What will it be like?

sarahmichel101
sarahmichel101 Posts: 158 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
After a month of trying to change my life and being on this site one question plagues my mind. What am I going to be like next year? I try to find someone with my exact situation from a year ago and try to see myself in them. What will I look like? What will the scale say? Will I hate the loose skin? WILL I FIT INTO REGULAR SIZED CLOTHING!?! I am not patient in the least, and I want to know now! I guess there is also some anxiety about failing. So many people fail because of "life", and I have a lot of life going on. My boyfriend and I are buying a house, saving for an engagement ring, and in September I will start law school. How am I going to keep the life changes through all the celebration, parties, and stress that is coming my way? Maybe that is why I want to see someone now that had my stats a year ago. Maybe if I saw the results I would know what I was working towards. After a month all I have lost is a cup size and my second set of boobs (the roll right below my bust).

On a related note, I am afraid to do this by myself! Currently I am working on changing my life with my mom, but she is having a major life change too. She is getting weight loss surgery and I am terrified that without her dieting and exercising with me I wont do it.

How do I get rid of these questions that are not able to be answered? How do I reassure myself that I can do it, even if I am alone in doing it?

Replies

  • will2lose72
    will2lose72 Posts: 128 Member
    Set a small, intermediate goal. Start with today's goal. Then set a goal for the week, then the month. Remember to reward yourself in some non-food way. 1 week - get a new workout shirt....1 month - treat yourself to a mani/pedi...2 months...get a massage. Whatever you will enjoy! Once you start to see that you can meet these small goals you will be able to set bigger, longer term goals that you will KNOW you will be able to meet. You did not get to where you are in 1 day, 1 week, 1 month or probably even 1 year. You can do this, do not give up!
  • mumtoonegirl
    mumtoonegirl Posts: 586 Member
    when I was at the beginning of the journey and with any major life changing task the idea of omg look how different my life could be in a year is what motivates me. Just decide to take control!

    Today a package arrived that I had ordered online, I was still afraid when I pulled out these tiny clothes that they were NEVER going to fit. You know what they DID!

    I am a year into maintenance but the year before that I went from a size 16 (tight), out of shape, high BP, depressed, and on a very bad path. A year later I was in a size 6, running 5K, in AMAZING shape, lifting weights, and off all BP meds. I went from morbidly obese on the BMI to healthy/fit. I am in my 40s in better shape than I was even in my 20s.

    And you know what in the end you are doing this yourself, yes I had the support of my husband but I was the one who made the meals, planned everything and I was the one who dragged my *kitten* to the gym and did the workouts.

    There is NOTHING more powerful that doing something you NEVER thought you could and to do it on your own.

    You can do it! I am a very busy business owner (one that involves chasing 6 children all day), mom and wife with a life to balance. But I needed to this for me and I don't regret a single sweaty moment and you won't either!
  • sarahmichel101
    sarahmichel101 Posts: 158 Member
    I goal is hard to reach when I am not weighing myself. I guess I should have mentioned that. I am not ready to play with those numbers yet. When I stepped on the scale a month ago I was shocked, and so disappointed. Again, what ifs are not my friends, and what if I step back on and have not lost a thing? All my efforts (and I have tried SO hard) would seem as if they have gone to waste. I have recorded EVERYTHING I eat after weighing it and went from complaining when I couldn't park close enough to the door to exercising everyday with a fast walk, swim, and half of the days I do both.
  • sarahmichel101
    sarahmichel101 Posts: 158 Member

    You can do it! I am a very busy business owner (one that involves chasing 6 children all day), mom and wife with a life to balance. But I needed to this for me and I don't regret a single sweaty moment and you won't either!
    I don't think I'd regret, I am just so.....fearful? I wish I could say that I want to get BACK down to a certain size or shape, but in reality I have NEVER been at a good size or in good shape. I can remember in middle school crying as I wasn't able to fit into regular clothing anymore. It's been torture for years and I know nothing else! This is why I so badly want to know the future, I want to see that I am just like everyone else here and can do it. Something in my irrational mind tells me I am different, and will always be in the same place I am today. Holy insecurity creeping out....
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    likely this anxiety you're feeling is a result of not seeing the bigger picture. Who cares what it's going to be like in a year? what it's going to be like for you is going to be completely different than what it's like or going to be like for someone else even if they started out in the same exact position as you.

    you're not seeing the bigger picture and you're still thinking of this in terms of reaching some arbitrary number on the scale and being done. that's little picture thinking...in reality, there is no finish line...you are never done. this is why people "fail"...they fail to realize that their health, nutrition, and fitness are lifelong endeavors.

    if more people saw the bigger picture, there would be far less "failure" and starting over...because when you see that bigger picture, there really is no failure. the reality, as you stated, is that life happens...you're not going to be on 100% of the time...you're going to miss workouts...you're going to have overindulgence on occasion...someones birthday, holidays, rando neighborhood BBQs...momentary lapses in sanity and just weakness. that is ok...this is normal..to think you're going to be 100% all of the time is unrealistic and when you're putting that kind of pressure on yourself than one little slip up suddenly becomes utter failure and you just give up...big picture thinking allows you to just get up and brush yourself off and move on.

    this is all a process, and a never ending one..focus on that process and not the results of that process. focus on being a better you...focus on your nutrition and fitness and being better today than you were yesterday and sleep well tonight in the knowledge that you will be even more awesome tomorrow. focus on the results and you rarely see the change; focus on the change and you always see the results.
  • twixlepennie
    twixlepennie Posts: 1,074 Member
    likely this anxiety you're feeling is a result of not seeing the bigger picture. Who cares what it's going to be like in a year? what it's going to be like for you is going to be completely different than what it's like or going to be like for someone else even if they started out in the same exact position as you.

    you're not seeing the bigger picture and you're still thinking of this in terms of reaching some arbitrary number on the scale and being done. that's little picture thinking...in reality, there is no finish line...you are never done. this is why people "fail"...they fail to realize that their health, nutrition, and fitness are lifelong endeavors.

    if more people saw the bigger picture, there would be far less "failure" and starting over...because when you see that bigger picture, there really is no failure. the reality, as you stated, is that life happens...you're not going to be on 100% of the time...you're going to miss workouts...you're going to have overindulgence on occasion...someones birthday, holidays, rando neighborhood BBQs...momentary lapses in sanity and just weakness. that is ok...this is normal..to think you're going to be 100% all of the time is unrealistic and when you're putting that kind of pressure on yourself than one little slip up suddenly becomes utter failure and you just give up...big picture thinking allows you to just get up and brush yourself off and move on.

    this is all a process, and a never ending one..focus on that process and not the results of that process. focus on being a better you...focus on your nutrition and fitness and being better today than you were yesterday and sleep well tonight in the knowledge that you will be even more awesome tomorrow. focus on the results and you rarely see the change; focus on the change and you always see the results.

    +1
  • jmht345
    jmht345 Posts: 189 Member
    Are you taking measurements? You said you've had no progress, but if you lost a cup size and the roll below, you've lost something! It may not be scale weight, but there is progress so congratulations!

    As for getting rid of the questions you can't answer, try focusing on questions you can answer, like how it will feel to wear a smaller pant (or ring) size. And I agree with will2lose72, set some mini-goals, but keep in mind that they don't have to all be related to the scale. And maybe rephrase your goals as questions. Can I log into MFP for 7 days straight? Can I exercise 4 days this week? You'll start getting answers and progress too!

    For support, use your boyfriend and your friends! If they resist, just keep at it knowing that you're doing this for you! No one around you to be supportive, search MFP, there are a lot of great people on here!

    As for life, it happens, but part of making a commitment to yourself to lose some weight and get healthier is learning how to make changes to your life that will work for you long-term. You know that you have some possibly stressful/exciting/busy times ahead, plan for it. Think of a strategy to stay on target but still enjoy all the life as to offer! It sounds like you have a wonderful 2014 coming your way, so enjoy it!
  • mumtoonegirl
    mumtoonegirl Posts: 586 Member

    You can do it! I am a very busy business owner (one that involves chasing 6 children all day), mom and wife with a life to balance. But I needed to this for me and I don't regret a single sweaty moment and you won't either!
    I don't think I'd regret, I am just so.....fearful? I wish I could say that I want to get BACK down to a certain size or shape, but in reality I have NEVER been at a good size or in good shape. I can remember in middle school crying as I wasn't able to fit into regular clothing anymore. It's been torture for years and I know nothing else! This is why I so badly want to know the future, I want to see that I am just like everyone else here and can do it. Something in my irrational mind tells me I am different, and will always be in the same place I am today. Holy insecurity creeping out....

    take one battle at a time, don't focus on a size, weight, just a goal to make a healthy choice at a time. Make smaller goals. I am an all in or nothing person which is why I sat in limbo for years. Once I decided I was doing it I was in it full commitment. You want to add me please do, I would love to be a support person for you if you want.
  • sarahmichel101
    sarahmichel101 Posts: 158 Member
    No I don't think I states of feel that there has been no progress, just anxious. And I can agree with the small picture thinking. I guess I am just having issues fitting it into the big picture.
  • csk0018
    csk0018 Posts: 219 Member
    Just take it one day at a time. Focus on yourself and what you want to accomplish now. It can be really overwhelming to think about things way far ahead and all of the what ifs that can happen.
  • sarahmichel101
    sarahmichel101 Posts: 158 Member

    You can do it! I am a very busy business owner (one that involves chasing 6 children all day), mom and wife with a life to balance. But I needed to this for me and I don't regret a single sweaty moment and you won't either!
    I don't think I'd regret, I am just so.....fearful? I wish I could say that I want to get BACK down to a certain size or shape, but in reality I have NEVER been at a good size or in good shape. I can remember in middle school crying as I wasn't able to fit into regular clothing anymore. It's been torture for years and I know nothing else! This is why I so badly want to know the future, I want to see that I am just like everyone else here and can do it. Something in my irrational mind tells me I am different, and will always be in the same place I am today. Holy insecurity creeping out....

    take one battle at a time, don't focus on a size, weight, just a goal to make a healthy choice at a time. Make smaller goals. I am an all in or nothing person which is why I sat in limbo for years. Once I decided I was doing it I was in it full commitment. You want to add me please do, I would love to be a support person for you if you want.

    I am so an all or nothing person, and I have such a hard time sitting still. I need to be working constantly, and if I am not challenge I challenge myself. I am so respected for these attributes and they have done so well for my professionally, but I have to admit that they are damaging. I will put myself at risk time and time again in order to reach goals. Often these urges to be all or nothing are fueled by anxiety, or guilt (hate to bring religion into it but being a daughter of a jew and a roman catholic brings so much guilt into my life).
  • chelbug901
    chelbug901 Posts: 10 Member
    I am in the exact same boat right now! I have been at it for almost a month, February 6th to be exact. Some days I look in the mirror, and I like the results I see so far, and some days I look in the mirror and see absolutely none. It's a challenge everyday..if you look at it that way. I'm also super impatient, which doesn't help either. One thing I see though that maybe one of your biggest down-falls right off the bat.....relying on someone else to do it with you. You are the only one benefiting from getting healthy, yes your Mother would be in her own way, but even without her, you can change your own life, all by your bad self! Just keep going!
  • sarahmichel101
    sarahmichel101 Posts: 158 Member
    Doing it for yourself and doing it by yourself are two different things. I need people, and so do others. I have a feeling this site might not exist if this were not true.
  • Leisalynn84
    Leisalynn84 Posts: 113 Member
    I will suggest getting a fitbit, it calculates the steps you take plus your bmr (the ammount of calories you burn by being alive) and tells you how many calories you need to eat that day. you sound like a very fact based person and this thing gives you more data than you will ever need on graphs and pie charts. it's really user friendly and keeps me motivated. plus it helps you look at things over a week, month etc. you mentioned you were an all or mothing type (I am too) and this helps me look at the big picture. If I'm over my calories one day on MFP I can look at my fitbit dashboard and I'll see that I was actually under a few days that week and it all evens out. Or if I am over for the week I can see exactly how many calories I need to burn to be at my goal for the week.
  • jbee27
    jbee27 Posts: 356 Member
    and in September I will start law school.

    You better develop some patience for yourself, and quickly. I graduated from law school a year and a half ago, (and about 30 pounds heavier than when I started). It’s an incredibly stressful environment, full of the most competitive people you have ever encountered. You will constantly feel the pressure to compare yourself to your classmates, just like you seem to want to compare yourself to people on this site. DON’T. It’s the most damaging thing you can do for your self-esteem and ultimately your success.

    Everyone has their own path and you must decide what’s the most important to you, and what can take a backseat for now.

    An additional unsolicited piece of advice…make sure you take the time to maintain your non-law school relationships (particularly with your partner). I swear that my non-law school friends are the sole reason I graduated with my sanity intact.

    Good luck!!

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