I don't have the motivation to do this. Please help me.

csontos · February 2014

I sound so desperate, but I feel like the most useless person on Earth right now. I don't actually expect most people to read my ramblings, but I'm typing it anyway~

I came to college four years ago and have been gaining weight since then (80lbs so far). Before living on my own, I was so pretty and thin and active… I was on my high school's competitive swim team, I taught diving lessons, I would do at home workouts just for fun. I am so disgusted with my life right now.

I absolutely cannot define what my biggest struggle is to lose weight. Basically, my days go a little something like this: get hungry, walk to pantry, see little to no food/don't feel like cooking, go out and get fast food, repeat… usually 2x a day. It's not that I don't know how to cook. I'm a pretty good cook but the whole idea of spending all of that time cooking for just me (I live alone with two cats) is just … not something I have the motivation for. My parents have told me just to stop eating fast food and that I'll see a difference with that. They said if I am too unmotivated to cook, then to just eat meals that are already portioned out (like Lean Cuisines or something similar). So I'll do that, for a few days, but then I'll find myself on campus next to Panda Express or diving down the street and pass a Panera, and my large *kitten* waddles right into there.

Another issue of mine is that I feel the need to sleep ALL OF THE TIME. No seriously. I wake up, eat breakfast, and then take a nap. I'm constantly tired. I met with a nutritionist at my school and she told me that the reason I feel tired all of the time is because I don't exercise and because I'm eating crappy food. She told me to change those two things and I should get my energy back.

This all seems to simple. Eat less, move more. Surely I would benefit from it because I eat enough each day for a small African country and consider exercise to be moving from my bed to the couch, but I seem to have a mental disconnect with doing it.

My parents told me that for every pound that I lose, they will give me $100 towards grad school. That's how desperate they are for me to lose weight. My father traveled down to see me and sat me down and told me how worried he is that I'm going to end up with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. etc. etc. etc.

My longterm boyfriend broke up with me last summer because he was sick of dealing with my wallowing in self pity attitude over my weight for god knows how long. He would take me to go exercise with him and I would spend the whole time practically crying because I didn't want to. I even got into a fight with him at the grocery store once because I wanted to order pizza for dinner and he wanted to cook something healthy for us. Five year olds behave more maturely than I do when I'm at a low with food.

So why am I having this issue? Can one of you just yell at me and tell me that I'm being ridiculous? Honestly, there has to be something wrong with me.

Like right now, I KNOW that I'm not hungry because I just ate lunch, but yet I want to go eat something…

http://i.imgur.com/h4Z0QZx.gif

Edit: Thank you everybody for your replies. It feels slightly better knowing that I'm not crazy. I was diagnosed with depression in Nov. of 2012 and have been taking 20mg of Lexapro a day since then. I'm no longer stuck in complete lows all of the time, but I am in a 100% neutral feeling towards basically everything. Perhaps this is a reason for my lack of motivation to do anything? My parents didn't know that I was seeing a doctor and found out about two months ago. They told me that I have to get off of this medication because I'm going to turn into a drug addict (gotta love helicopter parents, am I right?). I'm thinking about meeting with a new doctor to see if he or she has a different suggestions for me regarding my mental health.

Maybe I'm doing a lot worse than I thought I was.

Sovictorrious · February 2014

Breath

You can do this

DancingMoosie · February 2014

It really comes down to how badly you want it and what you are willing to do for it. Find an activity you like to do and do it. Since you are at school, you should have access to a gym. If you don't like the gym, there are videos you can do at home. You can take a walk or turn on some music and dance. Find some easy menu ideas. I love salad, but not everyone else does:) Its up to you, not anyone else.

RamonaFr · February 2014

You sound depressed to me. Go to a doctor and get a physical, tell the doctor how much you are sleeping and eating, and ask for help. Get that under control first. Then you'll feel more optimistic about working on your weight, and about getting more exercise. Not everything can be fixed by diet. Sometimes the food is the symptom, and you need to work on the cause.

Ninkyou · February 2014

You can either feel sorry for yourself and stay fat or your can do something about and start feeling better. But only you can do it.

Start small by walking around campus or something. Go for a swim.

Make some meals ahead of time and save them for those days you don't feel like cooking.

Easy and convenient is relative. It probably takes longer to go to Mcdonald's and get an egg mcmuffin than it does to crack and fry 2 eggs. Just sayin'.

Start with the easy stuff and go from there.

1two3four · February 2014

You sound depressed to me. Go to a doctor and get a physical, tell the doctor how much you are sleeping and eating, and ask for help. Get that under control first. Then you'll feel more optimistic about working on your weight, and about getting more exercise. Not everything can be fixed by diet. Sometimes the food is the symptom, and you need to work on the cause.

^This. As someone that has seen depression in myself and in others and ultimately sought help, I can't agree with this more.

gingercurves · February 2014

I have been where you are, I really have. It is not easy to lose weight, it isn't easy to make a lifestyle change, and it isn't easy to get motivated.

But I promise once you start, it gets easier!

Start making small changes. Buy fruit and start eating a piece as a snack or as breakfast. Start scaling back portions, even if you are eating fast food eat half of that chinese take out or half of that burger. Start looking for exercises you might enjoy--maybe swimming, dancing, something that gets you moving that you actually enjoy doing. Walk on campus instead of taking the bus or your car. Trade in the sodas for diet, and eventually water. Add a salad to that combo meal instead of fries.. all those little things will make a big difference in the long run!!! Start logging EVERYTHING you eat, because once you see how much you are actually eating the weight gain will make more sense and it will be a wake-up call.

I know how hard it is to get started. I was curvy but fit in high school.. once I got on my own at college, I ate like crazy. Tons of fast food, pizza, burgers, gravys, anything fattening. I gained a TON of weight. I kept saying I would change things another day, I would stop eating too much, etc etc. But I let it keep going all through college until I ballooned up to 365 lbs. I was so sick of it and traded in my sedentary job for a physical, active one. I felt like I was dying and wouldn't make it through work every day but I have. I started cutting back portions.. then eating healthy once a day.. then no soda, etc. I still have a long way to go and a lot of things to learn but in 5 months I have lost 60 lbs! And you can do it too.

Every tiny change you make is a step in the right direction. It will take time but you didn't put on weight in a day and it won't come off that fast either. It isn't easy! Give yourself time, start reading about obesity and healthy eating, and educate yourself! Realize why you need to change things and it will click eventually! Feel free to add me if you need support. You can do this girl!!!

mistress8956 · February 2014

No one is going to do it for you. You need to WANT it for yourself, WANT it enough to DO something about it, not just sit around and complain about it. That being said here's my best advise 1) see a doctor about your (most likely) depression issue. 2) cook large meals 2/3 times a week so you can freeze them and have leftovers, that way you don't have to cook every day. 3) every time you feel like taking a nap go for a walk instead, it really will make you feel better.

bigbum82 · February 2014

You sound depressed to me. Go to a doctor and get a physical, tell the doctor how much you are sleeping and eating, and ask for help. Get that under control first. Then you'll feel more optimistic about working on your weight, and about getting more exercise. Not everything can be fixed by diet. Sometimes the food is the symptom, and you need to work on the cause.

Agreed

ferniejoy · February 2014

I think you need an expert. You may be dealing with depression. The last thing you need is someone yelling at you. Be kind to yourself, let your heart rest, and do something restorative every day. I will pray for you, but I won't yell at you. That has never worked for me. You will get through this.

quiksylver296 · February 2014

Motivation is a farce! It is determination that will get you through.

_Zardoz_ · February 2014

This only person who can motivate you is yourself. Others can inspire and encourage but on a basic level it's down to you and you need to make the decision to do it. If you do decide to others will be there with you. So do you want to do it?

csontos · February 2014

You sound depressed to me. Go to a doctor and get a physical, tell the doctor how much you are sleeping and eating, and ask for help. Get that under control first. Then you'll feel more optimistic about working on your weight, and about getting more exercise. Not everything can be fixed by diet. Sometimes the food is the symptom, and you need to work on the cause.

^This. As someone that has seen depression in myself and in others and ultimately sought help, I can't agree with this more.

I was diagnosed with depression in Nov. 2012 and have been on medication since then. I'm actually thinking about changing doctors because I feel like all the medication did was stick me on a pretty much 100% neutral feeling towards everything, which, granted, is better than the horrible lows that I used to have... but I can't tell if my life has actually improved or not. For those who are curious, I take 20mg of Lexapro a day.

Derpes · February 2014

Take it ONE day at a time. Practice logging even if you are not ready to change your habits. Just practice it, get into a routine, and develop a plan.

mart001 · February 2014

Just make sure your good days far outweigh your bad ones. the thing that helps me the most and what i learned, is how easy it is to gain weight and how hard it is to lose. not fair, is it? I know i can be bad a day and maybe gain a pound or so, but i also know it can take a week or two to lose that pound, and i hate going backwards. The other thing that helped me alot was to pre log what i eat. so many times, i would go to eat something, and think, is it worth using that many calories eating this. And alot of times, i would find myself saying no and either not eating it or finding something less in calories. it would be like i dont want to be left with that many few calories for the rest of the day.so by pre logging, you can make that choice. on the other hand, if you eat it and then log it, its to late, theres nothing you can do about it. That i think helped me the most along with being inspired with every little thing from losing any weight, even 1/4 of a pound, or going down in waist size, of someone just noticing you have got smaller, or just positive comments from people on here. i dont think i could ever do this without all the support i get from mfp and my fitbit. both very inspiring...I also now get in 12,000 steps a day almost everyday.have a great Sunday... Take care and keep in touch and let me know how you are doing

prattiger65 · February 2014

Just to echo what others have said. It sounds like depression to me. I have dealt with it myself. When I faced the reality that I was sick, it was easy to get help. What helped me most was talking out my problem and EXERCISE! Really, get up and get moving NOW!! Get some help. Good luck.

cnflet2 · February 2014

When I was in college I had a similar scenario. I came home to visit after my first couple months of school and my dad said he didn't even recognize me. I was always hungry, always tired. Took naps all the time and didn't want/feel like I had the energy to di anything.
Get your thyroid checked -causes sleep issues
See a doctor about depression -that was my problem which made me sleepy and hungry

Add me as a friend for support

ebayaddict0127 · February 2014

You sound depressed and maybe you need to get help for that first before you can commit to a healthy lifestyle change. I went through the same cycles. Depressed about my fatness, eat bad food and drink lots of alcohol, sleep all the time, rinse and repeat. For some reason, this year, I just decided I cannot do it anymore. I started counting calories and limited myself to alcohol once a week. I don't eat fast food or anything that I deem "gross" (i.e. donuts, sugary carby junk, chips, etc.) I went to a new psychiatrist who put me on a medication that promotes energy. That has helped me as well. I finally got off my butt and started exercising too. My energy is much better and I feel better even though I have a long way to to go.

That being said - nobody is going to motivate you to do what needs done but YOU. I had to realize that. I hope you can work through your issues and get started. Try to stop the fast food. Seriously. Google some healthy recipes for two. Go buy the ingredients and make them! Refrigerate the other portion for lunch or dinner the next day. Make sandwiches. Have eggs. Bake a chicken breast. Eat a healthy cereal and a banana. There are easy ways to eat healthy without a lot of cooking.

Good luck to you!

ebayaddict0127 · February 2014

You sound depressed to me. Go to a doctor and get a physical, tell the doctor how much you are sleeping and eating, and ask for help. Get that under control first. Then you'll feel more optimistic about working on your weight, and about getting more exercise. Not everything can be fixed by diet. Sometimes the food is the symptom, and you need to work on the cause.

^This. As someone that has seen depression in myself and in others and ultimately sought help, I can't agree with this more.

Definitely talk to your doctor about this! You might need a new medication or something to supplement the Lexapro. I have been on several and always tell my doctor when it's not working. I recently got off Celexa and back on Effexor. So far, so good.
I was diagnosed with depression in Nov. 2012 and have been on medication since then. I'm actually thinking about changing doctors because I feel like all the medication did was stick me on a pretty much 100% neutral feeling towards everything, which, granted, is better than the horrible lows that I used to have... but I can't tell if my life has actually improved or not. For those who are curious, I take 20mg of Lexapro a day.

Hiker_Rob · February 2014

You have the frustration with yourself obviously and that is a good place to start, you really have to dig within yourself to figure out what your motivation is and what it will be to get started and then what it will be to keep you going.

Look at your life, write down what you don't like about it, take some of those points, the biggest ones, and use them as your motivation. WRITE DOWN your motivations, fill in the stuff on your profile and refer back to it often. Develop a plan (just a little one at first) to tell yourself how you will begin to accomplish what you need to, then build on those goals little by little. Use MFP friendships to help keep you accountable but motivation is, and will always be something only you can give yourself.

You can do this, we all can, kick yourself in the butt, find your motivational point and then as Nike says: Just do it!

Eleonora91 · February 2014

I think you might be dealing with some kind of depression or anxiety related not only to food, but also other aspects of your life.
It's a vicious cycle: you start eating more, for whatever reason, or exercising less. You get a bit fatter, you don't like it and start feeling bad about yourself. Stress adds up pretty easily and you just try to comfort yourself with more food, until the situation gets out of hand. That's pretty much what happened to me: I have always been chubby, and I wasn't active, but it really got worse when I went away to study at the university and started eating whatever I wanted, but also unhealthy foods. I didn't feel like cooking, so I would buy focaccia bread and pastries on the shops near home everyday, also to comfort myself after a long day at the university. Then I would buy other unhealthy foods that didn't require to be cooked.
You get to a certain point where you don't know if the problem is eating (and how you feel about it) or what's making you eat that much. It's not easy to understand and it's not easy to stop it.
I finally decided I wasn't doing alright and I think that getting back on track and taking care of my body shape and my diet also worked as a great antidepressant. I still don't like to exercise, I am this kind of person, I could never be as active as you were, but I do it anyway, I go to the grocery and university by walking, I exercise a bit everyday, and it works! And after a little bit you start feeling better. It's a long process, and you'll feel hopeless countless times while doing it, but trust me, you'd feel much worse if you kept avoiding this change.
I am usually supportive around overweight people. I know how hard it is to live in our skin, I know how emotionally hard it gets. But I also know how this situation is sustainable by some, but not by others. There are people, just like me, and you, and my friends also, that just need this change to feel better about themselves. I now know that I didn't need to be lighter to feel as a human being, but I also know that it's helping me so much to feel like myself now.
I know it's hard right now, you're just at the beginning and it seems such a unachievable goal. But it's not. You have the power to do great things - for real, it takes time, and dedication, and sometimes you'll be asking yourself "Why am I doing this? I could be eating a pizza right now", but then, after a few months, you'll be thanking yourself for giving up that pizza once. Because you've got to do this for yourself.
Just think about how better you're going to feel after you've dropped the first lb. And then the first 10 lbs. And so on. That's how it works. You drop a pound and your smile is a bit bigger. You can never know what happiness really is, but for sure, you'll be happier then than you are now. And I think this is a GREAT reason to start.
I also live alone right now (at least I cook by myself), and I think that making nice plates is something that I need and I owe myself. I am on a diet, at least I have to eat something nice! I wasn't able to cook anything when I started. Now I am satisfied with my cooking skills and I'm learning new things everyday. As I said before, you've got to do this - for yourself. It takes patience and courage, but I promise it gets easier when you get used to it.

Good luck with your journey :flowerforyou:

SherryTeach · February 2014

You sound depressed to me. Go to a doctor and get a physical, tell the doctor how much you are sleeping and eating, and ask for help. Get that under control first. Then you'll feel more optimistic about working on your weight, and about getting more exercise. Not everything can be fixed by diet. Sometimes the food is the symptom, and you need to work on the cause.

^This. As someone that has seen depression in myself and in others and ultimately sought help, I can't agree with this more.

Yes! You sound depressed: loss of motivation, extreme fatigue, inability to get anything done. I know what that feels like. See your regular doctor for a referral to a specialist. Gaining 80 pounds in four years is big reason for concern.

snow00774 · February 2014

If you are already on medication you need to ask your Dr. about considering changing it in some way as it doesn't sound like Lexapro is helping you cope at this time. Maybe a new med or different dosage, don't change anything yourself till you speak to a Dr. but definitely please book in with them and have the conversation.

Add me as a friend if you feel some MFP friends will help.

KristinaB83 · February 2014

I was diagnosed with depression in Nov. 2012 and have been on medication since then. I'm actually thinking about changing doctors because I feel like all the medication did was stick me on a pretty much 100% neutral feeling towards everything, which, granted, is better than the horrible lows that I used to have... but I can't tell if my life has actually improved or not. For those who are curious, I take 20mg of Lexapro a day.

Hmmm, maybe talk to your doctor about another medication? Or maybe a lower dose. 20mg of Lexapro totally killed my sex drive and made me a little crazy. Maybe you're having some of the side effects of it too.

dolthack · February 2014

It all starts with one step! Literally, walk. Not the kind of walk where you're wandering through a mall. Walk with PURPOSE. Walk long at least once a week. It's a big commitment but you can do it. I've had open heart surgery to repair a valve, had to be shocked back to rhythm three times and had three catheter ablations on my heart, all in less than two years. I too was beginning to think I should just give up and be content eating whatever I wanted until one day I found myself thinking about getting some size 40 pants and that was the last straw. Get yourself a heart rate monitor, calculate your BMR, calculate your daily caloric needs for that BMR, then create a caloric deficit. Don't go crazy, that only leads to failure. Create maybe a 300 calorie deficit and then use myfitnesspal to record EVERYTHING you eat. One reason you're probably tired so much is you're eating refined carbs in the form of flour and sugar. These things will kill you! I cut back on my carb intake, no more than 100g per day, and that only comes from the carbs in vegetables and such. I only have fruit after a long heavy workout because I know that my body will use the sugars to replenish my glycogen stores and not store them as fat. Be prepared for a carbohydrate 'FLU' when you first cut back because your body is going to react just like an addict - because you are an addict. Once the first few days have passed at a reduced carb level you will see your energy return ten-fold. I have so much energy now that I really have to force myself not to overdo it on exercise - there is such a thing. And finally, don't do it alone! Find someone that you can share your journey with.

action_figure · February 2014

Honey, you sound like you are depressed and while your meds are possibly keeping you from being suicidally miserable, they are not allowing you to be HAPPY. There's a difference. I was diagnosed with depression and was on one group of meds for three years and while it blunted the pain, I wasn't myself. I finally talked to my provider and we screwed around with doseages, then tried different meds until I found something that worked better for me. Then I was able to make changes. I've lost 160 lbs so far, gotten rid of all but one med I'm on, and cut the doseage of that one in half. Don't settle for "Not suicidally miserable." You deserve to be happy, and keep working with your provider until you find something that lets you be YOU again.

Now, that said, once I *DID* get my physiology in order, I still had what I thought were "motivation" problems, but I finally at age 46 figured out was really discipline problems. Here's my thoughts on that part of it.

http://actionfiguremini.tumblr.com/post/53432744622/lost-your-motivation-my-standard-answer

Cyan99 · February 2014

My parents told me that for every pound that I lose, they will give me $100 towards grad school.

FML damn girl wanna trade lives?!?! That's one helluva incentive!

On a more serious (less jealous-broke-student) note... First of everyone else on here somes like they're giving good advice - listen to that. And how about trying to get into cooking as a hobby?

I didn't like having to cook until I absolutely had to, but after a while of making yourself do it, you actually get into it. It's something you can play around with but also be proud of when you make up a new recipe or make an amazing meal... It fills in spare time, requires mental focus, being on your feet and moving around and means you'll be eating better.

lucasberghaus · February 2014

Take a small step that you can manage, get a taste of success, then take another step. Change one bad habit and you'll see you have the power to change more. Don't look at the end and see the insurmountable mountain - look to next week, going without any soda!

The first step is being absolutely honest with yourself - don't overlook anything you eat when counting calories, it defeats the purpose. Part of this is to make you aware of what your idle hand grab to munch on. A pretzel here, a Hershey kiss there and they add up.

I know it can be hard but I think the key is remaining in a conscious thought driven mode around food. Don't be on autopilot. When you aren't paying attention to yourself you will go by what has become habitual for you. This isn't a moral failing, it's a slip. You can get right back up - just track it and carry on. Don't deny yourself things you love, and don't waste your calories on things you don't. To learn portion control, it's best to eat slowly and consciously, and wait before deciding that you want more. Your body may be full but you need to give your stomach 15 minutes to process the food for it to send the full signal to your brain.

And although you feel like giving up sometimes, keep reaching out and keep trying, and soon you'll have small successes you can be proud of. Build on those, share it with your friends and family. The more you are consciously considering your choices and keeping your weight loss in mind, the less influence old habits will have on you. Just the act of reaching out to us tells me you are ready for change. I wish you all the success in the world.

csontos · February 2014

Again, thank you everyone for your replies. I am truly scared about what I am doing to my body. I'm about to graduate with a science degree and want to go to grad school for public health. All of my classes stress three things: 1) Don't smoke 2) Eat healthy 3) Exercise. I feel like such a hypocrite because all I do is lay around and eat. I've tried for four years to hold a job to at least keep me busy during the day and moving, but I always end up leaving within 3-4 weeks because I can't handle the stress of it. I even take as many of classes online just so that I have less reasons to leave my apartment because I am too embarrassed to let people see me and how much I let myself go.

The more replies I read from everybody, the more I think I need to discuss my medication because it might not be helping me as much as it should. I just HATE going to any doctor's office because whenever I go, I get weighed and then I get the lecture from both the nurse and the doctor about how I have to get this weight issue under control. Seriously. I've been putting off a physical for 5 months because I don't want them to see that I gained another 15lbs since I was there.

Some things that I am going to do this week are:
01: Get an appointment with a new doctor to discuss my depression
02: Log everything I eat, regardless of what it is
03: Make a list of reasonable goals that can help me ease into a healthier lifestyle

ChaoticMiNd · February 2014

You sound depressed to me. Go to a doctor and get a physical, tell the doctor how much you are sleeping and eating, and ask for help. Get that under control first. Then you'll feel more optimistic about working on your weight, and about getting more exercise. Not everything can be fixed by diet. Sometimes the food is the symptom, and you need to work on the cause.

This...so This. Honey you sound depressed. You need to go talk to someone. *hugs* We can't 'give' you the motivation, you need to pull that from within you. We can support you and offer advice but the biggest part is up to you.

snow00774 · February 2014

Some things that I am going to do this week are:
01: Get an appointment with a new doctor to discuss my depression
02: Log everything I eat, regardless of what it is
03: Make a list of reasonable goals that can help me ease into a healthier lifestyle

These are solid action plans. I would even make 1 & 2 part of your goal list so you can check them off next weekend!

I don't have the motivation to do this. Please help me.

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