My friends tell me I'm too skinny and that I look sick

lauraspberry
lauraspberry Posts: 655 Member
in Motivation and Support
It honestly bothers me that everytime they see me they tell me to eat more. I have never starved myself in this journey, I just calorie counted and worked out. It makes me sad that they doesn't seem to be happy about my progress at all :( good thing my boyfriend always reassure me that I look great but still, I love my friends and they do seem genuinely concerned but idk why my looks come off as sickly when I am eating clean and working out :(
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Replies

  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    If that is you in the picture then you are definitely not starving. The problem, and it is real, is that such a large portion of our population is now overweight so it has become the new "normal" and people who are of a healthy weight are now seen as too skinny. Just ignore the stupidity and keep doing what you're doing.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Most people are idiots. Just dismiss them.
  • Efflictim
    Efflictim Posts: 147 Member
    I hear that from my family all the time. But i ignore it. I worked hard to get to this point. You look very healthy and don't need to gain any weight. Stay positive.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    If that is you in the picture then you are definitely not starving. The problem, and it is real, is that such a large portion of our population is now overweight so it has become the new "normal" and people who are of a healthy weight are now seen as too skinny. Just ignore the stupidity and keep doing what you're doing.

    I agree. If that's you in your profile pic you look great and totally healthy.
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    I find that people often have a skewed opinion on what "healthy" looks like, because we have become so accustomed to seeing overweight people as the norm. You look fine to me.
    To give you an idea of this, when I was at my lowest weight (still healthy BMI) I was asked by several people if I had an eating disorder, and was told that "i need to eat".

    It is also possible that they are used to you at a higher weight, so you look small in comparison.
  • Willbenchforcupcakes
    Willbenchforcupcakes Posts: 4,955 Member
    If that is you in the picture then you are definitely not starving. The problem, and it is real, is that such a large portion of our population is now overweight so it has become the new "normal" and people who are of a healthy weight are now seen as too skinny. Just ignore the stupidity and keep doing what you're doing.

    I agree. If that's you in your profile pic you look great and totally healthy.

    x3
  • DancingMoosie
    DancingMoosie Posts: 8,619 Member
    Perhaps you lost a lot of fat from your face/upper body, and look very different to your formerly heavier self? I know that I lost more weight from my face and upper body before losing it from the lower body. That, and the fact that the skin doesn't bounce back tightly immediately. People who hadn't seen me in a while wondered if I was sick. My face isn't as plump, full and youthful looking. Once they were assured that I was fine, and losing in a healthy way, they were ok with it. Your friends just want to make sure you are ok. Sudden weight loss can sometimes be an indication of illness. At least they are showing that they care about you.
  • sarafischbach9
    sarafischbach9 Posts: 466 Member
    If that's you in your pic, then I think you look fine! A very normal, healthy look!

    I'm not sure what makes them think that. Do they know what starvation really looks like?

    Like others said, I think people have skewed perceptions of body images.

    I'm just waiting for it to happen to me by my family members... Once I get down to my goal weight ( which is still healthy but at the lower end of the range ) they will complain!
  • acogg
    acogg Posts: 1,870 Member
    I went through that time. Now everyone remembers me as I am now. It's more about their memory of you than about you.
  • Amestris
    Amestris Posts: 152 Member
    Ugh tell me about it. I am constantly being told by my friends and family that I am getting to small. I'm not even in the healthy BMI range yet. I know BMI isn't the end all be all. I think we have become so accustomed to seeing overweight individuals as a society that people don't really know what a healthy normal weight looks like. I think for me since I've been overweight most of my life me being large was normal. People just need to accept that you are changing as long as you are doing in a healthy way don't let it deter you from your goals.
  • mamacoates
    mamacoates Posts: 430 Member
    If these are friends you want to keep, have a heart to heart with them and let them know you are looking for their support and encouragement ... not the negativity and grief they are currently giving you. If that doesn't work, get new friends.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    I agree with others who have posted so far. But I have kind of a silly thing to bring up...just because I have known people in the past who fit this description...probably does not apply to you but I figured I'd say it anyway.

    Sometimes I think women who lose weight go from being very concerned/overly careful with their appearance to rather carefree when they are feeling more confident about their bodies. I've done this a bit myself, for example when I was 100 lb heavier I matched my bag to my outfit every day, took more time on choosing accessories, and usually felt that I "had to" try on more outfits in front of the mirror before settling on something to wear that day. I'm still overweight but now I feel pretty comfy in my clothes and just think "ok I'll wear those pants and that top" and wear it.

    I know a couple of women in particular who were always dressed to the nines, full makeup, hair done etc and when they lost weight (like 50+ lb or more) they lived in their workout gear, no makeup, pulled back hair. So they looked sick. Compared to before. It wasn't (just) the difference of weight loss.

    I'm not saying "go slather on some makeup". I'm just saying that if your style or grooming habits have also changed this could be part of the reason. Probably not...but maybe?
  • deepthavinay
    deepthavinay Posts: 13
    Same here! And I've only lost less than 10 lbs . Well as long as u are happy and healthy, it doesn't matter
  • livehealthier1
    livehealthier1 Posts: 56 Member
    This actually was said to me today. I am nearing my goal of 100lbs lost and then maybe 10 more..I think because I have been carrying this weight for over 10years some people forgot what I used to look like 3/4 of my life so far.Lol.
    You should continue your journey. Good luck to you
  • Dnarules
    Dnarules Posts: 2,081 Member
    I agree with others who have posted so far. But I have kind of a silly thing to bring up...just because I have known people in the past who fit this description...probably does not apply to you but I figured I'd say it anyway.

    Sometimes I think women who lose weight go from being very concerned/overly careful with their appearance to rather carefree when they are feeling more confident about their bodies. I've done this a bit myself, for example when I was 100 lb heavier I matched my bag to my outfit every day, took more time on choosing accessories, and usually felt that I "had to" try on more outfits in front of the mirror before settling on something to wear that day. I'm still overweight but now I feel pretty comfy in my clothes and just think "ok I'll wear those pants and that top" and wear it.

    I know a couple of women in particular who were always dressed to the nines, full makeup, hair done etc and when they lost weight (like 50+ lb or more) they lived in their workout gear, no makeup, pulled back hair. So they looked sick. Compared to before. It wasn't (just) the difference of weight loss.

    I'm not saying "go slather on some makeup". I'm just saying that if your style or grooming habits have also changed this could be part of the reason. Probably not...but maybe?

    From my experience, this seems to go the opposite way. I cared more after I lost weight. I did not care when I was obese.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Kind of an effed up thing for them to say to you, don't you think?
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
    I'd get that too and I'd still be like 20% body fat... people don't know **** and like to bring others down to make themselves feel better.

    I don't think anyone thinks I'm skinny now.. #bulkingseason
  • Supertact
    Supertact Posts: 466 Member
    If these are friends you want to keep, have a heart to heart with them and let them know you are looking for their support and encouragement ... not the negativity and grief they are currently giving you. If that doesn't work, get new friends.

    This will help me. My parents really bug me calling me anorexic which I am not and whether they are kidding or not it's still discouraging and a word I don't like being called.
  • MinimalistShoeAddict
    MinimalistShoeAddict Posts: 1,946 Member
    If that is you in the picture then you are definitely not starving. The problem, and it is real, is that such a large portion of our population is now overweight so it has become the new "normal" and people who are of a healthy weight are now seen as too skinny. Just ignore the stupidity and keep doing what you're doing.

    I agree completely!
  • jtyler83
    jtyler83 Posts: 28 Member
    hear that ish all the time

    eff em, honestly, if they keep at it

    if they just met you, they'd not say things like that. it just takes time for people to adjust
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    People are often uncomfortable when friends make significant positive changes in their lives, especially when it's progress on something they struggle with and are insecure about.
  • MrsAustin1480
    MrsAustin1480 Posts: 83 Member
    It is somewhat discouraging to hear when I'm just trying to be healthier and everyone tells me if I lose any more I'll look anorexic. Uhhh no. I know what I look like at my goal weight - that's why I picked it! I think it's also because I haven't bought ALL new clothes that fit quite yet so occasionally I do look sick due to my pants sagging or my shirts swallowing me.

    Just keep eating healthy and exercising - they'll notice how great you still look and hopefully how great you FEEL and will quit. :-)

    PS - I also take much better care of myself (fix my hair and do makeup and wear nice clothes) 10 times more now that I'm not carrying so much extra weight.
  • honey_bee_keysha
    honey_bee_keysha Posts: 773 Member
    My friends tell me this all the time. I just ignore them.
  • KBGAgent
    KBGAgent Posts: 165 Member
    I went through that time. Now everyone remembers me as I am now. It's more about their memory of you than about you.

    Most often this. Forgive and forget.
  • JenzL13
    JenzL13 Posts: 27
    Perhaps you lost a lot of fat from your face/upper body, and look very different to your formerly heavier self? I know that I lost more weight from my face and upper body before losing it from the lower body. That, and the fact that the skin doesn't bounce back tightly immediately. People who hadn't seen me in a while wondered if I was sick. My face isn't as plump, full and youthful looking. Once they were assured that I was fine, and losing in a healthy way, they were ok with it. Your friends just want to make sure you are ok. Sudden weight loss can sometimes be an indication of illness. At least they are showing that they care about you.

    ^This :flowerforyou:
  • meatpuppet999
    meatpuppet999 Posts: 16 Member
    they may just be bitter or jealous; it's sick but lots of people hate when others, even those they care about, are succeeding and making positive changes, i guess seeing how your life is improving makes them realize all the things about their lives they've been too lazy to fix. congratulations! and remember that in the end, the only person whose opinion matters is yours:wink:
  • lauraspberry
    lauraspberry Posts: 655 Member
    I agree with others who have posted so far. But I have kind of a silly thing to bring up...just because I have known people in the past who fit this description...probably does not apply to you but I figured I'd say it anyway.

    Sometimes I think women who lose weight go from being very concerned/overly careful with their appearance to rather carefree when they are feeling more confident about their bodies. I've done this a bit myself, for example when I was 100 lb heavier I matched my bag to my outfit every day, took more time on choosing accessories, and usually felt that I "had to" try on more outfits in front of the mirror before settling on something to wear that day. I'm still overweight but now I feel pretty comfy in my clothes and just think "ok I'll wear those pants and that top" and wear it.

    I know a couple of women in particular who were always dressed to the nines, full makeup, hair done etc and when they lost weight (like 50+ lb or more) they lived in their workout gear, no makeup, pulled back hair. So they looked sick. Compared to before. It wasn't (just) the difference of weight loss.

    I'm not saying "go slather on some makeup". I'm just saying that if your style or grooming habits have also changed this could be part of the reason. Probably not...but maybe?

    Not really. I love dreasing up and I am having even more fun dressing up my new body, I love fashion and putting on make up, that isnt really the case for me :):flowerforyou: that's why I feel bad because I feel pretty and I feel like I look better now but the people around me tell otherwise :(
  • lauraspberry
    lauraspberry Posts: 655 Member
    Thanks you guys, I really appreciate you all for sharing your stories. I am happy to know that this might be just a phase and it is a matter of "getting used to". Thank you <3
  • Itbeginswithyourself
    Itbeginswithyourself Posts: 287 Member
    I have been hearing this but I am still considered overweight and have 30 lbs to lose still to be healthy. Just consider it a compliment and move on. Dont let it bother you.
  • mamma_nee
    mamma_nee Posts: 809 Member
    In one ear and out the other :)

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