3 kids and over weight... how did get this way?

my names Kristen I'm 28 a home maker of 3 kids and one big kid of a husband i do work 2 days a week to keep me sane (away from kids).:huh:
I have never in my life been as heavy as i have been... sigh, i maxed out at 212lbs 3 weeks ago... in the past i have wanted to diet and it just flys out the window by the second week, i have tried diet pills that never work but the lazy girl in me always hopes for the best.
I have never wanted it more then i have now. i want my skinny back... who am i kidding i've always been a bigger girl (muscular) ! I have 77lbs to lose i plan on ruining on a treadmill 5 times a week (walking at first then jogging then running) at least an hour if not more just walking alone. once i get into doing it every day i will start px90 but i have to lose the fat before i gain the guns ;-P
I'm new to this weight loss community. if you want to friend me please do i like a little competition to look over and see that some one is working harder then i am. I'm not able to go to the gym its just to difficult for me with 3 little ones and to be honest its embarrassing to go. i don't know how to use the mechanics and as i run on the treadmill, my fat smacks agent my skin and i am embarrassed. I bet no one even notices except me. auh its my self being judgmental.
In my own personal blogs on here at the end of night i am putting a personal memo to my self and anyone who cares to read how i felt threw out the day, if i was tired, fighting a craving that i caved into or not. if i felt full after a meal, when i want a snack ect. to try and help my self understand why and when i eat all the not so good stuff if its stress or bored.