to do it. Did she feel conspicuous going to the gym?? YUP!! Did she care??? Yup, well at first anyway. Who wouldn't. Going to the gym is kind of like hiring a housekeeper. People hire a housekeeper and then feel the need to clean the house before the housekeeper comes. What's up with that???

People have this way of thinking that says people of size do not belong in the gym. After all, if they wanted to work out, why haven't they started before now? What a bunch of hogwash.

Do unfit people BELONG in the gym? Do sick people BELONG in the hospital? Do broken down vehicles BELONG in the mechanics shop? Does a politician BELONG in a reformatory??? (ok....bad analogy, but aint it true?)

YOU BELONG THERE!!! You DESERVE to be there. Don't let that thing between your ears talk you out of it. You have been playing those same recordings in your head over, and over, and over again. Time to get a new recording.

YOU DESERVE to do it. YOU CAN do it, And YOU DON'T CARE what anyone else thinks. You are not on this journey for them, you are on it for you.

When my wife went to the gym, she DID feel self conscious, but you know what happened? After a few weeks, everyone got used to seeing her. She KEPT COMING BACK!!. After a few more weeks, they kept watching. After a few more, she was getting comments on how much SHE inspired THEM!!! Do WHAT??? Yup. Athletes RESPECT dedication no matter how far your journey will be.

BE THE ONE!!!!

Don't whimp out. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH!!!!

Face the demons, look them in the eye, and then kick them in the butt.

They won't be gone forever, but they will be gone long enough to workout. Then the next day when you drive up to the gym..(see above paragraph). and the next day, and the next.

Two LBS a week is good. that is 100 LBS in a year. Yup, we are talking years. You didn't put this weight on overnight, You won't take it off before NEXT New Years Day. That's ok. Change your thinking, Change your life.

Blessings,
Steven

lbelsches1 · January 2014

dont be terrified. you can do this!

what exactly terrifies you about the gym? if it's because you think people wll be staring at you then just know that most people wont even be paying attention to you.

just get a tour of the facilities, ask questions about what the gym culture is like, when are the busy times, etc. get your free sessions with the personal trainer and to get the most out of that give them more specific goals than just weight loss. something like being able to eventually do 20 full pushups, being able to run a mile non stop, being able to increase your flexibility etc. these goals wil also help keep you on track because you can have those to focus on if you ever have weeks when the scale isnt showing progress.

also remember to take measurements and pictures!

i'm also a big believer in visualization, so just imagining yourself walking in and feeling confident. imagine how proud after your first workout, your 10th, your 100th etc.

good luck!

Thanks so much for your reply!!

As for taking the tour of the gym... I actually already have. This is a gym that I've been to before. That's what's so confusing to me. I've been here before, but I'm downright terrified.

I need to take "before" pictures... I think i'm kinda nervous about that. I do my best to stay as far away from full body mirrors as I can. I never dress in my bedroom because of the fact that my closet doors are GIGANTIC MIRRORS. But it needs to be done... and now that I'm thinking about it, seeing the before pictures as I go along might really help me... I guess I'm just a little skeptical that these pictures will come in handy any time soon. I'm HUGE. It would take A LOT of weight loss to actually see results. I've lost 5lbs. I doubt another 5 or 10 will have me looking much different.. But maybe I shouldn't even be worrying about that right now.

And I'm going to try to visualize myself walking in confident... I really wanna do this. It's long overdue! I just really hope that I have what it takes to stick to it this time. I'm going EXTREMELY slow at this just to ensure I don't hit the gas too hard like I did previous times... But I still worry I'm going to set myself up for failure.

halobender · January 2014

To me it sounds like you are more afraid of failing than you are actually afraid of the gym.

I agree with this statement.

There is no reason you have to use a gym though so if you feel uncomfortable so much it makes you quit then why not just walk as long and as briskly as you can and build it up from there or do something like swimming .. anything you feel more comfortable doing.

And I also agree with this sentiment.

I have some severe anxiety issues on occasion and, incidentally, gyms are one of those places that do that to me if for no other reason than I feel out of place. If you don't feel right there then that's not necessarily a problem so long as you can make yourself commit to something outside of a gym—for example if you can commit to walking for an hour four or five days a week and, perhaps, doing a pushups challenge. Cycling would be ideal, but that can be difficult, though I would encourage it—it's what started my transition from fat to healthy.

Anyway, best of luck. Whatever you decide to do (and if you've already got a membership and are paying a monthly due, you really should stick with the gym and, if nothing else, just do cardio for a while) just STICK WITH IT. That is more important than anything else.

lbelsches1 · January 2014

Good luck. How about starting a blog or a journal, sometimes writing down feelings help. DEFINITELY KEEP US INFORMED ABOUT HOW YOU're getting on.
sending friend request

Yeah, I was thinking about perhaps giving my fitness and diet blog another go. I'ts a private blog, so it would act as a virtual diary... I had it before but because I kept failing, I just left it to "collect dust" (internet dust anyway, lol) but maybe it's time I use it again. Thank you for your input!!! I will be definitely posting more when I've got progress to talk about!

Nicolee_2014 · January 2014

I used to have that phobia of everyone was going to look at me etc. but at the end of the day, at least you are there doing something about getting fit & healthy.

Don't worry. You will be fine. Just do it :flowerforyou:

nicole_skalski · January 2014

There is no need to be scared, and if you feel yourself slipping into that territory, take a brake and step back for a while. That is so much better for you than just binging and going crazy. I have had problems throughout my whole life, as long as I can remember, with binge eating and what is important to keep in mind is YOU ARE NOT EATING BECAUSE YOU ARE HUNGRY. You are eating because you are experiencing something emotional and upsetting and food is your outlet. Find a new outlet. If you feel overwhelmed by the gym, take a day and stay home and read. Maybe paint, draw, art, whatever. But don't overeat, or try not to, because this will just make you feel even more discouraged. I really know how you feel right now, but remember that we all have your back and we are supporting you and you have come so far. Joining a gym is just another step in your path to your goal. That is so terrific and we are all so proud here at MFP. We all want to see you succeed, and we all know you can. We are rooting for you and we look forward to hearing how it goes. If you ever need to talk or vent, please feel free to message me, okay? Good luck

Much love, Nicole

lbelsches1 · January 2014

To me it sounds like you are more afraid of failing than you are actually afraid of the gym. The gym reminds you of past failures. But, many of us on MFP (including myself) will tell you, that we have fallen off the wagon, only to have to get back on and start over again. Sometimes better than we left off… and in my case… sometimes much worse. But, we can't let past failures define who we are… its about moving forward. Who cares if you are the biggest person in the gym that day… if you keep in this path one day you may be the smallest. Everyone in that gym is there because they are working towards their own best self. And if anything they will be happy to help, and happy for you when you reach your goals. Don't be afraid. Be excited! This is your year! You are GOING TO DO THIS! You are going to lay it all down in that gym tomorrow and SWEAT!

You're probably right about failing being what I'm actually terrified of... Thinking about it now makes me feel like utter crap. You're absolutely right. It reminds me of past failures.

I would put a LOT of time and energy into these gyms the days i'd go, but it never lasted longer than a month... I know now that the last two times I tried the gym, I had unrealistic expectations of myself and my diet/fitness goals, but even though I know better now, I'm still afraid of failing.

I have a 3 year old little boy... I have heard a lot more horror stories than success stories about the lap-bad so the thought of actually risking my life because my health pretty much left me no other options, makes me sick... Knowing that I can do something RIGHT NOW is what's keeping me going... But at the same time, I'm my own worst enemy.

Fast food is my Achilles heel. On the days I'd feel down whether it be because the scale wasn't moving, or because LIFE in general had me down, I would turn to fast food. I'd say "one burger!"... then it was two... then three... Then the large fries... then the fudge sunday... And because I felt like such a failure for binging that day, The next day I'd be like "Well, I already screwed everything up by eating what I ate yesterday... so what if I do it again today"... And at that point it was too late.

I don't want to do that anymore. But you're right... I can't let it define me. I just hope that now that I'm more active here in MFP than I ever was before, I have the support that I was missing all those other times. I can come on here and open myself up to people and get encouragement rather than be "fat shamed". That's a HUGE help.

lbelsches1 · January 2014

I used to have that phobia of everyone was going to look at me etc. but at the end of the day, at least you are there doing something about getting fit & healthy.

Don't worry. You will be fine. Just do it :flowerforyou:

Thank you very much!

"just do it"... that's precisely what I gotta do. All you guys responding to me here are helping me psych myself up to do just that!!! You guys are all awesome!

kickassketo · January 2014

You Go Girl!!!! Great job making the decision to get out there. My wife was about the same size as you are when she started her journey a couple of years ago. It took a lot of time in the gym, but she was able to do it. Did she feel conspicuous going to the gym?? YUP!! Did she care??? Yup, well at first anyway. Who wouldn't. Going to the gym is kind of like hiring a housekeeper. People hire a housekeeper and then feel the need to clean the house before the housekeeper comes. What's up with that???

People have this way of thinking that says people of size do not belong in the gym. After all, if they wanted to work out, why haven't they started before now? What a bunch of hogwash.

Do unfit people BELONG in the gym? Do sick people BELONG in the hospital? Do broken down vehicles BELONG in the mechanics shop? Does a politician BELONG in a reformatory??? (ok....bad analogy, but aint it true?)

YOU BELONG THERE!!! You DESERVE to be there. Don't let that thing between your ears talk you out of it. You have been playing those same recordings in your head over, and over, and over again. Time to get a new recording.

YOU DESERVE to do it. YOU CAN do it, And YOU DON'T CARE what anyone else thinks. You are not on this journey for them, you are on it for you.

When my wife went to the gym, she DID feel self conscious, but you know what happened? After a few weeks, everyone got used to seeing her. She KEPT COMING BACK!!. After a few more weeks, they kept watching. After a few more, she was getting comments on how much SHE inspired THEM!!! Do WHAT??? Yup. Athletes RESPECT dedication no matter how far your journey will be.

BE THE ONE!!!!

Don't whimp out. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH!!!!

Face the demons, look them in the eye, and then kick them in the butt.

They won't be gone forever, but they will be gone long enough to workout. Then the next day when you drive up to the gym..(see above paragraph). and the next day, and the next.

Two LBS a week is good. that is 100 LBS in a year. Yup, we are talking years. You didn't put this weight on overnight, You won't take it off before NEXT New Years Day. That's ok. Change your thinking, Change your life.

Blessings,
Steven

Steven, I just wanted to tell you how powerful and moving your comment was. It brought tears to my eyes. You are clearly a special person. Thank you for your contribution to others.

stplatt · January 2014

"Fast food is my Achilles heel. On the days I'd feel down whether it be because the scale wasn't moving, or because LIFE in general had me down, I would turn to fast food. I'd say "one burger!"... then it was two... then three... Then the large fries... then the fudge sunday... And because I felt like such a failure for binging that day, The next day I'd be like "Well, I already screwed everything up by eating what I ate yesterday... so what if I do it again today"... And at that point it was too late. "

When I started, I still ate fast food. Fast food is ok. It is not the best, but calories are calories. You can eat fast food IF IF IF IF you log what you eat and stay within your calorie budget. Is that the BEST way??? I'm not saying that it is. But don't try to change EVERYTHING overnight. Focus on workouts and eating. When you have eaten your limit for the day?? YOU ARE DONE!!!! I went hungry several nights at first until I got the hang of things.

Blessings,
Steven

lbelsches1 · January 2014

To me it sounds like you are more afraid of failing than you are actually afraid of the gym.

I agree with this statement.

There is no reason you have to use a gym though so if you feel uncomfortable so much it makes you quit then why not just walk as long and as briskly as you can and build it up from there or do something like swimming .. anything you feel more comfortable doing.

And I also agree with this sentiment.

I have some severe anxiety issues on occasion and, incidentally, gyms are one of those places that do that to me if for no other reason than I feel out of place. If you don't feel right there then that's not necessarily a problem so long as you can make yourself commit to something outside of a gym—for example if you can commit to walking for an hour four or five days a week and, perhaps, doing a pushups challenge. Cycling would be ideal, but that can be difficult, though I would encourage it—it's what started my transition from fat to healthy.

Anyway, best of luck. Whatever you decide to do (and if you've already got a membership and are paying a monthly due, you really should stick with the gym and, if nothing else, just do cardio for a while) just STICK WITH IT. That is more important than anything else.

Thank you for your response.

I am one of those that *need* the gym... I won't do it otherwise...

Actually, I was all geared up to do it for free... I definitely didn't ant to have to pay for a membership! What happened that made me decide to get a membership was when I went walking for the first time in a while. I have a lot of medical issues that don't allow me to do any sort of physical exertion without excruciating pain, but regardless of that, I decided if I could just walk up and down my street with my little boy a few times, that'd be better than sitting on my butt. While I was walking, this man living down the street I was walking decided to yell out "FASTER FATTY"... That pretty much killed it for me.

I'm sure most that would read that would just roll their eyes and say "suck it up!" but I definitely don't have "thick skin". I'm a very sensitive person, and that was something that definitely ruined exercising on my own for me.

Now i'm sure the question would be "what if someone does something similar when you're in the gym"... I think I have more push to stay because I'll have monthly dues and would rather not have to pay to cut a contract... again. At least at a gym, every one is going there to do the same thing... No one is watching me like i'm a circus freak like that man down that street was.

But you're right. I need to stick with it! And I fully intend to. Like someone else said.. This is MY year. I have all the reason and push to do it, and now that I have the support of the MFP community, I feel like things will be so much more different than they were before.

lbelsches1 · January 2014

hiyah u will get used to the gym once u keep going try out some classes like spinning . you get a good workout plus everyone friendly in classes.

remember gym is not the only way. i used fitness blender.com and hasfit.com. both great websites.

good luck

Classes I definitely want to try! Spinning, not so much... I have condramalasia patella in both my knees so those spinning classes make my knees make this AWFUL crunching sound and they hurt like the worst pain you could imagine... I can do the elliptical bike though!!! There's no class for that, but it's something.

I'm hoping that once i'm down at least a hundred pounds, i'll be able to do classes like that... I'm hoping that hundred pounds stops the crunching in my knees because those spinning classes look like so much fun!

Thank you for those website suggestions too, i'll look into them!

I'm literally terrified of what I'm about to do tomorrow...

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