unexpected push off the wagon

GirlWithCookies · January 2014

About two weeks ago my boyfriend decided that it would be better if we break up when I move (could be in a couple weeks, could be a couple months) instead of moving with me like we originally planned. He's not a jerk, it's just complicated and involves a lot of personal/family stuff for him. We love each other very much and I don't want to have a life with anyone else. The point of starting off with this is because it was the catalyst for me falling off the wagon.

I haven't counted calories since then, I haven't been making healthy choices, I haven't been following the IC-diet guidelines, I've only worked out once, and I've just been drowning my depression in food. I've gained 6 pounds. My boyfriend and I are trying to make the most of our time together now, but I'm sad every day and when I think about it and want to cry I just plan what I'm going to eat to make myself feel better. And I know if I don't try to rectify it now, it's going to get worse when I move, because then I'll really be without him (moving from Louisiana to the Northeast for career opportunities).

I know an impending break-up isn't a reason to give up; I'm not trying to validate this with excuses. I need some advice. I don't want my relationship status (with my boyfriend or anyone else) to determine how I treat myself and my health. Am I going to just go back up to 201 pounds because I don't have a boyfriend? It should be as simple as answering "no" but I thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives, and now *poof*, it's gone. It's like my future vanished and now I'm thinking ":what's the point?"

Mr_Knight · January 2014

I need some advice. I don't want my relationship status (with my boyfriend or anyone else) to determine how I treat myself and my health.

Then don't. This is entirely in your hands. You have the ability to make choices - use it!

Good luck!

:drinker:

thursdayswoman · January 2014

It's not because you don't have a boyfriend. You've just had a very devestating emotional blow and you have to rethink part of your life. Food is a coping mechanism sometimes - it's just not a very good one. You will be able to get back on the track you want to be on soon. Be kind to yourself - that means not beating yourself up when you aren't following you plan, but also working towards getting back to the good habits you have worked to establish.

Good luck and I am so, so sorry for your sadness right now.

mortuseon · January 2014

This is doubtless going to be a hard time for you, but it's a better time than ever to focus on your health if only as a distraction tool. Working out can do a world of good for your mood, and the sense of achievement that you get from losing weight or embracing a healthier lifestyle will really help. Set yourself small, achievable goals regularly and try to keep track of them every week or so. Try not to dwell on the bad stuff, make some positive changes...nothing is going to make the break-up any less upsetting for you, but you can at least make life a little more bearable as you go through this. Best of luck!

_runbitchrun · January 2014

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time.
I have always drowned my saddness with food. So I hear ya. I still stress eat like crazy.

Just remember having or not having someone with you will not make or break you. Only you do. Make exersize a way to get the stress and saddness out. Listen to angry music and kick some *kitten* (in the gym)
Do it for you.
Instead of replacing your boyfriend with food, read a book, take a walk...ect
I know its always easier said then done, but the better you treat yourself, the better you will start to feel.
It won't take all the saddness away, but you can start just concentrating on yourself and your well being.

Good luck.

lambchoplewis · January 2014

Sorry to hear about the break up but, like others said u must not start the emotional eating. Drowning your sorrows in food feels good at the time. I did this with wine, got lonely and bored and had a glass that led to 2 or 3. On came the lbs I had lost

I saw a technique that is new to me but is working. It is called urge surfing. Really, look it up on line. You get the urge to eat, drink whatever and u have to treat it like a wave. It does not go on forever. U need to really think of why u want the food. Accept that and let the wave pass. It is not that simple but this technique is new to me so, look it up.

outofworkpediatrician · January 2014

sorry to hear about your recent heart break. what you need now is a way to find your "self worth" back. food satisfies and pacifies some parts of our brain and act similar to anti depressants, so we eat when we feel down and depressed. and we do not feel like exercising because we feel like " what is the point? i am not worth it!". well, you are wrong there, even though you are separating now, he loved you so far, right? he must have seen that you are an amazing person, fun to be with, reliable and loving. even though you guys are separating due to several reasons, you are still that amazing lovely reliable girl. find your self, you can. i do not think exercising may be an easy option for you right now, but you can control what you eat, limit portion sizes, and calorie count etc. you might even become an obsessed calorie counter, as it will become a good distraction from your heart ache.
all the best for the future.

potatovine · January 2014

I am wondering why you dont just call it quits now? Delaying the inevitable seems to be doing your head in a bit.
Personally I would end it, try and get some closure and start fresh.
Your only human and I can understand how this would impact you and your thinking. But depression is treatable, so I would definitely go and see a doc. I would try and get out and about more because exercise just makes you feel good and is said to aid in combating depression.
And sadly, and seeing as the decision has really already been made, I would probably get on with your new single life.

Best of luck

edwardkim85 · January 2014

I can either console you or I can tell you the cold, hard truth. I'll do the latter.

S**t happens.

People go through tough times, it's life.

You can choose to destress by eating and crying at home or you can keep yourself occupied by exercising more intensely and keeping a clean diet.

Don't let your boyfriend think he has spent time with somebody weak-willed. Stick to your goals. Do it for yourself and for your boyfriend. Let him know that you're a strong-willed woman and that he's spent time with a wonderful, strong willed woman.

RobynUnfiltered · January 2014

It sounds like you need to work on your self esteem. When we think we are too big for the world we tend to hold on to affection and attention from males because we fear it will not happen again very easily. Exercise and healthy eating will help with the depression more than you could imagine. Don't worry about the gain just focus on the future. Break ups are hard and you are so young, don't give up on yourself!! It will get better in time.:flowerforyou: Have you considered a clean break now? Why drag it out if it is over anyway?

ponycyndi · January 2014

You are grieving a loss. Allow yourself to feel sad. You're allowed to cry. Don't try to cover your feelings with food.

Phaedra2014 · January 2014

Let yourself be sad for the decision you both have made but don't throw everything out with it. It's a hard time so acknowledge it but to find comfort in food is merely added punishment you can do without.

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad. Break ups are difficult.

Christine_120 · January 2014

I am going to tell you exactly what I told my daughter who moved to Cali in September and had to end a 2 year relationship because they had different career goals. Break up NOW! Don't do it while you're getting on the plane - its too hard.. And then when you're alone in a new place you've got this huge sorrow. If you do it now you'll get used to the idea and have support of family and friends. And if he won't come with you why should he get you here when he doesn't want you there. Maybe he'll realize what he's giving up if he can't be with you now and change his mind- or maybe you'll just be better prepared when you leave.

jennie5693 · January 2014

Be kind to yourself.

Stripeness · January 2014

You said it exactly right: "I don't want my relationship status (with my boyfriend or anyone else) to determine how I treat myself and my health."

You don't ever get a guarantee of how long someone else will be with you. Any one of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow. Which sounds a little morbid, granted. Yet I hope you see my point.

Grieve this ending - not saying you shouldn't or that it's not painful. You do need to work through it. However, you must also focus on what you said AS A SEPARATE THING. Be really really kind to yourself. And know that moving from saying what you did (above) and really living it is a huge, brave step.

It's not gonna be easy, but you can do this. :flowerforyou:

gramarye · January 2014

You are grieving a loss. Allow yourself to feel sad. You're allowed to cry. Don't try to cover your feelings with food.

This. I know that it's not a 1:1 comparison, but I didn't log for months after my marriage exploded. Trying to hold myself together with everything else going on left no emotional energy for logging food. All I did was try as hard as I could not to gain in that time. (When I thought of it. I had a lot of destructive mechanisms that needed fixing in the past 12 months.)

I will say that once the initial months were done -- when we had finally moved apart and I was only responsible for myself -- it became much easier to take care of myself and see my nutrition and activity choices as an extension of that self-care.

GirlWithCookies · January 2014

Thanks, everyone.

unexpected push off the wagon

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