Reflections on Resolutions

I posted this on my FB page back at the beginning of the month but I forgot to share here!

For most of my adult life, I have had the same new years resolution. It usually went something like “this year I will exercise, eat right, loose weight and be healthy!” I would start out good trying to eat less fast food or walking up the stairs instead of taking the escalator or elevator. Eventually I would forget all the feelings that made me want to change in the first place and I would go right back to where I started. I would try for a little while and then decide it was to hard. Have you ever heard the saying “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?” No part of me will ever understand that statement.

I would eat food in the car so people would not realize how much food I was actually eating. In a particularly low moment I ordered pizza delivery and asked the delivery man to call my cell phone when he arrived because“there was a sleeping baby in the house” when in reality I just didn't want him to ring the doorbell and wake my sleeping parents. As an adult, I tried Weight Watchers, considered gastric bypass surgery (if my insurance would have covered it I would have had it),and went to two open call auditions for the Biggest Loser. It may not sound like it, but a good portion of the time I was fat and happy. Until I was not.

People often ask me was there a moment that made me change or when did I know I was ready. In the summer of 2012, I was approaching my 10-year high school reunion. I could not believe it had been 10 years and I had still done nothing about my weight. I had a good time at the reunion but part of me felt like my name tag should have read“Jessica, still fat.” When the photos were posted online, I saw images of myself but how I looked definitely did not match how I felt about myself. A few weeks after that I took a trip to KC to attend an open call for the show The Biggest Loser. I lied to almost everyone and said I was going to visit a sorority sister. I did not want to tell anyone what I was doing because I was not sure I could do it on my own. I did not get a call back but felt encouraged by the people I met there. A few weeks later was the fair. I walked around and said I was afraid of heights to get out of riding rides when in reality I knew I would not have fit in them. When a group of us went camping over the July 4th holiday and I used a kayak for the first time. It was hard to get in and out of the kayak on my own because of my size, but I loved not having to sit on the bottom of the canoe anymore. I watched my best friend struggle with alcoholism and find success in sobriety. If she was able to find success maybe I could to?

A few weeks after the camping trip I was ready. I was over being unhealthy and overweight. On July 16th 2012, I weighed 388 pounds. I changed my diet completely and a month later, I joined a gym and got a personal trainer. The first month was hard but then I saw results. I had “tried” before, but never like this. I was eating good foods and not binge on fast foods as I had been. I would walk 3 miles on the treadmill at a 2.8 mph pace. I also started using Myfitnesspal.com to track my fitness and nutrition information. I tracked my food to know when I could have popcorn at the movies or frozen yogurt and still be within my calorie goals.

There were months (November and December) were I did not loose a pound, but also weeks were I would lose 3 or 4 pounds. I started running 5k races and joined a local beginners running group. I lost 100 pounds in a year and I am finally living the life I always wanted. I can run faster, move easier and feel better about myself than I ever have. I was down to 120 pounds lost then old feelings about food came creeping back in. One bad food decision led to another and I hit a 6-month plateau and gained back 10 pounds. However, in those same six months I also trained for and ran my first half marathon something I never thought I would be able to do. If a six-month plateau is what I needed to remind myself that I am never going back to where I once was, then it was time I needed to experience. Unhealthy foods will always be a temptation; they will always taste good in that moment. I have to remind myself every day that there are things I want more than the temporary satisfaction some foods provide.

Looking forward to 2014, I have the same resolution but this time it is not to start, it is to continue to exercise, eat right, and be healthy. I am not making this resolution just for 2014 I am making it forever. I am starting this year in a better place than I have ever been in and I look forward to what the year brings ahead.
________________________________________________________________

I feel as if this should have been titled ramblings on resolutions. I am not sure if I was writing this for myself or if someone out there needs to read this to know what is possible. A few last things and I swear I am done. I just want to say a huge thank you to my Mom & Dad, Holly& David, Katie & Landon, my trainer Melissa, all the OMRR runners and my friends at work.

Thanks to everyone for all the support and love I have felt over the last year!

PS. If you want some support on your journey please let me know!