First Baby

Kiyalynn · February 2014

OK, so I know this isn't a Baby website, but I just spent a hour trying to find a baby forum that would let me sign up and post TODAY, and didn't confuse me with groups/blogs rather than just letting me talk... and I really just need to post because I'm panicking and don't really know what to do. I would post on facebook but I don't want to worry my husband's family or mine.

Anyway, I'm due March 26th... and I suddenly realize I'm almost 8 months pregnant (34.5 weeks) With my first baby, and I have no idea what I am doing.

My mother-in-law and my mother(who is several states away so I know she's not actually planning it) say there will be a baby shower... But I have heard nothing more than that. No date, no word, nothing... at 8 months... So I'm not sure if its really happening or not. My husband insists on not buying anything until we see what we get at a baby shower, but I'm not sure were having one... I know, the Carseat, and preferably stroller I want have to be ordered... and need to arrive, before the baby is born. Yet I'm not allowed to order them until we see if someone bought them for the baby shower. -facepalm-
The crib is being made by a Amish furniture maker, and should be done soon, but we don't have it yet. I wasn't worried about the idea of the crib being late... because I thought baby can sleep in a carseat for a few days if needed... except for the fact that I don't have a car seat and am currently worried I won't be able to order one in time.
On top of that... My husband has yet to clean up his junk... as in the 20 year old piles of junk he had way before I married him so I really don't feel like its my responsibility to clean them; Especially when I know he'll be pissed at me if I just throw them out without knowing anything about what I'm throwing out.

Currently, if baby were born today all I would have... is a Diaper bag, A pair of baby shoes, a few baby outfits (but not newborn), a Handmade Baby blanket (that my mother sent me), and a death trap for a house.

Its completely acceptable that I'm panicking now, Right?

Anyone have any suggestions on how long I should wait for this 'supposed' baby shower before I tell my husband its too late for a baby shower and I'm ordering what I need?

Any tips on getting a grown man to clean up his stuff for the baby he wanted?

What does baby need after she's born anyway? I've kinda just been focused on the Crib, Carseat and stroller... (besides the basic's of diapers and food)

tracywintn · February 2014

My children are adopted internationally-so I don't have a lot of advise on the newborn baby stuff but I wanted to say something about the baby shower. Because I adopted no one thought to throw me a shower (which hurt my feelings of course:) but I had my husband ask a good friend to throw one for me (he told her I didn't know anything about it). So you could do that and your friend could contact your MIL and mother and see if anything is in the works. Maybe it's a surprise and you will feel bad if you ruin it though. You should just tell your husband it's really stressing you out and if there is a surprise party let you know and you will act surprised the day of. If not pick a friend and have her plan it (if it's not already in the works). On the junk issue-make him put it somewhere the baby won't go (attic, spare room, garage) and that way you don't have to stress over it. I will say I used to just randomly throw crap of my husbands away--stuff I had asked him a million times to go through. I don't think he ever realized it even one time, it was all just stuff he thought he had to have but it didn't mean anything to him. I would never throw away anything important. Congrats on the first baby!!

herheighness · February 2014

I would say, go ahead and order. Don't really worry about the stroller. So, if you want a big ticket item for the shower, leave that for the shower. After the baby is born, you truly need receiving blankets, burp cloths, diapers, wipes, food, breast pump (and awesome nursing bra) if you're nursing and other accessories for the same topic, and some place for it to sleep. You don't need other stuff until they get a little older. They don't play or interact yet, so you're good. A lot of it can be bought after delivery. As far as cleaning up? You do it. Women nest, men don't. Men think they always have more time. Good luck to you!

HayleyMB1284 · February 2014

Hey girlie, my advice for you is too order everything you need. don't wait for baby shower. my baby shower was 6 weeks before my due date. and I had my sons nursey done by the time I was 5 months.. you have every right to feel panic. I would call your mother n law tomorrow and if she still hasn't responded then start everything yourself. or maybe one of your friends can throw you a shower. my little boy turned 3 months today. they grow up fast. you want to be prepared!!!

devil_in_a_blue_dress · February 2014

I would buy the car seat and a playpen that has a changing table and bassinet, and also a swing. Clothing wise -- I wouldn't buy any newborn stuff -- ok, ok, maybe a pack of sleepers. Beyond that, several packs of 0-3 months onsies and sleepers. Some little hats. Some swaddling blankets and burp cloths. A couple blankets to throw over the car seat if you live in a cold place.

If you plan to bottle feed, lots of bottles but avoid buying formula until you know what kind your baby will take.

devil_in_a_blue_dress · February 2014

Also, I just want to tell you that me and my husband made a HUGE move right before I gave birth. We lived in a house that didn't have finished walls/floors for nearly a year, while we built our house. Seriously. It was a shack like you cannot even imagine.

I promise you, it will be ok. Though it would be nice, you don't need the nursery to be done. My daughter didn't even have a room until she was a year old. She was fine. We had the barest of essentials and it was ok.

Though I do think you need to have a long, long chat with your husband about cleaning up. :flowerforyou:

zyxst · February 2014

Get the car seat. I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital without showing the nurses that I had a car seat for my daughter (20 years ago in the US). What others have suggested to buy I agree with.

The baby showers I've been to were after the baby was born so it could be passed around.

Nicolee_2014 · February 2014

I had a baby shower thrown for me with my 1st baby. It was a good 6 weeks before she was due. I still had a nursery set up. I didn't rely on anyone else to get me big items.

So...go ahead and get the stuff before she arrives.

As for the husband, if he's an adult, he'll work it out himself that the baby needs to be in a safe, clean, healthy environment.

The main things you will need for bubs are diapers, wipes, bibs, spew cloths, blankets - depending on what the weather is like there (I'm in Australia)....if it's cold obviously lots of warm clothing if it is warm I wouldn't bother with a lot of stuff because bubs won't wear most of it.

Marcelynh · February 2014

The world will tell you that you need tons of stuff and the reality is, you don't. All that "stuff" just gets in the way. Don't get it until you really need it. I am amazed at all the 'stuff" people buy now days for babies. Yes, I'm old and probably out of touch but really, you don't need to spend a ton to outfit a baby. They eat sleep and poop the first couple of months and that is it. Keep them warm, fed and cuddled and they are happy.
I would say you need a
Car seat.
Diapers.
Burp cloths.
Some basic clothes, such as one-piece nightgowns, onesies, nothing real fancy and some socks if your house gets chilly.
A few blankets (but more than one, babies spit up on everything)
The stuff like wipes, a diaper pail (or trash can for disposables).
A stroller can be added later unless you buy a car-seat stroller combo. Strollers are nice though when you do start to get out.

As to a place to sleep, I wouldn't have the baby sleep in a car seat, even though they sleep well in a car seat it isn't the best for their bodies to be in it all the time. The babies don't always have the clearest airway if they are in it all the time. I actually used a large laundry basket with a foam pad in the bottom of it until our crib came. I know many people that borrow a pack &Play to use for the first month or so.

Cleaning.... start into it, He might just need motivation or a wake-up that reality is about to hit. He definitely doesn't have the same sense of urgency you do.

And just call your mom or whoever it is and ask them point blank about the shower. Tell them you are wanting to get some stuff and should you just go ahead and buy it or is a shower being planned within the next couple of weeks. Let them know that you are needing to plan.

Kiyalynn · February 2014

Thanks everyone for replying. I really just need to calm down tonight.

As far as having a friend call to ask about the shower or have them plan a baby shower... See, I moved halfway across the country to live with my husband, and I don't really have any friends in the area, some acquaintances that I talk to when I go walk but not really friends so its just his family here (all of my family is in Kansas while I live in PA). My good friends are scattered... (one even being in Korea atm) and are not around to plan a baby shower... or even attend.

This is the first time in 5 years I wish I was back in Kansas, with my family.

I hadn't thought of the playpen with a changer and bassinet I'll definitely see about looking for one of them.

I think I'll start pushing to order the carseat maybe I can get him to cave on that one... I think I'll feel a lot better knowing that we'll be able to take the baby home after she's born and not have to rush last minute to walmart and buy something I don't like because its the only thing available.

jillymurdoch · February 2014

Get the car seat and crib - if you get doubles (of those items or anything else) just return the item you bought and exchange for other essentials or wants. Nobody will be the wiser.

jhmomofmany · February 2014

Car seat is a must. Baby will need to be fed, clothed, and diapered, but that's basically it. A newborn really doesn't need much. It wouldn't hurt to ask some follow up questions about a shower. Gifts given after the baby comes might prove more practical.

Babyproofing doesn't need to be done until baby is more mobile. Most babies are pretty sedentary until six months or so.

Congratulations, BTW!

ldrosophila · February 2014

I just had a baby on the 29th of December from what I've experienced the only things you will need right now are a few pj clothes, something to keep the baby bundled, diapers, a cosleeper, and a car seat. I do wish I had a baby carrier now. Get lots of rest Mama when they say all you should be doing is sleeping when the baby sleeps and establishing a nursing relationship that's what they mean. Be selfish get all the help you can get when the baby is born.

I'd get the carseat now as you never know what might happen.

wozkaa · February 2014

I would be panic-stricken too, if I were in your position. I had twins just over a year ago, and my husband actually sourced and arranged to pick up all the cots, carseats and change tables etc thankfully. We had to be prepared because twins are notorious for arriving early.

Don't wait for someone to call, or mention the shower. Just ring and ask the person, because YOU need to plan. As others have said, newborns don't need a lot. Maybe as PP has mentioned, buy the stuff you need and exchange if you get duplicates. Even the husband's stuff can wait for a few months as babies take a while to get moving around! That said, he'll probably need to sort it out around nap times...

Oh yeah - When people say 'sleep when the baby sleeps' - DO IT. SERIOUSLY.

We didn't have any close by or useful family/friends either, and my husband sometimes had to travel for work. He went away for a week for work when my girls were 5 weeks old - that time my Mum came and helped me for 4 days. The rest of the time it was just me. YOU WILL BE FINE. :-) Good luck, hope you and the baby are doing well!

Kiyalynn · February 2014

I questioned my husband after posting here, because while I was trying my best to calm down I wasn't really succeeding.
Apparently, his family have been planning a surprise baby shower (no idea people did that, whoops). My husband on seeing me panicked went ahead and told me that. He's been in on the whole thing and while he didn't think the surprise was a good idea in the first place but was going along with it because his family thought it would be great. He was a very good actor, because I thought he was as clueless on it as I was.
Anyway, he talked to his mom and no one has heard anything about anyone buying the big items, (probably because I was so late at picking them out). So the hubby gave me permission to order them (Which what I wanted in the first place). So I have a car seat and then also a travel system on order though amazon now. According to the site they should be here by the end of the week (I was kinda expecting it would take 2 weeks to get them here but they must be getting faster with shipping... or ship high priced items faster). Giving me plenty of time to make sure the car seats fit our car and that nothing is broken. Maybe I'm just too use to ordering things online? Because my mind says they need to be ordered so that they can get here and then checked out while still having the possibility that they can be shipped back and replaced before the time comes... With a bumper on the actual due date because babies don't like to show up on their due date.
It is comforting to think that there is probably a bit more of a bumper on the stuff problem as I thought... I haven't really been around babies much. Known plenty of adorable toddlers getting into everything but babies not so much.

Jade0529 · February 2014

Don't panic. For a long time the only thing your baby will be doing is eating, sleeping, pooping and need washed. As long as you have that stuff covered you will be fine.
My son who is almost 5 now, slept beside me and nursed almost non stop the first week (he was a large baby)

You need a carseat to get the baby home from the hospital but I would not suggest sleeping in the car seat long term.
A baby carrier like an Ergo (for later) or the jersey wrap (when younger) are very handy and soothing for baby.

The one thing I always suggest is to have basket "stations" set up- fill a basket with diapers,wipes, cream, change of clothes, burp cloths etc in each room you will have the baby in. It makes life much easier than having to scramble to another room to find something you suddenly need.

Congrats Mamma!

dedgjonator · February 2014

If you get double of some things you can leave some things in Kansas, obviously at some point you will want to visit. I have a car seat and pushchair at my home. When I went to see relatives I left a spare car seat and pushchair there for the next visit. At 8 months I was going for long bumpy drives and trying all the wives tales trying to bring on labour because I was sick of being pregnant at that stage.I went as far as verbally giving my baby an eviction notice. lol Well in all honesty I didn't like any stage of pregnancy, I loved being in labour though, knowing that any moment you get to see your tiny little baby. There is no other emotion that is as strong as the moment you meet baby for the first time. Baby sleeping in a car seat is not a good idea, you should not leave baby in a car seat for longer than 2 hours at best an hour. You could always get a travel cot that doubles up as a play pen. Then you could take it with you when visiting family. I've never had a baby shower so not sure about that situation. As for baby websites there are some friendly people on Bounty. I used it for all three of my pregnancies and still use it occassionally.

First Baby

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