Kicking disordered eating for good

khannickwechanged
khannickwechanged Posts: 77 Member
edited January 29 in Introduce Yourself
Hi everyone! I've been a member here for a while but never been involved in the forum.

I am a happily married 24 year old mom of a beautiful almost-6-month-old little girl, and I have struggled with various degrees of disordered eating for the past 10 years. I am 5'9" and currently 128 lbs, so definitely not overweight, yet I have been caught recently in a vicious cycle of restrict my intake ridiculously low-get ravenously hungry-binge-beat myself up-repeat. With the binges getting larger and more frequent, I'm shocked I haven't gained a lot of weight.

I have a daughter now, and I need to get my act together and be able to be a good role model for her by the time she gets old enough to notice. I refuse to pass this on to her. Food is not the enemy. Food is neutral. Food is necessary to sustain life. I can beat this once and for all.

So, I guess I'm just at the point where I need to know I'm not the only person looking at my food diary. I need friends. My past entries are pretty much all inaccurate, as I stop logging when I start binging and I also sometimes pre-log food that I don't end up eating. As of yesterday I determined to record everything no matter what. And last night when I found that I had demolished 1/2 cup of peanut butter and was about to binge my way through the rest of the kitchen, I stopped myself, logged it, and had a smaller dinner to make sure I didn't go negative. That was a huge accomplishment for me.

My calories are set to roughly 1700, but my current goal is to reach and maintain a controlled 1200 calorie intake spread evenly throughout the day for at least a week and to slowly bump it up in the weeks to come. It's much better than netting 200 calories like I have in the past, but not nearly as bad as my 3000+ binge days. Baby steps, right?

Anyway...I'd love some accountability friends!

Replies

  • Happymelz
    Happymelz Posts: 536 Member
    Good job! :)
    I am currently 165-167 depending on the day. I am 5'6"...so definetly over weight (by 15 lbs).

    Years of eating disorders and a teen and emotional eating as an adult...plus 4 years of personal stress (loss of business, bankruptcy, separation, loss of job, etc) have reeked havoc on my metabolism.

    About a month ago I got serious about losing weight. Stuck to 1330 calories a day, exercised 3-5 days a week for 2 weeks.

    Lost NOTHING.

    Wanted to binge...but realized it would only make things worse.

    Started researching "why can't I lose weight' and found TONS of information on metabolic damage/repair.

    Every article sounded like ME!

    So...I didn't the "scary" thing and decided to eat at TDEE for 4-8 weeks and then drop down.

    It is scary because I haven't "allowed" myself 1800+ calories a day in YEARS. YEARS. No wonder my body was in starvation mode. :(

    Everyone said I would gain a few lbs...which was VERY scary since it has been so hard to lose.

    But I want to FIX this. For good.

    I am working on my relationship with food while I'm working on repairing my metabolism.

    Then, after vacation I will drop back t o1330 calories and start my weightloss journey.

    Wow...I said a lot. lol.
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
    No real advice for you two ladies. I did want to comment both of you for your first steps. Very commendable. Very brave, you both can do this!!
  • Nachise
    Nachise Posts: 395 Member
    Disordered eating has kicked my but for years. What I like about MFP was that it consciously put me in the decision process. it's on my cell phone, iPad, and laptop.

    One promise I made to myself was that I would log everything that I ate. No matter where I am, it is up to me whether I want/need to eat whatever it was that I wanted to eat because I would have to log it. For instance, if I am looking at a bag of jelly beans, I go to MFP to calculate the calories for the whole bag, not just a serving, because that's how I roll. Then I ask myself if I can live with it. That has helped me through a lot of situations.

    Don't worry about kicking disordered eating forever. Just concentrate on today, and start all over tomorrow. I hope this is helpful. This is awfully brave stuff you're doing. The hardest part is coming to the realization that we need to do something.
  • Happymelz
    Happymelz Posts: 536 Member
    :) Thank yoU!
  • claudiasharonblack
    claudiasharonblack Posts: 8
    You know you're bad when you eat two cakes in a span of 4 days. And that's the whole cake. All by yourself. And they are nice sized cakes. That is one of the reasons I am here. And I am looking for friends too, I need support to keep going on this. I however am about the weight of you two ladies combined. So I really need help, I have a food addiction according to my therapist. I was eating so much last week I thought I was pregnant! But I am not. I checked just to make sure! So if any of you want to add me, I'd really appreciate it, so we can support each other!
  • khannickwechanged
    khannickwechanged Posts: 77 Member
    Thank you ladies for the replies!

    I am also about to start a metabolic reset on Monday. It's funny, I'll binge and eat well over 2000 unlogged calories yet the thought of consciously eating 1900 per day is quite frankly terrifying.

    We can all do this by supporting each other. :)
  • hzliiz
    hzliiz Posts: 166 Member
    I have overcome disordered eating and am happy to support others trying to do so, feel free to add me. Please know I do log everything I eat including my weekly decadent meal out. I have not binged in many years but if seeing occasional high calories logged bothers someone do not add me. I believe in moderation not over restriction. It is possible to stop the cycle of disordered eating and disordered thinking about food/body image and I wish each of you the best on your journey.
  • Happymelz
    Happymelz Posts: 536 Member
    It's funny, I'll binge and eat well over 2000 unlogged calories yet the thought of consciously eating 1900 per day is quite frankly terrifying.

    We can all do this by supporting each other. :)

    ^^^THIS! Yes, that is why it was scary to start with. Allowing myself to eat 1830 calories a day seems like "over eating."
  • _Dream_Catcher_
    _Dream_Catcher_ Posts: 1 Member
    I completely understand!

    Unfortunately (and fortunately? lol), I have lost the urge to binge and actually am struggling to find an appetite to eat. Thus, I generally am significantly under my calorie goal (maintenance). As a result, I've lost a significant amount of weight and am torn between feeling like I now just need to maintain or like I need to actually gain a bit (terrifying!).

    That said, I'm looking for accountability as well!
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Remember that there are no bad foods. Seriously. It is all about how much, how frequently, and in what combination. Focus on loving yourself, enjoying the treats when you need them, and trying to keep active but not overdoing that either. I know it's baby steps but 1200 is low so if you go over that as you are increasing your calories remember to learn how to say "so what?" And let go of the guilt.
  • nomorebingesgirl2014
    nomorebingesgirl2014 Posts: 378 Member
    I suffer from binges
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