WATCH OUT FOR FRIENDS LIKE THIS!

Katey12891
Katey12891 Posts: 41 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I have this friend who is a few sizes bigger than me and I used to go to the gym with each morning. She would work out hard on the cardio machines while all I wanted to do was 20 mins cardio and then a good half hour on the weights. So anyway we are at the gym and both finishing up on the treadmill when she tells me "ok time for the cross trainer". I say "No thanks I don't like the cross trainer, I am going to go weight train" and she gives me this look llike a parent would give a rebellious child but doesn't say anything. After our work out we are in the changing rooms and she says "I thought you wanted to do cardio, but you went off and did weights. you were cheating cause weights aren't much of a proper work out." I said back "maybe you should try lifting heavier weights if you don't think its a proper work out..." and all she had to say was "oh I do I just never feel tired afterwards and you should feel tired id you're working hard".
It annoyed me a bit cause she consistently goes to the gym each morning but yet hasn't lost any weight or changed her diet. I found it rather rich that she was giving me gym advice! Then get this, a few weeks earlier I was walking home with her and we dashed into the supermarket and she bought little chocolate sticks and offered me one. I said no thank you and she said take it! we deserve it after that walk!.... Um.... I feel as if she is jealous of my weightloss and is trying to get me t eat like her so she feels better about herself. don't get me wrong, I love chocolate in moderation but I smelt something fishy about her motives.

so, the point im trying to make is, don't fall into the same trap I did and workout with someone whose trying to sabotage your journey because they aren't getting anywhere. Ive now found new gym buddies who are pushing me forward on the weights and I feel great. As for my old friend.... still big and oblivious.

Replies

  • unniexoxo
    unniexoxo Posts: 7
    I don't think she is personally trying to sabotage your weight loss by offering the chocolates. But she definitely is a tad bossy. It seems to me that she is unaware of how she is coming off to you. I'm not going to lie, I find myself wanting to stick my foot in my mouth all the time because I do exactly what she does when it comes subconsciously trying to control others . I think you just need to say, "hey, this is the equipment I like to use... why don't you just stick to what you like." If you're just honest she probably won't argue to that.
  • mmm_drop
    mmm_drop Posts: 1,126 Member
    The Beastie Boys were a great band, with awesome lyrics.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    i looked and look and didnt see where you responded with a "bish, please. i'll see you in the locker room after we're both done with our workouts". i think that was missing from your story :smile:
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
    beastie_boys___sabotage_by_patolinus.png

    or maybe she just doesn't get it, and isn't really in a stage where she is ready to change.
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
    She sounds like she just doesn't know what she's doing. And she does sound kind of catty and annoying.

    So here's my takeaway- don't hang out with annoying, catty people.
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
    Don't feel bad, my gym buddy is the same way, he hasn't lost any weight, meanwhile, my ticker speaks for its self. He still knows everything about everything, and has no problem telling me what I'm doing wrong. I just smile, say "maybe you're right dude" stuff my headphones back in and bust out another set of deads. Results speak more loudly than the village idiot screams.

    Rigger
  • YesIAm17
    YesIAm17 Posts: 817 Member
    The Beastie Boys were a great band, with awesome lyrics.

    323feff66a180f85993e42a5ada964d4.500x261x19.gif


    @OP: Yeah all the ppls think they know and also here eat this it's ok :angry:

    You know what you're doing... keep learning from trustworthy sources and keep moving forward. TGFMFP!!!
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    She's crafty & she's just my type.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    She sounds like she just doesn't know what she's doing. And she does sound kind of catty and annoying.

    So here's my takeaway- don't hang out with annoying, catty people.
    ^this...mostly.

    The only thing I'll say extra OP is, if you are getting a vibe that she is actually being mean and trying to mess you up, you might be better at picking up signals like that IRL than communicating them online and if that's the case you are better off with the new friends. You are better off with the new friends anyways due to her catty and controlling sounding tendencies but it's a shame you both didn't have more open communication so you could have explained the benefits of your style and she could have told you how or why she beleived her way was superior.

    Honestly as it stands she could afford the extra chocolate since her extra cardio probably did give her extra calories. You did what will really get you farther towards your goals but does not really burn ALL TEH cals so yeah, you both had entirely different workout/dieting styles. Would have been nice if you guys could have just stayed with starting your workouts together, separating, and then changing room and go home time together without getting caught up in competing/controlling/comparing or whatever all that was about.
  • chelseafxx
    chelseafxx Posts: 251 Member
    I've had so many unsupportive friends in the past that I just appreciate/LOVE being alone now :) I say, why do you even need to take a friend to the gym? Take your ipod/something for music, get your awesome work out in and call it a day! Maybe after you get back from the gym you'll be in a better mood to handle her.
  • dietcoke29
    dietcoke29 Posts: 38 Member
    It's not going to be the last time someone tries to sabotage you. Whether it's deliberate or not learn how to speak up for yourself. I think she's a tad uncomfortable in a gym and by asking you to be her gym partner thought you would stay with her...
  • Hauntinglyfit
    Hauntinglyfit Posts: 5,537 Member
    Is this real tea or Fanta sea?
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTvbcLLETBx6bq4aWX7cE5UwGbB7s8_dKTosQuSAot8OtzxNqrodA
    Mama said there'd be friends like this, there'd be friends like this, my mama said.

    ht_dreamgirls_070103_ssv.jpg
    mama said, mama said!
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Can't stand it, I know you planned it.
  • jennyjcss
    jennyjcss Posts: 439 Member
    So I have this friend who is a few sizes bigger than me and I used to go to the gym with each morning. She would work out hard on the cardio machines while all I wanted to do was 20 mins cardio and then a good half hour on the weights. So anyway we are at the gym and both finishing up on the treadmill when she tells me "ok time for the cross trainer". I say "No thanks I don't like the cross trainer, I am going to go weight train" and she gives me this look llike a parent would give a rebellious child but doesn't say anything. After our work out we are in the changing rooms and she says "I thought you wanted to do cardio, but you went off and did weights. you were cheating cause weights aren't much of a proper work out." I said back "maybe you should try lifting heavier weights if you don't think its a proper work out..." and all she had to say was "oh I do I just never feel tired afterwards and you should feel tired id you're working hard".
    It annoyed me a bit cause she consistently goes to the gym each morning but yet hasn't lost any weight or changed her diet. I found it rather rich that she was giving me gym advice! Then get this, a few weeks earlier I was walking home with her and we dashed into the supermarket and she bought little chocolate sticks and offered me one. I said no thank you and she said take it! we deserve it after that walk!.... Um.... I feel as if she is jealous of my weightloss and is trying to get me t eat like her so she feels better about herself. don't get me wrong, I love chocolate in moderation but I smelt something fishy about her motives.

    so, the point im trying to make is, don't fall into the same trap I did and workout with someone whose trying to sabotage your journey because they aren't getting anywhere. Ive now found new gym buddies who are pushing me forward on the weights and I feel great. As for my old friend.... still big and oblivious.

    Thats why I prefer to workout alone & lap-swimming for 90-120mins, no one to give me a piece of his/her mind. I will sweat for good to reach my goal..and I will do it. No one will stop me from reaching my goal. I come from a long way,being obese to the size I am now by doing both cardio & strength.

    All my hard works, pay off by my dropping weight of 242lbs to 184lbs (as per today) by gym workout/ swim alone. It takes all my time and mentality to keep struggling..to be the best of myself.
  • RunsOnEspresso
    RunsOnEspresso Posts: 3,218 Member
    No one offers me chocolates any more. :sad:

    I'm jealous.
  • wow29
    wow29 Posts: 283 Member
    No one offers me chocolates any more. sad

    I'm jealous. :bigsmile:
  • YesIAm17
    YesIAm17 Posts: 817 Member
    No one offers me chocolates any more. :sad:

    I'm jealous.

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRAdpGccpxRVJZ7SRsDhaDYmOPPi-rCb488FT_CHKBD5okkIfVbjyB9hTDQ
  • ernbern00
    ernbern00 Posts: 7
    She's crafty & she's just my type.

    This is hilarious.

    I have a co-worker who has actually rubbed cookies against my lips.. That is a true saboteur.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    With friends like you, OP, who needs enemies?

    Oh, and just break up.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    when she said "I do, but I don't feel tired afterwards" - the reply is: "if you don't feel tired after lifting weights then the weights are not heavy enough."

    I don't think she's jealous or trying to sabotage your weight loss, it seems more like she feels a bit threatened by the fact that you're doing your own thing rather than doing what she wants you to do. There could be all number of reasons for this and she seems to have a strange idea about friendship, i.e. that friends have to do the same as each other, and/or that she has to tell all her friends what to do or something. Sounds like she's trying to "persuade" you to do all the same things as her either way, and to not do things that she doesn't want to do.

    As long as these kinds of behaviours are fairly mild, I'd just ignore it and carry on doing your own thing and if she doesn't like it then she can either learn to deal with it, or find someone else to work out with. If the behaviours get worse, as in she starts acting like a spoiled child because you're not doing things the way she wants you to do them, then you need to find someone else to work out with.
  • NRSPAM
    NRSPAM Posts: 961 Member
    I'm a Zumba instructor, (don't laugh, I do weights too! lol) so I'm friends with a lot of folks at my gym. Most of the women think I'm crazy for lifting weights. The men who do zumba with us, (mostly older guys) typically hit the treadmill beforehand, and maybe do a few machines. I think people just don't "get it." I've had a few women tell me I look "manly" lifting weights. Meanwhile, most of the people giving me crazy looks have not improved much on their weightloss. They're really starting to see the improvements I'm making now. Hopefully, if I can get this BF% down more, they'll be wanting in on it too. I've tried telling them what muscle can do for them, but no matter how much I tell them otherwise, they still think lifting will make them "bulky." Uggghhhh.... oh well. More weights for me. :happy:
  • heybales
    heybales Posts: 18,842 Member
    Perhaps help her see the benefit of your program.

    http://www.exrx.net/FatLoss/WT&End.html

    Wayne Westcott, Ph.D. conducted a study in which 72 over weight individuals participated in an eight week exercise program. The participants were placed in two groups. The first group performed 30 minutes of endurance exercise on a stationary cycle. The second group performed only 15 minutes of exercise on the stationary cycle plus an additional 15 minutes on weight resistant exercises. At the conclusion of the study, the "endurance only" group lost a total of 3.5 lbs.; 3 lbs. of which was fat and a half pound was muscle loss. On the other hand, the "endurance and weight resistive" group lost 8 lbs. with an actual fat loss of 10 lbs. and an increase of 2 lbs. of lean body weight.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    I wish I had a gym buddy and friend I could go out on walks with and whatever.

    Most of my female friends live in a different state nowadays, and I'm stuck on my own.
  • cpedigo3
    cpedigo3 Posts: 1 Member
    I interact with a group of girls who are all over 200 every week. They are always making comments about my weight. A year ago before a surgery I was 15 lb lighter. They would say that certain clients only wanted skinny ****** helping them and that real men liked meaty women. They would also tell me to gain weight and tell their clients not to come to me. After being there for two years, My work speaks for itself, my clientele is growing daily and though every month one of them claims to be dieting and have lost a significant amount of weight, it never shows. The real issue is that misery loves company. If someone isn't trying at all and sees you trying it makes them feel guilty. Don't feel guilty for being fit! Be Proud and ditch the friend. I agree, she is trying to sabotage you because I've seen this type of behavior before! I'm starting back up now and this summer won't be hiding the chicken wings or sucking in my gut to look good. Be proud of what you are doing for your body!
  • LINIA
    LINIA Posts: 1,159 Member
    Dear OP:

    Congrats on making NEW friends and ditching that other one who was certainly trying to sabotage you and was jealous of you.

    You did the right thing--- continured success.

    It seems a few earlier responders missed reading where you stopped going to the gym with the "bossy" interfering friend!

    "Ive now found new gym buddies who are pushing me forward on the weights and I feel great. As for my old friend.... still big and oblivious"
  • sbk204
    sbk204 Posts: 16
    Just do what YOU want to do. You are in control of yourself. This is YOUR journey, honey, and we are all here to help you.
  • Shambree813
    Shambree813 Posts: 37 Member
    She's crafty & she's just my type.

    Hahaha! Love it.
  • enoyeblikk
    enoyeblikk Posts: 1
    Don't let this ruin a perfectly fine friendship, some friends just aren't good work out buddies! Also, if she's open to it, maybe you should explain to her that building muscle can actually aid weight loss!

    -EnOyeblikk

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